for @buttterfly - post-tfln

[taeru]

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[taeru]

Ai's back turned to Rin, he can't get a read on how his attempt at an even-keel response has settled in his roommate. If Ai were better, more equipped, less vulnerable, more worthy, he wouldn't have reacted at all to begin with.

It is a clawing ache in his chest, all told. It was easier not to quantify the obvious when it didn't matter; he and Rin had their marching orders. Rin took on the world, and Ai flitted on and off his radar as it was convenient. But now with feelings laid bare, now forced to reconcile with that which he's tried to outrun for years, the painfully obvious rubs itself into his chest like sand into a wound. Third best. Not even good enough for a rebound. Not a consideration on his other friend's radars either. If he hadn't texted Rin those months ago, would he have been remembered at all?

"Too late," he quips back in a lilt, something of a stubborn joke. He's grateful that Rin is safe; he's grateful that Rin has people ready to rally around him. He's grateful Rin is determined to get his condition back on track. Grateful they can both share a stage. Grateful to trust one another even with the difficult stuff. Gratitude is surely what lines his eyes with a glassy sheen, kept at bay only out of a desire not to disturb Rin's attempt at falling asleep.

It's about forty-five minutes later that Ai himself endeavours to do the same, shutting off his desk lamp completely, collecting his phone, and crawling into his bed. He keeps his back to the apartment, hugs his gift close to his chest under the covers, and closes his eyes.

[buttterfly]

Rin isn't asleep when Ai finally turns in. It takes a few hours before his eyes finally allow themselves to slip shut with exhaustion. Maybe he's just basking in the quiet. Or maybe he's just an insomniac who is neck deep in whatever this situation is he's gotten himself into.

It feels like no time has passed at all, when his alarm vibrates against his pillow (trying to be considerate). He buries his face into the pillow, trying to ignore it. But his dreams push him forward, shuffling awkwardly for his bag to pull out his running clothes and being as quiet as a mouse before he slips out the door.

And so they fall back into their routine.

---

Mikhail finally arrives the night before All Japan. Rin meets him at the airport, because he's antsy and life at Ai's is still awkward and tense as ever. Rin is locked in a tight arm lock, as his coach begins to detail everything about Dubai--from the pools to the ripped bodies he saw on the beach (ugh) and Rin tries to pull away with an awkward laugh as Mikhail's eyes trail over the near faded bruises on his neck.

Rin pulls his jacket up a bit. "So, where's your hotel?" Mikhail laughs, pulling out his phone to fire off a quick text before shoving it back into his pocket.

"Staying with a friend, of course. Need my beauty sleep. Hotels can't offer what a home can." Rin doesn't bother asking who would be friends with his coach, before he's being dragged off towards a black car near the roundabout outside of baggage. He pales when he hears that familiar voice lecturing Mikhail about his bags, because who else would be picking up his stupid fucker of a coach. Mikhail lets out a boisterous laugh, wrapping his arms around Azuma. Rin swallows, awkwardly shifting where he's standing.

Because if Azuma is here, then--

"Oi, get in the backseat. We're all going out. You two aren't slacking on nutrition just because it's the night before a tournament." And Rin wants to fucking whine because the next second the two coaches are shoving him in the backseat, where his face rams into none other than Haruka fucking Nanase's shoulder, almost spread out over his lap.

He whines and rips himself away like he's been burned. Haru looks like he wants to jolt to the other side of the backseat as well. The two up front are just carrying on with whatever nonsensical bickering as they peel away from the airport and Rin just awkwardly curls himself in the furthest corner of the backseat while he buckles himself in. Haru is equally pressed against the door.

Dinner is an awkward affair. Rin barely eats, Mikhail chides him from across the table. Because his and Haru's knees just fucking brushed under the table, and Rin almost falls out of his chair. He's not, he can't. Nope. Not the night before All Japan. He wants to scream that this isn't fucking fair. He was just supposed to meet Mikhail, show him the way to his hotel and go back home. His face is burning the entire encounter.

He at least has the sense to text Ai that he isn't going to be home until later. It wasn't supposed to be this late, but. Ai knows his uncle so maybe at least... Haru gives him a look, but Rin shoves his phone back in his pocket before that intense gaze can stare at his phone screen. But Haru pretends like he wasn't looking at all, and continues picking at his food.

It's going to be a long week.

[taeru]

It's for the best they both have something incredibly important to work toward, as it keeps Ai out of his apartment most of the time. He's there in the mornings, sometimes, if he isn't working; and it's typical for him not to come back home until ten, nearly eleven pm, as if maximizing the time until the last train. Giving Rin the space he needs to get his head in the game; giving himself the space he needs to try and get over himself.

One could argue workaholism wasn't healthy, but it does at least keep Ai's mind and body busy enough to forget for almost the length of a week that he and Rin fucked, and that his chest is wide open, and that neither of these things have particularly been resolved or even touched upon; it's only ever at night when Ai's head hits the pillow, body often screaming from overexertion, that he remembers a different ache entirely. He's gotten pretty good at dismissing it as a distraction, probably a skill he's picked up from Rin.

He thought about texting Sousuke, once or twice. But decided ultimately not to proliferate his problems like that; Sousuke deserved better.

He received a text from his uncle that his plane had taken off, but never received another that he'd landed. It isn't until several hours later he sees Rin's text while on his way back from the university pool, not thinking twice of it. Considers it a little odd Rin would warn about such a thing anyway; Ai knew he was with Mikhail, and knew his uncle's eccentricities.

There is a nag at the back of his head, but he does what he's done all week and ignores it, choosing to put his phone on silent and jog the rest of the way back toward his apartment.

[buttterfly]

After three hours of extremely awkward whatevers, Rin and Haru are finally standing outside the restaurant as Azuma and Mikhail wave their goodbyes, tell them to make sure they get enough sleep and--

It's awkward.

Maybe Rin is acutely aware of how not only Mikhail was staring at the faint bruising littering his neck, but now Haru's eyes seem to glance over them. Rin shrinks under the intensity of his gaze. He stands a little awkwardly, looking around and getting his bearings. It's not terribly far from Ai's apartment, but that means going back to Ai's apartment. And he just.

Haru's voice cuts off that train of thought.

"You're not staying with your coach?" Rin bristles at the words.

"No. I'm not staying with someone that eccentric." And Haru just raises a brow, and Rin swears he's going to pop him. "Don't fucking say it." A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, but he doesn't say anything. Instead they just stand there awkwardly, and Rin kicks at a little pebble.

"...is Sousuke's far from here?" Haru asks quietly, and Rin whips around to just. Stare at him. It makes perfect sense. Haru got a text from Sou, so naturally he would assume they were staying together. But... Rin shifts his gaze, and looks at Haru a little more intensely, and sees. Something. Stirring in his best friend. He can't pinpoint what--

Oh. Haru's jealous.

Something in Rin slams against his chest, but he covers it up with a choked off laugh. Haru huffs at him, and Rin just elbows him.

"Don't worry Nanase, nothing is messing up my times tomorrow. Don't hold back, got it?" Haru looks at Rin, and looks down at his hand before doing something that makes Rin's stomach flip. Haru holds out his fist, just like Sousuke has always done for Rin. A fucking fist bump. Rin stares down at it, before shakily meeting it with his own. Haru asks Rin if he is going to get back okay, and they agree to part ways.

But Rin fucking bolts back home, and nearly runs into Ai as they near the apartment. He darts backwards with a quick "Shit!" before he realizes it's Ai out jogging, and Rin's hand slams dramatically against his own chest.

"Fuck! Why are you out at this hour?? You wanna get jumped or something?" Ok Rin but you're out right now too so...

[taeru]

"Hey--!" When was the last time someone so rudely mowed him over like that on the street? Had to have been back in Samezuka. He's about to bark something less than kind when the distinct tone of Rin's voice jolts Ai enough to have him coming to a screeching halt, diaphragm rising and falling with his deep intakes of breath.

Rin's reaction takes him off guard, and Ai's both startled by being bumped into enough and taken aback at Rin's sudden bitey-ness enough to level him with the type of expression one might take with a severely misbehaving cat.

"Why are you running and not looking where you're going? What if you fell!" Ai barks, finally collapsing with his palms on his thighs for just a few seconds to let air re-fill his lungs, before - slowly! - jogging the small length up to Rin. Not before looking back, as if his gut told him something was there, but all Ai sees is the expanse of the street and people coming and going.

Ai calms down with a lofty exhale, for a moment undoing the top few inches of his running jacket zipper to let some cool night air waft over his sweat-slicken skin.

"Doing the same thing you're doing," he finally replies, eyes sidelong on Rin for a moment before softening some. "Where are you coming from? Was uncle Mikhail with you?" Ai doesn't have a damn clue. Can only make assumptions. He's walking toward the apartment now, expecting Rin would follow - though with the pace he was bolting at, Ai wouldn't be surprised if he took off again.

[buttterfly]

Rin bristles. Okay, yes, Ai has every reason to be chiding him, but.

"What are you, my mom??" He scoffs, sucking in another few rounds of breath before he finally trails after Ai back to the apartment. "Fuck, just coming back from the three hour dinner from hell. Your uncle is batshit, you know that right?"

He doesn't note the way Ai pulled down his zipper or anything. Just raises a brow at Ai out this late. Land training of all things. Well, All Japan must be bringing all sorts of surprises them. Rin combs a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs out of his eyes.

"Don't you have a breaststroke heat tomorrow? You need your rest." Rin decides to go into mom mode then, fumbling for his key in his pocket as they approach the building. Before he chides on a little more playfully, his mood infinitely lighter after Haru offered that little olive branch.

"Would you tell me I was stupid if I hopped into the 200m freestyle heat tomorrow? Apparently the fastest swimmer in the world is going to be in it." He jokes teasingly, elbowing Ai a little. It's the lightest he's felt since before the awkward occurrences of the week before.

[taeru]

Ai balks! His expression borders on offended and exasperated, "No, senpai! If you fell badly you wouldn't be able to compete tomorrow!" He's nearly stuffing his nose in the air. "Fall any other time, just not tonight." He does laugh a little at the mention of his uncle's antics, though, breathless as it is. "Of course. There's a reason mom tries to dodge having him over whenever he's in Japan."

His response is immediate and steadfast: "I can't slack." More than anyone, he feels. Not an ounce of natural talent to his name, just raw, hard effort. He was out running, at the gym, swimming just as much if not more so than Rin and their other friends had been, determined to make the cuts this year that he couldn't the one previous.

And then Rin says something. And he's light, and elbowing Ai, and. He should be glad to see Rin in such a good mood, but there is just this prick at the back of Ai's mind. His smile is twisted, half-teasing and half-prodding.

"Did you drink or something, senpai?" he asks, it being the only explanation Ai can think of for why Rin is so suddenly out of his mental pit, like a switch had been flipped. Granted, Ai hasn't been around the apartment enough in recent days to track Rin's moods like he usually might've been, but. He has an intuition, and the mention of the 200m free only makes that nag in the back of his head grow. He doesn't elbow Rin back, but does very very gently kick at the side of Rin's ankle, "I've never seen you outside of the one-hundred. Are you sure you wouldn't just sink on the second turn?" Now he's obviously playing into Rin's teasing; Ai would never sincerely downplay Rin's abilities.

[buttterfly]

"Well maybe I wouldn't be worth representing Japan, if a little fall did me in." He kicks back at Ai's shin. Of course the Nitori family would probably be a little hesitant to host him, given his eccentrics. Especially if they're all like Ai. Rin wonders what they're like sometimes. Then again, Ai has put up with a lot over the years. Rin and Momo being notable, Nagisa...

Speaking of Nagisa.

"Oooh, scary. Kirishima better watch himself. Is Nagisa competing?" He's taken back to Samezuka, back to those long nights of seeing Ai push himself to his limits. His hard work had paid off back then, Ai set a club record for his breaststroke time. Not one to sniff at, either. They're almost back at Ai's apartment, when Rin pauses at the question.

Why... does that question feel different? He stuffs his hands in his pockets, his shoulders feel a little tighter. But then Ai tosses on something more lighthearted, and Rin feels a little of the tension melt away. He rolls his eyes. "I'm not gonna sink!" It's his turn to balk now as he fumbles for his key again, losing it in the abyss that is his pocket again. He groans.

"Gotta up my game. I'm making it to fucking worlds, damnit. If that means entering everything..." He tacks on quickly. "Except 1500 meter. Fuck that. Your stamina could probably handle it, though."

[taeru]

"You'd cry if you had to swim with a broken leg," he quips back.

There was familiarity in this; banter, lighthearted jabs. An implicit trust. Normalcy. It's a dangerous thing, all told. Because while it serves to salve over their still-fresh wounds, it reminds Ai of all the reasons he landed himself in a position to be hurt in the first place. Rin's easy-going disposition, his sharp tongue, his determination... Ai feels a traitorous tug in his chest, and without a word, is suddenly jogging the remaining handful of yards down the alley and up the stairs to his front door.

"He is. I have pretty strong competition," he notes evenly, though anyone familiar with him will see the simultaneous nerves and dedication etched into his brow. Leaning against the wall as he waits for Rin to catch up, watches him fumble with his keys for a third time. Despite himself, Ai laughs, a chuckled noise he hides behind his knuckles.

Silently, he begins fishing his own keys out of his pocket.

"You're good at anything you put your mind to, senpai. You'd find a way." The key's inserted, door unlocked, and pushed open for Rin first. Ai dons a playful smile then, "I could help you train for stamina, but you'd have to promise not to complain."

[buttterfly]

Did Ai just fucking--

Rin bolts after him, closing the distance, as he loses the keys once more and just lets Ai fish his own keys out with a grumble. He keeps his hands shoved in his pockets, staring back out at the city for a moment. "Guess I'll count my blessings we don't compete in the same strokes."

This feels easy. Fuck, if Rin had known all he had to do was talk to Haru for five seconds to feel this light again he would have done it the second he came back to Japan. Okay, yes being crammed in the backseat for thirty minutes and being forced to sit next to each other at such a tight table was awkward. But the rest felt fine, natural. Just as natural as this easy back and forth does now.

He leans against the railing for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. Before he realizes Ai is holding the door open for him already and he jolts out of his brain fog and steps in, carefully kicking off his shoes, making his way over to the couch. Ai's offer is being considered a little dramatically as Rin flops against the couch and stares at the ceiling with a little hum.

"Deal. If you can teach me a breathless 50, I'll cook for a week. Ah, maybe after... this though. Mikhail might actually kill me if I try any new regiments this close to the game."

Rin lets his head fall against the back of the couch, and ties his hair up after a moment of consideration. He already showered earlier, and would rather leave it for Ai since he was obviously working his butt off.

"So. You ready?"

[taeru]

There's a lightheartedness to Rin Ai genuinely hasn't seen at all in the past however long Rin's been staying at his place, and it leads him to drawing the obvious conclusions. It wasn't Ai's business, and he doesn't expect Rin to give him all the details, and so Ai very actively, consciously chooses not to be upset that Rin hasn't disclosed something.

He chooses not to look a gift horse in the mouth either; Rin's smiling again, so the why's didn't matter. And after all, it was no different from when they first roomed together, someone else accomplishing in a handful of hours what Ai had tried to do for a year.

Deciding he's believing his own suspicion, he wonders how it might culminate over the course of the week. Wonders what it means for Rin.

Before he can ruminate too much, Ai does that thing he's been doing all week and dismisses it as a distraction before closing his door, toeing off his shoes, and stepping inside. He unzips his jacket and shuffles pliantly across the studio toward his storage in the back.

You're staying after this? is his immediate knee-jerk reaction. He wants Rin to stay, but already, Ai's mind is working overdrive to preemptively shield him from the things that could hurt him. Like Rin leaving because the All Japan is over. Or Rin leaving because someone else has a couch to crash on. Ai smacks his cheeks!! You have more important things to worry about, Aiichirou!

"If you qualify in your free 100m, I'll teach you. And if you come in first, I'll make it special."

He's gathering a set of clean clothes before rounding toward the shower room door. To Rin's question, Ai thinks for a moment, and then shrugs with something akin to resignation.

"As much as I can be, I guess. I'm nervous."

[buttterfly]

"Hinging it on something like that? Woah."

Rin laughs, tilting his head to follow Ai to where he's heading off to. Shower, right. "I've got some stiff competition so I'll do my best." Ikuya, Haru, fuck is Sousuke sticking with backstroke this time? He remembered him mentioning Makoto helping him with it... Rin holds up his hands in mock defeat.

Ai's tone turns a little softer, more muted. Rin blinks over at him.

"Don't get stuck in old habits." Rin warns softly, pulling his gaze away since he's going to the shower soon and might want to change or something. "Your nerves were always what killed you. Don't fall back into that pre-Captain Ai mindset. You and Sousuke worked too hard to tell that to shove off."

[taeru]

Ai could nearly laugh. Because Rin's right, but he's also wrong.

"I was weak back then. In every possible sense." Mentally and physically. "You and Sousuke-senpai helped me tremendously... Without you both, I would have never been able to accomplish the things I wanted to. I've made it this far, so I won't give up now." Rin may see the way Ai pulls a breath and holds it in his lungs, chest puffed a bit as if he could fake his nerves away, "I promise I'll be fine."

Once upon a time, his only desire was to swim with Rin. He was outclassed, overshadowed, and constantly shown time and time again that such a thing required more than a want. It was only after Ai worked hard and came close to realizing that dream that he realized something else entirely - he loved swimming. Rin had given him a goal, but Ai through sheer effort grew past it. This is perhaps the closest he's been to the possibility of taking on the same stage as Rin since second year, and while the prospect lights a fire in his chest, there's a sense of pride in Ai being able to say that his dreams have become so much bigger. Bigger than Rin, bigger than Samezuka - Ai was one of the many who wanted to take on the world, hell or high water. Without Rin stoking that flame inside of him so many years ago, who knows where he'd be now.

Rin gave him something to aim toward. Sousuke showed him how. It's for these reasons Ai would let the entire world burn to ash before reneging on his bond with them.

He disappears behind the shower room door, immediately turning the water to a near-scalding hot as he washes off the night's sweat and his own slightly tumultuous thoughts. The marks on the side of his neck have mostly faded, though are still visible up-close; they're sensitive under the running water. He had hoped they'd disappear by now, but tempers his frustration by thinking about how much worse of a way Rin's neck is in. A complicated flit of frustration kicks in his gut, and Ai resolves to scrubbing his hair furiously, as if to dislodge the feeling from his body.

It's a quick ten minutes before he's reemerging, clothed in a fresh set of pyjamas. Rather than go to his desk to futz around or write in his journal, Ai collapses back-first onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

[buttterfly]

Rin smirks at him, before he heads into the shower. "Holding you to it."

He takes a quick moment to change into sleepwear, frowning as he realizes he can smell Haru's fucking food still on his shirt. His lip curls and he shoves it into his little laundry pile in a corner.

His nerves are on edge, his neck still has some color to it and his knee bounces as he lays down on the futon. It's not unusual for him to have some per-competition jitters. He thanks the stars it's not raining tonight, at the very least. He doesn't think he could handle nightmares (if he slept at all) and everything else that happened tonight.

Still...

He pulls out his stupid little book, flipping open to a random page, hoping that maybe some soft and kind words would quell the anxieties yawning in him. He squints through the dim light at the text.

I’ll remember the steps forward and the steps back that led me to where I am and before I begin to move these feet once again, I’ll slowly breathe in grace and exhale peace, knowing that every piece of me is here to be.

It's stupid how soothing a little pocket size book can be in these times. Rin lets the book fall across his face for a moment, letting the words sink in. He really should start thinking seriously about some of the places Kisumi has sent him. He shifts as he hears Ai turn off the water. It's not that it's bad here. But there's also something to be said about sleeping on someone's floor for weeks, hell months, on end. He liked his little space in Sydney. Maybe he could have a nice place in Tokyo. It's not like any of the places Kisumi sent him were abysmal or anything. It's nice to have a friend on the inside who's known you since elementary and knows how picky you are.

Still. Rin sighs.

Ai leaves the bathroom, and is staring up at the ceiling. Rin pulls up his own covers, letting the silence settle for a little while. Before finally, "Get some rest dude, you're going to need it."

[taeru]

Ai, too, knows it can't last forever.

Maybe if he qualified at the Invitational, he could compete internationally. If he competed internationally, he could afford more money. And if he made more money, he could get a nicer place. And even on that idyllic timeline, Ai knows Rin's individualism is going to win out.

When he gets his own place - moves out - will that be it? Will Ai be relegated to background noise, or has he made a foothold after all? Worse still, will Rin look back on their time together and only see one giant mistake?

You really can't be thinking about these things!!! he internally scolds himself, right before Rin's voice cracks the nervous tension in the room. Ai whines, pulling down his sheets and crawling under them appropriately, turning his back to the room.

"I was," he stubbornly insists. Then, more gently, "Sleep well, senpai."

As his head lays down on his pillow, he mentally goes over the itinerary for tomorrow. His uncle had said he'd drive Ai over to the aquatic center, and Ai understood that to mean he'd be taking both him and Rin - but that was almost a week ago. Mikhail still hasn't texted Ai back all night. It's the morning gamble; if Mikhail shows up, Ai has his carpool set. If not, he'll have to figure it out. His formulates a plan B: begging Sousuke to swing over and pick him up. Ai has his license, but it was much too late to rent a car. His first heat would be later in the afternoon, giving him a wide buffer - but he wanted to be present for Rin's 100m free heat, and needed to map that against Sousuke's backstroke heat, and...

It is as if his thoughts, scattered and busy as they are, tire him out; Ai falls asleep, face far from peaceful.

[buttterfly]

Ai's predictions were more than accurate.

A, being Rin did not in fact sleep well and doom scrolled and tossed and turned between fits of sleep.

And B. Mikhail in fact had not texted either of them back. And Rin is on edge all morning, practically bristling at the smallest noises and slip ups (caused by his own hand, granted). He burns himself trying to make tea at five forty am, opting for a protein bar because he does not have the spoons or nerve to eat or cook anything more substantial.

Rin has already repacked his swim bag four times, his legskins feel too tight underneath his pants, the team japan jacket feels too tight. He keeps zipping, and unzipping it, and whipping his phone back out. With a groan, he still sees absolutely zip from Mikhail and tosses a glance at Ai.

"Your uncle sucks."

It's not a dig at Ai by any means or sullying of the family name. Rin just needs to make it down there, scope things out, get himself out of this too small apartment that feels like the walls are closing in. He's absolutely pumped, ready to take on the world. But his nerves are still present, only intensified by Mikhail's ghosting of the both of them. He sees an unread message from Sousuke, and bites his lip, ignoring it. There's one from Haru too which he also ignores. He would just rather talk when they get there. If they get there.

[taeru]

In comparison to Rin's volatile nervous energy, Ai instead is flitting about his apartment as if one of the biggest deciding competitions of his life isn't a few hours away. Between getting himself a protein smoothie and packing his bag, he's been on and off his phone all morning. There was no sense in panicking - they had to get down to the aquatic center, even if it'd take less comfortable means to do so. He'd carry Rin on his back if that's what it took!

He exhales exasperatedly at the mention of his uncle, shoulders slumping.

"He isn't representative of our bloodline, I promise." He certainly was a marriage choice. Ai receives another text, one that he reads with some measure of relief, and immediately turns to Rin to share the good news. And then he remembers. And then his expression is so blankly polite it is as if he knows without a shadow of a doubt the words he is going to say will annoy if not upset Rin, but they have to be said anyway, and that Ai doesn't have the time or patience to put up with a tantrum about it.

"I found us a ride," is the unceremonious delivery. He is looking at Rin very very intently. "Sousuke-senpai will be here in about ten minutes, so be ready to leave once he arrives."

[buttterfly]

So much for the avoidance technique.

Rin stares at Ai wide eyed for a moment, shrinking into himself a little. They've barely spoken since that revelation. Rin still hasn't chewed out Sousuke the same way he chewed out Ai for sleeping together and not telling him. Let alone the whole other can of worms that they haven't touched on. And a national tournament isn't necessarily the best place for it either.

Rin bites his lip. He almost says fuck it, and asks Ai why the hell he thought that would be a good idea. That Rin would rather pay the small fortune for a cab, than riding in Sousuke's fucking car. But that's stupid, and logic wins out. He can't run from this forever. He sucks in a deep breath, holds it and exhales shakily for a moment before pushing his hand through his hair with a muttered agreement.

"If that asshole even can find your place. Fine. Dude needs to learn to use his GPS." Smooth. It can at least come off like friendly banter, but Rin also knows Ai isn't that stupid. Whatever. Maybe it will just come off as some small moment of clarity. He repacks his bag for a fifth time, pushing the small frame of his dad's team into his bag. For good luck.

Watch me, dad. I'm not letting anything get in the way of our dream.

[taeru]

Ai knows Rin isn't happy, and knows there are plentiful conversations he hasn't had yet - with Sousuke, with others - and that the car ride to the venue is going to be painfully awkward for all three of them. Ai himself hasn't touched Sousuke's conscience with a ten foot pole. Doesn't want to know how Sousuke feels about him and Rin having slept together. Isn't exactly eager to have manifest proof he's disappointed and upset not one, but both of his closest friends.

But it was hands down the easiest option, and Sousuke didn't think twice about saying yes. If Ai can suck it up, he knows Rin can, too.

"You could learn to say thank you," he snarks back, catching the glint of the studio light jumping off the corner of Rin's photo frame before it disappears into his bag. Makes Ai smile.

Ten minutes goes by really fast when you're not being a manchild and instead are pouring over your call sheet, memorizing every minute marker of every match, mentally erecting a timetable to fit in all your calls to action, your own heats included. So much so Ai nearly jumps when he feels his pocket vibrate; turns out, Rin isn't the only one barely coping with nervous energy.

[5:56a]>> Outside.

Ai looks at Rin, pauses. A resolute certainty overcomes him - as if he could somehow imbue his confidence that everything would be alright into Rin. As if silently begging Rin to trust him. A lopsided smile overtakes his face, and Ai hoists his swim bag onto his shoulder.

"Come on. Carpool's waiting." Without much of a second thought, Ai folds his paper into his Shimogami U jacket pocket and heads for the door.

[buttterfly]

Rin balks at the snark, muttering something under his breath before he zips up his bag and his jacket. Ten minutes drags by something fierce when you're dreading your very existence in the back of that car for however long the ride turns out being.

Ugh. Showtime.

He tosses his bag strap over his shoulder, following Ai out the door and dutifully locking it behind them. Ai is always excellent about locking it, Rin equally so. He doesn't want to turn into something like fucking Haru, especially when it's not his home to begin with. He casts a long look at the door, sighing before he begins to descent the stairs to Sousuke's car. You can do this. Rin mentally chides himself into not being a prickly dick the entire ride there, as he sees Sousuke waving from the window to them. Rin waves back, casting a look back at Ai, before diving into the front seat.

He'll take the awkward spot on the way there at least. Spare Ai some humiliation or whatever he's feeling since he can tell it's bothering him. Rin closes the door a little harsher than necessary, pulling his bag off of himself and into his lap. Sousuke gives him a little look before Ai climbs into the car, which dissipates into something warm. Rin swallows, he hates it.

It's hard to discern if it was relief, pity or something else entirely. Rin grits his teeth and holds out his fist expectantly for Sousuke who meets it almost immediately. Sousuke looks over the two, before pulling his hand back towards the wheel.

"You slowpokes ready to wow a whole nation?" Rin smirks, and nods, pulling his seatbelt over himself with a laugh.

"Hell yeah."

[taeru]

When Rin looks back he'd see Ai, all daisies and smiling, waving back to Sousuke through the veneer of the window. It's plain to see that even with baggage, some of which is still developing, Ai was extremely comfortable in his presence.

Thinks in a contemplative way, in fact, as he loads into the backseat, how them all being primed for competition somewhat put a lid on exactly what could be discussed in the car. Not a single one of them wanted to poke at something messy and cause problems hours before extremely important, stressful competition - it made it quite easy to sidestep anything potentially explosive. The ride would be awkward, maybe, but certainly not difficult.

Ai straps himself in, taking in the sight of black and red hair poised in front of him. It's nostalgic, if he's honest.

Before Sousuke pulls out onto the street, he and Ai catch each others' eyes through the purview of the rear-view mirror. It'd be incredibly hard for Rin to miss the way one or both of them seem to relax, just a little.

"I'll do my best." Not nearly as enthusiastic a response as his two seniors, but. There's maybe a grand total of four seconds before Ai is feeling that need to fill the air again, making a noise of consideration before touting in something of a teasing lilt, "How lucky am I, taking the car with two international champions! Maybe some of that shine will rub off on me...?!"

Sousuke says nothing. Peels his eyes off the road just long enough to look at Rin side-long, a kindness in his eyes, before sharing with him a toothy grin.

[buttterfly]

He ignores that look from Sousuke, looking back at Ai through the rearview mirror. "Make that three after today."

It feels like being back on the same team again.

Samezuka had its flaws. Notably Rin's piss-poor attitude his second year, and all the responsibilities he begged Seijuro not to saddle him with in his third year. Coupled with playing catch-up, desperate to get scouted by a halfway decent school (only to piss off to Australia anyways lol), Haru's ice princess routine anytime someone asked him what he wanted to do, and Sousuke's secret keeping... there wasn't much time to enjoy it like this.

So maybe they're all choosing to ignore the elephant in the room. That being the way both of them have had their eyes on Rin's ass apparently. But Rin can push that aside to revel in the playful banter they all toss back and forth through traffic. Mocking Sousuke for some of his wrong turns, the works.

Rin starts babbling about how he's going to try for the 200m free. Fucking Phelps is going to be there, of all people. Someone Rin has watched as long as he can remember. Finally in the lane next to him. He can't imagine Mikhail not giving him the go-ahead. Sure, he's technically only qualified for it once back in Australia, but details--

But then Sousuke is mean and says something so sidelong Rin almost tries to crawl out the window. "Careful you don't forget how to swim because Nanase gives you a look in front of your idol." Rin punches him.

[taeru]

"Jeez, Rin-senpai! It's no good if you make Sousuke-senpai veer out of traffic!" Rin would never, Ai knows he would never, but it's part of their antics. It very much feels like stepping back into routine, putting Ai in a headspace he hasn't been in in well over a year. He and Sousuke retained that familiarity, but it seemed to have been waylaid when Rin moved in - likely on account of what all else he had going on.

He really, truly cannot be mad at Haruka. Finds it in himself to scrape up gratitude from the depths of the wells of his heart; he's owed it for the way Rin seems so carefree now.

"There's worse fates besides swimming next to your idol, Rin-senpai. For example, you could fail fantastically in front of him!" Ai is speaking from personal experience.

"Don't scare him," comes Sousuke's dry quip.

A pause then, Ai looking between both of his seniors, before locking sky blue eyes on the moving scenery outside.

"Maybe next year I'll try for the 100m free. Or the relay. It's been a while, but I miss swimming with you both."

[buttterfly]

"If we become road pancakes, it's his fault!" Rin spits out very much like an offended cat. He leans his head against the window and crosses his arms in a similarly pouty fashion.

The prospect of falling into the pool right in front of Michael fucking Phelps is absolutely terrifying. One that sends a shiver down his spine. Sousuke chides Ai, but the damage is done and he's just turned into a bristling, pouting, terrified cat now. At least Ai tries to smooth out the situation, focalizing on something else that makes all their gazes slip out the window a little bit.

Rin's fingers squeeze around his wrist. He can see out of the corner of his eye Sousuke's fingers take on a similar action around the steering wheel. That last year of high school, the relay they all swam together. It was one of the most exhilarating things he had ever experienced. A team of his own. Sure, swimming the relay with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa had been life changing... but it felt good to have something that was his own for once. Even if they lost. Even if at the time, it signaled the end of Sousuke's swimming career.

The prospect brings a hot, angry stinging to his eyes, and he's quick to rub his eyes with the back of his fist, but not before a little choke sob something swims out of him.

"We'll do it again. All of us."

Rin's aware of Sousuke's eyes on him, off the road. But before Rin can snap at him to not fucking rear end the miata in front of them, Sousuke's smile turns so solemn it's almost a wonder he doesn't cry himself.

"Always the romantic, dude."

[taeru]

Ai wouldn't have thought his words to have such an impact, but he hears that sob and is immediately jolting in the back seat. Trying not to be too nosy, but he is poking his head over the center console to get a good look at Rin, which earns from Sousuke a mildly exasperated look.

"If-- If you wanted to swim together, senpai, you only had to ask," Ai says rather simply, words started in an uncharacteristic stutter on account of the hot tears he sees pricking the corners of Rin's eyes.

"He'd be spoiled if he got his way every time he cried."

Ai sits back, looking to Sousuke with furrowed brows.

"But you're thinking the same thing, aren't you?"

Teal eyes rove over Ai through the rear-view mirror, something between warning and something a touch more vulnerable, before his eyes focus back on the road, not honouring that with a reply.