he's absolutely aware of the shaky ground they're currently standing on, probably only held by the shattering pillars that is ai's restitution and determination to stay away from certain things at all costs. which is why rin feels like he's in a momentary panic, drudging up something he was astutely supposed to stay away from.
but, at least it doesn't seem that he's damaged something irreparably. or at least ai is willing to overlook if he did and give a plain enough sounding answer instead. one that makes rin's brows furrow temporarily, but he shrugs it off and picks at his food a little slower. because it sounds... well it sounds like rin at times, if he's being honest]
...always thought you were pretty decent at it.
[and he gives an honest answer in turn. but there's... something licking below the surface of that answer that rin doesn't like and is absolutely overthinking. so he strays away from it instead]
Saying I have a bad memory? [he huffs. which is partially true unfortunately] I remember shit that matters.
[Okay, maybe that does get a nice and big smile out of him, hidden first behind a bite of his lip and then an intake of another portion of food to chew over. Because even now, in an ever-present battle to do away with the parts of himself he wishes to do away with, the times Rin appraises him still feels. Nice. He will not call the sudden flutter in his stomach butterflies; this much was a natural reaction to being complimented. Anyone would react the same way, having something they cared about told is half-way decent.
And then he tunes into it like a sixth sense, the way Rin's words try to bite in order to obfuscate what Ai knows is something he's tripped on accidentally. It couldn't be helped; he did have a gut feeling about it, after all. Because he knows Rin too well, and even if Ai doesn't feel it at times, Rin knows him too well. Rather than try to pretend Rin didn't intuit something that was in fact there, Ai looks at him sincerely, his smile melting into a familiar, if slightly rueful simper.]
Not at all. Actually, Rin-senpai, I think you're too sentimental to have a bad memory... [Ai idly scratches at a spot on his cheek just below his birth mark,] It was just such a passing thing, and lots has happened since then. Right? It'd only make sense if you forgot.
[he huffs, pushing the last of his eggs and ham into a more manageable pile, still picking at it a bit on the center of his plate. and he knows ai is onto him, because that's just how they've always worked over the years. there isn't much hiding of anything (unless you count rin somehow missing on ai's feelings all through the years. there might have been inklings but never anything solid. that wasn't until--]
I wouldn't forget that. Not that much of an asshole.
[and he says it dismissively, giving ai no further room to weigh in on the matter, as he shoves the last bit of protein in his mouth and starts finishing off the cinnamon cake sitting separately. different palate foods touching? yuck, no thanks. he mulls over for a few moments as he chews, and swallows, changing the topic entirely. well at least for himself. ai can talk about his photography all live long day, but]
Should probably start laundry and packing all our shit.
[Ai's ready to protest too, because there is only one person at this table who thinks or has ever thought Rin is an asshole and it isn't Ai. Even when the two of them were at their lowest - even when Ai was taken by the scruff of that which has still gone unsaid and was raked through the mud and left to clean himself off alone, Ai never thought it about Rin once. Never looked down on him once, thought less of him once.
But just as Ai knows it'd fall on deaf ears, he also knows Rin's not interested in hearing how the wells of Ai's latent insecurities run despairingly deep sometimes, still. And it isn't a reflection of Rin, and if Ai were a better person it wouldn't be an issue at all, but.
Rin's eating, so Ai finishes his plate too, and while he feels there's nuance missing he'd rather be known, he's not interested in chasing the topic. This, too, he's grown better at since last time. All in the same pursuit of keeping the mask in tact.
He smiles as he begins to stand,] Let me wash all of this up? If you need coins for the machines my wallet is somewhere on my desk.
[he hesitates to let ai take the dishes. simply because isn't that his job, something he's defended and tried to do everyday since he arrived here months ago? but... ai offers him an out instead after a long stretch of silence (one rin doesn't even bother dissecting in his head because he knows) and rin greedily takes it without much thought]
I'll start with mine since I have less stuff. Just pile up what all you wanna take, and I'll do it next.
[rin excuses himself from ai's peripheral and kneels down on his futon, dragging his bag out and the clothes all folded up in the corner and in the bag along with it. he's good about doing his laundry anyways, but deciding what to take and what to wash. easy. he's done this song and dance too many times before after all.
after laying out enough outfits for a week (the hotels always have laundry spaces thankfully), he pushes them all in a smaller bag and lugs it over his shoulder. he's not taking ai's wallet though thanks, dutifully ignoring the thing on ai's desk before tossing a glance back towards ai]
[It kills him a little. That Rin's entire life is still in a suitcase. Ai's tried, he's really tried to encourage Rin to take up more space. Ai would have been happy to get him a storage unit, or shift around his presently unused closet and the photography peripherals inside to actually make room for Rin's stuff. Would have made room for a bed. Would have done whatever it took to make Rin feel more at home.
A part of Ai is aware hopes of that type of normalcy - that borderline domesticity they had in their early teens - shattered the same night his mug did. But there's a smaller voice, somewhere in the back of his head, always chiming louder whenever Rin needs to take a phone call outside, that maybe Rin has been looking for an out since the day he landed.
Funny how it's the little things that set him off; an open suitcase. After such a reasonably normal day. Ai straightens his back, sets his jaw, tells himself now is not the time, and collects their dishes and brings them to the sink. Back turned to Rin, Ai shakes his head,]
That's it. I'll get my stuff sorted once I finish this.
[He was mostly packed, and his laundry would be a smaller pile too having done a load just the night before; just his swimwear and some odds and ends.]
[needless to say, the next few days are relaxingly uneventful. Hustling and bustling to get everything ready for their time abroad. Rin does the laundry, tries to keep his attitude in check (easier said than done), makes all the food out of the fridge so it doesn’t go bad while they’re away, video calls his mom and sister everyday…
and that’s kind of just how they exist in tandem over the next few days. Similarly to how they have been in the weeks prior, after. Well, whatever one could label that last incident they had.
the airport is easy. They’re all on the same plane and rin is sat next to a seasoned pro of the team. He’s kind enough, and quiet. Reminds rin a bit of sousuke and they both settle into a comfortable silence, rin popping back an allergy pill to hopefully sleep away the miserable flight. It works.
kind of at least. He gets a little sleep.
he gets up a few times to stretch and move about the cabin throughout the flight, ducking down to check on ai and haru and ikuya and everyone else he’s made the pleasure of meeting throughout his professional career and beforehand. It’s abysmally quiet, even the buzz of excitement through the newcomers and old timers dulled in favor of getting some good sleep.
but once the plane lands, rin jerks to his feet, eager to get off the plane and towards their hotel. As they’re heading towards the shuttle that is taking them towards their hotel near the aquatics center, rin stretches his head and catches a glimpse of haru’s coach and mikhail deep in discussion over… something. He purses his lip and scoffs at the two always being so chummy, while one of the coach’s assistants gives out seating assignments for the shuttle.
This time rin is graced with ai next to him, but rin was there first so window seat is his. Sorry buddy, better luck next time]
[It appears seating arrangements on the flight had been more or less alphabetical order, as Ai was sat right next to Haruka the entire time. Thankfully, pure raw exhaustion and anticipation in equal measure made it extremely difficult for any odd atmosphere to sprout, and true to his word, Ai followed in Rin's footsteps to try and sidestep as much awake time on the plane as possible. Forty-eight hours of being awake plus an allergy pill seems to do the trick - almost too well. Ai finds himself nodding off on poor Haruka's shoulder not once but twice, and on the third start awake Ai tries to fall asleep with his face down on the tray...
It works, but leads to one hell of a crank in his neck the entirety of the deplaning process. He smiles upon seeing their seating assignments; deflates a little upon seeing the same sight Rin does in the distance. His uncle hasn't talked to him once since they all congregated at Haneda airport earlier. Well... We're on business, so it only makes sense.
Faintly, Ai wonders if the worries over whether or not their names would appear in a sports magazine with less than savoury contents would be one that followed them across oceans. Ai realizes in the same moment, as he shuffles down the length of the shuttle bus, he resents that he's starting to equate his uncle with that ordeal. A mistake.
Rin will see Ai clapping his cheeks twice before sliding into the seat next to him, not minding at all that Rin's got the window... It just means Rin will have to endure Ai leaning this way and that to try and peer out of it without just seating himself in Rin's lap to do so. There's a sparkle in his eye, a rare thing nowadays.]
I think Nanase-san isn't very happy with me, [he says through a wide smile, apparently having forgotten his own insecurities for a second there.] Isn't it seven pm local time? But it's still so bright out.
[He realizes he's basically corralling Rin against the glass, and sits back in his seat properly... It wasn't as if they could see much from the tarmac of the airport, anyway. Ai levels Rin with a smile more genial and calm.]
You look well-rested all things considered, senpai.
[frankly, rin is still caught up in other things, so he doesn't really notice mikhail's blatant ignoring of ai. he'll surely pick up on it later. despite being clueless in other avenues, that's one thing he's honed in on deeply so. after all the hurtful commentary exchanged during that phone call.
rin raises a brow at ai talking about haru. that's still all... awkward territory if he's being honest. he doesn't envy ai for having to sit next to the guy, even though rin knows haru doesn't care and is as amicable as ever (hopefully. sometimes it's hard to tell how the weirdo works, but)]
Why would Haru be miffed with you? And yeah, sounds about right.
[rin lets his gaze be tugged back towards the window, breathing a little relief at being given a tiny bit of breathing room. there's probably a thousand reasons he could settle on and he can't pinpoint any of them anyways. if rin's lucky, he'll get passed off to rooming with other members of the team he's not so. intimately familiar with.
even he's not sure he could stomach rooming with haru right now. maybe him and ai need some breathing space. sousuke? not the worst. natsuya? ugh... manageable. ikuya probably preferable above all else. but there's that dreaded prospect (or promise) or triple occupancy and maybe he'll luck out and it'll be two random teammates altogether. he rests his chin on the back of his hand, tugging down his cap a little]
Told you. Sleep deprivation and allergy pill. Still probably gonna crash tonight. Take the longest shower ever.
Ah... How to say it.... I fell asleep on him, I think.
... More than once...
[It isn't to say Ai doesn't have his reservations. Of course he does. He was only human, and for years Haruka has been a goliath in his head. In the pool and now out of it, too. Intimidation and inferiority seemed to go hand-in-hand most days, and Ai knows he has his work cut out for him over the course of this training camp and into the future road of their team as a unit, if he's to reconcile the guy taking up as much space as it seems he will.
More than anything, he's a teammate. So I can't let anything else get in the way. That bond has to come first.
Ai's fragile constitution is somewhat soothed at knowing room assignments statistically have to be in his favour. Even he thinks Rin could benefit from some space, even if Ai doesn't feel it necessary for himself. Rooming with Sousuke would be nice, he thinks. The younger Kirishima seems like he'd be quiet, conscientious...
His thoughts have strayed away from his attempts to spot any famous Parisian architecture over the crest of Rin's cap, and catching a glimpse in the window's reflection of himself so damned close into Rin's space nearly makes him snap back against his seat. Hands neatly in his lap, shoulders maybe a touch too straight.]
I know I shouldn't, but it's tempting to skip dinner and go straight to sleep once we arrive, [Ai admits.] Oh, Rin-senpai, we have a rest day tomorrow. I think some of the guys were going sight-seeing... Do you have plans?
[he shouldn't laugh. considering how famously awkward rin has made any future interactions between the three of them. but he does it anyways, trying to stifle it and equally failing at that as well]
Yeah, fall asleep on the guy who hates being touched. That'll keep you in the good graces of the team favorite.
[rin's sour because he still remembers it's his fault haru lost a qualification to ikuya, or maybe they could have tied again and... he shoves the thought away, trying to focalize more on the sights flooding his vision out the window. he notices ai jerk backwards in the window, and tries to pull himself back against his seat awkwardly, feeling bad for blocking his view or whatever he did to cause that reaction]
Mom and Gou want a postcard, so maybe get that out of the way... maybe dinner if we're not all dead on arrival still. You?
[Once upon a time, he could even be described as prudish. Rin had been touchy with him, not the other way around; Ai was always too polite and until only recently too self-deprecating to assume he had the footing to justify ever being that physical with any singular one of his friends, least of all Rin. Unlike Haruka, he might also be described as touch-starved, though that is a pit Ai is not touching with a ten foot pole, and certainly not unpacking on this bus.
Nor is he going to contend with the objective fact that Haruka is, in fact, the team favourite. Their golden goose; fastest qualifying times and two-time competitor. The face of billboards and sports magazines around the globe. It is a good thing Ai's wherewithal is well beyond the bounds of broken; he doesn't have it in him to even try and be upset about how much work he feels he has to put in to attain even an ounce of what seems to come so naturally to Haruka. Ai anticipates a lot of late nights in his immediate future. It's more productive, he thinks, to remind himself they both are on the same team. Whatever he's capable of, surely I am, too.
All thoughts halted at the prospect of Rin writing to his family; Ai had thoughts to do the same. He turns to face Rin with a rueful smile at the prospect of socializing, though.]
We'll see. It's probably best that I integrate with the team as much as I can... I feel I don't see many other newcomers. [Were you this nervous last year? He can't even bring himself to ask. Showing weakness was always difficult for him to begin with, but to show it so brazenly to Rin now, for some reason, feels akin to heresy. As if Ai has mandated for himself that anything short of the neat mask he's decided on is no good. So rather than make it Rin's problem, he decides then and there,] If they go out tomorrow, I think I'll see if they'll let me tag along.
[rin was absolutely nervous. damn near vibrating out of his fucking skin being in such proximity with athletes he's aspired to be like for god knows how long. people who can humble his normally cocky demeanor with a single glance or word, and while yes he's on more friendly terms with some of their seniors, he's still known as the loudmouth transfer from down under who has an affinity for forgetting personal boundaries and--]
Good for you.
[he smirks, shoving ai on the shoulder, as their hotel comes into view and his gaze is pulled out towards home sweet home for the next little while]
Long as you don't think about scaring people off with your ghost stories of bodies in the river. Seriously Ai, what the hell!
[he chides him playfully, as their teammates begin to pour out of the bus, and rin adopts his very antsy less composed self. he stands up, draping himself over the seat in front of him, and looking out towards the front and back towards ai]
Alright, we all go pack in the lobby like sardines now and wait for room assignments. Then we can all fuck off and do whatever. They just don't want us plastering our faces everywhere being stupid--
[rin shoves that thought away, because he's already done that in some famously bad manner. even if they're still sitting on it for whatever reason they are]
[It's platitudes, but it's better than arguing on a bus, and anything was possible with Rin these days, so Ai will take it. He does look at Rin with a too polite to be polite smile, though, getting one last word in--]
I said corpses, Rin-senpai. Not ghosts.
[--before happily letting his eyes continue to (politely, unobtrusively) gaze out the window. Paris was sincerely something magical. A splendor and majesty that bordered Budapest in its opulence; it is as if all over again he's been transported to an entirely other world. He wonders faintly if this is how Rin felt the first time he landed in Australia. The tarmac roads turn to the more familiar city streets of the outer arrondissements, passing the Aquatic Centre in its pursuit. And once it's put in park, Ai slides out of the seat to try and give Rin some room...
... And waits. For further instruction? Some of the guys have already hopped off, but not all. When Rin chimes in, even though he cuts himself off, Ai smiles. Rueful, apologetic, sympathetic all at once. A shame, for a moment, burns hot in his gut, but for Rin's sake he doesn't let it bubble up onto his expression. He surprises himself, even, in the way he reaches out to just for a moment touch Rin's side, hand immediately escaping back to his own. We'll be fine.
He turns his head back toward the mouth of the bus; Sousuke's already gotten off, it appears both Kirishimas are on their way out. Ai begins to walk forward,]
Come on, before our legs turn to stone.
[Still keen not to corral Rin more than necessary or inject himself overmuch, Ai makes his way down the aisle, smiling politely at whomever he makes eye contact with on the way. Outside the bus and on the sidewalk, he spares a few moments to say hi to Sousuke, ask him how his ride was, before following the larger group into the hotel lobby.]
[but they're still masterfully toeing the edge of whatever hell they've dipped into time and time again. and staying away from teetering down thankfully. even if the hand on his side almost has him jerking, but he restrains himself. right. they've always slipped into things like this before. nothing's changed. even if it has. oh so painfully in so many ways. and he takes the invitation to get the hell off the shuttle, stretching luxuriously as ai pauses to talk to sousuke.
he shoulder checks his best friend, because he has to and that's just how they roll. even if sousuke gives him a sidelong glance that he doesn't feel like unpacking right now and trails after the group towards the lobby.
haru's coach and mikhail are there with miyakawa, who is looking over a clipboard with them. they excuse themselves, and she straights up looking over all of them as she begins to list off names. like rin expected, it's triple occupancy. she rattles off names. it's nothing alphabetical, so maybe they did put some consideration into things like not putting daisuke the nudist with ikuya the prude or whatever... rin casts a glance towards ikuya, kind of hoping that maybe--]
410. Nitori, Nanase and Matsuoka.
[rin was in the middle of swallowing, and it absolutely goes down the wrong tube and he coughs loudly, something stuttering in his chest. miyakawa gives him a thinly veiled look, and raises a brow]
Something to share, Matsuoka?
[rin tries to swallow down the coughs, palm splayed across his chest as he tries to catch his breath. nononononono, no absolutely fucking not this isn't happening. through a little wheeze, he manages to spit out]
Nope. Good, thanks! Sorry.
[and gives her a little bow, feeling so sour, not able to look at anyone all of a sudden while she continues to list off lodging accommodations. rin's fists are tight at his side, but they haven't been dismissed yet. so he forces himself to stay still, even if he wants to spit out how there's been a mistake--much akin to a certain one bed situation long ago]
[There's a levity in seeing Rin and Sousuke so genial with one another. Ai might even call it nostalgic; that always seemed to be the beat between them, fistbumps and shoulder checks and all. A familiarity Ai might've said he was jealous of, once upon a time.
His thoughts short circuit when he hears the two names that flank after his own.
Rin's coughing; Ai is not looking at him. He is, in fact, staring out into the middle distance, trying to contend with the way it feels every ounce of blood in his system just went cold. Miyakawa's itinerary announcements fall on deaf ears; all at once, all Ai can hear is the sound of his own breathing, and his mental voice as he tries desperately to recall how he wronged which god to invite upon himself this fate.
Be realistic, Aiichirou. How bad can it be? We're all here for the same reason. And we should only be in the room to sleep. It's impossible for anything bad to happen. If it gets too unbearable, it isn't as if you're locked in. Ah, Sousuke-senpai's looking at you-- Nanase-san is looking at you. Breathe!! It's fine! It'll be fine!
All Haruka - and Rin, should he dare look upon his former roommate - would see is a young man who has suddenly taken a very serious interest in the marble lobby floor, swallowing hard around nothing, and who is several beats too late to recognize that assignments are over, that instructions have been given for the evening, and that a morning call was set for the day after next.]
--tori... Nitori!
[Ai snaps to when he realizes their team manager has been trying to pawn off his room card. Ai takes hold of it,] Thank you, [And stares down at those damning numbers.
Well. Such is fate. He puts on his bravest face yet, with a smile that is trying so damned hard to reach his eyes, as he turns to Rin, catapulting his brain somewhere roughly five years younger in the way it tries to grasp at straws.]
This is lucky! Isn't it, senpai? Since you've roomed with Nanase-san before, too. It's good our management took that into consideration.
[it would be so easy to scream at ai--fuck, anybody--about why this is such a huge fucking deal. rin matsuoka is about ready to claw his own skin off, and even some of their teammates give him a suspicious look, as his foot taps. but he immediately cuts the crap once miyakawa comes to hand off room keys. he's not even bothering to look at ai fixated on the ground because he's too busy looking everywhere and nowhere all at once.
until his gaze lands on haru. and he just sees that easy calm, with a touch of curiousity in his gaze.
and then rin's gaze lands on sousuke and he shrivels under the intensity of it. sousuke's brow is barely raised, but there's something in those deep blues that gives everything else away and well. rin barely hears that sousuke and ikuya somehow get off with a double occupancy, and that just makes him want to die even further.
how the hell does that fucking figure. it's easy enough to beg sousuke to switch with him, but before he can entertain the thought further, he sees mikhail giving him a look and rin grits his teeth and takes his key card, stalking off towards where their bags have been unloaded from the shuttle.
his giant duffel is near the top and he goes to grab it when another hand nearly touches his own and rin practically jerks away. because he sees the stupid dolphin covered suitcase, and knows--]
Ah, sorry. My bad.
[rin waits for whenever ai decides to come get his own luggage, foot still tapping against the ground incessantly, fingers pushing through his hair over and over and over again]
[Ai is smart and is hanging back because he can tell, worse than even himself, Rin is exactly one infringement away from going ballistic. Ai can't blame him. The guilt, the shame, all of it is absolutely suffocating; the only reason he isn't crumbling, too, is because Ai decided long ago at least one of them has to try and be the bigger person. If the going gets tough, he can just cry about it outside later.
He watches as Rin awkwardly jerks his hand back when Haruka accidentally brushes against him. Ai doesn't even have it in him to conjure a reaction, just deflates a little. Waits until a few of the other guys have cleared out their suitcases before going for his own oversized duffel; Ai's able to pluck it out of the pile without much fanfare, stepping aside to make room for their teammates who have to get their stuff too. Though notably, he stands an arm and a leg away from Rin and Haruka.
He looks at Rin, an oddly serious expression on his face. Something imploring. Ai wouldn't dare loosen his tongue over the matter with others in earshot, but. In whatever way he can, he's trying to beg Rin to just have a little trust. If Ai can, Rin can too. Right? If one simply ignores how Ai's gripping the strap of his duffel white-knuckled so as not to reveal his shaking hands, then he can't be a hypocrite.]
Come on, before the elevators are swamped. [Ai shuffles with alacrity toward said architecture, calling an elevator down with the button, and as soon as the door is open, he holds its mouth open so that Haruka and Rin can do the same.]
[he knows, can feel ai's gaze drift towards him. it pins him in place. even more than that other pair of blue eyes he can't even meet. all he can think of is that stupid, fucking parking garage and their hands touching and foreheads pressed together and all those stupid words. only made worse by the fact that everything else has piled up so disgustingly so since then.
it's not ai's fault. and rin shouldn't treat him as such. and he doesn't! it's just hard to pinpoint where all his emotions are going when he's stuck inbetween a literal rock and a hard place. rin notices the intensity in which ai is clutching his bag, and feels that fresh, hot wave of guilt washing over him. for so many reasons. haru nods at ai, and starts heading off to the elevator, but rin hangs back for a moment, casting a pleading glance at his friend.
and mouths a little i'm sorry before ai beats the both of them towards the elevator altogether. all the energy he had before completely sapped dry from him. never in a million years did he expect this room assignment. but it's here, and they can fucking deal with it. rin wonders how much money he would have to tuck into the team manager's pocket to let him sleep in a fucking supply closet instead. not like he's going to sleep in his current room anyways.
the elevator ride is tight. he hates it. the three of them are pinned in there with a few of their other teammates clambering over haru and asking him all sorts of questions. ones he answers quietly, casting a glance over at rin every now and again. one that rin just shrinks from, and makes him grip his bag tighter.
it's fine. they're just here to sleep. so much of their time is going to be spent in the pool, seeing the sights the city has to offer, making connections. maybe rin can just occupy the bathtub, unless haru beats him to it]
Edited (i can't type) Date: 2025-10-20 03:23 am (UTC)
[It's for the best Ai learned his place, he thinks. On the night he begged Rin to take up space. Learned what consequences can come his way when he stands too tall. Because the entirety of the elevator ride he is comfortably in his own head, rolling over like an obedient dog, eyes stuck down to the floor. As if the gravitational pull between Rin and Haruka in close proximity naturally repelled him.
It's hard to be upset if he's asleep, he thinks, so as soon as they're let off their floor, Ai waits for a few of their other team members to make room for them to step off, and all but bee-lines down the hallway in pursuit of their room. Doesn't say a word; keeps his eyes dutifully either on the floor or on the wall. Somehow, down in the lobby, it was easy to convince himself it was no big thing. But staring down the reality of weeks stuck in this mental chasm, Ai already feels exhausted. He'll have to figure out something, otherwise he'll be eaten alive by the raw, sheer shame he feels for even existing in proximity at the same time to these two.
Jealousy is an ugly thing, he thinks. And Ai isn't categorically a jealous person. He knows he has his work cut out for him.
Ai waits for one of the two veterans to step in first, smile plastered weakly on his countenance. If Rin's dead set on being wound up from the onset, Ai has a continued duty to try and be a grounding force. So he fills the air even though none of them really want him to, himself included,]
It's bigger than I would have expected... I heard hotels in Paris were skim with their square footage. [He awkwardly flips the key card between his hands, waiting to step in and close the door.] Ah, because you're both older, it's better if you choose your beds first.
[everyone seems eager to get off the elevator for their own reasons. teammates bustling over one another to get to their accommodations and start exploring the town. rin wanting to jump out a window, and ai probably wanting the elevator to swallow him whole. and there's no way haru is oblivious to all of this right? no fucking way. the dude is as intuitive as they come, even if he's fucking quiet as hell about it half the time.
whatever.
rin is terrible at pretending like nothing is wrong, even more once their teammates disperse and they're all standing in front of the door. ai is too polite. way too polite, especially given the circumstances. rin's surprised he's not flitting off to beg for another accommodation. hell, rin is surprised he hasn't actually beat ai to it already!
ai is infuriatingly way too polite, and rin shoves his own keycard into the door slot, shouldering past the both of them because--]
I didn't get a fucking window seat, so window bed is mine!
[....that's one way to do it.
rin throws his bag onto it unceremoniously, and starts dumping his shit every which way. yes rin is normally neat and keeps his stuff in one area. but it's like he's marking his territory or something like a pissed off dog. he doesn't even notice haru taking the middle bed after casting a glance at ai with a raised brow.
no rin is not throwing a tantrum thanks. he's getting this all out of the way so he can go drown himself in the bathtub. he shoots a frazzled glance back at ai]
...don't even start telling river body stories in here!
[The vigor in Rin's voice is oddly reassuring, even if Ai knows it's put on. It's good to know Rin could be a team player and put their baggage aside for however long they'd have to be stuck in a close quartered trio, and for a moment, it breathes a small relief into Ai's chest, who is otherwise presently so tense he'd probably crack a molar or two.
But what steals the wind right back out of his sails is the way Rin spreads. How many months has it been of Ai trying to encourage Rin to do that back home? To remind him he's welcome in Ai's apartment; that he could take up more space than the four-by-six of the futon. Even worse, Ai has nowhere to pin this feeling: Haruka may be present, but Ai understands that to be a stressor in his own right. It isn't as if Rin was excited at the prospect of staying in a hotel for the sake of it.
So it's me. It's the only logical conclusion he can reach, another shallow cut to add to the thousands he's sure to endure over the course of this training camp. Haruka looking at him so suddenly and pointedly is what breaks Ai from his unfortunately negative rumination, shutting the door and ushering himself in; his bed is closest to the door, and furthest from Rin. Inadvertently a blessing; if Ai felt he needed to leave, he could do so quietly without causing much ruckus. To Haruka's awry glance, Ai only offers a mildly confused simper.
In stark contrast to Rin, Ai places his suitcase at the foot of his bed and unzips it quietly, slowly beginning to sort through his things. It looks like Rin has his own dresser flush to the wall of the room, but between Haruka and Ai's beds, there is only one. Ai didn't mind keeping most of his things in his case; he pulls out a set of pyjamas and a set of morning clothes. Pyjamas on the bed, morning clothes tossed over the back of the room's couch.]
I think I terrorized Nanase-san enough on the plane ride, he doesn't need more of that from me. [Ai sits on his bed and collapses backward, back resting down on the mattress. He takes in a deeeeep breath, and exhales it sloooowly through his nose. One might mistake it for enjoying the plush comfort of a hotel bed; in reality, he's trying to release all the damn tension in his body.] The bath is connected with the toilet, right? That's one of the things I miss from home... [Laying down, Ai rubs at his hair.] We'll probably need to decide shower times so we're not keeping each other waiting.
[haru beelines it for the fucking tub before rin can even open his mouth.
some things never change apparently!!!
rin grits his teeth, and begins shrugging off his team jacket and his shirt. all while fumbling through his duffel and whatever pile he's managed to concoct next to him for his signature tank top. if he's going to be stuck in the most uncomfortable situation known to man, he's going to do it in the most comfortable thing he owns. without even sparing a glance back at ai, and taking the whole treat me like normal thing way too literally apparently after just a few weeks prior having ai's dick down his throat-- rin also shucks off his pants and pulls on a pair of his running shorts, trying so desperately to not give in to temptation and mutter this and that over their current lodging.
but well, at least haru's given them the floor for at least thirty minutes. or if he's all nice and awkwardly considerate, that could be even shorter. hopefully in haru's rehab, he didn't grow too much of a conscious and rin can avoid the awkward for as long as possible. he rubs the back of his head, trying to figure out where to put all his stuff that makes the most sense]
You can get the next one.
[...rin offers, even though he wants a shower so SO bad right now. but that's the gentleman's thing to do right? or whatever good friends do!]
Not sure I can even stand up long enough to take one right now anyways.
[Finished organizing his things for now and keen to take up as little space as he can, Ai forces himself to shift up on the bed properly, sitting with his back to the headboard, pillow tucked near his lower back. He immediately pulls out his phone, and instinctively scrolls to he and Sousuke's text log. Ai knows he has an out, someone who wouldn't think twice about saying yes to a room switch. Or to commiserating somewhere together under Parisian street lights.
But he just can't do it. Not now, knowing the weight Sousuke carries. Ai worries his bottom lip, tabs out from his texts, and instead goes into his photo roll to look idly at shots he's snapped from over the duration of their travel...
... Trying so very, very hard to keep Rin out of his periphery. Because Ai's noticed the way Rin's assumed normalcy again, and so Ai can cue in. Not that he'd stare anyway, but... Something about this hotel room truly felt like the walls were slowly closing in on him. It was either that, or the way it seemed suddenly as if Rin can't even look at him since entering.
He waits far too generous a length of time until he's certain Rin is clothed to turn to address him, shaking his head gently.]
But you really wanted to wash off, didn't you? It's best if you go first, I can wait. [Besides, Ai isn't afraid to use his trump card, forcing upon Rin exactly one aspect of their relationship he cannot toe in and out of at his convenience, doing so with an easy-going smile on his face,] Because you're senpai. It'd be rude if I went first.
[And then Ai purses his lips. And considers for a moment. How unreadable Rin has been since arriving, and how Haru being in the shower nets them just a few minutes alone to make their peace with the matter. It dances on the tip of his tongue, some kind of reassurance. I'm stronger than you think I am, or I know my place, or For the next two weeks, we're teammates first. For once, none coalesce past his lips. Worried saying anything might just make things worse. So he performs a miracle, and instead puts his foot in his mouth.]
[rin tosses a glare at ai, shucking his socks off somewhere and flopping onto the bed, leaving one arm raised to flip ai the bird]
I've been telling you for years to drop it, not like that's suddenly changing here.
[awkward silence commences. even though it was kind of already present before. rin's fine with silence. rin's fine with awkward silence. rin is not fine with feeling like his sheets are swallowing him whole, and the whole world is spinning on the axis funny. he tosses himself over to stare at the wall underneath the window, trying to not let himself claw out of his own skin.
ai's cued up his phone. fine! rin can do the same then. he fumbles for his phone wherever he ditched it on the pillows, and pulls it up to his peripheral, squinting at the absolute wall of unread text messages he's greeted with. his sister, his mother, fucking sousuke-- it takes everything in him to not chuck his phone at the wall. but he behaves himself, tries to fire off a few polite and short texts before shoving it back under his pillow.
and back into that awkward silence...except ai is nothing short of a saint once again, and he helps break it. rin huffs, rubbing the back of his head before he stiffly raises himself off the bed]
Yeah, because he's an inconsiderate prick.
[--and rin is marching over to the bathroom door and slams a fist against it a few times, kicking it for good measures]
I swear to fuck, better not be testing the limits of how much like a prune you can resemble in there.
[before rin begins...to stomp back to his bed and flops back onto it with a huff, crossing his arms. haru is absolutely an inconsiderate prick. does that actually fall onto rin matsuoka very much? no. but that's totally besides the point. rin grits his teeth]
Anyways! Just-- [rin drops his face a little, glancing over at the bathroom door] I'm fucking sorry, okay. I saw the look on your face.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2025-10-09 02:40 am (UTC)he's absolutely aware of the shaky ground they're currently standing on, probably only held by the shattering pillars that is ai's restitution and determination to stay away from certain things at all costs. which is why rin feels like he's in a momentary panic, drudging up something he was astutely supposed to stay away from.
but, at least it doesn't seem that he's damaged something irreparably. or at least ai is willing to overlook if he did and give a plain enough sounding answer instead. one that makes rin's brows furrow temporarily, but he shrugs it off and picks at his food a little slower. because it sounds... well it sounds like rin at times, if he's being honest]
...always thought you were pretty decent at it.
[and he gives an honest answer in turn. but there's... something licking below the surface of that answer that rin doesn't like and is absolutely overthinking. so he strays away from it instead]
Saying I have a bad memory? [he huffs. which is partially true unfortunately] I remember shit that matters.
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Date: 2025-10-09 02:49 am (UTC)[Okay, maybe that does get a nice and big smile out of him, hidden first behind a bite of his lip and then an intake of another portion of food to chew over. Because even now, in an ever-present battle to do away with the parts of himself he wishes to do away with, the times Rin appraises him still feels. Nice. He will not call the sudden flutter in his stomach butterflies; this much was a natural reaction to being complimented. Anyone would react the same way, having something they cared about told is half-way decent.
And then he tunes into it like a sixth sense, the way Rin's words try to bite in order to obfuscate what Ai knows is something he's tripped on accidentally. It couldn't be helped; he did have a gut feeling about it, after all. Because he knows Rin too well, and even if Ai doesn't feel it at times, Rin knows him too well. Rather than try to pretend Rin didn't intuit something that was in fact there, Ai looks at him sincerely, his smile melting into a familiar, if slightly rueful simper.]
Not at all. Actually, Rin-senpai, I think you're too sentimental to have a bad memory... [Ai idly scratches at a spot on his cheek just below his birth mark,] It was just such a passing thing, and lots has happened since then. Right? It'd only make sense if you forgot.
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Date: 2025-10-09 03:04 am (UTC)[he huffs, pushing the last of his eggs and ham into a more manageable pile, still picking at it a bit on the center of his plate. and he knows ai is onto him, because that's just how they've always worked over the years. there isn't much hiding of anything (unless you count rin somehow missing on ai's feelings all through the years. there might have been inklings but never anything solid. that wasn't until--]
I wouldn't forget that. Not that much of an asshole.
[and he says it dismissively, giving ai no further room to weigh in on the matter, as he shoves the last bit of protein in his mouth and starts finishing off the cinnamon cake sitting separately. different palate foods touching? yuck, no thanks. he mulls over for a few moments as he chews, and swallows, changing the topic entirely. well at least for himself. ai can talk about his photography all live long day, but]
Should probably start laundry and packing all our shit.
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Date: 2025-10-09 03:11 am (UTC)But just as Ai knows it'd fall on deaf ears, he also knows Rin's not interested in hearing how the wells of Ai's latent insecurities run despairingly deep sometimes, still. And it isn't a reflection of Rin, and if Ai were a better person it wouldn't be an issue at all, but.
Rin's eating, so Ai finishes his plate too, and while he feels there's nuance missing he'd rather be known, he's not interested in chasing the topic. This, too, he's grown better at since last time. All in the same pursuit of keeping the mask in tact.
He smiles as he begins to stand,] Let me wash all of this up? If you need coins for the machines my wallet is somewhere on my desk.
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Date: 2025-10-10 03:19 am (UTC)I'll start with mine since I have less stuff. Just pile up what all you wanna take, and I'll do it next.
[rin excuses himself from ai's peripheral and kneels down on his futon, dragging his bag out and the clothes all folded up in the corner and in the bag along with it. he's good about doing his laundry anyways, but deciding what to take and what to wash. easy. he's done this song and dance too many times before after all.
after laying out enough outfits for a week (the hotels always have laundry spaces thankfully), he pushes them all in a smaller bag and lugs it over his shoulder. he's not taking ai's wallet though thanks, dutifully ignoring the thing on ai's desk before tossing a glance back towards ai]
Need anything else?
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Date: 2025-10-10 03:29 am (UTC)A part of Ai is aware hopes of that type of normalcy - that borderline domesticity they had in their early teens - shattered the same night his mug did. But there's a smaller voice, somewhere in the back of his head, always chiming louder whenever Rin needs to take a phone call outside, that maybe Rin has been looking for an out since the day he landed.
Funny how it's the little things that set him off; an open suitcase. After such a reasonably normal day. Ai straightens his back, sets his jaw, tells himself now is not the time, and collects their dishes and brings them to the sink. Back turned to Rin, Ai shakes his head,]
That's it. I'll get my stuff sorted once I finish this.
[He was mostly packed, and his laundry would be a smaller pile too having done a load just the night before; just his swimwear and some odds and ends.]
Thank you, Rin-senpai!
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Date: 2025-10-12 03:02 am (UTC)and that’s kind of just how they exist in tandem over the next few days. Similarly to how they have been in the weeks prior, after. Well, whatever one could label that last incident they had.
the airport is easy. They’re all on the same plane and rin is sat next to a seasoned pro of the team. He’s kind enough, and quiet. Reminds rin a bit of sousuke and they both settle into a comfortable silence, rin popping back an allergy pill to hopefully sleep away the miserable flight. It works.
kind of at least. He gets a little sleep.
he gets up a few times to stretch and move about the cabin throughout the flight, ducking down to check on ai and haru and ikuya and everyone else he’s made the pleasure of meeting throughout his professional career and beforehand. It’s abysmally quiet, even the buzz of excitement through the newcomers and old timers dulled in favor of getting some good sleep.
but once the plane lands, rin jerks to his feet, eager to get off the plane and towards their hotel. As they’re heading towards the shuttle that is taking them towards their hotel near the aquatics center, rin stretches his head and catches a glimpse of haru’s coach and mikhail deep in discussion over… something. He purses his lip and scoffs at the two always being so chummy, while one of the coach’s assistants gives out seating assignments for the shuttle. This time rin is graced with ai next to him, but rin was there first so window seat is his. Sorry buddy, better luck next time]
How'd the flight treat you?
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Date: 2025-10-12 03:32 am (UTC)It works, but leads to one hell of a crank in his neck the entirety of the deplaning process. He smiles upon seeing their seating assignments; deflates a little upon seeing the same sight Rin does in the distance. His uncle hasn't talked to him once since they all congregated at Haneda airport earlier. Well... We're on business, so it only makes sense.
Faintly, Ai wonders if the worries over whether or not their names would appear in a sports magazine with less than savoury contents would be one that followed them across oceans. Ai realizes in the same moment, as he shuffles down the length of the shuttle bus, he resents that he's starting to equate his uncle with that ordeal. A mistake.
Rin will see Ai clapping his cheeks twice before sliding into the seat next to him, not minding at all that Rin's got the window... It just means Rin will have to endure Ai leaning this way and that to try and peer out of it without just seating himself in Rin's lap to do so. There's a sparkle in his eye, a rare thing nowadays.]
I think Nanase-san isn't very happy with me, [he says through a wide smile, apparently having forgotten his own insecurities for a second there.] Isn't it seven pm local time? But it's still so bright out.
[He realizes he's basically corralling Rin against the glass, and sits back in his seat properly... It wasn't as if they could see much from the tarmac of the airport, anyway. Ai levels Rin with a smile more genial and calm.]
You look well-rested all things considered, senpai.
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Date: 2025-10-13 06:30 pm (UTC)rin raises a brow at ai talking about haru. that's still all... awkward territory if he's being honest. he doesn't envy ai for having to sit next to the guy, even though rin knows haru doesn't care and is as amicable as ever (hopefully. sometimes it's hard to tell how the weirdo works, but)]
Why would Haru be miffed with you? And yeah, sounds about right.
[rin lets his gaze be tugged back towards the window, breathing a little relief at being given a tiny bit of breathing room. there's probably a thousand reasons he could settle on and he can't pinpoint any of them anyways. if rin's lucky, he'll get passed off to rooming with other members of the team he's not so. intimately familiar with.
even he's not sure he could stomach rooming with haru right now. maybe him and ai need some breathing space. sousuke? not the worst. natsuya? ugh... manageable. ikuya probably preferable above all else. but there's that dreaded prospect (or promise) or triple occupancy and maybe he'll luck out and it'll be two random teammates altogether. he rests his chin on the back of his hand, tugging down his cap a little]
Told you. Sleep deprivation and allergy pill. Still probably gonna crash tonight. Take the longest shower ever.
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Date: 2025-10-13 07:37 pm (UTC)... More than once...
[It isn't to say Ai doesn't have his reservations. Of course he does. He was only human, and for years Haruka has been a goliath in his head. In the pool and now out of it, too. Intimidation and inferiority seemed to go hand-in-hand most days, and Ai knows he has his work cut out for him over the course of this training camp and into the future road of their team as a unit, if he's to reconcile the guy taking up as much space as it seems he will.
More than anything, he's a teammate. So I can't let anything else get in the way. That bond has to come first.
Ai's fragile constitution is somewhat soothed at knowing room assignments statistically have to be in his favour. Even he thinks Rin could benefit from some space, even if Ai doesn't feel it necessary for himself. Rooming with Sousuke would be nice, he thinks. The younger Kirishima seems like he'd be quiet, conscientious...
His thoughts have strayed away from his attempts to spot any famous Parisian architecture over the crest of Rin's cap, and catching a glimpse in the window's reflection of himself so damned close into Rin's space nearly makes him snap back against his seat. Hands neatly in his lap, shoulders maybe a touch too straight.]
I know I shouldn't, but it's tempting to skip dinner and go straight to sleep once we arrive, [Ai admits.] Oh, Rin-senpai, we have a rest day tomorrow. I think some of the guys were going sight-seeing... Do you have plans?
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Date: 2025-10-14 09:41 pm (UTC)Yeah, fall asleep on the guy who hates being touched. That'll keep you in the good graces of the team favorite.
[rin's sour because he still remembers it's his fault haru lost a qualification to ikuya, or maybe they could have tied again and... he shoves the thought away, trying to focalize more on the sights flooding his vision out the window. he notices ai jerk backwards in the window, and tries to pull himself back against his seat awkwardly, feeling bad for blocking his view or whatever he did to cause that reaction]
Mom and Gou want a postcard, so maybe get that out of the way... maybe dinner if we're not all dead on arrival still. You?
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Date: 2025-10-14 10:12 pm (UTC)[Once upon a time, he could even be described as prudish. Rin had been touchy with him, not the other way around; Ai was always too polite and until only recently too self-deprecating to assume he had the footing to justify ever being that physical with any singular one of his friends, least of all Rin. Unlike Haruka, he might also be described as touch-starved, though that is a pit Ai is not touching with a ten foot pole, and certainly not unpacking on this bus.
Nor is he going to contend with the objective fact that Haruka is, in fact, the team favourite. Their golden goose; fastest qualifying times and two-time competitor. The face of billboards and sports magazines around the globe. It is a good thing Ai's wherewithal is well beyond the bounds of broken; he doesn't have it in him to even try and be upset about how much work he feels he has to put in to attain even an ounce of what seems to come so naturally to Haruka. Ai anticipates a lot of late nights in his immediate future. It's more productive, he thinks, to remind himself they both are on the same team. Whatever he's capable of, surely I am, too.
All thoughts halted at the prospect of Rin writing to his family; Ai had thoughts to do the same. He turns to face Rin with a rueful smile at the prospect of socializing, though.]
We'll see. It's probably best that I integrate with the team as much as I can... I feel I don't see many other newcomers. [Were you this nervous last year? He can't even bring himself to ask. Showing weakness was always difficult for him to begin with, but to show it so brazenly to Rin now, for some reason, feels akin to heresy. As if Ai has mandated for himself that anything short of the neat mask he's decided on is no good. So rather than make it Rin's problem, he decides then and there,] If they go out tomorrow, I think I'll see if they'll let me tag along.
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Date: 2025-10-17 11:16 pm (UTC)Good for you.
[he smirks, shoving ai on the shoulder, as their hotel comes into view and his gaze is pulled out towards home sweet home for the next little while]
Long as you don't think about scaring people off with your ghost stories of bodies in the river. Seriously Ai, what the hell!
[he chides him playfully, as their teammates begin to pour out of the bus, and rin adopts his very antsy less composed self. he stands up, draping himself over the seat in front of him, and looking out towards the front and back towards ai]
Alright, we all go pack in the lobby like sardines now and wait for room assignments. Then we can all fuck off and do whatever. They just don't want us plastering our faces everywhere being stupid--
[rin shoves that thought away, because he's already done that in some famously bad manner. even if they're still sitting on it for whatever reason they are]
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Date: 2025-10-17 11:35 pm (UTC)I said corpses, Rin-senpai. Not ghosts.
[--before happily letting his eyes continue to (politely, unobtrusively) gaze out the window. Paris was sincerely something magical. A splendor and majesty that bordered Budapest in its opulence; it is as if all over again he's been transported to an entirely other world. He wonders faintly if this is how Rin felt the first time he landed in Australia. The tarmac roads turn to the more familiar city streets of the outer arrondissements, passing the Aquatic Centre in its pursuit. And once it's put in park, Ai slides out of the seat to try and give Rin some room...
... And waits. For further instruction? Some of the guys have already hopped off, but not all. When Rin chimes in, even though he cuts himself off, Ai smiles. Rueful, apologetic, sympathetic all at once. A shame, for a moment, burns hot in his gut, but for Rin's sake he doesn't let it bubble up onto his expression. He surprises himself, even, in the way he reaches out to just for a moment touch Rin's side, hand immediately escaping back to his own. We'll be fine.
He turns his head back toward the mouth of the bus; Sousuke's already gotten off, it appears both Kirishimas are on their way out. Ai begins to walk forward,]
Come on, before our legs turn to stone.
[Still keen not to corral Rin more than necessary or inject himself overmuch, Ai makes his way down the aisle, smiling politely at whomever he makes eye contact with on the way. Outside the bus and on the sidewalk, he spares a few moments to say hi to Sousuke, ask him how his ride was, before following the larger group into the hotel lobby.]
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Date: 2025-10-18 02:51 am (UTC)You know what I mean.
[but they're still masterfully toeing the edge of whatever hell they've dipped into time and time again. and staying away from teetering down thankfully. even if the hand on his side almost has him jerking, but he restrains himself. right. they've always slipped into things like this before. nothing's changed.
even if it has. oh so painfully in so many ways. and he takes the invitation to get the hell off the shuttle, stretching luxuriously as ai pauses to talk to sousuke.he shoulder checks his best friend, because he has to and that's just how they roll. even if sousuke gives him a sidelong glance that he doesn't feel like unpacking right now and trails after the group towards the lobby.
haru's coach and mikhail are there with miyakawa, who is looking over a clipboard with them. they excuse themselves, and she straights up looking over all of them as she begins to list off names. like rin expected, it's triple occupancy. she rattles off names. it's nothing alphabetical, so maybe they did put some consideration into things like not putting daisuke the nudist with ikuya the prude or whatever... rin casts a glance towards ikuya, kind of hoping that maybe--]
410. Nitori, Nanase and Matsuoka.
[rin was in the middle of swallowing, and it absolutely goes down the wrong tube and he coughs loudly, something stuttering in his chest. miyakawa gives him a thinly veiled look, and raises a brow]
Something to share, Matsuoka?
[rin tries to swallow down the coughs, palm splayed across his chest as he tries to catch his breath. nononononono, no absolutely fucking not this isn't happening. through a little wheeze, he manages to spit out]
Nope. Good, thanks! Sorry.
[and gives her a little bow, feeling so sour, not able to look at anyone all of a sudden while she continues to list off lodging accommodations. rin's fists are tight at his side, but they haven't been dismissed yet. so he forces himself to stay still, even if he wants to spit out how there's been a mistake--much akin to a certain one bed situation long ago]
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Date: 2025-10-18 03:18 am (UTC)His thoughts short circuit when he hears the two names that flank after his own.
Rin's coughing; Ai is not looking at him. He is, in fact, staring out into the middle distance, trying to contend with the way it feels every ounce of blood in his system just went cold. Miyakawa's itinerary announcements fall on deaf ears; all at once, all Ai can hear is the sound of his own breathing, and his mental voice as he tries desperately to recall how he wronged which god to invite upon himself this fate.
Be realistic, Aiichirou. How bad can it be? We're all here for the same reason. And we should only be in the room to sleep. It's impossible for anything bad to happen. If it gets too unbearable, it isn't as if you're locked in. Ah, Sousuke-senpai's looking at you-- Nanase-san is looking at you. Breathe!! It's fine! It'll be fine!
All Haruka - and Rin, should he dare look upon his former roommate - would see is a young man who has suddenly taken a very serious interest in the marble lobby floor, swallowing hard around nothing, and who is several beats too late to recognize that assignments are over, that instructions have been given for the evening, and that a morning call was set for the day after next.]
--tori... Nitori!
[Ai snaps to when he realizes their team manager has been trying to pawn off his room card. Ai takes hold of it,] Thank you, [And stares down at those damning numbers.
Well. Such is fate. He puts on his bravest face yet, with a smile that is trying so damned hard to reach his eyes, as he turns to Rin, catapulting his brain somewhere roughly five years younger in the way it tries to grasp at straws.]
This is lucky! Isn't it, senpai? Since you've roomed with Nanase-san before, too. It's good our management took that into consideration.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-18 03:59 am (UTC)until his gaze lands on haru. and he just sees that easy calm, with a touch of curiousity in his gaze.
and then rin's gaze lands on sousuke and he shrivels under the intensity of it. sousuke's brow is barely raised, but there's something in those deep blues that gives everything else away and well. rin barely hears that sousuke and ikuya somehow get off with a double occupancy, and that just makes him want to die even further.
how the hell does that fucking figure. it's easy enough to beg sousuke to switch with him, but before he can entertain the thought further, he sees mikhail giving him a look and rin grits his teeth and takes his key card, stalking off towards where their bags have been unloaded from the shuttle.
his giant duffel is near the top and he goes to grab it when another hand nearly touches his own and rin practically jerks away. because he sees the stupid dolphin covered suitcase, and knows--]
Ah, sorry. My bad.
[rin waits for whenever ai decides to come get his own luggage, foot still tapping against the ground incessantly, fingers pushing through his hair over and over and over again]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-18 04:14 am (UTC)He watches as Rin awkwardly jerks his hand back when Haruka accidentally brushes against him. Ai doesn't even have it in him to conjure a reaction, just deflates a little. Waits until a few of the other guys have cleared out their suitcases before going for his own oversized duffel; Ai's able to pluck it out of the pile without much fanfare, stepping aside to make room for their teammates who have to get their stuff too. Though notably, he stands an arm and a leg away from Rin and Haruka.
He looks at Rin, an oddly serious expression on his face. Something imploring. Ai wouldn't dare loosen his tongue over the matter with others in earshot, but. In whatever way he can, he's trying to beg Rin to just have a little trust. If Ai can, Rin can too. Right? If one simply ignores how Ai's gripping the strap of his duffel white-knuckled so as not to reveal his shaking hands, then he can't be a hypocrite.]
Come on, before the elevators are swamped. [Ai shuffles with alacrity toward said architecture, calling an elevator down with the button, and as soon as the door is open, he holds its mouth open so that Haruka and Rin can do the same.]
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Date: 2025-10-20 03:21 am (UTC)it's not ai's fault. and rin shouldn't treat him as such. and he doesn't! it's just hard to pinpoint where all his emotions are going when he's stuck inbetween a literal rock and a hard place. rin notices the intensity in which ai is clutching his bag, and feels that fresh, hot wave of guilt washing over him. for so many reasons. haru nods at ai, and starts heading off to the elevator, but rin hangs back for a moment, casting a pleading glance at his friend.
and mouths a little i'm sorry before ai beats the both of them towards the elevator altogether. all the energy he had before completely sapped dry from him. never in a million years did he expect this room assignment. but it's here, and they can fucking deal with it. rin wonders how much money he would have to tuck into the team manager's pocket to let him sleep in a fucking supply closet instead. not like he's going to sleep in his current room anyways.
the elevator ride is tight. he hates it. the three of them are pinned in there with a few of their other teammates clambering over haru and asking him all sorts of questions. ones he answers quietly, casting a glance over at rin every now and again. one that rin just shrinks from, and makes him grip his bag tighter.
it's fine. they're just here to sleep. so much of their time is going to be spent in the pool, seeing the sights the city has to offer, making connections. maybe rin can just occupy the bathtub, unless haru beats him to it]
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Date: 2025-10-20 04:06 am (UTC)It's hard to be upset if he's asleep, he thinks, so as soon as they're let off their floor, Ai waits for a few of their other team members to make room for them to step off, and all but bee-lines down the hallway in pursuit of their room. Doesn't say a word; keeps his eyes dutifully either on the floor or on the wall. Somehow, down in the lobby, it was easy to convince himself it was no big thing. But staring down the reality of weeks stuck in this mental chasm, Ai already feels exhausted. He'll have to figure out something, otherwise he'll be eaten alive by the raw, sheer shame he feels for even existing in proximity at the same time to these two.
Jealousy is an ugly thing, he thinks. And Ai isn't categorically a jealous person. He knows he has his work cut out for him.
Ai waits for one of the two veterans to step in first, smile plastered weakly on his countenance. If Rin's dead set on being wound up from the onset, Ai has a continued duty to try and be a grounding force. So he fills the air even though none of them really want him to, himself included,]
It's bigger than I would have expected... I heard hotels in Paris were skim with their square footage. [He awkwardly flips the key card between his hands, waiting to step in and close the door.] Ah, because you're both older, it's better if you choose your beds first.
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Date: 2025-10-23 02:24 am (UTC)whatever.
rin is terrible at pretending like nothing is wrong, even more once their teammates disperse and they're all standing in front of the door. ai is too polite. way too polite, especially given the circumstances. rin's surprised he's not flitting off to beg for another accommodation. hell, rin is surprised he hasn't actually beat ai to it already!
ai is infuriatingly way too polite, and rin shoves his own keycard into the door slot, shouldering past the both of them because--]
I didn't get a fucking window seat, so window bed is mine!
[....that's one way to do it.
rin throws his bag onto it unceremoniously, and starts dumping his shit every which way. yes rin is normally neat and keeps his stuff in one area. but it's like he's marking his territory or something like a pissed off dog. he doesn't even notice haru taking the middle bed after casting a glance at ai with a raised brow.
no rin is not throwing a tantrum thanks. he's getting this all out of the way so he can go drown himself in the bathtub. he shoots a frazzled glance back at ai]
...don't even start telling river body stories in here!
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Date: 2025-10-23 02:50 am (UTC)But what steals the wind right back out of his sails is the way Rin spreads. How many months has it been of Ai trying to encourage Rin to do that back home? To remind him he's welcome in Ai's apartment; that he could take up more space than the four-by-six of the futon. Even worse, Ai has nowhere to pin this feeling: Haruka may be present, but Ai understands that to be a stressor in his own right. It isn't as if Rin was excited at the prospect of staying in a hotel for the sake of it.
So it's me. It's the only logical conclusion he can reach, another shallow cut to add to the thousands he's sure to endure over the course of this training camp. Haruka looking at him so suddenly and pointedly is what breaks Ai from his unfortunately negative rumination, shutting the door and ushering himself in; his bed is closest to the door, and furthest from Rin. Inadvertently a blessing; if Ai felt he needed to leave, he could do so quietly without causing much ruckus. To Haruka's awry glance, Ai only offers a mildly confused simper.
In stark contrast to Rin, Ai places his suitcase at the foot of his bed and unzips it quietly, slowly beginning to sort through his things. It looks like Rin has his own dresser flush to the wall of the room, but between Haruka and Ai's beds, there is only one. Ai didn't mind keeping most of his things in his case; he pulls out a set of pyjamas and a set of morning clothes. Pyjamas on the bed, morning clothes tossed over the back of the room's couch.]
I think I terrorized Nanase-san enough on the plane ride, he doesn't need more of that from me. [Ai sits on his bed and collapses backward, back resting down on the mattress. He takes in a deeeeep breath, and exhales it sloooowly through his nose. One might mistake it for enjoying the plush comfort of a hotel bed; in reality, he's trying to release all the damn tension in his body.] The bath is connected with the toilet, right? That's one of the things I miss from home... [Laying down, Ai rubs at his hair.] We'll probably need to decide shower times so we're not keeping each other waiting.
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Date: 2025-10-23 10:45 pm (UTC)some things never change apparently!!!
rin grits his teeth, and begins shrugging off his team jacket and his shirt. all while fumbling through his duffel and whatever pile he's managed to concoct next to him for his signature tank top. if he's going to be stuck in the most uncomfortable situation known to man, he's going to do it in the most comfortable thing he owns. without even sparing a glance back at ai, and taking the whole treat me like normal thing way too literally apparently after just a few weeks prior having ai's dick down his throat-- rin also shucks off his pants and pulls on a pair of his running shorts, trying so desperately to not give in to temptation and mutter this and that over their current lodging.
but well, at least haru's given them the floor for at least thirty minutes. or if he's all nice and awkwardly considerate, that could be even shorter. hopefully in haru's rehab, he didn't grow too much of a conscious and rin can avoid the awkward for as long as possible. he rubs the back of his head, trying to figure out where to put all his stuff that makes the most sense]
You can get the next one.
[...rin offers, even though he wants a shower so SO bad right now. but that's the gentleman's thing to do right? or whatever good friends do!]
Not sure I can even stand up long enough to take one right now anyways.
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Date: 2025-10-23 11:08 pm (UTC)But he just can't do it. Not now, knowing the weight Sousuke carries. Ai worries his bottom lip, tabs out from his texts, and instead goes into his photo roll to look idly at shots he's snapped from over the duration of their travel...
... Trying so very, very hard to keep Rin out of his periphery. Because Ai's noticed the way Rin's assumed normalcy again, and so Ai can cue in. Not that he'd stare anyway, but... Something about this hotel room truly felt like the walls were slowly closing in on him. It was either that, or the way it seemed suddenly as if Rin can't even look at him since entering.
He waits far too generous a length of time until he's certain Rin is clothed to turn to address him, shaking his head gently.]
But you really wanted to wash off, didn't you? It's best if you go first, I can wait. [Besides, Ai isn't afraid to use his trump card, forcing upon Rin exactly one aspect of their relationship he cannot toe in and out of at his convenience, doing so with an easy-going smile on his face,] Because you're senpai. It'd be rude if I went first.
[And then Ai purses his lips. And considers for a moment. How unreadable Rin has been since arriving, and how Haru being in the shower nets them just a few minutes alone to make their peace with the matter. It dances on the tip of his tongue, some kind of reassurance. I'm stronger than you think I am, or I know my place, or For the next two weeks, we're teammates first. For once, none coalesce past his lips. Worried saying anything might just make things worse. So he performs a miracle, and instead puts his foot in his mouth.]
Nanase-san takes his time, doesn't he...
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Date: 2025-10-24 02:41 am (UTC)I've been telling you for years to drop it, not like that's suddenly changing here.
[awkward silence commences. even though it was kind of already present before. rin's fine with silence. rin's fine with awkward silence. rin is not fine with feeling like his sheets are swallowing him whole, and the whole world is spinning on the axis funny. he tosses himself over to stare at the wall underneath the window, trying to not let himself claw out of his own skin.
ai's cued up his phone. fine! rin can do the same then. he fumbles for his phone wherever he ditched it on the pillows, and pulls it up to his peripheral, squinting at the absolute wall of unread text messages he's greeted with. his sister, his mother, fucking sousuke-- it takes everything in him to not chuck his phone at the wall. but he behaves himself, tries to fire off a few polite and short texts before shoving it back under his pillow.
and back into that awkward silence...except ai is nothing short of a saint once again, and he helps break it. rin huffs, rubbing the back of his head before he stiffly raises himself off the bed]
Yeah, because he's an inconsiderate prick.
[--and rin is marching over to the bathroom door and slams a fist against it a few times, kicking it for good measures]
I swear to fuck, better not be testing the limits of how much like a prune you can resemble in there.
[before rin begins...to stomp back to his bed and flops back onto it with a huff, crossing his arms. haru is absolutely an inconsiderate prick. does that actually fall onto rin matsuoka very much? no. but that's totally besides the point. rin grits his teeth]
Anyways! Just-- [rin drops his face a little, glancing over at the bathroom door] I'm fucking sorry, okay. I saw the look on your face.
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