[Ai breaks into a brisk jog right behind Rin. He could probably keep pace, especially since he's limbered up and Rin is hungover, but it's more habit. Since back then, it had always been more common for Ai to be a pace or two behind Rin, no matter how long their route...
You're one to talk. Smile once in a while. Ai doesn't even have the capacity to try and refute that. He's given Rin hollow mirrors, but when was the last time he shared something genuine? This, too, lodges in his head as something he needs to be better at. Rin will have to wait, though; he's taken the opposite turn Ai had earlier that morning out of the building, and their steep incline means Ai is trying to focus more on not overexerting himself on the upward push than he is on trying to think of the right words to say. A rarity for him; usually he didn't really think about what came out of his lips at all.
What's your problem anyway?
Ai's eyes snap up to Rin's back. He almost stumbles where he jogs, front of his foot catching on a cobbled crevice.
It's like we talked last night, and some weird switch clicked in you.
Ai stops.
For a few fleeting moments, he watches Rin's back. Feeling as if he's presently existing in two realities: one where Rin wants him to pull back, and one where Rin is frustrated at him doing so. He remembers the order as clear as day, barked quietly to not stir Haruka in the shower.
I'll stop feeling guilty when you stop giving me a reason to. I'm trying. Well try harder!
If Rin stops, or looks back, he'll see furrowed eyebrows, pulled lips, and a rare flash of anger and betrayal in dull blue eyes. At once, Ai tries to surge forward again; he'd just told himself he can't let these kinds of things hold him back, after all. Even as he comes up to Rin's side, Ai is unabashed in letting his hurt cultivate every single wrinkle on his face.]
I'm doing exactly what you told me to. [His feet pounding into the paved Parisian sidewalks feel leaden.] Even if you hadn't, it's the only responsible course, isn't it?
[Ai minds his countenance, not that it's much better. Instead, he's grimacing down at the floor flying beneath their feet rather than Rin.]
I'm done giving you reasons to feel guilty. I just need time to do it properly.
[rin spits out. he's taken back to being out jogging with sousuke one night. it felt like things were being held back or misconstrued then too. he wouldn't say it led to an argument, but they certainly settled it in the pool and were in a better place because of it. it's not night and there's most certainly some of their teammates their now. you can't settle everything in the water. he tries to tell himself, gnawing at his lip.
not everyone is sousuke or haru, and things don't just magically fix themselves because of some goddamn race.
so they're stuck like this. but rin brought it up, and like hell he's backing down now. he wants his friend back. he selfishly wishes their teacup was still a singular thing, but that's wishful thinking and there's no going back now. so he stops, bracing his hands on his knees. they're near a residence anyway, probably some airbnb. if not nobody's going to hear them anyway. not unless rin starts raising his voice and making a scene. sometimes he's trying adamantly not to do right now]
I said to try harder to occupy space. Y'know! Looking fucking miserable. Shit, what the hell else would I mean?
[you always say cruel things. and rin jerks visibly with the realization. that bit of a bad memory resonating with him. but it woke something up. did ai think--]
...You didn't think I...
[he doesn't know. he doesn't think he wants to know but.
his brows furrow something terrible, and somewhere, he tastes blood. it takes everything in him to not reach out and fist at ai's collar. no, he refuses. he doesn't trust himself to keep the kind of control necessary for such an action. he has to be responsible. so his fists remain clenched on his knees as he pushes himself back up]
[Rin stops, and so Ai does too; Rin stopping so suddenly means Ai's pulled ahead of him, a little. He has to turn around and walk forward to come close enough to warrant the conversation. Desperately yet quietly he pulls air into his lungs, doing so while remaining upright. It's his continued attempts at composure; if he bends even a fraction to the desire to crumble, he knows all of him is going to collapse to ash. On a sidewalk in public in front of Rin, he absolutely can't have that.
Rin's clearly growing angry - frustrated, probably, if Ai had to mark it with something specific. So Ai straightens his spine even further, using every single intake of breath to puff his chest just a bit further. Mocking at being able to handle this conversation--
I said to try harder to--
At once, the air leaves his lungs. His shoulders flinch where one of the stones he'd managed to put into place to build this new wall has been kicked out from underneath the rest. All the anger, the hurt, the betrayal in his eyes, it's gone in a flash. Replaced immediately by a flash of--
Relief. And then worry. And then fear. Because setting the record straight means coming dangerously close to putting words to it.
Ai realizes he's colossally fucked up. This much he has to be honest about. Despite the glassy reflection in his eyes, Ai doesn't wince or look away.]
Asked me to try harder to move on? I did.
[... Only then does he tear his gaze down. No words in Japanese or English could properly convey how much he does not want to be talking about this. Well, there is one way, and it's owed to Rin besides. Ai doesn't have it in him to meet Rin's eyes a second time; he hangs his head low, guilt weighing his shoulders.]
... I wound up making you feel guilty anyway. Rin-senpai, I'm so sorry.
[There's more left unsaid. Ai will take it all to his grave.]
Given everything, it seemed reasonable. When you and Nanase-san came back last night, I thought for sure it was the right thing. It was only when we left the room earlier I wondered if I'd been put up to an impossible task... Nothing seemed to make it better. But I get why now.
I misunderstood you.
[So fundamentally. It is the first time in the entirety of their friendship Ai has gotten Rin so dead wrong. He cares less about the nature of the misunderstanding, and only cares at having misunderstood at all. Knowing he's actually hurt Rin.]
[there's no settling on what the worst part of all of this. whether it's rin own stupidity for not making things more abundantly clear in a moment of passion or ais' tears glossing over. he's crying because of me. again. he thinks, mustering up every sour feeling he's ever had and amplifying it by ten. he wants to cry. but he won't, he can't.
this is his own mess. he has to keep this stoic. he did it for a year, when everyone around him seemed to be crumbling. he held his head high, performed his duties as captain without succumbing to what had twisted around him the year prior. he owes it to ai to keep that same level headedness for once. if only he had done that before? imagine the possibilities and could have beens]
Misunderstandings happen. I...should have been clearer. I'm sorry. For-- [rin swallows it back, no he can't cry he can't] for misunderstanding you.
[he can't fix all the damage he's caused. but he can at least try to atone? make ai feel less small, and more capable of taking up space? rin pushes his bangs out of his face. they haven't even gotten far, and already he feels his limbs numb with exhaustion, his headache making itself known once more]
It's my fault isn't it? Making you feel like...an impossible task.
[rin tears his own gaze away in turn, his nails digging into his palms. it's his only reprieve, the only thing that keeps him from completely disassociating out of this whole conversation]
I'm fine.
[he manages to bite out, scrubbing at his face before any tears have the opportunity to manifest and put him into a more pathetic looking state. he already shoulders enough guilt. he doesn't need to make ai think he's made him cry and intensify that more]
Look I don't know what you think happened between me and Haru but... [rin doesn't finish that sentence. it's not right to twist the knife in the fresh wound] But I just know we're a team. And I'm sorry for ever dampening that feeling.
[Ai listens, intently. With more grace to spare than he could ever hold for himself. Getting stuck in his own head is exactly why he had misunderstood Rin in the first place; Ai knows he has to try extra hard now not to let it happen a second time. That starts with him doing the very thing Rin had actually asked of him.
For making you feel like... An impossible task. Ai shakes his head. He's the first to lift his head, level his gaze back on Rin. It kills him to see Rin edging on the same precipice Ai is. I've been such an idiot.]
I was trying to pull away... You were trying to pull me in, I think. Right? But if I hadn't gotten lost in my own head, it would have been fine. So that's on me.
[Ai doesn't sound like he's trying to claim more guilt than necessary; if he looks at things judiciously, as best as he can, he knows that much is his fault, too. It isn't trying to spare Rin his feelings; it's Ai trying to take accountability.
Ai searches Rin's eyes, his own flitting quickly back and forth as he tries to take in the measure of Rin's countenance. Trying to gauge where his head is at. Ai catches this; recognizes this is exactly how they got here. So even though his body aches and his eyes sting and he feels bad he keeps cornering Rin into these conversations, Ai does them both the favour of just laying it out plain.]
I know we're a team. We've all fought hard to get here.
[His hands ball at his sides. Ai's eyebrows furrow.]
... I guess, maybe, Nanase-san isn't as quiet as he thinks he is. [If you're that worried, do something about it. Ai can't force a smile, he's done that too many times that morning. But Rin can at least probably see the sincerity in his eyes as he continues,] Not that it should matter regardless. It isn't my business.
[I've already done my part. Ai stands by the decision he made back at All-Japan. Even now.
Ai grips his arm, crossed over his front.]
And because he's my teammate, I want to do right by him too.
It doesn't matter. [tone, tone. he tries to keep that in mind, clearing his throat a little] There's no point in tossing around blame. We both screwed up.
[rin wants to take all the blame for himself. ai wants to do the same. they won't get anywhere like that. so he just tries to come to neutral ground. it's the only way they can move forward. rin can't promise to not internalize this blame but he can try. he watches ai's body takes on a similar mannerism to his own.
so rin tries to drop the act, tries to let his fists unclench. it doesn't work great. but at least the effort is there. he tries to suck in a breath, even himself]
Damn right we're a team. This is your dream right?
[rin raises a hand to squeeze his shoulder. a heavy reminder]
Don't screw this up. We haven't had our relay yet.
[that's always been ai's dream, right? their dream team. they can have it again on an international stage. if rin just stops fucking messing this up. he tries not to rise to the comment about haru, even if it's evident his face is absolutely burning at the comment. there's a few things that could constitute that comment, and each one is worse than the last. rin rubs the back of his neck, gritting out]
It's your business if you're rooming with us. Not that anything happened.
[...well. it kind of did. he remembers through the blur. them dancing. he remembers haru practically pressed against his back, that fucking comment. rin shakes his head, bringing his hand around to press against his face]
You're doing right by all of us. Believe me, you've done a lot. We wouldn't even be friends again if it wasn't for you.
[...but rin thinks that's a touch cruel, and jerks away from the topic quickly]
Anyway. Dumbass needs to stop stripping in front of you. Not everyone wants to see that shit.
[he lets go of ai's shoulder, letting his hand fall]
[Ai simpers. It's genuine, if a little weak; as one could expect, this conversation has left him completely winded. If he's honest, he has no idea how Rin is the one between the two of them keeping better composure. That, too, makes Ai feel guilty. He isn't used to actually relying on Rin in such a blatant manner. But in this regard, he's letting Rin's determination to not fuck things up beyond repair actually guide himself, too.
Rin squeezes his shoulder, and Ai raises his hand to clasp it on top, squeezing in turn. To show Rin he's received his sentiments. To prove to him Ai isn't scared of him, either. Good will, as much of it as can be packed in such a thing. Ai then after a moment or two lets go, his arm falling back to his side.]
Kirishima-senpai's breast time is still stronger, so I have a ways to go. But... I'm determined to see that sight, too. [To swim with you proudly. Maybe it's just a bit too loaded to say right now, though.
And he knows Rin is trying to navigate this room situation with grace, but. Unfortunately, the more it's talked about plainly, the more it settles in his gut ill. Not because Rin isn't being sensitive-- rather, that part of him that he can't kill. It just keeps getting in the way. He'll do what he does best and turn outward,]
I think you and Nanase-san would have found each other again... But having helped a little, I'm glad.
[Anything else? Ai couldn't even put his thoughts in coherent order to answer that properly if he tried. So he only shakes his head, and somewhat awkwardly scratches the spot just under his beauty mark,]
Ah, no. I don't think so. I could sit here apologizing until I'm blue in the face, but something tells me that isn't productive. [For ruining Rin's morning. For nearly tanking their friendship. For not being strong enough to follow through, anyway. For choosing hope even though it never does them any good. Ai sets his jaw, tamps his feelings down just a little more. If they're exiting this conversation, he wants to do it with grace. Gently he looks upon Rin.]
[maybe hangover rin is able to keep his emotions in check better? or maybe hangover rin is being smart, and not losing his goddamn mind because that would mean an inevitable migraine from the yelling. or maybe rin is just so goddamn tired. tired from the lack of sleep. tired from travek. tired from all of...this. whatever things he's fucked up in. however he's pulled and dragged their relationship and made it incomprehensible from before.
their hands come together for a moment. not like before. not some broken tightening because someone was afraid or angry. but in union. stupid, isn't it? how that was something they had come to trust in for so long as a team. and rin fucked it all up. it's not something that can be so easily repaired either. but at least...any progress is progress. even if only inching towards that goal. but like all things, it too must end and rin pulls his hand away from ai's shoulder when ai lets his hand fall. slipping into something almost self deprecating.
rin just rolls his eyes. but at least ai has the decency to tack on a more reaffirming statement. he's determined too. that's progress. they'll go from there. rin smiles, pushing his hands back into his pockets]
Blow Kirishima out of the water. I think the guy can handle feeling worried about his spot.
[it's. a mean thing to say. but rin and ikuya have a weird relationship so even if he somehow heard him he knew he could take it. he tenses, because when doesn't he when he hears haru's name come out of ai's mouth? but he tries not to let it get to him. that's how they've famously gotten in trouble before, and he just contents himself with a shrug]
Yeah yeah.
[haru's already a weird topic. rin thinks back to his dead ass asleep still, after a night of partying. what a very not haru thing to do. stupid. but it gives rin some time to focus on other things. his own damage. the smile on his face softens, as they divulge into different territory]
[There's a hesitation in Rin's general countenance, though it's paired with a minute relief. And at this juncture, where so much between them is splintered and holding on by a thread, Ai figures he'll take it as a win. This time around, it's his fault; it's frankly impossible not to feel guilty at baseline. Even now, after having reached mutual accord, Ai still thinks the best way forward involves less bumping shoulders and more cutting parts of himself out, but.
It's baby steps. Rin accepted his apology, and seems to be some semblance of normal again. Not irritated; not angry. Not lost. And Ai, for the first time since setting foot in Paris, doesn't entirely feel like throwing himself into the Seine, so.
Maybe it's for the best Rin doesn't have anything else bothering him at the moment he's willing to disclose. Could Ai handle it? The unfortunate truth is he would rise to any problem thrown his way; this is why the two of them worked well as a pair, so he thought. But this threadbare and emotionally volatile, Ai questions even his own constitution. Because there's nothing he could ask me he doesn't know already. All that's left if the world's worst kept secret.
So. Ai looks from Rin, to the sidewalk. And back to Rin. His head tilts with an apologetic smile.]
Well. If something comes up later, we'll handle it like adults. [In theory. It's Ai's attempt at keeping the door open for Rin; lord knows with their rooming arrangement, something else is bound to happen that warrants questions. Now, after all that....]
[it's a otherwise pretty...basic morning/early afternoon. something that the whole team japan, but most of all ai and rin, needed. breakfast didn't end in blowups. jogging ended fine. they came back a few hours later to a disheveled fish man wishing death on the whole world. and rin told him to handle his liquor better and got a pillow to the face.
yep. basic morning.
miyakawa gathers them all together to go over a few things (she might have implied that some people got a little too full of themselves out last night, and to try to remember that we are guests of this country. rin stiffened. her gaze looked rather pointed at natsuya, but who was to say? it definitely seems to sweep over the other three as well--) and they headed towards the aquatics center. rin untenses, and grits his teeth as he hauls up his bag over his shoulder.
it doesn't matter how many natatoriums and aquatic centres you go to. you never stop being wowed by the craftsmanship, the people swimming, the sheer awe of the place. rin tries to stay humble in his life, remembering his dad and that his mom raised him to be a respectful kid. he stares around the place, the lane lines are all perfectly in place. some of the home team is out swimming, practicing exchanges.
rin realizes he's staring too long when ikuya runs into him, and they bristle at each other for a moment. before he trickles after ai with a huff and puff. haru and ikuya can crab at each other over their hangovers for all he cares. unlike some people he can handle his alcohol (a lie) and the after effects (a bigger fucking lie)]
Aiming for anything special today?
[he asks ai, heading towards the locker room and trying to tuck himself into a more secluded corner away from the hustle and bustle. his headache is still there. at least less there than earlier as he opens the locker and zips open his bag]
...since you were the only smart one last night apparently. Bet you'll murder everyone.
[It's swimming in murky waters, but swimming all the same. Ai can't see the way forward, and can barely tell up from down; the sun doesn't quite penetrate his surface, not yet. But he can at least bank on the water being all around him, and can trust that so long as he keeps swimming, and doesn't cave to the desire to sink, that it'll be alright.
What isn't murky at all is the crystal-clear water of the Parisian natatorium, reflecting and bouncing off every single brushed steel beam in the facility. Heavy as his heart is and whipped around as his head is, it's frankly hard not to feel a little excited... So much so in fact he doesn't realize he's lost Rin for a moment, and isn't until Rin's suddenly trickling in beside him that Ai notes they had been separated. He looks back further still, seeing Ikuya and Haruka both... How to say it...
It's like two wet cats...
It's a thought he'll keep to himself, and instead bolster his opinion further that he's glad he didn't go last night. Besides, he wouldn't have a good answer for Rin if he asked why Ai was suddenly laughing; for his own sake, Ai turns his head toward the pool, and hides his curled lips behind his knuckles.
Inside the locker room Ai shakes his head, doing Rin the favour of choosing a locker at the end of the corridor, granting him peace (from noise) and peace (from being corralled.)]
Ah, but Sousuke-senpai stayed back too, didn't he?
[And why would you know that with such confidence, Ai? He shucks off his civilian clothes to get his preferred jammers situated, the very same he'd worn for his Samezuka relays. To Rin's question, Ai pulls out his phone and looks at some team data...]
Well, what doesn't need brushing up? My turn, my extension... [He got what he needed: Ikuya's time trials. Ai turns his phone back off, places it in the locker, and closes it.] I couldn't tell you why, but actually, I wanted to practice free today.
[A return to form? It isn't as if he qualified for such a thing. All the same, if half the team is down for the count, maybe doing something out of the ordinary would be worthwhile... Ai steps out to the mouth of the locker row, waiting for Rin. If Rin's looking, he'll see a cheeky smile - a rare sight these days.]
Your goggle straps are gonna squeeze your poor head, Rin-senpai. Ah, but if you can handle practice the same way you handle your booze, you'll be fine.
[rin gives him a level look, brow slightly raised but shoves his jacket into the locker with a huff. digging around for his suit next]
So he did stay. Just assumed he crawled off somewhere else to mope about something or another.
[that's. mean. but sousuke and rin can handle those jabs about one another in stride. it's just the kind of people they are. rin doesn't actually mean it. he doesn't know what sousuke would be moping about right now-- scratch that. he's not touching that with a ten foot pole. not when he has to everytime he walks into his room. he turns around to pull his shirt over his head]
Free?
[rin pauses, looking back to keep that raised brow trained on ai. it's not that surprising. ai has swam free before. ai has a lot of strokes under his belt in fact. but rin hasn't seen him pursue a lot of it since their second year together. adapting to breast and relays more than anything. not that he was complaining of course. they wouldn't have made it as far as they did without him, but.
he takes in consideration the old samezuka jammers. and something warm swells in him as he turns back to pulling on his own jammers. they're just his team japan ones. nothing fun or uniquely him. maybe he'll get something that screams him again someday. a little bitterness that his legskins that match ai and sousuke and momo are stuffed back at ai's apartment swelling. damn swimsuit drama...]
I'm game.
[even rin surprises himself with his answer. but why wouldn't he propose such a thing? the prospect of a friend going back to old haunts, pushing themselves?. he pulls his goggles out of his bag the second ai says it, and squints at him as he...puts them around his neck. lacking that famous snap of his strap he always falls back on]
Ah shut up.
[he grits back, shoving his clothes in his bag, grabbing his cap and banishing the rest to his locker with a slam of the door. ow. bad idea. he rubs at his temple with his palm, looking around the locker room]
Least my pants stay on.
[he snarks back, rolling his eyes as he makes his way out towards the pool deck]
[There is a smug cockiness just barely kissing the very edges of his curled lips when he thinks he's gotten a bulletproof zinger in. Unfortunately, Rin had a trump card. Ai would have hoped that with all of their-- developments, Rin might choose to check that kind of observation at the door. Apparently not; Rin played dirty. And in many ways, Ai could have expected as much.
He's left gawking and with a face about as red as Rin's hair, blinking like a god damn moron for a moment before clambering after him with a start,]
That's rich coming from you...!
[And, god, if only it had the bite it needed. Right now is not the time to think about the flash of uncertainty and thrill on Rin's face as Ai dangled him above a futon, or the sounds he made when his pants came off, or the way his neck seared when Rin bit into him. Or the time many weeks later when Ai's pants came off, and Rin's head disappeared beneath--
Ai slaps his cheeks twice before his memory can even start recalling a shower room suddenly one person short, or his return with a neck worse than it had left. Sometimes, it still feels like it happened in another world.
Gut a mess on account of a certain redhead, Ai gathers his wits and joins Rin at the pool deck. Haruka was already ambling about down one of the lanes, no surprise. Ikuya was waiting at the end of that lane, presumably waiting for a good moment to jump in. A few of their other teammates were circle swimming in lane five...
Ai tucks his hair into his cap and presses his goggles against his eyes.]
I'll start with some 200m reps, I need to warm up. [Pause. He tries not to look back at Haruka's lane. Surely the moment his head is above water and he sees Rin's come pool side, one or both will instigate each other and that usually resulted in a race... Or two. But maybe, before Haruka decides to actually join the waking world, body and mind both, Ai could...
There is way too much trepidation as he looks back to Rin, but to his credit, he's trying. That thing Rin practically begged of him, that Ai had interpreted so horrifically wrong. Taking up space.]
When you're limbered, Rin-senpai, do you want to swim together?
[rin can't know exactly where ai's mind wandered off to. but the words are plain enough, and he stops so suddenly daisuke runs into him with a huff and walks around him muttering. because well, there's sure a heck of a lot of ways to take that sentence. hopefully ai misses that debacle, and rin doesn't spit something venomous back, even though his interior suddenly wants to maim and claw at something.
right. they're athletes. settle things in the pool.
he watches haru and ikuya sloppily practicing some exchanges or so he presumes. that's one art kirishima has to him. he's an all around guy. can do anything from back to free and he's good at it all. meaning realistically, he could go for any spot in the medley he wants. haru only swims free so if that asshole tries to oust him for fly, rin might have a few less than kind words--
right. no. that's not happening. and he knows it. he's just being pissy because his head is pounding as he tucks his hair under his cap and puts his goggles on without the normal snap. he'll deal with that later. he doesn't want to look at either of them right now anyway, they all get a little too friendly under the influence. he remembers coaches stare and he bites his lip, tossing ai a look]
Limbered already, what do you take me for??
[he looks at the lane, back to ai and then--]
IM. Unless you're chicken.
[ai used to be the IM guy, the free guy, the all around guy. rin wants to see, and well. ai said he wanted to practice free anyway. might as well make it a little more interesting right?]
[It's for the better they both park that line of thought back in the locker room, because it hangs like the long shadow of an unnamed elephant in his brain pretty much constantly. The fact he's seen Rin naked, prone. Has known his body. Can remember the taste of his lips, some days. Nearly got swept in scandal because of it.
We're only doing this if you see me. Words Ai wishes he could take back. Some part of him, eve now, despite everything, believes it'd be so much easier if he let Rin have his cake and eat it too. There was no sense involving feelings like that. Childish at best; misguided at worst.
And a bygone, as Ai watches with that same trepidation as Rin readies himself next to the starting block beside Ai, too. Rin's cocky eagerness is nothing new, and in fact its familiarity and presence gets a smile out of Ai. But Rin suggesting IM has Ai's eyebrows flying to his hairline.
Rin's never swam IM. Ai didn't think Rin remembered Ai swam IM, once upon a time. Ai wouldn't have thought him to care enough to leverage it in practice, either. Even through the veneer of his goggles, it's hard to miss the owlish blink of his eyes, unsure why Rin would suggest such a thing... And yet, his body gives it answer where his brain is stuck on it: readying himself at the starting block, hunched over, heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.]
You've never swam the IM before, senpai. Are you sure?
[He isn't shit-talking, easy as it'd be to interpret it that way. It's a declaration of his sincere confusion. But it's as if at once his actual desire catches up to him, overrides that constant anxiety and second-guessing in his head that so often accompanies his relationship with Rin these days. He flexes his fingers where they curl around the starting block. If Rin's looking, he'd see a sheepish, shy smile kissing Ai's lips.]
Well... It's been a while for me, too. [Ah, there's that smugness. A bit put-on and forced, but. It's hard to deny: he's excited.] Maybe you can keep up, after all.
[he meets ai's look with a raised brow of his own. almost scrutinizing. or maybe something more akin to what, don't think i can? and he scoffs, pulling at his cap a little bit]
I can swim other strokes, y'know.
[it's a touch defensive when it really doesn't need to be. it's good to have specialties. obviously it's gotten him as far as it has for a reason. but upping his game requires things outside of what the public sees him swim. or maybe he just--
it's always more fun to have a challenge during practice. it's why joint practices back home, and these team practices always light a fire under people. friendly competition. playful jeers and jabs from your teammates. miyakawa tells them to cool their shit sometimes, but mikhail always fondly reminisces of "youth and rivalry" or some bullshit (rin usually tunes it out) and he'll take that route any day. so ai agreeing with that air of smugness gets rin's blood going. maybe it will make his headache worse, or maybe it will just melt it all away. who's to say]
Call it whenever you're good.
[he pulls his goggles down over his eyes, staring down at the water as he gets into position. it's funny how the order of it goes. honestly rin is happy he can start out with his strongest stroke. it can give him an edge. maybe. hopefully]
[Of course, Ai knew full well Rin could swim all strokes, and if he entered local competition, could likely place no matter the model. Rather, Ai frets that Rin's hangover and mild disarray from that morning might hold him back... He knows Rin is prone to getting in his own head sometimes, in the water. Not that this was competition but--
Plainly put, it's gotta be an ordeal to swim right about now.
Ai shouldn't get so complacent, though, and so he knows better than to underestimate Rin despite the circumstances. He flashes his eyes up to the natatorium clock,]
Next it rounds the minute hand on twelve.
[-- and as soon as both hands are vertical, Ai dives in. His butterfly pales in comparison to Rin's, even on his best of days; this was Rin's playground, after all. But Ai's determined to put up a good fight, and it's evident in his power that he has not slacked on his evergreen practice despite focusing on breast heavily for all of his qualifiers. Rin may make the turn first, but Ai's giving him reason to sweat.
Backstroke would be anyone's game; even if Ai comes out of the turn second, there is undeniable agility, and were he distracted enough to look a lane over, he wouldn't be surprised if he were gaining on Rin. At this juncture, it was anyone's race.
Faintly, he can hear the excited and confused murmurings of their teammates through the cacophony of the water cutting over his ears like rapids.
Since when did Matsuoka swim IM? Hey, isn't that the newcomer too? He told me he swam IM way back in high school. They don't look half bad, do they? Matsuokaaa! So loud... ... If you want to swim IM together too, just say so. Haru--? ]
[butterfly is his strong suit, the thing guaranteed to give him a win in most any competition. but ai is giving him his all, clearly relishing in the effects that a not hang over is bringing him. he feels ai closing the gap, his breaths a little more slogged than they normally would be but--
and at the turn, he knows he's in trouble.
backstroke is his worst stroke. did he make it look easy when he was teaching rei? absofuckinglutely. but he pales in comparison to people like makoto...no, that title goes to sousuke now, the backstroke fucking king. he has a few heads on ai with his turn, but it's nowhere near good enough to keep up the lead for long. couple that with squinting up at the natatorium lights on the ceiling and he fucking fumbles it easily.
breaststroke is anyone's game really. but rin knows ai has a national spot on the team for that very stroke. so he's not going down without a fight. and rin feels that little pound ever swelling in his temple. he catches some of the banter and commentary as he pulls out to gasp with each stroke. but it goes in one ear, out the other at this point. his blood is pumping, only intensifying the pounding in his head. ai's kicking his ass, bluntly put. and rin grits his teeth as they make the final turn, and it's back in his territory.
he hears haru, or haru's name or something when he begins his other specialty. though he can't quite discern what is being said (or fussed about. either or), and he feels his goggles slipping a little as he sloppily cuts through the water with his hand. though him and ai are fairly close. why rin decided to challenge ai to his own game? well, that's a story for another day. but their palms slap the wall a milimeter apart, and rin tears off his cap and goggles, gasping as he presses his forehead against the pool wall for a minute.
barely a tenth of a second behind ai. he spits out a little water, and laughs, as he rubs his forehead with his arm]
Knew you had it in you. Next time I won't have a migraine though. You'll be going down then, thanks.
[No small part of him is equal parts impressed and frustrated that a hungover Matsuoka Rin can keep pace in what was once Ai's crowning heat. He was a bit rusty, and certainly hasn't done anything more than the 100m in at least four years, but still. Trading the lead with Rin and having him right on his very heel up until the very end left his entire body burning in a way he didn't know it could.
He is gasping for air when he reemerges above the water, only able to discern he's made it there first by Rin's reaction and words. Pride wells in his eyes, though always conscious not to be a braggart, it simmers down quietly. It's not like it was an official race, anyway.
Ai peels off his cap and goggles, holding his hand over the lane line.]
It was a good race. I want you to come at me with all your strength next time.
[There are. Still eyes on them. Ai refuses to look out of the pool to tell who it is or why, and chooses to believe their peers who are not from Iwatobi are simply admiring Rin for having swam something he usually doesn't. He too heard the voices talking about them during the breast portion of their race, and had to focus pretty damn hard to put them out to his periphery.
... Ai begins reaffixing his cap and goggles onto his head.]
This is bad... I'm all fired up. [Bad because he's winded with little choice of where to expend this energy. Ai sinks to his chin,] I'll do a few cooldown laps. [And does that thing he does lately where he doesn't wait for a reply from Rin, and just. Goes. At least this time it isn't because he's trying to pull away; rather, Rin's stirred something disturbing in his chest, and rather than make it a problem, Ai's trying to swim it out to cool himself off.]
Told you I won't let the Kirishima's booze me up ahead of time.
[it's a mix of a laugh and a huff as he reaches over to shake ai's hand over the lane line. his hand lingers for a moment, a hard squeeze before he pulls it back again. of course rin is a sore loser. of course the lingering loss is still tugging at him. but it's just practice, right? it's just ai, right?
rin pulls himself out of the pool after, giving himself a moment to breathe. it's a little unsettling, the national team (their team he tells himself!!) all staring like he just grew a second head. or maybe at ai since he was the one that just whooped rin's ass to next tuesday. rin just laughs, propping his chin in his hand as he lets his legs drift in the pool for a moment]
...that's more like you.
[he starts when ai is already off back into the pool, huffing against his palm. the all fired up that is. this new ai that keeps taking off without a word? that's not the ai he remembers. the one he remembers has always stuck around, never ditching a conversation halfway through. the bile drips down his throat, damn near choking him as he feels a small kick to his lower back. rin grits his teeth, seeing ikuya toss a towel at him. he gives him a small thanks, realizing haru bailed to god know's where...he doesn't see his head bobbing in the pool, so he's either under somewhere or gone. huh.
rin bites his lip as he musses up his hair with the towel. maybe he really is determined to unconsciously drive everybody away somehow. he realizes maybe he's making ai more uncomfortable just sitting here--staring--at him, and so he gestures to ikuya to help him with some of his stretches. hangover buddies in arms apparently, judging how amber squints against the bright light pooling around them.
hopefully when ai is done doing...whatever he's doing, rin and ikuya will have bitched and groaned in silence together enough and gotten all the knots and sore muscles knocked away from them]
[Would it make Rin feel better or worse if he knew the reason Ai wanted to swim in the room temp water for at least another fifteen minutes was to cool off his god damn traitorous body? Because that's where he's at. He guesses Rin's taunt shortly before their bout paired with actually winning against his senior after they've made amends has. Confused his system. It's all internal, but all the same, Ai knows he hasn't had a very good handle on his sentiments lately, and letting himself get it out in the water before he has to contend with both Rin and their team, knowing he has discerning eyes on him, was his only way of maintaining a semblance of control.
Under another circumstance, or a few years younger, would that be the case? Maybe not. Maybe he'd eagerly ball his fist and bark some excited something at Rin. Fan his flame despite him having lost. Have gotten out of the pool first so he could fetch both himself and Rin a set of towels. Ai isn't so sure how much of that is normal now. Another mark for hypocrisy, he thinks, that he can beg Rin to treat him the same and yet can't bring himself to meet the same challenge line.
... It doesn't help that he knows, at least for the first 100m, that Rin's eyes are on him too. But when Ai makes the turn after his 150m length and sees Rin's disappeared with Ikuya, he isn't sure if what he feels is relief or disappointment. He couldn't even hazard a guess what was going through Rin's mind.
After a cumulative 400m Ai finally pulls himself out of the pool, hesitating. Grabs his towel, scruffs his hair, lightly pats his body...
He can't help it, the way his eyes immediately scan for Rin. Sees Ikuya trying to press a kink out of his lower backside, which is certainly a sight. Neither looks particularly happy about it, from what Ai can see, though how much of that is them both being hungover is anyone's guess. Ai approaches, eye drifting from Ikuya to Rin.]
[the huffed reply is immediate, less whipping around with a snarl as opposed to a thinly veiled annoyance. it's not from losing (albeit rin is a sore loser). though there's an eclectic little mix of what it could be stemming from in turn. ikuya snorts from behind him, and rin rolls his eyes, shoving behind him]
Fuck fuck, fuck. Okay, okay. You win. There was a knot. Piss off.
[ikuya laughs, and leaves them to it, while rin half slumps over the pool deck with a groan. rin rests his chin on his arms, stretching out his legs behind him, the little wince evident on his face as he pops something. but then rolls his leg appreciatively. he'll die before he goes down with another charlie horse thanks. he pulls himself back up, giving ai a once over]
You ever think about really long distance? Because you would kill it. What kind of animal can even pull that shit off? You look like you've barely broken a sweat.
[rin groans, pushing himself to his feet, popping his back. at least the migraine has slowly began to subside. a raised brow]
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh.
[individual medley, or team relays. ai takes it all in stride. it brings that little curl of bile back. the one that's been present since ai started acting weird. but rin isn't stupid enough either to think he can just compliment his way back into ai's good graces or whatever]
[Ah, so he is brooding. And much like Rin himself, Ai couldn't pin why. He had his suspicions, but none seemed concrete enough in their totality to justify it. A hangover? Possibly, but Rin's worked through worse. Ikuya of all people helping him stretch? Maybe, but he hadn't looked so grumpy about it back during All Japan. Losing? Maybe, especially to his junior, but Rin tends to take losing in stride even if internally it frustrates him.
For a brief moment, as Ai lets his towel drape along his shoulders, it clicks.
Right. So it's still that thing. And it concerns him that even now, after such a good race, in the presence of someone else, Rin seems burdened by such a thing. Even after talking it out, best they could. Even after reaching an accord, the accidental pandora's box Ai has opened seems destined to loom over Rin indefinitely.
... Not wanting to have the brooding allegations turned his way, he just laughs, watching poor Ikuya be swat away like a flea.]
It's important to remain in good form, senpai. Kirishima-senpai was helping.
[And if Ai looks around the room he isn't so sure he even has someone who would offer the same to him, other than maybe Sousuke. Maybe Rin, but that'd get weird quick, right? Ai tells himself he'll limber up on his own later-- the thought process is aborted abruptly when Rin's suddenly talking about long distance. His blink is owlish.
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh. Ai simpers, looking back toward the water. He doesn't have words for the complicated swell in his chest.]
When I think of relays, actually, it's you I think about. [And Ai is sure the entirety of their team would say the same. Ai shrugs, one-shouldered,] I thought about it in the past, going beyond 400 meters. I guess my mind's shifted a bit since then.
[I met you. He doesn't say it out loud, but the kind smile he wears in Rin's direction again maybe says it quietly anyway.]
And anyway, I still have a long way to go.
[Rin's admonished him once already for comparing his times to Ikuya, despite Ai being realistic about the matter!, so he keeps his mouth, smartly, closed for once. But it does weigh on him, the idea of having come this far and not being able to realize it after all. Never mind the persistent ocean blue that seems to colour the water every time Ai jumps in; it's swimming with weights, and an effort to keep pressing forward. Unable to see the horizon line, unsure what direction it'd even be, but knowing you have no choice but to swim regardless...
Eager not to accidentally make things morose, Ai looks to Rin with raised eyebrows and a glint.]
Besides, this much is easy when you're not hungover.
Yeah? Why don't you two show off that picture perfect form together then.
[there's little weight behind it, accompanied merely by a playful eye roll. is rin actually insinuating that ai go forth and do his stretches with ikuya? no!! there's an offer that's fresh on his tongue. the one that wants to offer ai the same. but it's dead on arrival, and rin knows better. ai says nothing's changed? their talk earlier gave a breath of fresh air to this entire situation. but rin still...hesitates. the looming fear he could bring further discomfort still lingers.
but at least ai takes the compliment, although there seems to be a drawl of hesitance crossing his features. rin keeps an even gaze on him. ...ah. so that's it, then. it's not like rin wasn't aware. rin and ai's dream team. they're short a member, sure. but the memories of those bonds are still fresh]
Might have a long way to go, but...
[rin lets his gaze trail out over the water ai is staring at]
I think you've got a shot. As you are right now.
[rin says it with earnest. ikuya might be a popular spot for breast, sure. but ai has a tenacity that would earn him the same sort of spot. he snorts]
You might be beating me with a hangover, but.
[rin bristles. there's that glint in ai's voice and eyes. it's not quite the same as when he swims with haru. and maybe it's a little different kind of flame it stokes under him. but it's there. he likes racing with ai. he wants that handoff on the relay team once more]
Just things to think about. Don't snuff out your potential.
[Not that you had to be close with someone to help them stretch, but. It wasn't just closeness; Ikuya was his senior too despite being younger by two months but ok, and with the sheer amount of mutual friends they shared, Ai felt overly cautious of crossing that physical barrier. Especially so when he's seen Ikuya let his guard down around some, but not around him. Ai knew a boundary when he saw one.
And in contrast, when he thinks to so boldly helping Rin stretch in their dorm room, on his bed, it makes Ai reminisce about how much has changed. Some for the better, but. Fundamentally, he's aware he's turned inward over the years. He's aware he's all but buried within himself since that night. And, now, painfully aware he's actively trying to erase himself since last night.
... Swimming is funny, he thinks. Such a solitary sport, and yet has forced upon him bonds that have sent his head into a tailspin a million times. Ai lifts his towel to drape it over his head, expression flattening out with a pout.]
I'm not snuffing out anything!
[It worked the last time you said it Rin but it won't work twice. Ai rubs at his nose, cheeks dusting a soft pink.]
Sousuke-senpai's tongue is too loose.
[... Because he assumes Sousuke told him about as much back during second year. Who is to say? Sousuke had also pinned that sentence as something prone to come from Rin himself. Ai, at once, is pulling his towel off from him entirely, bypassing Rin to head toward the benches.]
I'm getting back in.
[Because he could sit here and ruminate on how much of a distance he feels he still needs to cross, can gnash his teeth over how he feels too inept to take up any kind of space near Rin where it matters, but ultimately none of these things will fix themselves. And maybe he can't cut out the part of him he wishes to excise and maybe he can't turn his eyes a darker shade of blue, but he can get his PB down and make sure their coaches notice, so. Better keep up, Rin!!!]
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no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 02:52 am (UTC)You're one to talk. Smile once in a while. Ai doesn't even have the capacity to try and refute that. He's given Rin hollow mirrors, but when was the last time he shared something genuine? This, too, lodges in his head as something he needs to be better at. Rin will have to wait, though; he's taken the opposite turn Ai had earlier that morning out of the building, and their steep incline means Ai is trying to focus more on not overexerting himself on the upward push than he is on trying to think of the right words to say. A rarity for him; usually he didn't really think about what came out of his lips at all.
What's your problem anyway?
Ai's eyes snap up to Rin's back. He almost stumbles where he jogs, front of his foot catching on a cobbled crevice.
It's like we talked last night, and some weird switch clicked in you.
Ai stops.
For a few fleeting moments, he watches Rin's back. Feeling as if he's presently existing in two realities: one where Rin wants him to pull back, and one where Rin is frustrated at him doing so. He remembers the order as clear as day, barked quietly to not stir Haruka in the shower.
I'll stop feeling guilty when you stop giving me a reason to.
I'm trying.
Well try harder!
If Rin stops, or looks back, he'll see furrowed eyebrows, pulled lips, and a rare flash of anger and betrayal in dull blue eyes. At once, Ai tries to surge forward again; he'd just told himself he can't let these kinds of things hold him back, after all. Even as he comes up to Rin's side, Ai is unabashed in letting his hurt cultivate every single wrinkle on his face.]
I'm doing exactly what you told me to. [His feet pounding into the paved Parisian sidewalks feel leaden.] Even if you hadn't, it's the only responsible course, isn't it?
[Ai minds his countenance, not that it's much better. Instead, he's grimacing down at the floor flying beneath their feet rather than Rin.]
I'm done giving you reasons to feel guilty. I just need time to do it properly.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 03:14 am (UTC)[rin spits out. he's taken back to being out jogging with sousuke one night. it felt like things were being held back or misconstrued then too. he wouldn't say it led to an argument, but they certainly settled it in the pool and were in a better place because of it. it's not night and there's most certainly some of their teammates their now. you can't settle everything in the water. he tries to tell himself, gnawing at his lip.
not everyone is sousuke or haru, and things don't just magically fix themselves because of some goddamn race.
so they're stuck like this. but rin brought it up, and like hell he's backing down now. he wants his friend back. he selfishly wishes their teacup was still a singular thing, but that's wishful thinking and there's no going back now. so he stops, bracing his hands on his knees. they're near a residence anyway, probably some airbnb. if not nobody's going to hear them anyway. not unless rin starts raising his voice and making a scene. sometimes he's trying adamantly not to do right now]
I said to try harder to occupy space. Y'know! Looking fucking miserable. Shit, what the hell else would I mean?
[you always say cruel things. and rin jerks visibly with the realization. that bit of a bad memory resonating with him. but it woke something up. did ai think--]
...You didn't think I...
[he doesn't know. he doesn't think he wants to know but.
his brows furrow something terrible, and somewhere, he tastes blood. it takes everything in him to not reach out and fist at ai's collar. no, he refuses. he doesn't trust himself to keep the kind of control necessary for such an action. he has to be responsible. so his fists remain clenched on his knees as he pushes himself back up]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 03:45 am (UTC)Rin's clearly growing angry - frustrated, probably, if Ai had to mark it with something specific. So Ai straightens his spine even further, using every single intake of breath to puff his chest just a bit further. Mocking at being able to handle this conversation--
I said to try harder to--
At once, the air leaves his lungs. His shoulders flinch where one of the stones he'd managed to put into place to build this new wall has been kicked out from underneath the rest. All the anger, the hurt, the betrayal in his eyes, it's gone in a flash. Replaced immediately by a flash of--
Relief. And then worry. And then fear. Because setting the record straight means coming dangerously close to putting words to it.
Ai realizes he's colossally fucked up. This much he has to be honest about. Despite the glassy reflection in his eyes, Ai doesn't wince or look away.]
Asked me to try harder to move on? I did.
[... Only then does he tear his gaze down. No words in Japanese or English could properly convey how much he does not want to be talking about this. Well, there is one way, and it's owed to Rin besides. Ai doesn't have it in him to meet Rin's eyes a second time; he hangs his head low, guilt weighing his shoulders.]
... I wound up making you feel guilty anyway. Rin-senpai, I'm so sorry.
[There's more left unsaid. Ai will take it all to his grave.]
Given everything, it seemed reasonable. When you and Nanase-san came back last night, I thought for sure it was the right thing. It was only when we left the room earlier I wondered if I'd been put up to an impossible task... Nothing seemed to make it better. But I get why now.
I misunderstood you.
[So fundamentally. It is the first time in the entirety of their friendship Ai has gotten Rin so dead wrong. He cares less about the nature of the misunderstanding, and only cares at having misunderstood at all. Knowing he's actually hurt Rin.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 04:00 am (UTC)this is his own mess. he has to keep this stoic. he did it for a year, when everyone around him seemed to be crumbling. he held his head high, performed his duties as captain without succumbing to what had twisted around him the year prior. he owes it to ai to keep that same level headedness for once. if only he had done that before? imagine the possibilities and could have beens]
Misunderstandings happen. I...should have been clearer. I'm sorry. For-- [rin swallows it back, no he can't cry he can't] for misunderstanding you.
[he can't fix all the damage he's caused. but he can at least try to atone? make ai feel less small, and more capable of taking up space? rin pushes his bangs out of his face. they haven't even gotten far, and already he feels his limbs numb with exhaustion, his headache making itself known once more]
It's my fault isn't it? Making you feel like...an impossible task.
[rin tears his own gaze away in turn, his nails digging into his palms. it's his only reprieve, the only thing that keeps him from completely disassociating out of this whole conversation]
I'm fine.
[he manages to bite out, scrubbing at his face before any tears have the opportunity to manifest and put him into a more pathetic looking state. he already shoulders enough guilt. he doesn't need to make ai think he's made him cry and intensify that more]
Look I don't know what you think happened between me and Haru but... [rin doesn't finish that sentence. it's not right to twist the knife in the fresh wound] But I just know we're a team. And I'm sorry for ever dampening that feeling.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 04:16 am (UTC)For making you feel like... An impossible task. Ai shakes his head. He's the first to lift his head, level his gaze back on Rin. It kills him to see Rin edging on the same precipice Ai is. I've been such an idiot.]
I was trying to pull away... You were trying to pull me in, I think. Right? But if I hadn't gotten lost in my own head, it would have been fine. So that's on me.
[Ai doesn't sound like he's trying to claim more guilt than necessary; if he looks at things judiciously, as best as he can, he knows that much is his fault, too. It isn't trying to spare Rin his feelings; it's Ai trying to take accountability.
Ai searches Rin's eyes, his own flitting quickly back and forth as he tries to take in the measure of Rin's countenance. Trying to gauge where his head is at. Ai catches this; recognizes this is exactly how they got here. So even though his body aches and his eyes sting and he feels bad he keeps cornering Rin into these conversations, Ai does them both the favour of just laying it out plain.]
I know we're a team. We've all fought hard to get here.
[His hands ball at his sides. Ai's eyebrows furrow.]
... I guess, maybe, Nanase-san isn't as quiet as he thinks he is. [If you're that worried, do something about it. Ai can't force a smile, he's done that too many times that morning. But Rin can at least probably see the sincerity in his eyes as he continues,] Not that it should matter regardless. It isn't my business.
[I've already done my part. Ai stands by the decision he made back at All-Japan. Even now.
Ai grips his arm, crossed over his front.]
And because he's my teammate, I want to do right by him too.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 04:53 am (UTC)[rin wants to take all the blame for himself. ai wants to do the same. they won't get anywhere like that. so he just tries to come to neutral ground. it's the only way they can move forward. rin can't promise to not internalize this blame but he can try. he watches ai's body takes on a similar mannerism to his own.
so rin tries to drop the act, tries to let his fists unclench. it doesn't work great. but at least the effort is there. he tries to suck in a breath, even himself]
Damn right we're a team. This is your dream right?
[rin raises a hand to squeeze his shoulder. a heavy reminder]
Don't screw this up. We haven't had our relay yet.
[that's always been ai's dream, right? their dream team. they can have it again on an international stage. if rin just stops fucking messing this up. he tries not to rise to the comment about haru, even if it's evident his face is absolutely burning at the comment. there's a few things that could constitute that comment, and each one is worse than the last. rin rubs the back of his neck, gritting out]
It's your business if you're rooming with us. Not that anything happened.
[...well. it kind of did. he remembers through the blur. them dancing. he remembers haru practically pressed against his back, that fucking comment. rin shakes his head, bringing his hand around to press against his face]
You're doing right by all of us. Believe me, you've done a lot. We wouldn't even be friends again if it wasn't for you.
[...but rin thinks that's a touch cruel, and jerks away from the topic quickly]
Anyway. Dumbass needs to stop stripping in front of you. Not everyone wants to see that shit.
[he lets go of ai's shoulder, letting his hand fall]
...anything else?
[that you need to get out in the open?]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-02 05:08 am (UTC)Rin squeezes his shoulder, and Ai raises his hand to clasp it on top, squeezing in turn. To show Rin he's received his sentiments. To prove to him Ai isn't scared of him, either. Good will, as much of it as can be packed in such a thing. Ai then after a moment or two lets go, his arm falling back to his side.]
Kirishima-senpai's breast time is still stronger, so I have a ways to go. But... I'm determined to see that sight, too. [To swim with you proudly. Maybe it's just a bit too loaded to say right now, though.
And he knows Rin is trying to navigate this room situation with grace, but. Unfortunately, the more it's talked about plainly, the more it settles in his gut ill. Not because Rin isn't being sensitive-- rather, that part of him that he can't kill. It just keeps getting in the way. He'll do what he does best and turn outward,]
I think you and Nanase-san would have found each other again... But having helped a little, I'm glad.
[Anything else? Ai couldn't even put his thoughts in coherent order to answer that properly if he tried. So he only shakes his head, and somewhat awkwardly scratches the spot just under his beauty mark,]
Ah, no. I don't think so. I could sit here apologizing until I'm blue in the face, but something tells me that isn't productive. [For ruining Rin's morning. For nearly tanking their friendship. For not being strong enough to follow through, anyway. For choosing hope even though it never does them any good. Ai sets his jaw, tamps his feelings down just a little more. If they're exiting this conversation, he wants to do it with grace. Gently he looks upon Rin.]
What about you? [I can handle it.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-06 02:23 pm (UTC)their hands come together for a moment. not like before. not some broken tightening because someone was afraid or angry. but in union. stupid, isn't it? how that was something they had come to trust in for so long as a team. and rin fucked it all up. it's not something that can be so easily repaired either. but at least...any progress is progress. even if only inching towards that goal. but like all things, it too must end and rin pulls his hand away from ai's shoulder when ai lets his hand fall. slipping into something almost self deprecating.
rin just rolls his eyes. but at least ai has the decency to tack on a more reaffirming statement. he's determined too. that's progress. they'll go from there. rin smiles, pushing his hands back into his pockets]
Blow Kirishima out of the water. I think the guy can handle feeling worried about his spot.
[it's. a mean thing to say. but rin and ikuya have a weird relationship so even if he somehow heard him he knew he could take it. he tenses, because when doesn't he when he hears haru's name come out of ai's mouth? but he tries not to let it get to him. that's how they've famously gotten in trouble before, and he just contents himself with a shrug]
Yeah yeah.
[haru's already a weird topic. rin thinks back to his dead ass asleep still, after a night of partying. what a very not haru thing to do. stupid. but it gives rin some time to focus on other things. his own damage. the smile on his face softens, as they divulge into different territory]
I'm good. Promise.
[...he thinks?]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-06 07:33 pm (UTC)It's baby steps. Rin accepted his apology, and seems to be some semblance of normal again. Not irritated; not angry. Not lost. And Ai, for the first time since setting foot in Paris, doesn't entirely feel like throwing himself into the Seine, so.
Maybe it's for the best Rin doesn't have anything else bothering him at the moment he's willing to disclose. Could Ai handle it? The unfortunate truth is he would rise to any problem thrown his way; this is why the two of them worked well as a pair, so he thought. But this threadbare and emotionally volatile, Ai questions even his own constitution. Because there's nothing he could ask me he doesn't know already. All that's left if the world's worst kept secret.
So. Ai looks from Rin, to the sidewalk. And back to Rin. His head tilts with an apologetic smile.]
Well. If something comes up later, we'll handle it like adults. [In theory. It's Ai's attempt at keeping the door open for Rin; lord knows with their rooming arrangement, something else is bound to happen that warrants questions. Now, after all that....]
Are we still jogging?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 03:46 am (UTC)yep. basic morning.
miyakawa gathers them all together to go over a few things (she might have implied that some people got a little too full of themselves out last night, and to try to remember that we are guests of this country. rin stiffened. her gaze looked rather pointed at natsuya, but who was to say? it definitely seems to sweep over the other three as well--) and they headed towards the aquatics center. rin untenses, and grits his teeth as he hauls up his bag over his shoulder.
it doesn't matter how many natatoriums and aquatic centres you go to. you never stop being wowed by the craftsmanship, the people swimming, the sheer awe of the place. rin tries to stay humble in his life, remembering his dad and that his mom raised him to be a respectful kid. he stares around the place, the lane lines are all perfectly in place. some of the home team is out swimming, practicing exchanges.
rin realizes he's staring too long when ikuya runs into him, and they bristle at each other for a moment. before he trickles after ai with a huff and puff. haru and ikuya can crab at each other over their hangovers for all he cares. unlike some people he can handle his alcohol (a lie) and the after effects (a bigger fucking lie)]
Aiming for anything special today?
[he asks ai, heading towards the locker room and trying to tuck himself into a more secluded corner away from the hustle and bustle. his headache is still there. at least less there than earlier as he opens the locker and zips open his bag]
...since you were the only smart one last night apparently. Bet you'll murder everyone.
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Date: 2025-12-07 04:02 am (UTC)What isn't murky at all is the crystal-clear water of the Parisian natatorium, reflecting and bouncing off every single brushed steel beam in the facility. Heavy as his heart is and whipped around as his head is, it's frankly hard not to feel a little excited... So much so in fact he doesn't realize he's lost Rin for a moment, and isn't until Rin's suddenly trickling in beside him that Ai notes they had been separated. He looks back further still, seeing Ikuya and Haruka both... How to say it...
It's like two wet cats...
It's a thought he'll keep to himself, and instead bolster his opinion further that he's glad he didn't go last night. Besides, he wouldn't have a good answer for Rin if he asked why Ai was suddenly laughing; for his own sake, Ai turns his head toward the pool, and hides his curled lips behind his knuckles.
Inside the locker room Ai shakes his head, doing Rin the favour of choosing a locker at the end of the corridor, granting him peace (from noise) and peace (from being corralled.)]
Ah, but Sousuke-senpai stayed back too, didn't he?
[And why would you know that with such confidence, Ai? He shucks off his civilian clothes to get his preferred jammers situated, the very same he'd worn for his Samezuka relays. To Rin's question, Ai pulls out his phone and looks at some team data...]
Well, what doesn't need brushing up? My turn, my extension... [He got what he needed: Ikuya's time trials. Ai turns his phone back off, places it in the locker, and closes it.] I couldn't tell you why, but actually, I wanted to practice free today.
[A return to form? It isn't as if he qualified for such a thing. All the same, if half the team is down for the count, maybe doing something out of the ordinary would be worthwhile... Ai steps out to the mouth of the locker row, waiting for Rin. If Rin's looking, he'll see a cheeky smile - a rare sight these days.]
Your goggle straps are gonna squeeze your poor head, Rin-senpai. Ah, but if you can handle practice the same way you handle your booze, you'll be fine.
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Date: 2025-12-07 04:30 am (UTC)So he did stay. Just assumed he crawled off somewhere else to mope about something or another.
[that's. mean. but sousuke and rin can handle those jabs about one another in stride. it's just the kind of people they are. rin doesn't actually mean it. he doesn't know what sousuke would be moping about right now-- scratch that. he's not touching that with a ten foot pole. not when he has to everytime he walks into his room. he turns around to pull his shirt over his head]
Free?
[rin pauses, looking back to keep that raised brow trained on ai. it's not that surprising. ai has swam free before. ai has a lot of strokes under his belt in fact. but rin hasn't seen him pursue a lot of it since their second year together. adapting to breast and relays more than anything. not that he was complaining of course. they wouldn't have made it as far as they did without him, but.
he takes in consideration the old samezuka jammers. and something warm swells in him as he turns back to pulling on his own jammers. they're just his team japan ones. nothing fun or uniquely him. maybe he'll get something that screams him again someday. a little bitterness that his legskins that match ai and sousuke and momo are stuffed back at ai's apartment swelling. damn swimsuit drama...]
I'm game.
[even rin surprises himself with his answer. but why wouldn't he propose such a thing? the prospect of a friend going back to old haunts, pushing themselves?. he pulls his goggles out of his bag the second ai says it, and squints at him as he...puts them around his neck. lacking that famous snap of his strap he always falls back on]
Ah shut up.
[he grits back, shoving his clothes in his bag, grabbing his cap and banishing the rest to his locker with a slam of the door. ow. bad idea. he rubs at his temple with his palm, looking around the locker room]
Least my pants stay on.
[he snarks back, rolling his eyes as he makes his way out towards the pool deck]
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Date: 2025-12-07 04:47 am (UTC)He's left gawking and with a face about as red as Rin's hair, blinking like a god damn moron for a moment before clambering after him with a start,]
That's rich coming from you...!
[And, god, if only it had the bite it needed. Right now is not the time to think about the flash of uncertainty and thrill on Rin's face as Ai dangled him above a futon, or the sounds he made when his pants came off, or the way his neck seared when Rin bit into him. Or the time many weeks later when Ai's pants came off, and Rin's head disappeared beneath--
Ai slaps his cheeks twice before his memory can even start recalling a shower room suddenly one person short, or his return with a neck worse than it had left. Sometimes, it still feels like it happened in another world.
Gut a mess on account of a certain redhead, Ai gathers his wits and joins Rin at the pool deck. Haruka was already ambling about down one of the lanes, no surprise. Ikuya was waiting at the end of that lane, presumably waiting for a good moment to jump in. A few of their other teammates were circle swimming in lane five...
Ai tucks his hair into his cap and presses his goggles against his eyes.]
I'll start with some 200m reps, I need to warm up. [Pause. He tries not to look back at Haruka's lane. Surely the moment his head is above water and he sees Rin's come pool side, one or both will instigate each other and that usually resulted in a race... Or two. But maybe, before Haruka decides to actually join the waking world, body and mind both, Ai could...
There is way too much trepidation as he looks back to Rin, but to his credit, he's trying. That thing Rin practically begged of him, that Ai had interpreted so horrifically wrong. Taking up space.]
When you're limbered, Rin-senpai, do you want to swim together?
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Date: 2025-12-07 05:36 pm (UTC)right. they're athletes. settle things in the pool.
he watches haru and ikuya sloppily practicing some exchanges or so he presumes. that's one art kirishima has to him. he's an all around guy. can do anything from back to free and he's good at it all. meaning realistically, he could go for any spot in the medley he wants. haru only swims free so if that asshole tries to oust him for fly, rin might have a few less than kind words--
right. no. that's not happening. and he knows it. he's just being pissy because his head is pounding as he tucks his hair under his cap and puts his goggles on without the normal snap. he'll deal with that later. he doesn't want to look at either of them right now anyway, they all get a little too friendly under the influence. he remembers coaches stare and he bites his lip, tossing ai a look]
Limbered already, what do you take me for??
[he looks at the lane, back to ai and then--]
IM. Unless you're chicken.
[ai used to be the IM guy, the free guy, the all around guy. rin wants to see, and well. ai said he wanted to practice free anyway. might as well make it a little more interesting right?]
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Date: 2025-12-07 05:49 pm (UTC)We're only doing this if you see me. Words Ai wishes he could take back. Some part of him, eve now, despite everything, believes it'd be so much easier if he let Rin have his cake and eat it too. There was no sense involving feelings like that. Childish at best; misguided at worst.
And a bygone, as Ai watches with that same trepidation as Rin readies himself next to the starting block beside Ai, too. Rin's cocky eagerness is nothing new, and in fact its familiarity and presence gets a smile out of Ai. But Rin suggesting IM has Ai's eyebrows flying to his hairline.
Rin's never swam IM. Ai didn't think Rin remembered Ai swam IM, once upon a time. Ai wouldn't have thought him to care enough to leverage it in practice, either. Even through the veneer of his goggles, it's hard to miss the owlish blink of his eyes, unsure why Rin would suggest such a thing... And yet, his body gives it answer where his brain is stuck on it: readying himself at the starting block, hunched over, heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.]
You've never swam the IM before, senpai. Are you sure?
[He isn't shit-talking, easy as it'd be to interpret it that way. It's a declaration of his sincere confusion. But it's as if at once his actual desire catches up to him, overrides that constant anxiety and second-guessing in his head that so often accompanies his relationship with Rin these days. He flexes his fingers where they curl around the starting block. If Rin's looking, he'd see a sheepish, shy smile kissing Ai's lips.]
Well... It's been a while for me, too. [Ah, there's that smugness. A bit put-on and forced, but. It's hard to deny: he's excited.] Maybe you can keep up, after all.
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Date: 2025-12-07 07:16 pm (UTC)I can swim other strokes, y'know.
[it's a touch defensive when it really doesn't need to be. it's good to have specialties. obviously it's gotten him as far as it has for a reason. but upping his game requires things outside of what the public sees him swim. or maybe he just--
it's always more fun to have a challenge during practice. it's why joint practices back home, and these team practices always light a fire under people. friendly competition. playful jeers and jabs from your teammates. miyakawa tells them to cool their shit sometimes, but mikhail always fondly reminisces of "youth and rivalry" or some bullshit (rin usually tunes it out) and he'll take that route any day. so ai agreeing with that air of smugness gets rin's blood going. maybe it will make his headache worse, or maybe it will just melt it all away. who's to say]
Call it whenever you're good.
[he pulls his goggles down over his eyes, staring down at the water as he gets into position. it's funny how the order of it goes. honestly rin is happy he can start out with his strongest stroke. it can give him an edge. maybe. hopefully]
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Date: 2025-12-07 07:54 pm (UTC)Plainly put, it's gotta be an ordeal to swim right about now.
Ai shouldn't get so complacent, though, and so he knows better than to underestimate Rin despite the circumstances. He flashes his eyes up to the natatorium clock,]
Next it rounds the minute hand on twelve.
[-- and as soon as both hands are vertical, Ai dives in. His butterfly pales in comparison to Rin's, even on his best of days; this was Rin's playground, after all. But Ai's determined to put up a good fight, and it's evident in his power that he has not slacked on his evergreen practice despite focusing on breast heavily for all of his qualifiers. Rin may make the turn first, but Ai's giving him reason to sweat.
Backstroke would be anyone's game; even if Ai comes out of the turn second, there is undeniable agility, and were he distracted enough to look a lane over, he wouldn't be surprised if he were gaining on Rin. At this juncture, it was anyone's race.
Faintly, he can hear the excited and confused murmurings of their teammates through the cacophony of the water cutting over his ears like rapids.
Since when did Matsuoka swim IM?
Hey, isn't that the newcomer too?
He told me he swam IM way back in high school.
They don't look half bad, do they? Matsuokaaa!
So loud...
... If you want to swim IM together too, just say so.
Haru--? ]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 03:05 am (UTC)and at the turn, he knows he's in trouble.
backstroke is his worst stroke. did he make it look easy when he was teaching rei? absofuckinglutely. but he pales in comparison to people like makoto...no, that title goes to sousuke now, the backstroke fucking king. he has a few heads on ai with his turn, but it's nowhere near good enough to keep up the lead for long. couple that with squinting up at the natatorium lights on the ceiling and he fucking fumbles it easily.
breaststroke is anyone's game really. but rin knows ai has a national spot on the team for that very stroke. so he's not going down without a fight. and rin feels that little pound ever swelling in his temple. he catches some of the banter and commentary as he pulls out to gasp with each stroke. but it goes in one ear, out the other at this point. his blood is pumping, only intensifying the pounding in his head. ai's kicking his ass, bluntly put. and rin grits his teeth as they make the final turn, and it's back in his territory.
he hears haru, or haru's name or something when he begins his other specialty. though he can't quite discern what is being said (or fussed about. either or), and he feels his goggles slipping a little as he sloppily cuts through the water with his hand. though him and ai are fairly close. why rin decided to challenge ai to his own game? well, that's a story for another day. but their palms slap the wall a milimeter apart, and rin tears off his cap and goggles, gasping as he presses his forehead against the pool wall for a minute.
barely a tenth of a second behind ai. he spits out a little water, and laughs, as he rubs his forehead with his arm]
Knew you had it in you. Next time I won't have a migraine though. You'll be going down then, thanks.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 04:06 am (UTC)He is gasping for air when he reemerges above the water, only able to discern he's made it there first by Rin's reaction and words. Pride wells in his eyes, though always conscious not to be a braggart, it simmers down quietly. It's not like it was an official race, anyway.
Ai peels off his cap and goggles, holding his hand over the lane line.]
It was a good race. I want you to come at me with all your strength next time.
[There are. Still eyes on them. Ai refuses to look out of the pool to tell who it is or why, and chooses to believe their peers who are not from Iwatobi are simply admiring Rin for having swam something he usually doesn't. He too heard the voices talking about them during the breast portion of their race, and had to focus pretty damn hard to put them out to his periphery.
... Ai begins reaffixing his cap and goggles onto his head.]
This is bad... I'm all fired up. [Bad because he's winded with little choice of where to expend this energy. Ai sinks to his chin,] I'll do a few cooldown laps. [And does that thing he does lately where he doesn't wait for a reply from Rin, and just. Goes. At least this time it isn't because he's trying to pull away; rather, Rin's stirred something disturbing in his chest, and rather than make it a problem, Ai's trying to swim it out to cool himself off.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 04:15 am (UTC)[it's a mix of a laugh and a huff as he reaches over to shake ai's hand over the lane line. his hand lingers for a moment, a hard squeeze before he pulls it back again. of course rin is a sore loser. of course the lingering loss is still tugging at him. but it's just practice, right? it's just ai, right?
rin pulls himself out of the pool after, giving himself a moment to breathe. it's a little unsettling, the national team (their team he tells himself!!) all staring like he just grew a second head. or maybe at ai since he was the one that just whooped rin's ass to next tuesday. rin just laughs, propping his chin in his hand as he lets his legs drift in the pool for a moment]
...that's more like you.
[he starts when ai is already off back into the pool, huffing against his palm. the all fired up that is. this new ai that keeps taking off without a word? that's not the ai he remembers. the one he remembers has always stuck around, never ditching a conversation halfway through. the bile drips down his throat, damn near choking him as he feels a small kick to his lower back. rin grits his teeth, seeing ikuya toss a towel at him. he gives him a small thanks, realizing haru bailed to god know's where...he doesn't see his head bobbing in the pool, so he's either under somewhere or gone. huh.
rin bites his lip as he musses up his hair with the towel. maybe he really is determined to unconsciously drive everybody away somehow. he realizes maybe he's making ai more uncomfortable just sitting here--staring--at him, and so he gestures to ikuya to help him with some of his stretches. hangover buddies in arms apparently, judging how amber squints against the bright light pooling around them.
hopefully when ai is done doing...whatever he's doing, rin and ikuya will have bitched and groaned in silence together enough and gotten all the knots and sore muscles knocked away from them]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-19 04:32 am (UTC)Under another circumstance, or a few years younger, would that be the case? Maybe not. Maybe he'd eagerly ball his fist and bark some excited something at Rin. Fan his flame despite him having lost. Have gotten out of the pool first so he could fetch both himself and Rin a set of towels. Ai isn't so sure how much of that is normal now. Another mark for hypocrisy, he thinks, that he can beg Rin to treat him the same and yet can't bring himself to meet the same challenge line.
... It doesn't help that he knows, at least for the first 100m, that Rin's eyes are on him too. But when Ai makes the turn after his 150m length and sees Rin's disappeared with Ikuya, he isn't sure if what he feels is relief or disappointment. He couldn't even hazard a guess what was going through Rin's mind.
After a cumulative 400m Ai finally pulls himself out of the pool, hesitating. Grabs his towel, scruffs his hair, lightly pats his body...
He can't help it, the way his eyes immediately scan for Rin. Sees Ikuya trying to press a kink out of his lower backside, which is certainly a sight. Neither looks particularly happy about it, from what Ai can see, though how much of that is them both being hungover is anyone's guess. Ai approaches, eye drifting from Ikuya to Rin.]
You're not brooding, are you?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 01:21 pm (UTC)[the huffed reply is immediate, less whipping around with a snarl as opposed to a thinly veiled annoyance. it's not from losing (albeit rin is a sore loser). though there's an eclectic little mix of what it could be stemming from in turn. ikuya snorts from behind him, and rin rolls his eyes, shoving behind him]
Fuck fuck, fuck. Okay, okay. You win. There was a knot. Piss off.
[ikuya laughs, and leaves them to it, while rin half slumps over the pool deck with a groan. rin rests his chin on his arms, stretching out his legs behind him, the little wince evident on his face as he pops something. but then rolls his leg appreciatively. he'll die before he goes down with another charlie horse thanks. he pulls himself back up, giving ai a once over]
You ever think about really long distance? Because you would kill it. What kind of animal can even pull that shit off? You look like you've barely broken a sweat.
[rin groans, pushing himself to his feet, popping his back. at least the migraine has slowly began to subside. a raised brow]
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh.
[individual medley, or team relays. ai takes it all in stride. it brings that little curl of bile back. the one that's been present since ai started acting weird. but rin isn't stupid enough either to think he can just compliment his way back into ai's good graces or whatever]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 04:20 pm (UTC)For a brief moment, as Ai lets his towel drape along his shoulders, it clicks.
Right. So it's still that thing. And it concerns him that even now, after such a good race, in the presence of someone else, Rin seems burdened by such a thing. Even after talking it out, best they could. Even after reaching an accord, the accidental pandora's box Ai has opened seems destined to loom over Rin indefinitely.
... Not wanting to have the brooding allegations turned his way, he just laughs, watching poor Ikuya be swat away like a flea.]
It's important to remain in good form, senpai. Kirishima-senpai was helping.
[And if Ai looks around the room he isn't so sure he even has someone who would offer the same to him, other than maybe Sousuke. Maybe Rin, but that'd get weird quick, right? Ai tells himself he'll limber up on his own later-- the thought process is aborted abruptly when Rin's suddenly talking about long distance. His blink is owlish.
Relays of all kinds really are your thing, huh. Ai simpers, looking back toward the water. He doesn't have words for the complicated swell in his chest.]
When I think of relays, actually, it's you I think about. [And Ai is sure the entirety of their team would say the same. Ai shrugs, one-shouldered,] I thought about it in the past, going beyond 400 meters. I guess my mind's shifted a bit since then.
[I met you. He doesn't say it out loud, but the kind smile he wears in Rin's direction again maybe says it quietly anyway.]
And anyway, I still have a long way to go.
[Rin's admonished him once already for comparing his times to Ikuya, despite Ai being realistic about the matter!, so he keeps his mouth, smartly, closed for once. But it does weigh on him, the idea of having come this far and not being able to realize it after all. Never mind the persistent ocean blue that seems to colour the water every time Ai jumps in; it's swimming with weights, and an effort to keep pressing forward. Unable to see the horizon line, unsure what direction it'd even be, but knowing you have no choice but to swim regardless...
Eager not to accidentally make things morose, Ai looks to Rin with raised eyebrows and a glint.]
Besides, this much is easy when you're not hungover.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 06:28 pm (UTC)[there's little weight behind it, accompanied merely by a playful eye roll. is rin actually insinuating that ai go forth and do his stretches with ikuya? no!! there's an offer that's fresh on his tongue. the one that wants to offer ai the same. but it's dead on arrival, and rin knows better. ai says nothing's changed? their talk earlier gave a breath of fresh air to this entire situation. but rin still...hesitates. the looming fear he could bring further discomfort still lingers.
but at least ai takes the compliment, although there seems to be a drawl of hesitance crossing his features. rin keeps an even gaze on him. ...ah. so that's it, then. it's not like rin wasn't aware. rin and ai's dream team. they're short a member, sure. but the memories of those bonds are still fresh]
Might have a long way to go, but...
[rin lets his gaze trail out over the water ai is staring at]
I think you've got a shot. As you are right now.
[rin says it with earnest. ikuya might be a popular spot for breast, sure. but ai has a tenacity that would earn him the same sort of spot. he snorts]
You might be beating me with a hangover, but.
[rin bristles. there's that glint in ai's voice and eyes. it's not quite the same as when he swims with haru. and maybe it's a little different kind of flame it stokes under him. but it's there. he likes racing with ai. he wants that handoff on the relay team once more]
Just things to think about. Don't snuff out your potential.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-27 07:13 pm (UTC)Kirishima-senpai and I aren't like that.
[Not that you had to be close with someone to help them stretch, but. It wasn't just closeness; Ikuya was his senior too
despite being younger by two months but ok, and with the sheer amount of mutual friends they shared, Ai felt overly cautious of crossing that physical barrier. Especially so when he's seen Ikuya let his guard down around some, but not around him. Ai knew a boundary when he saw one.And in contrast, when he thinks to so boldly helping Rin stretch in their dorm room, on his bed, it makes Ai reminisce about how much has changed. Some for the better, but. Fundamentally, he's aware he's turned inward over the years. He's aware he's all but buried within himself since that night. And, now, painfully aware he's actively trying to erase himself since last night.
... Swimming is funny, he thinks. Such a solitary sport, and yet has forced upon him bonds that have sent his head into a tailspin a million times. Ai lifts his towel to drape it over his head, expression flattening out with a pout.]
I'm not snuffing out anything!
[It worked the last time you said it Rin but it won't work twice. Ai rubs at his nose, cheeks dusting a soft pink.]
Sousuke-senpai's tongue is too loose.
[... Because he assumes Sousuke told him about as much back during second year. Who is to say? Sousuke had also pinned that sentence as something prone to come from Rin himself. Ai, at once, is pulling his towel off from him entirely, bypassing Rin to head toward the benches.]
I'm getting back in.
[Because he could sit here and ruminate on how much of a distance he feels he still needs to cross, can gnash his teeth over how he feels too inept to take up any kind of space near Rin where it matters, but ultimately none of these things will fix themselves. And maybe he can't cut out the part of him he wishes to excise and maybe he can't turn his eyes a darker shade of blue, but he can get his PB down and make sure their coaches notice, so. Better keep up, Rin!!!]
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