for @buttterfly - post-tfln

[taeru]

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[taeru]

"Jeez, Rin-senpai! It's no good if you make Sousuke-senpai veer out of traffic!" Rin would never, Ai knows he would never, but it's part of their antics. It very much feels like stepping back into routine, putting Ai in a headspace he hasn't been in in well over a year. He and Sousuke retained that familiarity, but it seemed to have been waylaid when Rin moved in - likely on account of what all else he had going on.

He really, truly cannot be mad at Haruka. Finds it in himself to scrape up gratitude from the depths of the wells of his heart; he's owed it for the way Rin seems so carefree now.

"There's worse fates besides swimming next to your idol, Rin-senpai. For example, you could fail fantastically in front of him!" Ai is speaking from personal experience.

"Don't scare him," comes Sousuke's dry quip.

A pause then, Ai looking between both of his seniors, before locking sky blue eyes on the moving scenery outside.

"Maybe next year I'll try for the 100m free. Or the relay. It's been a while, but I miss swimming with you both."

[buttterfly]

"If we become road pancakes, it's his fault!" Rin spits out very much like an offended cat. He leans his head against the window and crosses his arms in a similarly pouty fashion.

The prospect of falling into the pool right in front of Michael fucking Phelps is absolutely terrifying. One that sends a shiver down his spine. Sousuke chides Ai, but the damage is done and he's just turned into a bristling, pouting, terrified cat now. At least Ai tries to smooth out the situation, focalizing on something else that makes all their gazes slip out the window a little bit.

Rin's fingers squeeze around his wrist. He can see out of the corner of his eye Sousuke's fingers take on a similar action around the steering wheel. That last year of high school, the relay they all swam together. It was one of the most exhilarating things he had ever experienced. A team of his own. Sure, swimming the relay with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa had been life changing... but it felt good to have something that was his own for once. Even if they lost. Even if at the time, it signaled the end of Sousuke's swimming career.

The prospect brings a hot, angry stinging to his eyes, and he's quick to rub his eyes with the back of his fist, but not before a little choke sob something swims out of him.

"We'll do it again. All of us."

Rin's aware of Sousuke's eyes on him, off the road. But before Rin can snap at him to not fucking rear end the miata in front of them, Sousuke's smile turns so solemn it's almost a wonder he doesn't cry himself.

"Always the romantic, dude."

[taeru]

Ai wouldn't have thought his words to have such an impact, but he hears that sob and is immediately jolting in the back seat. Trying not to be too nosy, but he is poking his head over the center console to get a good look at Rin, which earns from Sousuke a mildly exasperated look.

"If-- If you wanted to swim together, senpai, you only had to ask," Ai says rather simply, words started in an uncharacteristic stutter on account of the hot tears he sees pricking the corners of Rin's eyes.

"He'd be spoiled if he got his way every time he cried."

Ai sits back, looking to Sousuke with furrowed brows.

"But you're thinking the same thing, aren't you?"

Teal eyes rove over Ai through the rear-view mirror, something between warning and something a touch more vulnerable, before his eyes focus back on the road, not honouring that with a reply.

[buttterfly]

"You guys suck." Rin barks, totally missing the subliminal message playing out in front of him.

A dream team. All his friends. Sousuke, Haru, Ai, him. Winning for Japan at an international level. Now that's something Rin can weep over without shame. His dad would be so proud, even getting this far. Well, at least Rin hopes he would be. Besides his son making a bunch of other boys mutually bond over their fondness of the way he bends over or whatever they see in him.

Rin pushes the thought aside with another sniff, deeming the tears dried up enough to pull his arm away from his head. There's a fresh wave of determination coursing through him. He misses whatever just transpired between Sousuke and Ai, despite how intuitive he normally is. But he knows they feel the same.

A goal they can all work towards. Sousuke points at the dome of the natatorium looming in the distance. "There she is." Rin's heart slams against his chest, and he elbows Sousuke and would elbow Ai too if he were any closer. They've been there before, it's nothing special. But the symbolization it holds is on a whole other level. Rin smirks, and tosses a look back towards Ai.

"Let's make it through this, and promise to come back next year yeah?"

[taeru]

Ai and Sousuke both issue small, toothy, silent titters at Rin's reprimand - it held so little weight yet said so much.

The prospect does fill his heart with determination, too. And fear. Would this finally be the time he's able to take a global stage with the people he cares about most? The person who started it all? And what if he fails - would he be able to weather the devastation, the frustration? Ai was never a quitter, always saw everything through to the very bitter end, and oftentimes had nerves of steel, but seeing the natatorium's tall, glassy dome come into view puts his heart into overdrive.

Ai grips his chest, knuckles twisting in the fabric. It's just then Rin suddenly decides to look at him from over the center console, and feeling caught, Ai suddenly flushes a little. He wouldn't have expected Rin to make that type of declaration to him, especially not with Sousuke in the car.

"Y... Yes!"

[buttterfly]

Rin laughs, and says fuck it, rolling down his window to stare out in the chill morning air at the building growing closer to their sight line. While Rin is busy hanging out the window like an excited dog, Sousuke gives Ai another look from the rearview mirror. Something mournfully optimistic, though there's that glint of knowledge in teal eyes.

Something him and Ai can relate to all too well.

Rin's heart is slamming against his ribs, carefree optimism welling in him, threatening to leak out from every pore. It's not the olympic stage, not quite yet. But there's a chance it will be soon. Athens could be on the horizon for all of them. It's the first thing he's stuck to, committed towards. Swimming. Even if there was a lapse over his teenage years, due to hitting a wall and his own inner turmoils and frustrations.

He knows he's not the only one, and shouldn't act like he's special for having gotten over it either. All of them have had their own struggles.

Sousuke pulls the car into the garage, and Rin has to restrain himself a bit, lest he act like Momo catapulting himself out of the vehicle. It's already packed, but thankfully there was a spot set up for athletes and their coaches. Rin realizes with a grimace he saw Azuma's car which means Mikhail is already crawling around here somewhere. Rin is going to give him an earful.

He unbuckles the belt, already scanning for the closest athlete's entrance, spotting it near an elevator, unobscured. He tosses his bag over his shoulder, zipping his jacket up. He doesn't even bother waiting, tossing a quick come on grannies over his shoulder to Ai and Sousuke.

[taeru]

Sousuke's knowing look is, as ever, equal parts reassuring and crushing. Especially so under present circumstance; Ai makes it a note to definitely flag down Sousuke after the All-Japan was behind them. Ai owed it to him to have an honest dialogue about all that's gone down, respect for Rin's privacy permitting. If not to commiserate, then maybe to seek guidance.

Who knows? After this competition, it was possible things could change. For the better, or for the worse. On the starting block and off. Ai shifts his gaze from Sousuke to Rin, watching him freely hang out of the window, and something in his chest tightens.

Ai could nearly laugh at the way Rin tugs at his metaphoric leash, all but jumping out of the car; in stark contrast, Ai is cool and patient, gathering his bag from the seat next to him and slinging it over his shoulder once he's stepped out of the car, closing the door. Looks over the roof to Sousuke who has done the same, "Thanks again for the ride. You really got us out of a pickle."

"Any time." Ai doesn't miss the way Sousuke's eyes are glued to Rin's back, only moving once Rin goads them.

Speaking of pickles - Ai is furthest back in their walk line on account of having taken his phone out, seeing exactly two messages from a certain Russian relative.

[6:20am]>> Did you guys make it alright? :9
[6:21am]>> img414566.jpg

Ai exhales wearily, jogging some to catch up to Sousuke and Rin.

"Senpai," the redheaded one, "Uncle Mikhail looks like he's already outside the warm-up area."

[buttterfly]

"God what a fucking--" He cuts himself off from dolloping out a slew of colorful insults, even if he knows Ai doesn't necessarily disagree with anything he's about to say. He just groans, rolling his shoulders and stuffs his hands into his pockets.

"Okay, got it." He bites out instead, traversing through the crowds of excited swimmers, tossing a glance over his shoulder every now and again to make sure Ai and Sousuke are still in close proximity.

It's through this distance Rin views a different sort of perspective. Ai and Sousuke tucked together a distance behind him, Rin clamoring miles ahead towards the water. He bites his lip, forcing himself to slow down. Savor the small things, appreciate the time with his friends. God knows the last time him and Sousuke had any quality time together and his time with Ai has been... challenging in ways, to say the least.

"Sorry." He laughs, awkwardly running his hand through his hair. He thinks he sees Mikhail in the distance. Not far away is Azuma, which means--

[taeru]

Ai just smiles, in that polite and understanding and yet slightly exasperated way of his. He knew better than to try and understand his uncle; it was always better just to accept his antics as they came. Besides, he was a capable man, and a genius swimmer besides. It was likely he had his own reasons for coming early, for completely ghosting his prime pupil, for ignoring his own nephew......

Ai's mindful not to lose sight of Rin, but knows better than to prematurely expend his energy; he'll need to save his nerves for the warm-up pool, as it always gave him a bit of an energy boost. It was comforting walking beside Sousuke besides, who has always been something of a confidence anchor for him, always modeling what an unrivaled sense of belonging - at competition, among people - should look like.

He meets Rin's apology with a gentle simper, and then follows Rin's line of sight. Sees blond, which initially has Ai about to bound through the crowd to go see his uncle, but then sees the same thing Rin does, and.

Ai slows down. He feels Sousuke's eyes on him but doesn't look up to meet them.

The confidence in his voice surprises even Ai himself, "If there was a time to go seek him out, it'd be now."

[buttterfly]

All of a sudden, the only thing Rin can hear is the shake completely dissolved from Ai's voice. It's not laced with disappointment or jealousy or anything else like previously when Haru came up. Something Rin has been trying so adamantly to avoid.

He stares back at Ai for a moment. Even Sousuke is staring at Ai like he grew a second head. Rin's mouth is agape for a moment. Because he doesn't know what to say. He felt like he had to hide Haru from Ai last night, like some dirty secret. Sure it didn't come up, but... his stupid little stomach flips a bit and he can only offer a genuine smile as he begins to walk backwards to where the coaches are lingering near Haru. Rin almost bumps into probably twenty people, but it's fine.

"Don't whimp out on me guys. We've got to drink in Athens together." There's no way Rin will miss either of their heats, and he knows the same will be for them. He's just grilling his coach for a few minutes, telling Haru he better be fucking ready. Rin navigates through the throng of people, almost slamming into Haru when he finally breaks free. Mikhail laughs, and claps Rin on the back. "You finally made it!" And Rin just barks back.

"Yeah! No thanks to you!" Mikhail just waves Rin off with a little scoff, while shoulders Haru with a stupid, toothy grin. Haru just returns with a small uptick of his lips. Rin looks back towards his team-mates, waving through the crowd before he looks back at Haru with a raised brow.

"Looks like we'll be in the same heat for the 100m. What do you think about setting another record together?" Haru just looks over at Ai and Sousuke, before mumbling back at Rin. "Yeah, if you can keep up..." Rin scoffs and tries kicking Haru in the shin.

"Don't. Be. A. Smartass. You cocky piece of shit, ugh!!"

Haru just turns and starts heading towards the locker rooms. Rin lingers, torn between following after Haru like a stupid lost puppy. But he settles on waiting for his dream team first.

[taeru]

Ai's resolve is nothing new. If Rin's purview wasn't presently so rose-tinted, Ai would like to think he'd consider this rote, even overplayed. How many times over the years has Ai encouraged Rin to reach out to the person who clearly means the world to him? How many times has Ai badgered Rin about Nanase-san? Did you go to see him? Did you see his heat? I heard from Tachibana-san that Nanase-san has--

Some things don't change. Feelings, people. If he was more selfish, he'd tell Rin to stop underestimating him - thankfully for them both, after looking at Ai with his jaw unhinged, Rin bounds off, and Ai makes sure Rin isn't looking when he exhales the breath he didn't know he'd been holding onto.

Except he'd forgot he still had company.

"The fuck was that about?" he hears booming from his left, and Ai looks up at Sousuke with a vulnerability he'd have rather saved for closed doors under better circumstances.

"Doing the exact thing for him that you did for me," he mutters, words aborted by feeling Sousuke's elbow jut into his side. Watches Sousuke gesture with his chin, and Ai follows his line of site to see Haruka and Rin both staring at them.

Ai decides he doesn't have time to contend with the way his stomach is suddenly in knots and self-consciously hikes his swimmer's jacket higher over his neck.

He bounds off toward Rin the moment he sees obsidian hair disappear, Sousuke following closely behind, eyes rapt upon Ai with an unreadable expression. Quantifying what mental gymnastics Ai is jumping through, maybe. That, or keen not to get lost.

Ai is the first to happen upon Rin again, coping with the feeling of being scrutinized in stereo by telling himself it's about to get a thousand times worse in approximately three hours. "Did he check-in yet--"

"Ai-kun!" There is currently a strong, European hand in his hair, and the expression Ai wears is the complete opposite of what he might've donned had it been Rin, "You made it!"

"Aghh--! No thanks to you, Mikhail-oyaji--!"
"That's weird, where have I heard that recently--"
"If we had hit traffic, Rin-senpai might've been late for his first heat--!"
"Then, no sense being o-chintara!" He clasps Ai's shoulder hard enough for his jacket to exhale air from the neck hole. "Put your stuff away, don't let Uncle Mikhail bother you~"

[buttterfly]

"You two better hold hands if you don't want someone getting lost." Rin teases mercilessly, raising a brow as they finally reach him--

Only to be interrupted by the world's worst coach ever. Except Rin can't help but lose it. Ai's expression is priceless, and Rin is riding the high of being surrounded by friends and this monumental occassion. Even Haru looks like he's twisting back some semblance of a laugh, and Sousuke snorts out his nose. He's not sorry Ai is being subject to their laughter right now. It's just Ai's luck that his uncle is. Well, however the hell he is. Rin decides what the hell, and joins in, berating his coach.

"What the hell were you even doing?? Had no fucking problem showing up with someone else and their coach, but god forbid you show up for your own--" Mikhail makes an offended noise at Rin's colorful language, pinching his nose and trying to ignore the redhead.

Rin scoffs and decides to shove off towards the locker room after the tongue lashing, shoving his bag into a locker near a small office. He always likes taking the ones furthest away. Force of habit. When you have people constantly commenting on your girly hair, bad english and other things, you learn to shift as far away as possible to avoid it altogether.

Naturally, Haru takes up residency a few lockers from his. The locker room is abuzz. Rin sees Ikuya doing some stretches after closing his own locker, and he shoots him a quick yo and hand gesture. Ikuya stares at him and rolls his eyes, going back to his stretches. Rin scoffs and slams his locker shut.

"You dark broody types piss me off." He looks at Haru and Sousuke specifically before shooting another look at Ikuya. "Tell me I'm right Ai. They're all fucking terrible."

[taeru]

Ai's glad the heat is taken off him and given to Rin, who seems to be unequipped to deal with a capslock Uncle Mikhail. He'd step in and help, except it serves Rin right for blatantly laughing at him a second ago! Ai escapes the encounter with flushed cheeks and palms wildly mussing up the front of his fringe, as if that'll force the embarrassment away.

Both Sousuke and Ai trail close behind Rin into the maw of the locker room, but the three split up. Rin on the furthest wall. It isn't Ai's intention, but his locker winds up being one down from Haruka's; he politely squeaks out an excuse me as he opens it to deposit his things and change into his jammers, belabouring taking off his jacket for as long as he humanly could. In the U-shaped lane, Sousuke's locker is closer to the mouth of the aisle, away from Rin, Ai, and Haruka.

Ai's about to shuck his jacket when Rin tries to wrangle him into a beck-and-call, but sky blue eyes rove over Sousuke, and then Haruka, and flick to Ikuya momentarily before leveling on Rin with an expression so polite and kind it is anything but.

"I think you just don't know how to handle them well, Rin-senpai."

Behind them, Sousuke laughs.

[buttterfly]

This isn't what he signed up for. Roommates are supposed to have each others backs, and Rin is momentarily taken aback. Completely dumbstruck is more accurate, but...

"Ai!!" Rin hisses, unzipping his jacket, shuffling around his bag for his goggles and his swim cap. He can feel his face burning. "What the fuck?" Rin knows it's payback for letting him be mocked and ruffled up by his uncle, but. Family does that! Wouldn't he do that anyways?? Ugh. He shoots a look at Ikuya who laughs into the back of his hand, and Rin just groans slamming his locker shut.

Rin is pulling his cap on, tucking his hair underneath it. But he misses Haru looking over Rin and back at Ai with an. Expression. More specifically ocean blue eyes are roaming over their necks, the patterns in alarmingly similar states of decay. Ai's are fainter, since Rin went out and got hussied up with drunken buddies more afterwards, but.

Rin pulls his goggles up with a snap, and Ikuya rolls his eyes at him. "Do you always have to do that?"

"Shut up Kirishima, you're just jealous." Ikuya scoffs something that sounds like a 'ok whatever bud' when finally Sousuke wanders back over towards Rin. It feels good. This all feels good. Sousuke isn't swimming free this time, just backstroke. It will be Haru, Ikuya and Rin, and the heat is at 7:45 sharp. Rin looks at the clock on the wall, 7:18. Plenty of time to stretch, check-in...

Rin notices Haru starting to do his stretches near Ikuya, and almost falls on the floor to join them. So not to be bested.

Sousuke stands near Ai, crossing his arms and rolling his shoulder. Not near the extent he has prior. Surgery and medical intervention is an amazing thing. Probably something Sousuke should have pursued earlier, but.

"Need help with your trunk rotation? Or are dark, broody types not your ideal set of hands?" He smirks.

[taeru]

"You could use a little patience." It's his last quip, said with an even-keel expression to Rin as he hangs his jacket up in his locker, peels off his shirt, and retrieves his goggles and swim cap, the latter presently tucked into the hem of his jammers and the former loose around his neck.

He feels Haruka's eyes on him. Does not have the strength, the fortitude, or the desire to currently see what those exacting blue eyes have to say about it. Ai tries to think of something to say, something polite, maybe disarming, maybe completely affable and forgettable, but by the time something coherent comes to his brain, Rin is snapping his goggles and the moment's gone, Haruka and Ikuya gone with it.

Ai sighs, "It's for good luck, Kirishima-senpai." Had this been Samezuka, Ai would have done the same, absolutely inspired by Rin. Now? Surrounded by (he counts mentally) three of his seniors and one legendary swimmer who had a moment ago been booring holes into him? Ai thinks fucking your one-sided crush in public would be less humiliating.

Sousuke's looming presence serves to jolt Ai out of his head as he watches Rin join the folks he'll be competing with shortly; he looks up at him, something of a knowing glint in his eye. Very specific to just the two of them, and if not for the several important people in ear shot, Ai might've laughed a little.

"I couldn't think of a better set of hands to help me out," Ai replies, touching Sousuke's wrist to encourage him out into the warm-up area and to find a spot before it's overtaken by other eagers. "I can help you after, Sousuke-senpai."

[buttterfly]

Rin stays behind with Ikuya and Haru. The banter between the three of them is equally fulfilling and refreshing, as the car ride over had been. Different people, different teams, different relationships. But all of them serve their purpose in Rin's life. He wishes now he hadn't locked himself away for so long, turned into a fucking recluse after him and Haru ended--well, whatever they had. But it's not so bad now.

But would him and Ai have grown so close without that distance? Maybe.. but then, he thinks with a sinking feeling that maybe things wouldn't have been so damn awkward and aggressive that night. Rin tries to swallow down the thought, focusing on chiding Ikuya instead for what looks like a sloppy flexor. Haru rolls his eyes at them, while they finish up before their heat.

All the while Sousuke follows Ai out to the warm-up area, taking in the competition around them. The best from around the country, all there in support of one another, vying for the top spot on the olympic team. Rin was right. Athens is so close.

They find a spot near one of the pillars, and Sousuke kneels down, stretching out a quick t-spine before he focuses back on Ai. "Are you doing okay?" It's an obvious question now that they're out of earshot of a certain loudmouth.

[taeru]

The air in the warm-up room is electric, everyone's collective nervous, excited energy culminating into a near-tangible shock. It's a feeling Ai - and he's sure many of he and Rin's friends - lives for. Competition is no good if you're alone, after all.

He casts one final glance in Rin's direction before checking the large clock on the wall; they weren't exactly pressed for time, but if he and Sousuke wanted to observe Rin's heat, they couldn't dally either. In front of Sousuke, Ai lowers down onto the floor, feet square and level and arms flat at his sides.

Ai lifts his torso up just long enough to look at Sousuke with an uncertain expression before lowering back down onto the workout mats.

"I'll be alright." And really, now is not the time for it, but Sousuke's opened the floor, so while his knees dip from one side of his body to the other--

"Are you? After last week..."

[buttterfly]

Ikuya says it first. And Rin nearly faceplants against the floor as he reaches out for the point of his foot in a curling arch. Ikuya just looks at him, at Haru and then back at Rin.

"Someone's been having fun."

Rin's face fucking lights up, and he hides his face between his legs in a way that doesn't at all look comfortable. Haru doesn't react, except maybe a noticeable twitch of his lip. Ikuya and Rin don't notice, but Ikuya does toss a little smirk towards Haru who promptly looks away. Rin wants to crawl under a rock and die.

Because there is that real little ramification popping up in the back of his head. What if people did know? Everyone always just assumed with Haru... but with Ai? Would people say Rin was taking advantage? He fucking was. Of that whole situation, but.

--

Sousuke shrugs, focusing on his own stretches instead. Leg crossover first... he pauses. Is there really a right answer to that?

He awkwardly pulls his arms up, stretching behind his head to pop his neck to the side and keep a pressure on his shoulders. Letting the muscles breathe in a way. Damn, Makoto really was a genius at all of this. He was able to help figure out all the right strokes, stretches, everything, to start getting back into form.

But Ai's question sinks in him. He sighs.

"Mmm. Yeah. I wasn't the one who ran out." It was true. But he would have left if he had known Rin would run away and vanish for days on end. He gives Ai a look in return, one that says it all.

"Can I trust that Rin really told me what happened?"

[taeru]

It would be a difficult enough conversation to have under normal circumstances, but doubly so when the both of them are contorting this way and that. Ai really is trying to focus on his body's condition, making sure his muscles feel up to the grueling task he is going to ask of them today, but.

The conversation has started, and he owes it to Sousuke to be fully transparent. Ai trusts him; trusts he won't get upset. More importantly, trusts that it won't impact his performance.

Finishing his set, Ai shifts. Sits up and splays his legs almost in a perfect T out at his sides, rolling his chest down to the floor, and holding that position for eight seconds before rolling back up. Hold. Repeat. He realizes he's stalling, and sighs.

"It's hard to say for sure without knowing what exactly Rin-senpai said to you." Ai meets Sousuke's gaze, zero pretense and nothing but an earnest disposition. "I just don't want you feeling guilty, Sousuke-senpai. There was no reason for you to be dragged into all of this." This. Because for Ai, it was still very much a living, breathing beast, one that best friends and competition couldn't compel away no matter how much he tried.

[monollith]

Having a best friend like Rin means exercising patience to an inhuman degree. He cries, yells, loves and lives the hell out of everything. And you're just along for the ride. He can allow the same sort of patience to Ai, who has so much in common with him it aches.

He looks back up at the ceiling, checking the athletes surrounding them first. Sousuke would never bring up something so sensitive where gossiping ears might catch wind. But thankfully they're far enough away, and everyone is buzzing with excitement of their own, he deems it safe to continue such a topic.

"He told me he pushed you into it." Sousuke starts carefully, pulling himself back up to adopt a similar pose to Ai. He doesn't look at him, carefully sparing him anything that might come off teasing or judgmental. Maybe another time, but not now. At least, the teasing bit. "You were having a fight and he started it."

Sousuke can see the sort of thing playing out right in front of him. He's been subject to goading of a less sexual nature, when they were up in arms about something. But Sousuke was always careful to hold himself back. Only faltering once, the time Rin confronted him before the relay. He pulled Rin in, and was so close to doing something. But the look on Rin's face was almost panicked. So he stopped. And then Rin started crying, just like Sousuke knew he would. So he also stopped.

And maybe Rin didn't know Haru was just a few feet away, but he did. And would never. Sousuke sighs.

"I wasn't dragged into anything." He patters out easily, pushing the muscles down his leg, working out any last minute kinks and knots. "You guys are my friends, that's all there is to it. Sorry I pissed him off, and he ran off though. That was my bad. I would have left first if I knew he would bolt."

[taeru]

It's the first time Ai has had to think about that night in deep, excruciating detail. And Sousuke can likely see in real time the way Ai seems to scrutinize his own thoughts further and further, a realization dawning on him that he had perhaps been avoiding. He smiles, but it's bitter.

"I said something I shouldn't have, and he reacted accordingly. I could have stopped it, but I chose not to."

I wish you'd give me something to be mad about. At least then I could complain you encroached enough to warrant it.

Rin gave him exactly what he asked for. The only person in the room who could be at fault was Ai. This much Ai believes steadfastly.

He sighs, long and silent and frustrated. Eyes flit momentarily to the people around them, seeing a few get up and march toward the poolside exit.

"Maybe we catch up later." About all of this. About the parts unsaid. All Ai knows is it's now irresponsible to continue the conversation here, privacy and fortitude notwithstanding. After a final stretch of his arms, he begins rising to his feet, holding out his hand to help Sousuke up to do the same.

"Come on, they're going to start soon."

[monollith]

It's a believable scenario, one he's almost lived through so he understands. There's a glance of pity. He knows every side of Ai--well, most he hopes--and the type of lengths he would go to for Rin. Though, Sousuke has a hard time believing Ai is solely at fault.

Because the way Rin recalled the few details he spared, was heartbreaking. It wasn't the recollection of somebody who was trying to be cruel or manipulative into goading on a sexual encounter with a friend. It wasn't someone who felt the other party was solely to blame. It was someone who was hurting, truly believing they were at fault, for something that just happens between people. It's happened between Ai and Sousuke, after all.

"Things happen between people." Sousuke says carefully, trying not to sound condescending or chiding. "I don't think it's anybody's fault. Or at least you guys are equally responsible in it. Think of it this way though."

Sousuke smiles carefully, understanding Ai's reluctance to discuss things in detail in such a public setting. Especially when time is against then, and they want to see their friend. He takes Ai's offered hand, hoisting himself up with a grin as they start making their way towards the stands.

"We've done the same thing, and are still fine. Just trust him. Dude wouldn't let go of someone, even if it was good for him."

[buttterfly]

He tries to blow off Ikuya's rude ass comment, focusing on lighter conversation instead and the buzz of everyone around them in the locker room. Finally, Haru stands up and looks at the clock. There's a fresh wave of determination in his gaze as he looks down at them and nods.

Rin smirks, and leaps to his feet. But not before teasingly offering a hand to help Ikuya up, who just slaps his hand away with a grunt. Rin feigns something offended, and Haru just rolls his eyes at the two of them.

"Come on, we don't want to miss check in." Rin nods back, as they all scamper out to the pool deck together. Rin can barely hear the announcement, as they line up and are assigned their lanes. Haruka Nanase, lane five. Rin Matsuoka, lane four. Ikuya Kirishima, lane three. Their qualifying times were all so close. It feels riveting swimming next to one of the people who made you who you are.

Kirishima is okay too, he supposes.

The announcer lists off the names for the heat, as they all begin to shrug off their jackets, and adjust their goggles. Rin rolls his shoulder, as he steps towards the starting block, poised for position. Ikuya shoots him a hooded look. Rin looks over at Haru who's gaze seems to jerk from--somewhere else??--back up to Rin's face. Even Haru has a look of stubborn determination. Rin flashes a smirk at him.

Take your marks.

The timing gun starts, and the water surrounds him as they all dive in.

[taeru]

It isn't the same at all, Ai thinks to himself almost bitterly. Which is unlike him. It was less out of affront, and more out of consideration for Sousuke and Rin, however. He and Sousuke struck up a deal, almost. They had a mutual understanding. Clear boundaries.

He was an idiot and gave himself to Rin, fully knowing he'd be swallowed whole. Fully knowing Rin would feel guilty after.

If he had been stronger, more resilient, more steeled--

You can be those things in the water later!!! he scolds himself, suddenly slapping his cheeks twice before jogging off for the stands. Sousuke looks at him sidelong, and if he cared enough to enter that mindset he could likely exactly pinpoint the road Ai's thoughts had taken. But he, too, decides to avoid the tempest for now. In so many ways, Ai and Rin really weren't all too different.

Both men find a vacant spot up in the spectator benches. Ai is standing out of his seat, gripping the railing tight. All three of their friends in their international jackets, poised for competition, knowing that at best only two of them will make it out alive from this - Ai feels his heart thumping violently in his chest.

The roar of the crowd as all swimmers take their marks and dive in is deafening. Ai included, screaming Rin's and Ikuya's names at a decibel loud enough to put the entirety of Samezuka's and Shimogami's teams combined to shame.

[buttterfly]

The water feels exhilarating again.

It's no longer clogged, and suffocating. There's not tendrils threatening to choke out his progress, and drag him down. All he can think of is the high of his teammates beside him, he can hear Ai and Sousuke's cheers from the stands. It invigorates him, even as Haru begins to pull up as they near the turn. But Rin isn't afraid. The kick-off is where he shines.

There's always been something about having Haru in the lane next to him, or handing off to him in a relay. Something that makes everything else heat up, intensify. Swimming with friends comes close, sure. The relay with Ai, Momo and Sousuke comes pretty damn close. But Haru was the one who made him love the water again. It's only right to climb a world level alongside him.

He dives under as they turn, pulling out ahead easily. But the other swimmers around them threaten to overtake them, the pack picking up speed easily. Rin breaks the surface with a gasp, willing every muscle in his body to kick into overtime. He can feel Haru behind him, slowly closing that minimal distance. Everything begins to blur, the roar of the crowds deafening as the end comes into view at a breakneck pace.

They're neck and neck now, hands outstretched, vying for that hand to slap the wall first. Rin squeezes his eyes shut, willing his body to move just a little faster--

He feels the wall beneath his palm, as he surfaces with a gasp. Haru is right there beside him. Another swimmer beside them finishes, and Ikuya immediately after. Rin whips his head up to the scoreboard, eager to see who won. But his jaw drops at the sight.

Matsuoka - 46.91 1

Nanase - 46.91 1

Sato - 47.15 2

Kirishima - 47.45 3

Rin fucking loses it. He can already feel the tears streaming down his face as he yanks his cap off, and slams it down into the water. 46.91. He doesn't need the announcer overhead tattling off that it's a new tournament record, or it's tied with fucking Cielo's world record. He looks up at the ceiling choking back a sob, wishing his dad could be in the stands now.

Haru is next to him, breathing hard and pulling off his cap, shaking the water droplets off his head. Rin looks at him, that loose, stupid grin stretched far across his face. Swimmers around them are beginning to hoist themselves out of the pool.

"We--we fucking did it." Even Haru has a bit of color on his cheeks, as Rin reaches over the lane divider, and squeezes Haru's hand before clambering out of the pool, Mikhail making some comment about not making that kind of scene with a new record.