[It's for the better they both park that line of thought back in the locker room, because it hangs like the long shadow of an unnamed elephant in his brain pretty much constantly. The fact he's seen Rin naked, prone. Has known his body. Can remember the taste of his lips, some days. Nearly got swept in scandal because of it.
We're only doing this if you see me. Words Ai wishes he could take back. Some part of him, eve now, despite everything, believes it'd be so much easier if he let Rin have his cake and eat it too. There was no sense involving feelings like that. Childish at best; misguided at worst.
And a bygone, as Ai watches with that same trepidation as Rin readies himself next to the starting block beside Ai, too. Rin's cocky eagerness is nothing new, and in fact its familiarity and presence gets a smile out of Ai. But Rin suggesting IM has Ai's eyebrows flying to his hairline.
Rin's never swam IM. Ai didn't think Rin remembered Ai swam IM, once upon a time. Ai wouldn't have thought him to care enough to leverage it in practice, either. Even through the veneer of his goggles, it's hard to miss the owlish blink of his eyes, unsure why Rin would suggest such a thing... And yet, his body gives it answer where his brain is stuck on it: readying himself at the starting block, hunched over, heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.]
You've never swam the IM before, senpai. Are you sure?
[He isn't shit-talking, easy as it'd be to interpret it that way. It's a declaration of his sincere confusion. But it's as if at once his actual desire catches up to him, overrides that constant anxiety and second-guessing in his head that so often accompanies his relationship with Rin these days. He flexes his fingers where they curl around the starting block. If Rin's looking, he'd see a sheepish, shy smile kissing Ai's lips.]
Well... It's been a while for me, too. [Ah, there's that smugness. A bit put-on and forced, but. It's hard to deny: he's excited.] Maybe you can keep up, after all.
[he meets ai's look with a raised brow of his own. almost scrutinizing. or maybe something more akin to what, don't think i can? and he scoffs, pulling at his cap a little bit]
I can swim other strokes, y'know.
[it's a touch defensive when it really doesn't need to be. it's good to have specialties. obviously it's gotten him as far as it has for a reason. but upping his game requires things outside of what the public sees him swim. or maybe he just--
it's always more fun to have a challenge during practice. it's why joint practices back home, and these team practices always light a fire under people. friendly competition. playful jeers and jabs from your teammates. miyakawa tells them to cool their shit sometimes, but mikhail always fondly reminisces of "youth and rivalry" or some bullshit (rin usually tunes it out) and he'll take that route any day. so ai agreeing with that air of smugness gets rin's blood going. maybe it will make his headache worse, or maybe it will just melt it all away. who's to say]
Call it whenever you're good.
[he pulls his goggles down over his eyes, staring down at the water as he gets into position. it's funny how the order of it goes. honestly rin is happy he can start out with his strongest stroke. it can give him an edge. maybe. hopefully]
[Of course, Ai knew full well Rin could swim all strokes, and if he entered local competition, could likely place no matter the model. Rather, Ai frets that Rin's hangover and mild disarray from that morning might hold him back... He knows Rin is prone to getting in his own head sometimes, in the water. Not that this was competition but--
Plainly put, it's gotta be an ordeal to swim right about now.
Ai shouldn't get so complacent, though, and so he knows better than to underestimate Rin despite the circumstances. He flashes his eyes up to the natatorium clock,]
Next it rounds the minute hand on twelve.
[-- and as soon as both hands are vertical, Ai dives in. His butterfly pales in comparison to Rin's, even on his best of days; this was Rin's playground, after all. But Ai's determined to put up a good fight, and it's evident in his power that he has not slacked on his evergreen practice despite focusing on breast heavily for all of his qualifiers. Rin may make the turn first, but Ai's giving him reason to sweat.
Backstroke would be anyone's game; even if Ai comes out of the turn second, there is undeniable agility, and were he distracted enough to look a lane over, he wouldn't be surprised if he were gaining on Rin. At this juncture, it was anyone's race.
Faintly, he can hear the excited and confused murmurings of their teammates through the cacophony of the water cutting over his ears like rapids.
Since when did Matsuoka swim IM? Hey, isn't that the newcomer too? He told me he swam IM way back in high school. They don't look half bad, do they? Matsuokaaa! So loud... ... If you want to swim IM together too, just say so. Haru--? ]
[butterfly is his strong suit, the thing guaranteed to give him a win in most any competition. but ai is giving him his all, clearly relishing in the effects that a not hang over is bringing him. he feels ai closing the gap, his breaths a little more slogged than they normally would be but--
and at the turn, he knows he's in trouble.
backstroke is his worst stroke. did he make it look easy when he was teaching rei? absofuckinglutely. but he pales in comparison to people like makoto...no, that title goes to sousuke now, the backstroke fucking king. he has a few heads on ai with his turn, but it's nowhere near good enough to keep up the lead for long. couple that with squinting up at the natatorium lights on the ceiling and he fucking fumbles it easily.
breaststroke is anyone's game really. but rin knows ai has a national spot on the team for that very stroke. so he's not going down without a fight. and rin feels that little pound ever swelling in his temple. he catches some of the banter and commentary as he pulls out to gasp with each stroke. but it goes in one ear, out the other at this point. his blood is pumping, only intensifying the pounding in his head. ai's kicking his ass, bluntly put. and rin grits his teeth as they make the final turn, and it's back in his territory.
he hears haru, or haru's name or something when he begins his other specialty. though he can't quite discern what is being said (or fussed about. either or), and he feels his goggles slipping a little as he sloppily cuts through the water with his hand. though him and ai are fairly close. why rin decided to challenge ai to his own game? well, that's a story for another day. but their palms slap the wall a milimeter apart, and rin tears off his cap and goggles, gasping as he presses his forehead against the pool wall for a minute.
barely a tenth of a second behind ai. he spits out a little water, and laughs, as he rubs his forehead with his arm]
Knew you had it in you. Next time I won't have a migraine though. You'll be going down then, thanks.
[No small part of him is equal parts impressed and frustrated that a hungover Matsuoka Rin can keep pace in what was once Ai's crowning heat. He was a bit rusty, and certainly hasn't done anything more than the 100m in at least four years, but still. Trading the lead with Rin and having him right on his very heel up until the very end left his entire body burning in a way he didn't know it could.
He is gasping for air when he reemerges above the water, only able to discern he's made it there first by Rin's reaction and words. Pride wells in his eyes, though always conscious not to be a braggart, it simmers down quietly. It's not like it was an official race, anyway.
Ai peels off his cap and goggles, holding his hand over the lane line.]
It was a good race. I want you to come at me with all your strength next time.
[There are. Still eyes on them. Ai refuses to look out of the pool to tell who it is or why, and chooses to believe their peers who are not from Iwatobi are simply admiring Rin for having swam something he usually doesn't. He too heard the voices talking about them during the breast portion of their race, and had to focus pretty damn hard to put them out to his periphery.
... Ai begins reaffixing his cap and goggles onto his head.]
This is bad... I'm all fired up. [Bad because he's winded with little choice of where to expend this energy. Ai sinks to his chin,] I'll do a few cooldown laps. [And does that thing he does lately where he doesn't wait for a reply from Rin, and just. Goes. At least this time it isn't because he's trying to pull away; rather, Rin's stirred something disturbing in his chest, and rather than make it a problem, Ai's trying to swim it out to cool himself off.]
Told you I won't let the Kirishima's booze me up ahead of time.
[it's a mix of a laugh and a huff as he reaches over to shake ai's hand over the lane line. his hand lingers for a moment, a hard squeeze before he pulls it back again. of course rin is a sore loser. of course the lingering loss is still tugging at him. but it's just practice, right? it's just ai, right?
rin pulls himself out of the pool after, giving himself a moment to breathe. it's a little unsettling, the national team (their team he tells himself!!) all staring like he just grew a second head. or maybe at ai since he was the one that just whooped rin's ass to next tuesday. rin just laughs, propping his chin in his hand as he lets his legs drift in the pool for a moment]
...that's more like you.
[he starts when ai is already off back into the pool, huffing against his palm. the all fired up that is. this new ai that keeps taking off without a word? that's not the ai he remembers. the one he remembers has always stuck around, never ditching a conversation halfway through. the bile drips down his throat, damn near choking him as he feels a small kick to his lower back. rin grits his teeth, seeing ikuya toss a towel at him. he gives him a small thanks, realizing haru bailed to god know's where...he doesn't see his head bobbing in the pool, so he's either under somewhere or gone. huh.
rin bites his lip as he musses up his hair with the towel. maybe he really is determined to unconsciously drive everybody away somehow. he realizes maybe he's making ai more uncomfortable just sitting here--staring--at him, and so he gestures to ikuya to help him with some of his stretches. hangover buddies in arms apparently, judging how amber squints against the bright light pooling around them.
hopefully when ai is done doing...whatever he's doing, rin and ikuya will have bitched and groaned in silence together enough and gotten all the knots and sore muscles knocked away from them]
[Would it make Rin feel better or worse if he knew the reason Ai wanted to swim in the room temp water for at least another fifteen minutes was to cool off his god damn traitorous body? Because that's where he's at. He guesses Rin's taunt shortly before their bout paired with actually winning against his senior after they've made amends has. Confused his system. It's all internal, but all the same, Ai knows he hasn't had a very good handle on his sentiments lately, and letting himself get it out in the water before he has to contend with both Rin and their team, knowing he has discerning eyes on him, was his only way of maintaining a semblance of control.
Under another circumstance, or a few years younger, would that be the case? Maybe not. Maybe he'd eagerly ball his fist and bark some excited something at Rin. Fan his flame despite him having lost. Have gotten out of the pool first so he could fetch both himself and Rin a set of towels. Ai isn't so sure how much of that is normal now. Another mark for hypocrisy, he thinks, that he can beg Rin to treat him the same and yet can't bring himself to meet the same challenge line.
... It doesn't help that he knows, at least for the first 100m, that Rin's eyes are on him too. But when Ai makes the turn after his 150m length and sees Rin's disappeared with Ikuya, he isn't sure if what he feels is relief or disappointment. He couldn't even hazard a guess what was going through Rin's mind.
After a cumulative 400m Ai finally pulls himself out of the pool, hesitating. Grabs his towel, scruffs his hair, lightly pats his body...
He can't help it, the way his eyes immediately scan for Rin. Sees Ikuya trying to press a kink out of his lower backside, which is certainly a sight. Neither looks particularly happy about it, from what Ai can see, though how much of that is them both being hungover is anyone's guess. Ai approaches, eye drifting from Ikuya to Rin.]
[the huffed reply is immediate, less whipping around with a snarl as opposed to a thinly veiled annoyance. it's not from losing (albeit rin is a sore loser). though there's an eclectic little mix of what it could be stemming from in turn. ikuya snorts from behind him, and rin rolls his eyes, shoving behind him]
Fuck fuck, fuck. Okay, okay. You win. There was a knot. Piss off.
[ikuya laughs, and leaves them to it, while rin half slumps over the pool deck with a groan. rin rests his chin on his arms, stretching out his legs behind him, the little wince evident on his face as he pops something. but then rolls his leg appreciatively. he'll die before he goes down with another charlie horse thanks. he pulls himself back up, giving ai a once over]
You ever think about really long distance? Because you would kill it. What kind of animal can even pull that shit off? You look like you've barely broken a sweat.
[rin groans, pushing himself to his feet, popping his back. at least the migraine has slowly began to subside. a raised brow]
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh.
[individual medley, or team relays. ai takes it all in stride. it brings that little curl of bile back. the one that's been present since ai started acting weird. but rin isn't stupid enough either to think he can just compliment his way back into ai's good graces or whatever]
[Ah, so he is brooding. And much like Rin himself, Ai couldn't pin why. He had his suspicions, but none seemed concrete enough in their totality to justify it. A hangover? Possibly, but Rin's worked through worse. Ikuya of all people helping him stretch? Maybe, but he hadn't looked so grumpy about it back during All Japan. Losing? Maybe, especially to his junior, but Rin tends to take losing in stride even if internally it frustrates him.
For a brief moment, as Ai lets his towel drape along his shoulders, it clicks.
Right. So it's still that thing. And it concerns him that even now, after such a good race, in the presence of someone else, Rin seems burdened by such a thing. Even after talking it out, best they could. Even after reaching an accord, the accidental pandora's box Ai has opened seems destined to loom over Rin indefinitely.
... Not wanting to have the brooding allegations turned his way, he just laughs, watching poor Ikuya be swat away like a flea.]
It's important to remain in good form, senpai. Kirishima-senpai was helping.
[And if Ai looks around the room he isn't so sure he even has someone who would offer the same to him, other than maybe Sousuke. Maybe Rin, but that'd get weird quick, right? Ai tells himself he'll limber up on his own later-- the thought process is aborted abruptly when Rin's suddenly talking about long distance. His blink is owlish.
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh. Ai simpers, looking back toward the water. He doesn't have words for the complicated swell in his chest.]
When I think of relays, actually, it's you I think about. [And Ai is sure the entirety of their team would say the same. Ai shrugs, one-shouldered,] I thought about it in the past, going beyond 400 meters. I guess my mind's shifted a bit since then.
[I met you. He doesn't say it out loud, but the kind smile he wears in Rin's direction again maybe says it quietly anyway.]
And anyway, I still have a long way to go.
[Rin's admonished him once already for comparing his times to Ikuya, despite Ai being realistic about the matter!, so he keeps his mouth, smartly, closed for once. But it does weigh on him, the idea of having come this far and not being able to realize it after all. Never mind the persistent ocean blue that seems to colour the water every time Ai jumps in; it's swimming with weights, and an effort to keep pressing forward. Unable to see the horizon line, unsure what direction it'd even be, but knowing you have no choice but to swim regardless...
Eager not to accidentally make things morose, Ai looks to Rin with raised eyebrows and a glint.]
Besides, this much is easy when you're not hungover.
Yeah? Why don't you two show off that picture perfect form together then.
[there's little weight behind it, accompanied merely by a playful eye roll. is rin actually insinuating that ai go forth and do his stretches with ikuya? no!! there's an offer that's fresh on his tongue. the one that wants to offer ai the same. but it's dead on arrival, and rin knows better. ai says nothing's changed? their talk earlier gave a breath of fresh air to this entire situation. but rin still...hesitates. the looming fear he could bring further discomfort still lingers.
but at least ai takes the compliment, although there seems to be a drawl of hesitance crossing his features. rin keeps an even gaze on him. ...ah. so that's it, then. it's not like rin wasn't aware. rin and ai's dream team. they're short a member, sure. but the memories of those bonds are still fresh]
Might have a long way to go, but...
[rin lets his gaze trail out over the water ai is staring at]
I think you've got a shot. As you are right now.
[rin says it with earnest. ikuya might be a popular spot for breast, sure. but ai has a tenacity that would earn him the same sort of spot. he snorts]
You might be beating me with a hangover, but.
[rin bristles. there's that glint in ai's voice and eyes. it's not quite the same as when he swims with haru. and maybe it's a little different kind of flame it stokes under him. but it's there. he likes racing with ai. he wants that handoff on the relay team once more]
Just things to think about. Don't snuff out your potential.
[Not that you had to be close with someone to help them stretch, but. It wasn't just closeness; Ikuya was his senior too despite being younger by two months but ok, and with the sheer amount of mutual friends they shared, Ai felt overly cautious of crossing that physical barrier. Especially so when he's seen Ikuya let his guard down around some, but not around him. Ai knew a boundary when he saw one.
And in contrast, when he thinks to so boldly helping Rin stretch in their dorm room, on his bed, it makes Ai reminisce about how much has changed. Some for the better, but. Fundamentally, he's aware he's turned inward over the years. He's aware he's all but buried within himself since that night. And, now, painfully aware he's actively trying to erase himself since last night.
... Swimming is funny, he thinks. Such a solitary sport, and yet has forced upon him bonds that have sent his head into a tailspin a million times. Ai lifts his towel to drape it over his head, expression flattening out with a pout.]
I'm not snuffing out anything!
[It worked the last time you said it Rin but it won't work twice. Ai rubs at his nose, cheeks dusting a soft pink.]
Sousuke-senpai's tongue is too loose.
[... Because he assumes Sousuke told him about as much back during second year. Who is to say? Sousuke had also pinned that sentence as something prone to come from Rin himself. Ai, at once, is pulling his towel off from him entirely, bypassing Rin to head toward the benches.]
I'm getting back in.
[Because he could sit here and ruminate on how much of a distance he feels he still needs to cross, can gnash his teeth over how he feels too inept to take up any kind of space near Rin where it matters, but ultimately none of these things will fix themselves. And maybe he can't cut out the part of him he wishes to excise and maybe he can't turn his eyes a darker shade of blue, but he can get his PB down and make sure their coaches notice, so. Better keep up, Rin!!!]
[it's stupid how he immediately flits back to a similar conversation. we're not like that. and sorry ai, rin nearly spits, pushing his hand over his mouth to cover the laugh that suddenly rips out of him. there's literally no reason to laugh over it. but he does through his sleep addled, hungover laced brain]
Kirishima might just be like that with anyone, with the way those lashes flutter.
[maybe ikuya catches that, maybe he doesn't. but at least rin can smirk with ai suddenly flustered, the color evident on his face. at least this bit feels familiar. maybe there is a chance he knows him and sousuke will probably pay for that at some point]
Why don't you tell him that yourself?
[nevermind that distance that has slowly been swelling as well. something rin has been trying to ignore in turn. it feels with his relationships budding with others, others slowly begin to quell. him and sousuke still have...a lot to address with one another unfortunately. but neither has been willing to touch the topic, and so they just don't and haven't. it has worked for them in the past unfortunately.
though rin tries not to smirk when he sees ai heading back towards the pool. he tries to take it as ai bettering himself, ai filled with a stubborn determination to outdo himself. he's already on a roll, beating rin right? might as well capitalize on that. he can't afford to sit here and slack around either though. i'm making that fucking relay roster one way or another. he's not letting his fuckup at all japan bite him in the butt now.
...but as he's walking near the pool, a hip catches him. very purposefully from one ikuya kirishima who did hear the lashes comment. and so rin very nearly stumbles in with a huff and a not at all hidden glare shot towards him. he flips ikuya off, and goes back to the starting block. though...he does glance around again, and doesn't see haru. it's a little unnerving. he just up and bailed when rin was swimming against ai. rin doesn't know if he's making mountains out of molehills though, and goes back to swimming his own laps.
staying in his own lane. but he won't be left behind, ai!
...though needless to say, rin runs himself absolutely ragged. maybe pushing himself a bit too hard through the hangover. but quite some time later, he's slung over the lane line, face half in the water as he keeps himself barely hauled up above the surface.
[And he's not touching on that with any more words because if he does he knows he's going to brush against sensitivities he'd rather not. He knows Rin is in a precarious situation with Sousuke, too. Ai also knows Sousuke and his relationship has developed to be a bit more complicated on account of... Everything. A level of jealousy between them. From Sousuke's end, for having had a bite. From Ai's end, for having the strength to remain unchanged.
... It's a selfish thought that flits through his brain. That what he and Sousuke once had can never come again to pass. That catharsis, that outlet, gone. It'd simply be unfair, what with all that has happened in his apartment. It's a faint thought in the back of his head, quiet and mumbled. From the start, you should have kept your legs closed.
Ai isn't exactly heedless to who does or doesn't swim in the same lane or beside his lane, but he had noticed it, too. Haruka nowhere to be found, which was odd, given the man's proclivity for all things water. Ai crushes something to the tune of another 600m - at a leisurely pace, the last 200m functioning as a cool down - before finally resurfacing, plenty of their other teammates already back in the changing rooms. Time goes so fast when you're able to actually shut your brain off.
He spares a moment to lay himself over the lane line, a few feet downwind from Rin. Exhausted. Still not good enough. He'll talk to their coach about changing up some drills to help with shoulder and hip alignment...
... He hauls himself out of the water. He's too spent to push himself for further training right now; maybe later. Maybe he'd bail on a night out a second time.]
I'll wash up and meet you outside, senpai. [Because he figures they'll walk back together, maybe find a bite... But Ai hesitates. Peering down into the pool as he waits for Rin to haul himself out too. Because a thought eats away at him--]
I haven't seen Nanase-san, he might've gone on already. [Equal parts you should text him and If that means staying behind, I get it. But Ai is, again, eager not to keep things too heavy, implications never lost on him,] We should pick up something for him too on the way back...
[rin watches ai haul himself out of the water, trying not to frown. it felt nice. them swimming together. but ai's right. they've done enough. and he's trying not to think about that earlier comment. he already knows. which the retort lay...dormant on rin's tongue immediately after. and he didn't bother replying. ai's right, after all.
times flies when your brain stops yapping at you.
he hoists himself up, knee catching on the side of the pool for an instant. before he clambers fully up the side into a standing position. he nods, giving ai his space, knowing that sort of dismissal when it's evident. though...ai parrots exactly what rin was thinking, and he can't help the way he stiffens. like he's pegged where rin's mind was before rin could even vocalize it. shit, he hates how predictable he is, always has been. even back in their dormitory days. always haru this, haru that and now--]
Yeah, yeah. Mackerel and water and that guy's happy as a clam.
[he scoffs, it coming out with a bit more bite than he intends. because really, haru seemingly vanished when him and ai raced. rin internally rolls his eyes. was the guy pouting? no, that's stupid. rin doesn't want to talk about it, because he knows that's going to open either a whole discussion or shutdown on one of their parts. and rin doesn't want to think about last night, their drunken bodies swaying--]
Go shower. Shit, this chlorine smell is gonna make me puke.
[he grabs ai's towel off the bench first, tossing it at him before he grabs his own. but of course his own head betrays him, and he casts a glance back at the pool. before he scoffs and heads towards the locker rooms]
[It's been Ai's very subtle superpower from the beginning, after all. Gauging where Rin's head is at. That paired with over-vigilance means it didn't exactly take a rocket scientist to make an educated guess on the matter... And more than that, Ai himself had noticed before he thought to pin it on Rin, too. Because for the next few weeks Haruka is his roommate, too, and so Ai feels compelled to keep him top of mind.
... Though circumstance doesn't help. Ai was still trying to configure it in his head, especially so now that he and Rin-- talked. It was somehow easier when he thought he had to try harder, because that just meant rolling over and ignoring what was going on behind his back in plain sight. Minimizing was easy. Taking up space when the room feels like it is filled with smoke is much more difficult; even if Ai knew how to take a step forward, that didn't make it any easier to find breathing room.
But he knows at least a few things for certain. One, it was odd that Haru up and left; Ai is pretty sure he'd been there when their IM started. Two, it'd be odd if Rin didn't have a reaction to that. Three, it's an inevitability they will all meet back in the room at some point. So.
He does the impossible and keeps his smart mouth shut when Rin plays it off like it isn't a big deal. A silent breath in, diaphragm pressed; a cool breath out, shoulders relaxed. He blinks when his towel is suddenly tossed his way, not used to Rin beating him to the punch,]
Thank you,
[Quickly scruffing his hair with it and disappearing into the shower rooms.
He tries to make it a quick affair, not wanting to keep Rin waiting overlong. Washed, rinsed, declothed, dried, reclothed; Ai's bag is packed and slung over his shoulder with an unusual haste, and he parks at the front of the locker room waiting for Rin to do the same. Ai pulls out his phone; no texts, as expected. They were all in the same place after all. But he stares down at Haruka's number.]
[he tries to be considerate, but he's selfishly lapping up everything the shower has to offer.
the hot water spilling across his scalp and shoulders. the way it blots out his brain for a time, and dulls that throb. the one that started long before the hangover ever did. rin sighs softly with content, pressing his forehead against the shower stall wall. there's echoes of laughter from his teammates, excited chatter and other things. but he dully tones it out for a while, just focusing on the pitter patter of water in the stall, rinsing the smell of chlorine off of himself. it's just the hangover, he tells himself. that's the only reason the smell is making him--
there's a rap at his stall, and he damn near jumps out of his skin. but it's just natsuya messing with him as he drapes over ikuya's shoulder and laughs as they depart. ikuya shoots him an apologetic look, one that just has rin scoffing, trying to smooth out his ruffled feathers.
he finds ai at the front of the locker room, after he takes a good ten minutes to get back into normal people clothes. he's tying his hair back as he comes out, huffing]
Sorry, hope I didn't keep you waiting.
[rin misses ai staring down at haru's number, wincing as he finishes looping the ponytail around his fingers, a few stray strands pooling down anyway despite his best efforts. he rolls his eyes, and forgoes trying to tame them, shifting his bag over his shoulder]
Want to go dump stuff off at the room first? Or are you hungry enough to eat a horse?
[look it's a saying he picked up in australia from some of the american guys ok]
[Ai thinks he hears a yelp, and he definitely hears laughter. It's one of the few smiles he wears lately that is genuine, and it's just for him. Kirishima-san and Rin-senpai are awfully friendly. And he can't help but feel Rin and Ikuya have a surprisingly complicated relationship, too. He'd gotten glimpses of it back at All Japan, and certainly he and Ikuya have talked about their mutual friends once or twice, but... The heat there. It keeps surprising Ai.
How strongly Rin responds to such a thing. Always a sucker for heated expressions and the like. He can't help but wonder, where does it leave him? So rarely do he and Rin grow competitive, meaningfully or otherwise. The words on his screen remain in a bold white, Nanase Haruka (Iwatobi). There are footfalls behind him.
Ai wonders when he will stop wondering what exactly his spot, his role, his boon to Rin's life is. All he knows is that it's changed, fundamentally, and he isn't so sure if he wants to unearth its name. Best friend, Rin had said, but how much can that be true?--
He nearly jolts when Rin's voice breaks through his wayward rumination, shutting off his phone screen and pocketing it quickly. And sure, Ai could eat a horse, but.
The answer is obvious, isn't it?]
We should head back first. [To see if Nanase-san is there. And to drop off their bags, but. Ai has a hunch he knows where Rin's priorities are right now, too... So he thinks.]
Ah, but we can pick up something on the way.
[It seems Ai isn't gonna let Rin redirect, as he's already exiting the locker room, expecting Rin to follow Ai's way down the hall to the front of the building. The sun was still high on the horizon, only the late afternoon; the weather temperate. An odd and poignant calm in the universe that completely contrasts to the near-constant confusion in his head. Once he's made it outside, he slows to match Rin's pace, walking beside him.
And it seems Ai rolls a thought around in his head a little bit, before delivering it with a lopsided, sheepish smile.]
It was fun, swimming the IM together. I almost wish I hadn't so I could have watched you do it instead.
[at least ai doesn't address the elephant in the room. and rin is grateful for that. a logical conclusion, followed up by something that is a minor stall, something he's equally grateful for. not letting him ignore things (except he will absolutely continue ignoring thanks). and so rin hauls his bag a little better over himself, tagging along easily in turn.
...maybe that's ai's place in rin's life. that calm, cooling breeze settling over on a hot day. rin raises a brow at ai's words. but he can't help the smirk that tugs itself across his features]
You can just give up that victory, and pretend you watched instead. I'll take it.
[he laughs, bumping against ai as they walk, trying to embrace that normality they once shared. he knows logically, it's quite impossible. but every day he'll be damned if he doesn't at least put forth the effort]
Harder than it looks. Have to do a lot of different movement in a short amount of time. I think I almost started free instead of fly near the end. So of course you're good at it.
[the praise is well aimed, true in its meaning. ai is able to simper through pressure and everything else when rin's not mucking up his life, of course. so of course something like that is right up his alley. even if it's not quite his go to anymore. rin still remembers once upon a time it was. and he capitalizes on reminding him everytime, telling him he could square up against ikuya if he really felt like it]
You'd never be satisfied with something so easily given.
[A forfeited victory. Ai thinks back to their first year when Rin had won his race against Haruka, but seemed put off by it. He wasn't in good form, Rin had said. It's like beating an elementary schooler.
A parallel dawns on him. One that is naked with a storm outside and a too-crowded futon. Rin hadn't been satisfied then either, right? Because it was too easy. Ai wonders, passively, when he will stop thinking about that night, as he quickly moves on from the thought and hopes Rin didn't pick up on the same, nearly clearing his throat in the process,]
Huh?
[He doesn't get Rin's implication at first, but then it settles. And because Ai is singularly unable to take a compliment, he smiles in that deflective way of his,]
But it's fun, isn't it? To push your body in that kind of way. I'm definitely rusty, though. If I wanted to think about it seriously, I'd have to talk it over with the coaches.
[Which is to say he won't. I want to specialize in two strokes, just like you. Even at that time, he'd been so-- honest. Ai sneaks a glance at Rin from the corner of his eye before looking forward again as they walk, ignoring how even now, even now, such a small thing can make his heart hiccup,]
Well... I know I have to focus on breast. It's critical I keep my times low before competitions start.
[So I can join you on that stage. Of course Ai wants it for himself too, but. Who was responsible for getting him here? Somehow, saying that out loud seems like too much, so he keeps it to himself.]
Ah, [he gestures to a tiny bakery as they walk past,] How about here? I still want to try an authentic Paris baguette.
[got him there. he huffs, rolling his eyes and rubbing the back of his neck]
Whatever, ugh.
[rin tries not to think about that night. easier said than done. it's not because the act itself was bad. it's because his behavior surrounding the whole affair was...disgusting, to put it lightly. he tries not to think about how he tried goading ai into hurting him, like that would somehow make it better. he tried not to think about the fallout that still lingers in the back of his mind in the form of a creepy voicemail that he wasn't alone in. tried not to think about sousuke's glistening gaze and how he made ai cry and yell and--]
Call that shit fun?
[that's easier to focus on, and rin snorts, shifting his hold on his bag. though he's dimly aware of ai shifting away from the compliment stratosphere. and his lip twitches and he bumps ai's shoulder again, this time a little harder]
Take the compliment, geez. Your breast times got you here, right? It's not like you're forgetting them or anything. Just...putting them to a different use. You should talk it over with them. What's the worst they say? Doubt they'd even say no...
[rin's...encouragement talks need some work if he ever wants to be a coach of some kind. but the silent implication rings true between them. despite it all, rin isn't dropping that dream. to stand on the international stage with his friends. and he knows ai isn't keen of dropping that dream either. the one that's swam beside them all these years, even through all the monumental fuckups and lack of communication--]
Of all things...
[rin laughs, pulling the door open for ai. stiffening with the realization, but he tries to swallow it down. it's just something he's going to have to hurdle over time and time again until he forgets it (he won't)]
[He levels A Look on Rin, because Rin should know by now Ai was a professional at getting around being told something nice so point blank. And he was very very good at not dismissing it either, okay! Because it means someone has delivered their honest sentiments to him, which he values deeply. Being forthright like that, even if it's something as banal and simple as a compliment, can be hard sometimes. But Ai's opinion of himself, especially lately, has been catastrophically horrendous, so.
Rin gets a look. And eyes where Rin's just bumped his shoulder, before Ai melts into a deadpan.]
I want to focus on breast. I have a goal, and IM or 400m free right now would distract from it. You know what it feels like to spread too thin, don't you?
[And Ai doesn't have a single fucking clue about last year's kerfuffle behind closed doors, other than a few ominous texts from his uncle, so good luck with that one Rin.
You know what isn't laden in double entendre, or trauma, or bad memories, or regret? Baguettes. Ai steps in ahead of Rin with a polite little bow of his head for the gesture, not thinking of it too much unlike Rin, and all but trots to one of the display counters. His eyes scan over all of the overly sweet pastries - even too sweet for him - and to more of the savoury baked goods. Ai taps at his chin; he thinks he knows what he wants, but.
He's too considerate for his own good, and constantly trying to model for Rin a normalcy Ai himself doesn't even feel, so he looks over to Rin with an inquisitive expression that belies the pull in his gut,]
What do you think Nanase-san would like? I think we should bring something back for him, just in case.
[the look that gets from rin is downright deadpan in exchange. it's something he's put far back in the confines of his brain. and rin acts like it was some big secret, and there's no way on planet earth it was]
...got it.
[at least ai still has the superpower in putting rin in his place when it matters. though the embarrassment flushing his cheeks seems more akin to shame than anything beyond that. like a kid with his hand in the fucking cookie jar.
he drops it.
the bakery smells nice. it's quite literally a breath of fresh air from whatever conversation they were just traversing towards. and rin isn't a fan of sweets, but the smell of the place is nice. it's warm inside, and quiet enough that he doesn't feel trapped or anything. quite the opposite. he's content to trail behind ai, looking at the various things. most of which he doesn't have a clue what they are but.
still, rin stiffens a little. right. that unspoken thing earlier. he figures ai won't let him let it go. he didn't their first year. he won't their tenth or twentieth if they make it that far either. rin huffs, kneeling down to look at a few things, squinting at the display cases]
Find something shaped like...
[his eye catches it before he even finishes his sentence. there's a little pastry that looks like a. shark? fish? something. an elegant little puff pastry garnished with some chives. he tries to read off the sign, pointing at it and well. it's obvious his french needs some work but]
Salmon en croute. Yeah, he'd probably like that.
[rin continues to look over everything, casting a sidelong glance at ai as he fishes in his bag for his wallet]
[In Ai's head, it was painful in its simplicity. He could gnash his teeth, move planets, level mountains, raise oceans, lasso the stars-- and none of it would matter. But if Nanase Haruka had a ten minute conversation with Rin in a natatorium parking lot, if Nanase Haruka swam a ten minute relay with him, if Nanase Haruka met up with him for ten minutes on railroad tracks--
Minutes. It took minutes for him to do what Ai spends months, years trying to accomplish. And so he has no choice. If Rin is content to be stubborn in admitting whether or not things are complicated, he will find Ai's tenacity a rough beast to quell. Because in Ai's mind, he has spent too much time taking Rin's smile away, when he can see an easy means of making sure it doesn't happen again. It has played in his mind over and over since that night, but especially since talking with Sousuke. How much different things would be if he'd had the strength to send Haruka a text sooner. Ai wasn't an idiot, had known from the start why Rin was there, so why? Why hesitate?
... For the same reasons you laid with him.
He has no words and no outward reason for why his shoulders stiffen.]
Ah, you don't,
[Except Ai recalls suddenly that Rin insisted very strongly on covering their next meal, so. He guesses this is it.]
... Thank you, Rin-senpai,
[Ai relents, approaching the register and its attendant with an overly confident and smooth] Bonjour, [followed by their order so far: salmon en croute for their missing party, a demi baguette and jam for Ai.
He looks to Rin with a gesture for him to finish out with what he'd like. And no, he can't speak French, but he sure can mimic the accent, thanks to his music. The cashier looks between the both of them, thoroughly unimpressed.]
Look. I've got sponsor money now, so just let me--
[but ai relents easier than rin anticipates. and it even pulls a little wide eyed gaze from him in exchange. it just melts into a thank you instead, and why do those words in that tone set him ablaze like that? why on earth is he wanting to bristle like some offended cat? what, did he just think it would be harder than that? he should be happy ai let it go so easily. why does he want to brawl so much with people? he doesn't get it.
...maybe that's why haru is able to just say a few words to him and it sets him ablaze. always that stupid lingering competition, thinly veiled by dry, smarmy words.
rin is temporarily awestruck in the way ai pulls it off flawlessly. and maybe ai catches him staring for a minute. because he quickly jerks himself out of it, and stares at the pastry case, desperately looking for something that isn't going to be too sweet but--]
A-Ah! Desolee. Tarte...fruits?
[rin points at a small berry tart in the case. he really wants some fruit and hopes that one won't be too bad. it looks like just raspberries on top of the custard so...
he equally hopes he didn't butcher that. fuck, he forgot the aux didn't he?? before he can apologize though the attendant begins gathering their things like they didn't just listen to rin botch it terribly, and rin shoves his card into the slot with a huff, not even looking at the total]
Quit one upping me. [rin snorts playfully] You make it look so easy.
[rin knows he has everyone else owned on english but that's about as far as it goes. he can maybe get some basics everywhere else they go but...]
[Whatever introspection or realizations Rin has is completely lost on Ai, especially as he is greeted to the first real instance of listening to Rin speak French since they've landed in Paris. It isn't that he thinks it's bad!!!! It isn't even that Rin stumbles over his words-- Ai couldn't actually pin what it is. Maybe the way Rin's voice has to hitch just a little to naturally accommodate the accent? The upward inflection of his question? The rare uncertainty Ai hears laced into the stumbled words?
His smile is too wide, teeth too visible, and he turns his head away from both Rin and the cashier in order to hide his mouth behind his knuckles. Even if he wasn't already five years deep into sentiments he'd rather cut away, the response is potent and obvious,
He sounded cute, trying to say it.
Ai still hesitates even when Rin addresses him, taunts him. Because his smile is still too wide and he doesn't want Rin thinking he's laughing at him, because he's not! And also doesn't want Rin to know Ai thinks it was charming, because that's true, which is worse. Ai turns around away from Rin in order to approach the front door, but not without first letting loose a sing-songy,] Merci beaucoup!
[His turn to hold the door open for Rin, and their present circumstance and his misplaced glee wiping his mind of memories from when he'd been a bit bolder and a bit more deluded,]
I said two words, senpai. [It's be impossible for Rin not to face him now, and so it's impossible to hide his smile anymore.] You sounded great.
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no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 05:49 pm (UTC)We're only doing this if you see me. Words Ai wishes he could take back. Some part of him, eve now, despite everything, believes it'd be so much easier if he let Rin have his cake and eat it too. There was no sense involving feelings like that. Childish at best; misguided at worst.
And a bygone, as Ai watches with that same trepidation as Rin readies himself next to the starting block beside Ai, too. Rin's cocky eagerness is nothing new, and in fact its familiarity and presence gets a smile out of Ai. But Rin suggesting IM has Ai's eyebrows flying to his hairline.
Rin's never swam IM. Ai didn't think Rin remembered Ai swam IM, once upon a time. Ai wouldn't have thought him to care enough to leverage it in practice, either. Even through the veneer of his goggles, it's hard to miss the owlish blink of his eyes, unsure why Rin would suggest such a thing... And yet, his body gives it answer where his brain is stuck on it: readying himself at the starting block, hunched over, heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.]
You've never swam the IM before, senpai. Are you sure?
[He isn't shit-talking, easy as it'd be to interpret it that way. It's a declaration of his sincere confusion. But it's as if at once his actual desire catches up to him, overrides that constant anxiety and second-guessing in his head that so often accompanies his relationship with Rin these days. He flexes his fingers where they curl around the starting block. If Rin's looking, he'd see a sheepish, shy smile kissing Ai's lips.]
Well... It's been a while for me, too. [Ah, there's that smugness. A bit put-on and forced, but. It's hard to deny: he's excited.] Maybe you can keep up, after all.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 07:16 pm (UTC)I can swim other strokes, y'know.
[it's a touch defensive when it really doesn't need to be. it's good to have specialties. obviously it's gotten him as far as it has for a reason. but upping his game requires things outside of what the public sees him swim. or maybe he just--
it's always more fun to have a challenge during practice. it's why joint practices back home, and these team practices always light a fire under people. friendly competition. playful jeers and jabs from your teammates. miyakawa tells them to cool their shit sometimes, but mikhail always fondly reminisces of "youth and rivalry" or some bullshit (rin usually tunes it out) and he'll take that route any day. so ai agreeing with that air of smugness gets rin's blood going. maybe it will make his headache worse, or maybe it will just melt it all away. who's to say]
Call it whenever you're good.
[he pulls his goggles down over his eyes, staring down at the water as he gets into position. it's funny how the order of it goes. honestly rin is happy he can start out with his strongest stroke. it can give him an edge. maybe. hopefully]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 07:54 pm (UTC)Plainly put, it's gotta be an ordeal to swim right about now.
Ai shouldn't get so complacent, though, and so he knows better than to underestimate Rin despite the circumstances. He flashes his eyes up to the natatorium clock,]
Next it rounds the minute hand on twelve.
[-- and as soon as both hands are vertical, Ai dives in. His butterfly pales in comparison to Rin's, even on his best of days; this was Rin's playground, after all. But Ai's determined to put up a good fight, and it's evident in his power that he has not slacked on his evergreen practice despite focusing on breast heavily for all of his qualifiers. Rin may make the turn first, but Ai's giving him reason to sweat.
Backstroke would be anyone's game; even if Ai comes out of the turn second, there is undeniable agility, and were he distracted enough to look a lane over, he wouldn't be surprised if he were gaining on Rin. At this juncture, it was anyone's race.
Faintly, he can hear the excited and confused murmurings of their teammates through the cacophony of the water cutting over his ears like rapids.
Since when did Matsuoka swim IM?
Hey, isn't that the newcomer too?
He told me he swam IM way back in high school.
They don't look half bad, do they? Matsuokaaa!
So loud...
... If you want to swim IM together too, just say so.
Haru--? ]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 03:05 am (UTC)and at the turn, he knows he's in trouble.
backstroke is his worst stroke. did he make it look easy when he was teaching rei? absofuckinglutely. but he pales in comparison to people like makoto...no, that title goes to sousuke now, the backstroke fucking king. he has a few heads on ai with his turn, but it's nowhere near good enough to keep up the lead for long. couple that with squinting up at the natatorium lights on the ceiling and he fucking fumbles it easily.
breaststroke is anyone's game really. but rin knows ai has a national spot on the team for that very stroke. so he's not going down without a fight. and rin feels that little pound ever swelling in his temple. he catches some of the banter and commentary as he pulls out to gasp with each stroke. but it goes in one ear, out the other at this point. his blood is pumping, only intensifying the pounding in his head. ai's kicking his ass, bluntly put. and rin grits his teeth as they make the final turn, and it's back in his territory.
he hears haru, or haru's name or something when he begins his other specialty. though he can't quite discern what is being said (or fussed about. either or), and he feels his goggles slipping a little as he sloppily cuts through the water with his hand. though him and ai are fairly close. why rin decided to challenge ai to his own game? well, that's a story for another day. but their palms slap the wall a milimeter apart, and rin tears off his cap and goggles, gasping as he presses his forehead against the pool wall for a minute.
barely a tenth of a second behind ai. he spits out a little water, and laughs, as he rubs his forehead with his arm]
Knew you had it in you. Next time I won't have a migraine though. You'll be going down then, thanks.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 04:06 am (UTC)He is gasping for air when he reemerges above the water, only able to discern he's made it there first by Rin's reaction and words. Pride wells in his eyes, though always conscious not to be a braggart, it simmers down quietly. It's not like it was an official race, anyway.
Ai peels off his cap and goggles, holding his hand over the lane line.]
It was a good race. I want you to come at me with all your strength next time.
[There are. Still eyes on them. Ai refuses to look out of the pool to tell who it is or why, and chooses to believe their peers who are not from Iwatobi are simply admiring Rin for having swam something he usually doesn't. He too heard the voices talking about them during the breast portion of their race, and had to focus pretty damn hard to put them out to his periphery.
... Ai begins reaffixing his cap and goggles onto his head.]
This is bad... I'm all fired up. [Bad because he's winded with little choice of where to expend this energy. Ai sinks to his chin,] I'll do a few cooldown laps. [And does that thing he does lately where he doesn't wait for a reply from Rin, and just. Goes. At least this time it isn't because he's trying to pull away; rather, Rin's stirred something disturbing in his chest, and rather than make it a problem, Ai's trying to swim it out to cool himself off.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 04:15 am (UTC)[it's a mix of a laugh and a huff as he reaches over to shake ai's hand over the lane line. his hand lingers for a moment, a hard squeeze before he pulls it back again. of course rin is a sore loser. of course the lingering loss is still tugging at him. but it's just practice, right? it's just ai, right?
rin pulls himself out of the pool after, giving himself a moment to breathe. it's a little unsettling, the national team (their team he tells himself!!) all staring like he just grew a second head. or maybe at ai since he was the one that just whooped rin's ass to next tuesday. rin just laughs, propping his chin in his hand as he lets his legs drift in the pool for a moment]
...that's more like you.
[he starts when ai is already off back into the pool, huffing against his palm. the all fired up that is. this new ai that keeps taking off without a word? that's not the ai he remembers. the one he remembers has always stuck around, never ditching a conversation halfway through. the bile drips down his throat, damn near choking him as he feels a small kick to his lower back. rin grits his teeth, seeing ikuya toss a towel at him. he gives him a small thanks, realizing haru bailed to god know's where...he doesn't see his head bobbing in the pool, so he's either under somewhere or gone. huh.
rin bites his lip as he musses up his hair with the towel. maybe he really is determined to unconsciously drive everybody away somehow. he realizes maybe he's making ai more uncomfortable just sitting here--staring--at him, and so he gestures to ikuya to help him with some of his stretches. hangover buddies in arms apparently, judging how amber squints against the bright light pooling around them.
hopefully when ai is done doing...whatever he's doing, rin and ikuya will have bitched and groaned in silence together enough and gotten all the knots and sore muscles knocked away from them]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 04:32 am (UTC)Under another circumstance, or a few years younger, would that be the case? Maybe not. Maybe he'd eagerly ball his fist and bark some excited something at Rin. Fan his flame despite him having lost. Have gotten out of the pool first so he could fetch both himself and Rin a set of towels. Ai isn't so sure how much of that is normal now. Another mark for hypocrisy, he thinks, that he can beg Rin to treat him the same and yet can't bring himself to meet the same challenge line.
... It doesn't help that he knows, at least for the first 100m, that Rin's eyes are on him too. But when Ai makes the turn after his 150m length and sees Rin's disappeared with Ikuya, he isn't sure if what he feels is relief or disappointment. He couldn't even hazard a guess what was going through Rin's mind.
After a cumulative 400m Ai finally pulls himself out of the pool, hesitating. Grabs his towel, scruffs his hair, lightly pats his body...
He can't help it, the way his eyes immediately scan for Rin. Sees Ikuya trying to press a kink out of his lower backside, which is certainly a sight. Neither looks particularly happy about it, from what Ai can see, though how much of that is them both being hungover is anyone's guess. Ai approaches, eye drifting from Ikuya to Rin.]
You're not brooding, are you?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 01:21 pm (UTC)[the huffed reply is immediate, less whipping around with a snarl as opposed to a thinly veiled annoyance. it's not from losing (albeit rin is a sore loser). though there's an eclectic little mix of what it could be stemming from in turn. ikuya snorts from behind him, and rin rolls his eyes, shoving behind him]
Fuck fuck, fuck. Okay, okay. You win. There was a knot. Piss off.
[ikuya laughs, and leaves them to it, while rin half slumps over the pool deck with a groan. rin rests his chin on his arms, stretching out his legs behind him, the little wince evident on his face as he pops something. but then rolls his leg appreciatively. he'll die before he goes down with another charlie horse thanks. he pulls himself back up, giving ai a once over]
You ever think about really long distance? Because you would kill it. What kind of animal can even pull that shit off? You look like you've barely broken a sweat.
[rin groans, pushing himself to his feet, popping his back. at least the migraine has slowly began to subside. a raised brow]
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh.
[individual medley, or team relays. ai takes it all in stride. it brings that little curl of bile back. the one that's been present since ai started acting weird. but rin isn't stupid enough either to think he can just compliment his way back into ai's good graces or whatever]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 04:20 pm (UTC)For a brief moment, as Ai lets his towel drape along his shoulders, it clicks.
Right. So it's still that thing. And it concerns him that even now, after such a good race, in the presence of someone else, Rin seems burdened by such a thing. Even after talking it out, best they could. Even after reaching an accord, the accidental pandora's box Ai has opened seems destined to loom over Rin indefinitely.
... Not wanting to have the brooding allegations turned his way, he just laughs, watching poor Ikuya be swat away like a flea.]
It's important to remain in good form, senpai. Kirishima-senpai was helping.
[And if Ai looks around the room he isn't so sure he even has someone who would offer the same to him, other than maybe Sousuke. Maybe Rin, but that'd get weird quick, right? Ai tells himself he'll limber up on his own later-- the thought process is aborted abruptly when Rin's suddenly talking about long distance. His blink is owlish.
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh. Ai simpers, looking back toward the water. He doesn't have words for the complicated swell in his chest.]
When I think of relays, actually, it's you I think about. [And Ai is sure the entirety of their team would say the same. Ai shrugs, one-shouldered,] I thought about it in the past, going beyond 400 meters. I guess my mind's shifted a bit since then.
[I met you. He doesn't say it out loud, but the kind smile he wears in Rin's direction again maybe says it quietly anyway.]
And anyway, I still have a long way to go.
[Rin's admonished him once already for comparing his times to Ikuya, despite Ai being realistic about the matter!, so he keeps his mouth, smartly, closed for once. But it does weigh on him, the idea of having come this far and not being able to realize it after all. Never mind the persistent ocean blue that seems to colour the water every time Ai jumps in; it's swimming with weights, and an effort to keep pressing forward. Unable to see the horizon line, unsure what direction it'd even be, but knowing you have no choice but to swim regardless...
Eager not to accidentally make things morose, Ai looks to Rin with raised eyebrows and a glint.]
Besides, this much is easy when you're not hungover.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 06:28 pm (UTC)[there's little weight behind it, accompanied merely by a playful eye roll. is rin actually insinuating that ai go forth and do his stretches with ikuya? no!! there's an offer that's fresh on his tongue. the one that wants to offer ai the same. but it's dead on arrival, and rin knows better. ai says nothing's changed? their talk earlier gave a breath of fresh air to this entire situation. but rin still...hesitates. the looming fear he could bring further discomfort still lingers.
but at least ai takes the compliment, although there seems to be a drawl of hesitance crossing his features. rin keeps an even gaze on him. ...ah. so that's it, then. it's not like rin wasn't aware. rin and ai's dream team. they're short a member, sure. but the memories of those bonds are still fresh]
Might have a long way to go, but...
[rin lets his gaze trail out over the water ai is staring at]
I think you've got a shot. As you are right now.
[rin says it with earnest. ikuya might be a popular spot for breast, sure. but ai has a tenacity that would earn him the same sort of spot. he snorts]
You might be beating me with a hangover, but.
[rin bristles. there's that glint in ai's voice and eyes. it's not quite the same as when he swims with haru. and maybe it's a little different kind of flame it stokes under him. but it's there. he likes racing with ai. he wants that handoff on the relay team once more]
Just things to think about. Don't snuff out your potential.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 07:13 pm (UTC)Kirishima-senpai and I aren't like that.
[Not that you had to be close with someone to help them stretch, but. It wasn't just closeness; Ikuya was his senior too
despite being younger by two months but ok, and with the sheer amount of mutual friends they shared, Ai felt overly cautious of crossing that physical barrier. Especially so when he's seen Ikuya let his guard down around some, but not around him. Ai knew a boundary when he saw one.And in contrast, when he thinks to so boldly helping Rin stretch in their dorm room, on his bed, it makes Ai reminisce about how much has changed. Some for the better, but. Fundamentally, he's aware he's turned inward over the years. He's aware he's all but buried within himself since that night. And, now, painfully aware he's actively trying to erase himself since last night.
... Swimming is funny, he thinks. Such a solitary sport, and yet has forced upon him bonds that have sent his head into a tailspin a million times. Ai lifts his towel to drape it over his head, expression flattening out with a pout.]
I'm not snuffing out anything!
[It worked the last time you said it Rin but it won't work twice. Ai rubs at his nose, cheeks dusting a soft pink.]
Sousuke-senpai's tongue is too loose.
[... Because he assumes Sousuke told him about as much back during second year. Who is to say? Sousuke had also pinned that sentence as something prone to come from Rin himself. Ai, at once, is pulling his towel off from him entirely, bypassing Rin to head toward the benches.]
I'm getting back in.
[Because he could sit here and ruminate on how much of a distance he feels he still needs to cross, can gnash his teeth over how he feels too inept to take up any kind of space near Rin where it matters, but ultimately none of these things will fix themselves. And maybe he can't cut out the part of him he wishes to excise and maybe he can't turn his eyes a darker shade of blue, but he can get his PB down and make sure their coaches notice, so. Better keep up, Rin!!!]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 08:24 pm (UTC)Kirishima might just be like that with anyone, with the way those lashes flutter.
[maybe ikuya catches that, maybe he doesn't. but at least rin can smirk with ai suddenly flustered, the color evident on his face. at least this bit feels familiar. maybe there is a chance he knows him and sousuke will probably pay for that at some point]
Why don't you tell him that yourself?
[nevermind that distance that has slowly been swelling as well. something rin has been trying to ignore in turn. it feels with his relationships budding with others, others slowly begin to quell. him and sousuke still have...a lot to address with one another unfortunately. but neither has been willing to touch the topic, and so they just don't and haven't. it has worked for them in the past unfortunately.
though rin tries not to smirk when he sees ai heading back towards the pool. he tries to take it as ai bettering himself, ai filled with a stubborn determination to outdo himself. he's already on a roll, beating rin right? might as well capitalize on that. he can't afford to sit here and slack around either though. i'm making that fucking relay roster one way or another. he's not letting his fuckup at all japan bite him in the butt now.
...but as he's walking near the pool, a hip catches him. very purposefully from one ikuya kirishima who did hear the lashes comment. and so rin very nearly stumbles in with a huff and a not at all hidden glare shot towards him. he flips ikuya off, and goes back to the starting block. though...he does glance around again, and doesn't see haru. it's a little unnerving. he just up and bailed when rin was swimming against ai. rin doesn't know if he's making mountains out of molehills though, and goes back to swimming his own laps.
staying in his own lane. but he won't be left behind, ai!
...though needless to say, rin runs himself absolutely ragged. maybe pushing himself a bit too hard through the hangover. but quite some time later, he's slung over the lane line, face half in the water as he keeps himself barely hauled up above the surface.
go on without him ai, he's done for]
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Date: 2025-12-27 09:40 pm (UTC)[And he's not touching on that with any more words because if he does he knows he's going to brush against sensitivities he'd rather not. He knows Rin is in a precarious situation with Sousuke, too. Ai also knows Sousuke and his relationship has developed to be a bit more complicated on account of... Everything. A level of jealousy between them. From Sousuke's end, for having had a bite. From Ai's end, for having the strength to remain unchanged.
... It's a selfish thought that flits through his brain. That what he and Sousuke once had can never come again to pass. That catharsis, that outlet, gone. It'd simply be unfair, what with all that has happened in his apartment. It's a faint thought in the back of his head, quiet and mumbled. From the start, you should have kept your legs closed.
Ai isn't exactly heedless to who does or doesn't swim in the same lane or beside his lane, but he had noticed it, too. Haruka nowhere to be found, which was odd, given the man's proclivity for all things water. Ai crushes something to the tune of another 600m - at a leisurely pace, the last 200m functioning as a cool down - before finally resurfacing, plenty of their other teammates already back in the changing rooms. Time goes so fast when you're able to actually shut your brain off.
He spares a moment to lay himself over the lane line, a few feet downwind from Rin. Exhausted. Still not good enough. He'll talk to their coach about changing up some drills to help with shoulder and hip alignment...
... He hauls himself out of the water. He's too spent to push himself for further training right now; maybe later. Maybe he'd bail on a night out a second time.]
I'll wash up and meet you outside, senpai. [Because he figures they'll walk back together, maybe find a bite... But Ai hesitates. Peering down into the pool as he waits for Rin to haul himself out too. Because a thought eats away at him--]
I haven't seen Nanase-san, he might've gone on already. [Equal parts you should text him and If that means staying behind, I get it. But Ai is, again, eager not to keep things too heavy, implications never lost on him,] We should pick up something for him too on the way back...
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Date: 2025-12-30 09:58 pm (UTC)times flies when your brain stops yapping at you.
he hoists himself up, knee catching on the side of the pool for an instant. before he clambers fully up the side into a standing position. he nods, giving ai his space, knowing that sort of dismissal when it's evident. though...ai parrots exactly what rin was thinking, and he can't help the way he stiffens. like he's pegged where rin's mind was before rin could even vocalize it. shit, he hates how predictable he is, always has been. even back in their dormitory days. always haru this, haru that and now--]
Yeah, yeah. Mackerel and water and that guy's happy as a clam.
[he scoffs, it coming out with a bit more bite than he intends. because really, haru seemingly vanished when him and ai raced. rin internally rolls his eyes. was the guy pouting? no, that's stupid. rin doesn't want to talk about it, because he knows that's going to open either a whole discussion or shutdown on one of their parts. and rin doesn't want to think about last night, their drunken bodies swaying--]
Go shower. Shit, this chlorine smell is gonna make me puke.
[he grabs ai's towel off the bench first, tossing it at him before he grabs his own. but of course his own head betrays him, and he casts a glance back at the pool. before he scoffs and heads towards the locker rooms]
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Date: 2025-12-30 10:12 pm (UTC)... Though circumstance doesn't help. Ai was still trying to configure it in his head, especially so now that he and Rin-- talked. It was somehow easier when he thought he had to try harder, because that just meant rolling over and ignoring what was going on behind his back in plain sight. Minimizing was easy. Taking up space when the room feels like it is filled with smoke is much more difficult; even if Ai knew how to take a step forward, that didn't make it any easier to find breathing room.
But he knows at least a few things for certain. One, it was odd that Haru up and left; Ai is pretty sure he'd been there when their IM started. Two, it'd be odd if Rin didn't have a reaction to that. Three, it's an inevitability they will all meet back in the room at some point. So.
He does the impossible and keeps his smart mouth shut when Rin plays it off like it isn't a big deal. A silent breath in, diaphragm pressed; a cool breath out, shoulders relaxed. He blinks when his towel is suddenly tossed his way, not used to Rin beating him to the punch,]
Thank you,
[Quickly scruffing his hair with it and disappearing into the shower rooms.
He tries to make it a quick affair, not wanting to keep Rin waiting overlong. Washed, rinsed, declothed, dried, reclothed; Ai's bag is packed and slung over his shoulder with an unusual haste, and he parks at the front of the locker room waiting for Rin to do the same. Ai pulls out his phone; no texts, as expected. They were all in the same place after all. But he stares down at Haruka's number.]
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Date: 2025-12-30 10:34 pm (UTC)the hot water spilling across his scalp and shoulders. the way it blots out his brain for a time, and dulls that throb. the one that started long before the hangover ever did. rin sighs softly with content, pressing his forehead against the shower stall wall. there's echoes of laughter from his teammates, excited chatter and other things. but he dully tones it out for a while, just focusing on the pitter patter of water in the stall, rinsing the smell of chlorine off of himself. it's just the hangover, he tells himself. that's the only reason the smell is making him--
there's a rap at his stall, and he damn near jumps out of his skin. but it's just natsuya messing with him as he drapes over ikuya's shoulder and laughs as they depart. ikuya shoots him an apologetic look, one that just has rin scoffing, trying to smooth out his ruffled feathers.
he finds ai at the front of the locker room, after he takes a good ten minutes to get back into normal people clothes. he's tying his hair back as he comes out, huffing]
Sorry, hope I didn't keep you waiting.
[rin misses ai staring down at haru's number, wincing as he finishes looping the ponytail around his fingers, a few stray strands pooling down anyway despite his best efforts. he rolls his eyes, and forgoes trying to tame them, shifting his bag over his shoulder]
Want to go dump stuff off at the room first? Or are you hungry enough to eat a horse?
[look it's a saying he picked up in australia from some of the american guys ok]
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Date: 2025-12-30 10:57 pm (UTC)How strongly Rin responds to such a thing. Always a sucker for heated expressions and the like. He can't help but wonder, where does it leave him? So rarely do he and Rin grow competitive, meaningfully or otherwise. The words on his screen remain in a bold white, Nanase Haruka (Iwatobi). There are footfalls behind him.
Ai wonders when he will stop wondering what exactly his spot, his role, his boon to Rin's life is. All he knows is that it's changed, fundamentally, and he isn't so sure if he wants to unearth its name. Best friend, Rin had said, but how much can that be true?--
He nearly jolts when Rin's voice breaks through his wayward rumination, shutting off his phone screen and pocketing it quickly. And sure, Ai could eat a horse, but.
The answer is obvious, isn't it?]
We should head back first. [To see if Nanase-san is there. And to drop off their bags, but. Ai has a hunch he knows where Rin's priorities are right now, too... So he thinks.]
Ah, but we can pick up something on the way.
[It seems Ai isn't gonna let Rin redirect, as he's already exiting the locker room, expecting Rin to follow Ai's way down the hall to the front of the building. The sun was still high on the horizon, only the late afternoon; the weather temperate. An odd and poignant calm in the universe that completely contrasts to the near-constant confusion in his head. Once he's made it outside, he slows to match Rin's pace, walking beside him.
And it seems Ai rolls a thought around in his head a little bit, before delivering it with a lopsided, sheepish smile.]
It was fun, swimming the IM together. I almost wish I hadn't so I could have watched you do it instead.
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Date: 2025-12-30 11:10 pm (UTC)[at least ai doesn't address the elephant in the room. and rin is grateful for that. a logical conclusion, followed up by something that is a minor stall, something he's equally grateful for. not letting him ignore things (except he will absolutely continue ignoring thanks). and so rin hauls his bag a little better over himself, tagging along easily in turn.
...maybe that's ai's place in rin's life. that calm, cooling breeze settling over on a hot day. rin raises a brow at ai's words. but he can't help the smirk that tugs itself across his features]
You can just give up that victory, and pretend you watched instead. I'll take it.
[he laughs, bumping against ai as they walk, trying to embrace that normality they once shared. he knows logically, it's quite impossible. but every day he'll be damned if he doesn't at least put forth the effort]
Harder than it looks. Have to do a lot of different movement in a short amount of time. I think I almost started free instead of fly near the end. So of course you're good at it.
[the praise is well aimed, true in its meaning. ai is able to simper through pressure and everything else
when rin's not mucking up his life, of course. so of course something like that is right up his alley. even if it's not quite his go to anymore. rin still remembers once upon a time it was. and he capitalizes on reminding him everytime, telling him he could square up against ikuya if he really felt like it]no subject
Date: 2025-12-30 11:24 pm (UTC)[A forfeited victory. Ai thinks back to their first year when Rin had won his race against Haruka, but seemed put off by it. He wasn't in good form, Rin had said. It's like beating an elementary schooler.
A parallel dawns on him. One that is naked with a storm outside and a too-crowded futon. Rin hadn't been satisfied then either, right? Because it was too easy. Ai wonders, passively, when he will stop thinking about that night, as he quickly moves on from the thought and hopes Rin didn't pick up on the same, nearly clearing his throat in the process,]
Huh?
[He doesn't get Rin's implication at first, but then it settles. And because Ai is singularly unable to take a compliment, he smiles in that deflective way of his,]
But it's fun, isn't it? To push your body in that kind of way. I'm definitely rusty, though. If I wanted to think about it seriously, I'd have to talk it over with the coaches.
[Which is to say he won't. I want to specialize in two strokes, just like you. Even at that time, he'd been so-- honest. Ai sneaks a glance at Rin from the corner of his eye before looking forward again as they walk, ignoring how even now, even now, such a small thing can make his heart hiccup,]
Well... I know I have to focus on breast. It's critical I keep my times low before competitions start.
[So I can join you on that stage. Of course Ai wants it for himself too, but. Who was responsible for getting him here? Somehow, saying that out loud seems like too much, so he keeps it to himself.]
Ah, [he gestures to a tiny bakery as they walk past,] How about here? I still want to try an authentic Paris baguette.
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Date: 2025-12-30 11:48 pm (UTC)Whatever, ugh.
[rin tries not to think about that night. easier said than done. it's not because the act itself was bad. it's because his behavior surrounding the whole affair was...disgusting, to put it lightly. he tries not to think about how he tried goading ai into hurting him, like that would somehow make it better. he tried not to think about the fallout that still lingers in the back of his mind in the form of a creepy voicemail that he wasn't alone in. tried not to think about sousuke's glistening gaze and how he made ai cry and yell and--]
Call that shit fun?
[that's easier to focus on, and rin snorts, shifting his hold on his bag. though he's dimly aware of ai shifting away from the compliment stratosphere. and his lip twitches and he bumps ai's shoulder again, this time a little harder]
Take the compliment, geez. Your breast times got you here, right? It's not like you're forgetting them or anything. Just...putting them to a different use. You should talk it over with them. What's the worst they say? Doubt they'd even say no...
[rin's...encouragement talks need some work if he ever wants to be a coach of some kind. but the silent implication rings true between them. despite it all, rin isn't dropping that dream. to stand on the international stage with his friends. and he knows ai isn't keen of dropping that dream either. the one that's swam beside them all these years, even through all the monumental fuckups and lack of communication--]
Of all things...
[rin laughs, pulling the door open for ai. stiffening with the realization, but he tries to swallow it down. it's just something he's going to have to hurdle over time and time again until he forgets it (he won't)]
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Date: 2025-12-30 11:58 pm (UTC)Rin gets a look. And eyes where Rin's just bumped his shoulder, before Ai melts into a deadpan.]
I want to focus on breast. I have a goal, and IM or 400m free right now would distract from it. You know what it feels like to spread too thin, don't you?
[And Ai doesn't have a single fucking clue about last year's kerfuffle behind closed doors, other than a few ominous texts from his uncle, so good luck with that one Rin.
You know what isn't laden in double entendre, or trauma, or bad memories, or regret? Baguettes. Ai steps in ahead of Rin with a polite little bow of his head for the gesture, not thinking of it too much unlike Rin, and all but trots to one of the display counters. His eyes scan over all of the overly sweet pastries - even too sweet for him - and to more of the savoury baked goods. Ai taps at his chin; he thinks he knows what he wants, but.
He's too considerate for his own good, and constantly trying to model for Rin a normalcy Ai himself doesn't even feel, so he looks over to Rin with an inquisitive expression that belies the pull in his gut,]
What do you think Nanase-san would like? I think we should bring something back for him, just in case.
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Date: 2025-12-31 12:21 am (UTC)...got it.
[at least ai still has the superpower in putting rin in his place when it matters. though the embarrassment flushing his cheeks seems more akin to shame than anything beyond that. like a kid with his hand in the fucking cookie jar.
he drops it.
the bakery smells nice. it's quite literally a breath of fresh air from whatever conversation they were just traversing towards. and rin isn't a fan of sweets, but the smell of the place is nice. it's warm inside, and quiet enough that he doesn't feel trapped or anything. quite the opposite. he's content to trail behind ai, looking at the various things. most of which he doesn't have a clue what they are but.
still, rin stiffens a little. right. that unspoken thing earlier. he figures ai won't let him let it go. he didn't their first year. he won't their tenth or twentieth if they make it that far either. rin huffs, kneeling down to look at a few things, squinting at the display cases]
Find something shaped like...
[his eye catches it before he even finishes his sentence. there's a little pastry that looks like a. shark? fish? something. an elegant little puff pastry garnished with some chives. he tries to read off the sign, pointing at it and well. it's obvious his french needs some work but]
Salmon en croute. Yeah, he'd probably like that.
[rin continues to look over everything, casting a sidelong glance at ai as he fishes in his bag for his wallet]
Pick whatever, I'll get it.
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Date: 2025-12-31 12:34 am (UTC)Minutes. It took minutes for him to do what Ai spends months, years trying to accomplish. And so he has no choice. If Rin is content to be stubborn in admitting whether or not things are complicated, he will find Ai's tenacity a rough beast to quell. Because in Ai's mind, he has spent too much time taking Rin's smile away, when he can see an easy means of making sure it doesn't happen again. It has played in his mind over and over since that night, but especially since talking with Sousuke. How much different things would be if he'd had the strength to send Haruka a text sooner. Ai wasn't an idiot, had known from the start why Rin was there, so why? Why hesitate?
... For the same reasons you laid with him.
He has no words and no outward reason for why his shoulders stiffen.]
Ah, you don't,
[Except Ai recalls suddenly that Rin insisted very strongly on covering their next meal, so. He guesses this is it.]
... Thank you, Rin-senpai,
[Ai relents, approaching the register and its attendant with an overly confident and smooth] Bonjour, [followed by their order so far: salmon en croute for their missing party, a demi baguette and jam for Ai.
He looks to Rin with a gesture for him to finish out with what he'd like. And no, he can't speak French, but he sure can mimic the accent, thanks to his music. The cashier looks between the both of them, thoroughly unimpressed.]
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Date: 2025-12-31 12:59 am (UTC)[but ai relents easier than rin anticipates. and it even pulls a little wide eyed gaze from him in exchange. it just melts into a thank you instead, and why do those words in that tone set him ablaze like that? why on earth is he wanting to bristle like some offended cat? what, did he just think it would be harder than that? he should be happy ai let it go so easily. why does he want to brawl so much with people? he doesn't get it.
...maybe that's why haru is able to just say a few words to him and it sets him ablaze. always that stupid lingering competition, thinly veiled by dry, smarmy words.
rin is temporarily awestruck in the way ai pulls it off flawlessly. and maybe ai catches him staring for a minute. because he quickly jerks himself out of it, and stares at the pastry case, desperately looking for something that isn't going to be too sweet but--]
A-Ah! Desolee. Tarte...fruits?
[rin points at a small berry tart in the case. he really wants some fruit and hopes that one won't be too bad. it looks like just raspberries on top of the custard so...
he equally hopes he didn't butcher that. fuck, he forgot the aux didn't he?? before he can apologize though the attendant begins gathering their things like they didn't just listen to rin botch it terribly, and rin shoves his card into the slot with a huff, not even looking at the total]
Quit one upping me. [rin snorts playfully] You make it look so easy.
[rin knows he has everyone else owned on english but that's about as far as it goes. he can maybe get some basics everywhere else they go but...]
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Date: 2025-12-31 01:10 am (UTC)His smile is too wide, teeth too visible, and he turns his head away from both Rin and the cashier in order to hide his mouth behind his knuckles. Even if he wasn't already five years deep into sentiments he'd rather cut away, the response is potent and obvious,
He sounded cute, trying to say it.
Ai still hesitates even when Rin addresses him, taunts him. Because his smile is still too wide and he doesn't want Rin thinking he's laughing at him, because he's not! And also doesn't want Rin to know Ai thinks it was charming, because that's true, which is worse. Ai turns around away from Rin in order to approach the front door, but not without first letting loose a sing-songy,] Merci beaucoup!
[His turn to hold the door open for Rin, and their present circumstance and his misplaced glee wiping his mind of memories from when he'd been a bit bolder and a bit more deluded,]
I said two words, senpai. [It's be impossible for Rin not to face him now, and so it's impossible to hide his smile anymore.] You sounded great.
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