[It is a painfully awkward, quiet, tense walk to the natatorium.
Because Ai plays their argument over and over in his head, plays the moments leading up to it over and over. Their afternoon. Their morning. The day before. All of it, one frustratingly errant note after the other.
You probably wish you were petty nonsense. That'd make it ten times easier for you.
This, too, he plays over and over. Because even now, as his head begins to cool with the early evening air, Ai can't find it in himself to say he's wrong. So much of all of this would be so much simpler if Rin meant a little less to him. There'd be no complications around the first time they hooked up. There'd be no fanfare around the markings on their necks. There'd be no fallout. There'd be no anguish at being left alone at his lowest. There'd be no upset at not being able to reciprocate. There'd be no misstep after misstep after misstep. If Ai could do Rin the favour of only considering him petty nonsense and not holistically and singularly the most important person in his life, so much would be easier. So much may not have happened at all.
It isn't as if he meant Rin, anyway. I didn't push as hard as I did just to stumble because of petty nonsense. Ai's petty nonsense was that which he still tried to keep under tight lock and key. Funny how even now, spoken by another name, it has a way of colossally fucking things up when invoked. He'd tried to set the record straight, hold Rin accountable for willfully misinterpreting him, but. Then Ai took it just a step too far, because the depths of his hurt seem not to have limits. A near-constant swell of rejection and frustration and ineptitude. Somewhere well ahead of Rin, Ai's sniffing, rubbing furiously at his face before walking even faster-
You're my best friend, and I...
... Slowly, Ai's pace slows down. And slower still. Enough such that Rin would easily be able to close the gap.]
[has there ever been such an awkward walk between them?
not that rin isn't constantly checking over his shoulder and around them for. obvious reasons. journalist related reasons, because the last thing he needs is one of their fights becoming yet another fucking public spectacle. he's still waiting for that other shoe to drop anyways, trying to follow mikhail's advice, still twisting over ponderings in his head that might work, even though he hasn't solidified one yet...
but ai begins to slow.
and rin scowls, shifting his bag, trying to slow his pace in turn. his throat is still sore, and he can still taste ai in his mouth. and somehow...
but then he can tell the tears that are coming down. and rin overtakes ai for a moment, fingers tight on the strap of his duffel. agonizingly so, white knuckled in its intensity. he bites his lip, staring at the gym not far ahead of them. but then twists his head to look over his shoulder, and. well. he casts another glance around, nobody's around thank god.
so rin sighs and digs his heel into the pavement for a moment. all before he turns on said heel and awkwardly stands in front of ai, not quite looking at him. the words still sting. but he knows he's a hypocrite, and has said plenty of nasty shit in turn. it's well deserved. but it shouldn't be making ai so miserable either. fuck]
...maybe we should just go home.
[he bites out, his lips twisting a bit as he tries not to look at the way ai is scrubbing at his face]
Pool's not going anywhere.
[there's another offer on his tongue though. and he feels for his phone in his pocket, thumb brushing across the screen. or i can piss off and give you your space]
[He isn't ashamed for Rin to see him like this; Rin's seen Ai teary-eyed plenty of times, in good contexts and bad. What has Ai turning his cheek and taking in one verrrry deep breath is the knowledge it will only make Rin feel guilty.
How considerate, he thinks, that Rin is being. Or maybe he's so far gone to his own discontent that the idea of even swimming anymore made him feel bile in the back of his throat, too? No, Ai mentally reprimands himself, you can't do the same thing. You can't think like that. He sets his jaw, and in a matter of seconds, he's got his composure.
... Weak as it might be, but he had a point to prove. Mostly to himself.]
It's alright, [he insists, though isn't looking at Rin as he says it. He shifts weight some between his shoes, but doesn't have it in him to just... Push forward. Rin's trying, and Ai's got a cooler head now compared to when he barged out their front door, so it's the least he can do to remain present and amenable to compromise.] Practice doesn't stop just because we're a little upset. Right?
[Not that much ever comes out of forcing oneself, but. Ai forces a smile, this time more for Rin's sake than his own; his eyebrows are knit, expression half-way cut between apologetic and ashamed.] The water's bound to cool us off, anyway. We could use it right about now.
the one where you slip a mask on, in hopes of sparing another's feelings. he's done it so many times before--continues to do it to this day. and maybe rin's expression sours for a moment. before it's wiped clean, like it was never there to begin with. and rin turns around, making his way towards the pool.
it's not like ai isn't right. he is. painfully so, just like always. they're heated up, worked over with all the happenings of the last however the fuck long. and maybe they'll be spared anymore transgressions if they can just make it into the water. his thumb brushes along the strap of his bag, tossing a look over his shoulder, making sure ai is still following behind and rin didn't just pull the biggest asshole move and ditch him somewhere]
Yup. Cool down. Got it.
[he holds the door open for ai with his shoulder (a painful little flashback to that time, his first night here. where he was joking with ai about how if he held open doors like this for miyako matsuoka, well. she would disown him surely) and rin shoves the memory aside, scuffing his shoe against the bottom of the door in irritation]
[He only hopes he isn't holding Rin captive, somehow. Shackles of guilt or something worse making him feel forced to be present. Ai chooses to believe that if Rin wanted out, he'd leave - back to the apartment or otherwise. Even if faith was a hard-won thing nowadays, Ai at his core was always a person who wanted to at least try.
To believe in the good; to have faith things will be alright. Patience was his virtue and endurance his vice.
He follows after Rin inside of the building, that same exact memory flashing through his head. At the time, he'd really just been friendly, though Rin's goading had erroneously made Ai think it could have been something more. Maybe the third, fourth time he held a door open for Rin or let him enter a building first, he did it with a bit more intention; Ai remembers even letting loose a quip or two. The way he remembers Rin's smile from that first day back feels like a lifetime ago, even if in reality it's been two months at most. It makes his heart throb in his chest. How could it all go so sour?
All the same he flashes Rin a thankful if slightly watery smile before making his way to the changing rooms.
At this hour, the swimming area is basically empty. All the better, Ai thinks, especially as he begins to change. He didn't want anyone to see him in this sorry state, already certain he'll be swimming subpar times. Stepping out of his pants and briefs, he catches a reflection of himself in the locker mirror; the myriad bruises Rin had left on his hips are practically fluorescing in their strength. Ai's gut churns, feeling hot in one instance, and deeply shameful in another.
He never even brushed his teeth, Ai ruminates, pulling on his jammers, He probably still has me on his tongue. And Rin's breath - minty, slightly earthy - is still so recent in his mind's olfactory that it flashes across his senses like a phantom, for a moment. All at once, he's slamming his locker shut and all but marching toward the pool. Seems he has no option but to out-swim his own thoughts at this rate.]
[rin can't even hold ai's watery gaze, shifting it to fall elsewhere.
rin makes it a point to change in a totally separate area than ai. at least he's spared a myriad of angry blue and black. but then again even if anyone saw ai with those, wouldn't the first assumption be good for you or some shit? isn't that what guys do? congratulate the others on their sexual endeavors or something?
rin slams his locker shut, unwilling to think about it any further. nobody was ever congratulating him. not even himself.
he can already hear sousuke chiding him--no, ripping him a new one. it's going to come up somehow. the dude is eerily intuitive, and not like either of them would be able to lie to his face if it came up. rin grits his teeth, pulling his goggles up on his head, forgoing the usual snap of the straps like he's done for years.
he's just tired. that's all it is. he can shift the blame onto that easily. he doesn't even bother waiting for ai, grabbing his towel and tossing it against a chair that remains poolside. there's nobody in the lanes either, some small saving grace as rin braces himself on the starting block. he thinks he hears wet footsteps somewhere behind him, and can only come to the conclusion that ai probably entered the pool area.
so in he dives without a word, sliding into a slow warmup of freestyle]
[Ai is by coincidence only a few paces behind Rin by the time he enters the pool room. Which tells him Rin must've had a spot of rumination too. It only stands to reason; the both of them weren't in a good place right now. Ai wishes he had the wherewithal to do more to help Rin, but as it stands, trying to do exactly that is what has landed Ai at the most threadbare he's been since Rin's arrival. He's potently aware that he's presently a shell of himself, every ounce of him set to ash.
Still, he has to try. One of them does.
He minds Rin in the water for a moment - always a beautiful thing, even if they're both a little charged. And even if it's only a warmup. The way Rin cuts through water is equal parts grace and power, a sight that has had Ai captivated since he was nearly single-digits old. In the water it was so much easier to shirk feelings, too; to let them leak out and fall to the current. To be free.
The calm and manufactured blue of the pool water starts to turn just a little darker; something oceanic. Suddenly Ai's yanking on his cap and goggles, willing his brain to shut up for just two seconds, and diving in.
The way he swims is placid at best, and maybe uninspired at worst. Dolphin kicks to barely give himself propulsion, moreso just-- feeling the water and ambling down the lane than he is actually swimming. Counting breaths. Cooling down.
He tells himself he can't just spend the next hour aimlessly quasi-floating, so. At the end of the 50m, Ai stands in the pool, waiting for a flash of red when Rin inevitably has to take a breath. Their normalcy is dead and gone, but. I have to try.]
When you're warmed up I can time you if you'd like, senpai.
[there's something disgustingly freeing about cutting through the water with his outstretched hands. maybe haru had a point going on and on about feeling the water and whatever other shit. it does something to clear up his head, when nothing else can.
even if it's just the physical exertion getting worked out of him, he'll take it. happily.
he can feel the shift of the waters somewhere near him, ai swimming his heart out in turn. rin almost pushes through the 50m stupidly, stubborn determination at some ass attempt at attempting a breathless. but he's too worked up for that and breaches the water with a gasp, ripping his goggles down his neck for a moment to alleviate the pressure around his head.
ibuprofen when he gets home. got it.
he's gasping, but looks over at ai, with a raised brow. like he can't believe the olive branch he's being extended right now. because he knows he doesn't deserve it. and honestly? he isn't even sure if he wants it right now. he stares at ai for a moment longer, brows furrowing in deliberation. before he grits his teeth and pulls his goggles back over his eyes, snapping the strap on the back of his head this time]
Might as well. Have to show Phelps I'm not a pathetic nothing when I beat his fucking record.
[Despite his latent exhaustion and weariness, seeing Rin with at least a bit of his usual spark helps to set Ai's worries aside, even if only temporary. It was hard to feel the weight of a heart when so buoyant in the water, after all.
He figures with Rin's leg still being a bit sore, it wasn't as if he was going to be setting any new PBs - getting up and out of the pool to find his stopwatch (the very same he's kept with him since his first year at Samezuka, having timed to many of Rin's laps over the years) would be overkill. So Ai's content to wait at the far end of the pool and only countdown on the wall clock. ]
No one thinks that but you, senpai. [If Rin's looking, he'd see a wry if slightly tired smile. Ai counts Rin off, remembers the position of the second hand, and then watches Rin closely.]
[rin gives ai a look. internally, he's just thinking no, you just think i'm petty nonsense before he grits his teeth and kicks off the wall.
ai's right. it's no pb. it kind of sucks in fact, compared to his normal when he hears ai yell out his time. his hand aches from hitting the wall that hard. but he's not letting that put a stop in things. not his shitty time, not his mounting guilts and missteps. no, he has something to prove, he has a dream to live out and he's not letting all this shit get in the way of that]
One more.
[he spits out, taking in a quick gulp before he does it all over again. and again. he's beginning to lose count of how much he is making ai time him, barely taking a moment to recover and suck some much needed oxygen back into his lungs. but that's always been rin. this is nothing new, not from his first year at samezuka. and not from his second. always trying to outdo himself. it's what got him here in the first place. so realistically, he can keep going at this pace.
well. or until his leg screams at him to stop, and he drapes himself over the lane line near the starting block. he's panting heavily and rips his goggles and cap off, smacking them against the water with a splash]
Shit. Calling it. Least for me.
[he's content to float there for a moment, his chin half submerged on his crossed arms over the line. he looks at ai from the corner of his gaze]
[By the second attempt, Ai's climbed out of the pool. It's always been easier to track Rin's time like this. And by the third attempt, Ai's wishing he had the foresight to bring his stopwatch with him to the pool room after all. Leave it to Rin to try and climb new heights, despite their circumstances and despite his leg.
It is hard to deny the pulsating warmth in his chest. Because Rin's vigor and his passion has always bordered on contagious. For those twenty or so minutes, it'd become easy to forget how raw and upset he'd felt just minutes prior.]
That was great, Rin-senpai! Even with your leg. Just going off the room clock, you're within six seconds of your 100m free times from yesterday. That's incredible.
[Ai comes to the shell of the pool, hesitating for a moment before holding out a hand to help Rin up and over the edge. When Rin suggests they switch spots, though, the expression Ai wears is uncertain.]
I'm not sure. In this condition, I'm not going to accomplish anything good. [And I don't want to keep you if you want to leave. Much as he always vies for Rin to track his progress... For his companionship, in any way he could have it. It was a weird position to be in. More than anything, Ai wanted to get out of the pool and apologize and put this whole day behind them.
Instead, he makes the difficult and responsible choice. He didn't come here just to wallow, after all.]
... Maybe just one or two. But then I'll do drills, so don't feel like you have to wait for me.
[through the gasps, rin tilts his head up to squint at him]
The hell you mean in this condition?
[actually, scratch that. maybe he doesn't want to know the answer to that. ai sounds the way he did back in high school. though rin can't tell if that's from putting on a face, or some normal facade. either way... he tries to ignore that lifted tone, hauling himself out of the pool]
Go on. I'll time you. And I don't feel like I have to do anything, thanks.
[he tacks on, damn near spitting as he sits cross legged at the edge of the pool, shoving his cap and goggles aside. rin looks up at the clock, and back down at ai, with a raised brow]
[Ai tries to force the words to his tongue and it simply takes too long, as it seems Rin's let go of his own question. His condition was threadbare and exhausted; Ai had supposed if he tried swimming like this, he'd do a fantastic impression of Rin from yesterday afternoon without a leg to blame it on.
Thankfully, the bar was currently in hell, and Ai doesn't think Rin would hold it against him if his times were dogshit. The good thing about having spent so much of his professional time skating rock bottom is that Ai has zero fears of underperforming and being seen as a fool. Been there, done that.
It gives him an odd sense of vigor - or maybe that really was just Rin's being infectious after all - and Ai decides to at least try and do it properly. So he puts on his swim cap, his goggles, and steps onto a starting block.]
Ready.
[Waits for the seconds hand to cross the twelve indicator and dives. There is a surprising length to his dive, and true to his usual methodology, Ai's extension in the first 25m is impressive to the point of intimidating. It's about where his energy pitters out too, though; halfway toward the other wall, while his form is fine, his speed is lacking. It isn't so much holding back as trying to be mindful about the mechanics of what he's doing; it made it easier to be more present with his body, less present with his head.
He repeats this with Rin three times, and each one is nearly identical in length of time it takes him to complete a 100m round. When his hand smacks the wall for a final time, Ai tosses an elbow over the lane divider for support, catching his breath.]
Ahh, I'm out of it...
[Then he smiles, a little embarrassed, but... Weirdly vulnerable too.]
It's hard to beat the high of yesterday. Isn't it? Tomorrow I'll do better.
[A silent indicator that he was... Fine. Or going to be fine. That their entire world didn't have to be ash because Rin said it was.]
Edited (caught a word) Date: 2025-09-23 03:58 am (UTC)
[he doesn't think ai's times are dogshit, thanks!!
he actually is fairly impressed with them. considering their current state of affairs, and everything that lay outside of this gym waiting for them. rin mindlessly slips into that old couch mindset however]
You're putting too much in the first half. Focus more on not fucking burning yourself out, and maintaining speed until the end. It's why Nagisa always kicks our asses at this.
[but then he realizes advice is absolutely unwarranted and probably unappreciated given the equally current state of things, and rin tosses his glance to the side with a mutter]
Sorry. Wasn't trying to give you shit you weren't looking for.
[which held a double meaning he wasn't intending at all. rin grits his teeth, letting ai's composure try to sink them back into some awkward state of normalcy. at least before yesterday and whatever monumental fuckups rin presented them with today]
That's the goal. Always do better.
[he agrees tonelessly, trying to push himself to his feet with a grimace. oof, yeah he'll be paying for this tomorrow. whatever. he'll be fine. be leans over and grabs his goggle and cap]
[What good was a practice without direction? Rin's doing him a favour. Even if Ai's intention had only been to focus on his acceleration because he knows he's good at it, and then focus on mechanics - but Rin's pushing him, so Ai obliges.
By the end of it, he's wiped. But appreciative nonetheless, only contributing more to his suddenly amenable attitude.
Ai swims to the ladder to crawl out like a normal human being, shaking his head at Rin's question and approaching the bench to pick up his towel,] This much is fine... Anything more and I'd get more out of the water if it was in a bath tub. [Implying his exhaustion.
He comes up to Rin, pauses. Seems to mull something over in his head, and then suddenly is speaking with a resolute if forlorn tone, towel draped on his shoulders.]
Rin-senpai. [He shakes his head, and then suddenly bows deeply, spelling his sincerity.] I'm sorry for earlier. It doesn't matter whether or not my intention was understood... I said something hurtful. [And how unlike him was that? It's unusual for Ai to apologize for an outright transgression.]
You could never be petty nonsense to me. So please don't believe such a thing.
[he's expecting... something. even if he isn't sure what, after ai towels off and rin awkwardly looks around like he's deciding between going to the locker room or drowning himself in the pool.
the apology isn't exactly what he was thinking of. especially not ai taking responsibility for their earlier transgressions. rin just stares at him like he's sprouted a second head somehow, and bites his lip. instead he just takes a step back, gaze shifting towards the floor]
...c'mon man, you don't need to do that here.
[he appreciates the apology. but it's not like rin's hands are clean in all of this. in fact he's pretty sure he's the one that started all of it to begin with. even if he was just trying to fall into old habits of how he talked to ai back when he coached him. much like this. rin's fingers wrap around his wrist, digging into it a little bit]
I started it, so it's fine. Sorta deserved it.
[rin feels awkward standing there, and so starts making his way towards the locker room, jerking his head for ai to follow with a huff]
It's fine. We're good. Don't worry about it so much. We both need a clear head after all this shit, right? Stupid to waste time dwelling on stuff like that.
[It wouldn't have been like Rin not to take the apology, but... All, the same, the speed with which Rin tries to move past it almost makes Ai regret opening his mouth. Almost. Except Ai has always been about being the bigger person, and being stalwart in a maelstrom of uncertainty, and there was no doing any of that without taking accountability.
So rather than shrink, he huffs! Rising to full height again and carrying right on the back of Rin's heel toward the locker room. In a way, it was a somewhat nostalgic scene.]
I was thinking about it the whole time I was in the water! It really bothered me, you know? It just didn't feel right. I don't like feeling as if I've made something worse.
[Prattle, prattle... His tone is almost indignant, but not in a very serious way; it could be more described as if he's huffing. Pouting, even. Guess that makes two of them now, for once for the right reasons.
In the locker room Ai quickly diverts to the showers, peeling off his jammers and doing a very hasty rinse down. Again pauses to look at those bruises, fresh on his hips... He turns his back to Rin over in the heart of the locker room just a little more.]
I wonder if they'll still make me work my morning shift, [he says absently. As if truly trying to usher them away from their whole ordeal.]
[rin grits his teeth, not knowing why ai is still talking about this. he feels like the matter is done and over with, door closed. but he's still... right, probably just filling the silence. something rin has been known to do more than once. sometimes with his words, other times with his fucking mouth. all he says before he gets into a shower stall far away from ai is simple]
I said it's fine. You didn't make anything worse.
[so why does nothing feel fine? ugh. rin washes off just as quickly, devoid of any of his own bruising for once. lucky him, he thinks with a small grimace. but he's determined to not ignore ai, apologies still fresh on his lips or not. thankfully, ai seems to have shifted topics and rin can fluff the water off of his hair in a more peaceful manner]
You gonna go in and just quit on the spot? Or offer to work your whole shift since you're ditching them for the world stage?
[he smirks lightly, digging around in his bag for the clean pair of clothes he shoved in there. he doesn't mean anything by it, there's no weight. even if he's still stepping on eggshells for the forseeable future]
[There is still just-- this hiss in Rin's tone. It unsettles Ai, who is trying so hard to make things right, and though Rin gives him platitudes, he cannot help but feel as if Rin's just saying it to get it over with. Should he have waited to open his mouth until they were back at the apartment? Should he not have apologized at all?
But that's not right, he thinks, stilling under the water flow, because when you hurt someone, it's only natural to want to make things right.
...
Chasing the rabbit down its hole on that one might give Ai a second mental breakdown, so instead he quickly shuts off the water and heads for his locker to begin pulling out clean clothes. He decides he's finished trying to gauge Rin's mentality for the night, finding it increasingly difficult to pinpoint. If he steps on a landmine, so be it.
Rin's more lighthearted question has Ai simpering, not that Rin can see it as he pulls a shirt on,] Of course I intend to work. But something tells me they'll send me home early.
[A world stage... It was impossible for Rin to feel bitter about that, right? Fuly clothed, Ai closes his locker, ruffles a bit more water out of his hair, and hoists his bag over his shoulder.]
Nothing's set in stone until they announce the final roster, but... It's hard not to be a little excited. [He smiles, just a little, eyeing Rin from the corner of his purview.] You could stop by for one last coffee, if you want.
[spare yourself the breakdowns ai, they're not worth it.
he pulls his own tank top on and a pair of shorts, fumbling for his jacket to toss over him as well. still keeping his gaze fixated elsewhere. whether he's sparing himself or ai though? that's a totally different matter entirely]
Ah, yeah makes sense. Sure, I'll grab one last cup from you guys though.
[it's funny how the course of one day can shift things so much. rin makes a point to bother mikhail tomorrow about training camp scheduling. and hopefully not dip their toes back into whatever this whole tabloid reporter whatever mess is (it's not a tabloid, that's the worst part of this!!). rin finally tugs his jacket down over his head, gathering everything in his bag before slinging it over his shoulder in turn]
Yeah, yeah. We're making it just fine. You'll see.
[or so he hopes that some stupid whatever won't tarnish his reputation to the point team japan decides to wash their hands clean of him--nope. not thinking that, not even going there. he grabs his phone out of the side pocket on his bag, shoving it into his pocket]
[Rin can grant himself a measure of reassurance that if nothing else, he has a personal coach vouching for him, and if shit hits the fan, it's more likely Ai will take the hit. If the team and their PR manager needed an out, Ai was ultimately less of an asset; it'd be the logical choice.
This of course is only vaguely in the back of his mind, Ai again instead focusing on that which is already determined. He qualified; he has to quit his job; his phone hasn't exploded, indicating no new developments.]
Ready.
[Threadbare doesn't cut it; Ai is exhausted, his body finally matching where his mind has been for hours. Somewhere between the faint spell earlier and a good workout, Ai is certain he'll sleep well tonight. Still has his reservations about where Rin's head is at, but Ai's been worked into a corner he isn't familiar with and is unsure how to navigate out of: asking Rin and injecting himself seems akin to heresy. Ai might go as far as to assume he's well and truly made himself a tumour. And maybe this, too, can be healed with time, but as it stands, Ai can't think of anything actionable to try and get back in his good graces, his trust, and if the exhaustion doesn't claim him tonight, running his head in circles will.
The walk back is much calmer and more normal than the walk to had been; mostly quiet, though Ai occasionally chimes in with attempts at conversation. Not for idle talk, but because he enjoys when Rin volleys, the times he does.]
[some time trickles on, and things remain questionably tight between the two of them once more.
rin seems shunted in his missteps throughout the last several weeks. so he pours what he can into training, keeping ai's house clean again, minimizing his footprint in the apartment and looking towards the future--and what exactly that looks like. he's awkward reached out to kisumi once or twice, asking to get in touch with his uncle. but chickens out and mourns whatever the hell this is last minute and says 'nvm' (kisumi didn't even know rin moved back, thinking he was just here for qualifiers. he really needs to get his ass back out there, ugh).
eerily, there have been no further anythings from the press. a few missed calls from numbers he blocks so fast once he weeds out sponsors. rin hates it. almost wonders why they're sitting on something like that. are they waiting for the other shoe to drop? mikhail shrugs it off per usual, telling rin to focus on other things instead.
and so he does.
like swimming almost every night until he drops.
he hasn't seen much of haru or sousuke much. or rather outside of the pool. they all run into each other during practices, and azuma and mikhail definitely capitalize on the way rin and haru push each other more simply being in opposite lanes. but their focuses are all elsewhere. even if rin's is on... whatever the hell the future looks like.
he tries to remain chivalrous with ai, even if the comments from that night still stuck. but he also knows he has no room to complain, going off the nasty shit he's said to ai equally. and so he just lets it fester, hoping it rots away into nothing.
it's just ai and rin at their local gym tonight. getting in a few things. rin is hauling himself out of the pool with a heaving gasp, slumping belly first on the concrete and fumbling for his phone in his jacket pocket. he blinks at the new text from mikhail and squints down at the screen. ai swimming or hauling himself out of the pool or whatever and rin grins and chucks his goggles at him making an excited noise]
Training dates are in. Next week you'll be a certified international traveler.
[it's the first time he's looked so excited and pumped up in a while]
[As with most things, time was a salve. And the deeper he and Rin fell into routine, the easier it was to push things away. To forget how readily and willingly Rin had been to misinterpret him; how readily Ai walked back on promises. It wouldn't be unusual to say that in the weeks since the day after All Japan Ai's been a bit distant; he had wounds to let heal, and training to focus on. Cages to keep closed.
Things are pleasant, if a bit-- just always a little off. Not entirely unlike their first year together, though Ai has to say Rin's had significantly less meltdowns since. He has wondered once or twice if that was Ryuji and his protege's influence, and Ai is ashamed to admit the green eyes it's given him. All kept well to his chest, of course; little was going to break his focus this time around.
He'd been finishing the last 50m of a 400m stint when Rin hauled himself out, and was only half-way down the lane when Rin's goggles nearly pelt him as soon as he surfaced for a breath. Ai reaches into the water to grab them before they're able to sink and then comes to the pool's edge, face beaming.]
So it's settled! Are our itineraries the same, senpai? [Leaving and arriving the same days, flying on the same flights, sharing the same rooms - these had all been on Ai's mind, too. Pressed more than once by both Mikhail and their team manager if he had any preferences and caveated they couldn't promise anything, but Ai remain tightlipped so as not to potentially inconvenience others.
He hauls himself out of the pool, bringing himself up onto his feet much more gracefully than Rin. He's leaning over with his palms on his elbows, though, still pulling air into his lungs, and leans over some as if trying to peek at Rin's phone screen.]
It'd be nice to get the team together for a dinner, I think. [His smile turns gentle.] Or maybe just our friends? I don't know if that'd upset some of the guys, though...
[Subtly, Ai's fingers on his right hand pinch into the skin of his thigh.]
Ahh... It's real...! Paris!! Ah, you shouldn't swim in the Seine, Rin-senpai. There's bodies in there. [completely normal thing to say, Ai.] But there's several beaches nearby that'd be worth checking out off the itinerary.
[rin squints back down over the finer details. he gets so worked up and excited over things, sometimes it's easy to just... miss the basics]
Leaving Monday... direct flight, yeah I think they crammed us all on the same one. Ugh. Never going to escape these fucking fourteen hour flights...
[rin is absolutely moping, will he ever go on a plane for less than a decade? sounds like a personal problem, matsuoka. he tosses his phone back onto his jacket, rolling over to lay flat on the floor and staring up at the ceiling for a moment. before he makes another noise and rubs his palms against his eyes]
Fair warning, I deprive myself of sleep for a good fourty eight hours before that type of thing.
[just as a heads up in case he's...crabbier than usual. since there's been a space of reprieve between them without any of his tantrums. but ai brings up a good point, and oh yeah. getting the team together would be nice. but just their friends? even nicer. rin ruffles up his sopping wet hair, pushing himself back up to a sitting position]
Maybe just our friends? I'm sure the other guys won't mind...
[but. rin can't help but just stare at ai. because??? what the fuck??? he gives him a weirded out look, slack jawed and wide eyed]
What the fuck Ai?!? Bodies? What does that even mean!?
[totally... blitzing over the other part where ai says there's better places to check out. no way he's honed in on that weird little detail his roommate decided to drop]
[His reply to Rin's warning of potential cranky tantrums is immediate and familiar,]
I can handle it.
[-- and maybe just a little tongue-in-cheek, too, given how peaceful yet borderline sterile the atmosphere has been lately. Definitely more on Ai's part than Rin's; making himself scarce, focusing hard on swimming, and keeping his cards impossibly close to his chest have naturally lent to a bit of distance between the two of them. Wounds needed dressing, so he dressed them. Tumours needed pruning-- well. He was working on that.
Still, he can't help but smile and laugh just a little when Rin flops and rolls on the tiled floor, hands politely folded behind his back. Rolls his eyes up in thought when Rin agrees it might not be a bad idea.]
Monday's right around the corner, and we have even less time if you want to show up in proper form. [Those two days of no sleep, he means.] Maybe it's better to do it once we're all in Paris... But a send-off really would be nice....
[Hemming and hawing... Then Rin's guffawing at him, and Ai smiles in that I'm not weird you're weird way of his.]
It means don't swim in the river, senpai! I guess it's allowed, but I don't think it's a very good idea.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2025-09-21 03:15 pm (UTC)Because Ai plays their argument over and over in his head, plays the moments leading up to it over and over. Their afternoon. Their morning. The day before. All of it, one frustratingly errant note after the other.
You probably wish you were petty nonsense. That'd make it ten times easier for you.
This, too, he plays over and over. Because even now, as his head begins to cool with the early evening air, Ai can't find it in himself to say he's wrong. So much of all of this would be so much simpler if Rin meant a little less to him. There'd be no complications around the first time they hooked up. There'd be no fanfare around the markings on their necks. There'd be no fallout. There'd be no anguish at being left alone at his lowest. There'd be no upset at not being able to reciprocate. There'd be no misstep after misstep after misstep. If Ai could do Rin the favour of only considering him petty nonsense and not holistically and singularly the most important person in his life, so much would be easier. So much may not have happened at all.
It isn't as if he meant Rin, anyway. I didn't push as hard as I did just to stumble because of petty nonsense. Ai's petty nonsense was that which he still tried to keep under tight lock and key. Funny how even now, spoken by another name, it has a way of colossally fucking things up when invoked. He'd tried to set the record straight, hold Rin accountable for willfully misinterpreting him, but. Then Ai took it just a step too far, because the depths of his hurt seem not to have limits. A near-constant swell of rejection and frustration and ineptitude. Somewhere well ahead of Rin, Ai's sniffing, rubbing furiously at his face before walking even faster-
You're my best friend, and I...
... Slowly, Ai's pace slows down. And slower still. Enough such that Rin would easily be able to close the gap.]
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Date: 2025-09-22 12:36 am (UTC)not that rin isn't constantly checking over his shoulder and around them for. obvious reasons. journalist related reasons, because the last thing he needs is one of their fights becoming yet another fucking public spectacle. he's still waiting for that other shoe to drop anyways, trying to follow mikhail's advice, still twisting over ponderings in his head that might work, even though he hasn't solidified one yet...
but ai begins to slow.
and rin scowls, shifting his bag, trying to slow his pace in turn. his throat is still sore, and he can still taste ai in his mouth. and somehow...
but then he can tell the tears that are coming down. and rin overtakes ai for a moment, fingers tight on the strap of his duffel. agonizingly so, white knuckled in its intensity. he bites his lip, staring at the gym not far ahead of them. but then twists his head to look over his shoulder, and. well. he casts another glance around, nobody's around thank god.
so rin sighs and digs his heel into the pavement for a moment. all before he turns on said heel and awkwardly stands in front of ai, not quite looking at him. the words still sting. but he knows he's a hypocrite, and has said plenty of nasty shit in turn. it's well deserved. but it shouldn't be making ai so miserable either. fuck]
...maybe we should just go home.
[he bites out, his lips twisting a bit as he tries not to look at the way ai is scrubbing at his face]
Pool's not going anywhere.
[there's another offer on his tongue though. and he feels for his phone in his pocket, thumb brushing across the screen. or i can piss off and give you your space]
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Date: 2025-09-22 12:45 am (UTC)How considerate, he thinks, that Rin is being. Or maybe he's so far gone to his own discontent that the idea of even swimming anymore made him feel bile in the back of his throat, too? No, Ai mentally reprimands himself, you can't do the same thing. You can't think like that. He sets his jaw, and in a matter of seconds, he's got his composure.
... Weak as it might be, but he had a point to prove. Mostly to himself.]
It's alright, [he insists, though isn't looking at Rin as he says it. He shifts weight some between his shoes, but doesn't have it in him to just... Push forward. Rin's trying, and Ai's got a cooler head now compared to when he barged out their front door, so it's the least he can do to remain present and amenable to compromise.] Practice doesn't stop just because we're a little upset. Right?
[Not that much ever comes out of forcing oneself, but. Ai forces a smile, this time more for Rin's sake than his own; his eyebrows are knit, expression half-way cut between apologetic and ashamed.] The water's bound to cool us off, anyway. We could use it right about now.
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Date: 2025-09-22 01:03 am (UTC)the one where you slip a mask on, in hopes of sparing another's feelings. he's done it so many times before--continues to do it to this day. and maybe rin's expression sours for a moment. before it's wiped clean, like it was never there to begin with. and rin turns around, making his way towards the pool.
it's not like ai isn't right. he is. painfully so, just like always. they're heated up, worked over with all the happenings of the last however the fuck long. and maybe they'll be spared anymore transgressions if they can just make it into the water. his thumb brushes along the strap of his bag, tossing a look over his shoulder, making sure ai is still following behind and rin didn't just pull the biggest asshole move and ditch him somewhere]
Yup. Cool down. Got it.
[he holds the door open for ai with his shoulder (a painful little flashback to that time, his first night here. where he was joking with ai about how if he held open doors like this for miyako matsuoka, well. she would disown him surely) and rin shoves the memory aside, scuffing his shoe against the bottom of the door in irritation]
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Date: 2025-09-22 01:13 am (UTC)To believe in the good; to have faith things will be alright. Patience was his virtue and endurance his vice.
He follows after Rin inside of the building, that same exact memory flashing through his head. At the time, he'd really just been friendly, though Rin's goading had erroneously made Ai think it could have been something more. Maybe the third, fourth time he held a door open for Rin or let him enter a building first, he did it with a bit more intention; Ai remembers even letting loose a quip or two. The way he remembers Rin's smile from that first day back feels like a lifetime ago, even if in reality it's been two months at most. It makes his heart throb in his chest. How could it all go so sour?
All the same he flashes Rin a thankful if slightly watery smile before making his way to the changing rooms.
At this hour, the swimming area is basically empty. All the better, Ai thinks, especially as he begins to change. He didn't want anyone to see him in this sorry state, already certain he'll be swimming subpar times. Stepping out of his pants and briefs, he catches a reflection of himself in the locker mirror; the myriad bruises Rin had left on his hips are practically fluorescing in their strength. Ai's gut churns, feeling hot in one instance, and deeply shameful in another.
He never even brushed his teeth, Ai ruminates, pulling on his jammers, He probably still has me on his tongue. And Rin's breath - minty, slightly earthy - is still so recent in his mind's olfactory that it flashes across his senses like a phantom, for a moment. All at once, he's slamming his locker shut and all but marching toward the pool. Seems he has no option but to out-swim his own thoughts at this rate.]
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Date: 2025-09-22 02:51 am (UTC)rin makes it a point to change in a totally separate area than ai. at least he's spared a myriad of angry blue and black. but then again even if anyone saw ai with those, wouldn't the first assumption be good for you or some shit? isn't that what guys do? congratulate the others on their sexual endeavors or something?
rin slams his locker shut, unwilling to think about it any further. nobody was ever congratulating him. not even himself.
he can already hear sousuke chiding him--no, ripping him a new one. it's going to come up somehow. the dude is eerily intuitive, and not like either of them would be able to lie to his face if it came up. rin grits his teeth, pulling his goggles up on his head, forgoing the usual snap of the straps like he's done for years.
he's just tired. that's all it is. he can shift the blame onto that easily. he doesn't even bother waiting for ai, grabbing his towel and tossing it against a chair that remains poolside. there's nobody in the lanes either, some small saving grace as rin braces himself on the starting block. he thinks he hears wet footsteps somewhere behind him, and can only come to the conclusion that ai probably entered the pool area.
so in he dives without a word, sliding into a slow warmup of freestyle]
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Date: 2025-09-22 03:03 am (UTC)Still, he has to try. One of them does.
He minds Rin in the water for a moment - always a beautiful thing, even if they're both a little charged. And even if it's only a warmup. The way Rin cuts through water is equal parts grace and power, a sight that has had Ai captivated since he was nearly single-digits old. In the water it was so much easier to shirk feelings, too; to let them leak out and fall to the current. To be free.
The calm and manufactured blue of the pool water starts to turn just a little darker; something oceanic. Suddenly Ai's yanking on his cap and goggles, willing his brain to shut up for just two seconds, and diving in.
The way he swims is placid at best, and maybe uninspired at worst. Dolphin kicks to barely give himself propulsion, moreso just-- feeling the water and ambling down the lane than he is actually swimming. Counting breaths. Cooling down.
He tells himself he can't just spend the next hour aimlessly quasi-floating, so. At the end of the 50m, Ai stands in the pool, waiting for a flash of red when Rin inevitably has to take a breath. Their normalcy is dead and gone, but. I have to try.]
When you're warmed up I can time you if you'd like, senpai.
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Date: 2025-09-22 03:25 am (UTC)even if it's just the physical exertion getting worked out of him, he'll take it. happily.
he can feel the shift of the waters somewhere near him, ai swimming his heart out in turn. rin almost pushes through the 50m stupidly, stubborn determination at some ass attempt at attempting a breathless. but he's too worked up for that and breaches the water with a gasp, ripping his goggles down his neck for a moment to alleviate the pressure around his head.
ibuprofen when he gets home. got it.
he's gasping, but looks over at ai, with a raised brow. like he can't believe the olive branch he's being extended right now. because he knows he doesn't deserve it. and honestly? he isn't even sure if he wants it right now. he stares at ai for a moment longer, brows furrowing in deliberation. before he grits his teeth and pulls his goggles back over his eyes, snapping the strap on the back of his head this time]
Might as well. Have to show Phelps I'm not a pathetic nothing when I beat his fucking record.
[and off he goes again]
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Date: 2025-09-22 03:32 am (UTC)He figures with Rin's leg still being a bit sore, it wasn't as if he was going to be setting any new PBs - getting up and out of the pool to find his stopwatch (the very same he's kept with him since his first year at Samezuka, having timed to many of Rin's laps over the years) would be overkill. So Ai's content to wait at the far end of the pool and only countdown on the wall clock. ]
No one thinks that but you, senpai. [If Rin's looking, he'd see a wry if slightly tired smile. Ai counts Rin off, remembers the position of the second hand, and then watches Rin closely.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 06:47 pm (UTC)ai's right. it's no pb. it kind of sucks in fact, compared to his normal when he hears ai yell out his time. his hand aches from hitting the wall that hard. but he's not letting that put a stop in things. not his shitty time, not his mounting guilts and missteps. no, he has something to prove, he has a dream to live out and he's not letting all this shit get in the way of that]
One more.
[he spits out, taking in a quick gulp before he does it all over again. and again. he's beginning to lose count of how much he is making ai time him, barely taking a moment to recover and suck some much needed oxygen back into his lungs. but that's always been rin. this is nothing new, not from his first year at samezuka. and not from his second. always trying to outdo himself. it's what got him here in the first place. so realistically, he can keep going at this pace.
well. or until his leg screams at him to stop, and he drapes himself over the lane line near the starting block. he's panting heavily and rips his goggles and cap off, smacking them against the water with a splash]
Shit. Calling it. Least for me.
[he's content to float there for a moment, his chin half submerged on his crossed arms over the line. he looks at ai from the corner of his gaze]
...I can time you, if you need it.
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Date: 2025-09-22 07:26 pm (UTC)It is hard to deny the pulsating warmth in his chest. Because Rin's vigor and his passion has always bordered on contagious. For those twenty or so minutes, it'd become easy to forget how raw and upset he'd felt just minutes prior.]
That was great, Rin-senpai! Even with your leg. Just going off the room clock, you're within six seconds of your 100m free times from yesterday. That's incredible.
[Ai comes to the shell of the pool, hesitating for a moment before holding out a hand to help Rin up and over the edge. When Rin suggests they switch spots, though, the expression Ai wears is uncertain.]
I'm not sure. In this condition, I'm not going to accomplish anything good. [And I don't want to keep you if you want to leave. Much as he always vies for Rin to track his progress... For his companionship, in any way he could have it. It was a weird position to be in. More than anything, Ai wanted to get out of the pool and apologize and put this whole day behind them.
Instead, he makes the difficult and responsible choice. He didn't come here just to wallow, after all.]
... Maybe just one or two. But then I'll do drills, so don't feel like you have to wait for me.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 11:19 pm (UTC)The hell you mean in this condition?
[actually, scratch that. maybe he doesn't want to know the answer to that. ai sounds the way he did back in high school. though rin can't tell if that's from putting on a face, or some normal facade. either way... he tries to ignore that lifted tone, hauling himself out of the pool]
Go on. I'll time you. And I don't feel like I have to do anything, thanks.
[he tacks on, damn near spitting as he sits cross legged at the edge of the pool, shoving his cap and goggles aside. rin looks up at the clock, and back down at ai, with a raised brow]
Ready, or need a minute?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-23 01:33 am (UTC)Thankfully, the bar was currently in hell, and Ai doesn't think Rin would hold it against him if his times were dogshit. The good thing about having spent so much of his professional time skating rock bottom is that Ai has zero fears of underperforming and being seen as a fool. Been there, done that.
It gives him an odd sense of vigor - or maybe that really was just Rin's being infectious after all - and Ai decides to at least try and do it properly. So he puts on his swim cap, his goggles, and steps onto a starting block.]
Ready.
[Waits for the seconds hand to cross the twelve indicator and dives. There is a surprising length to his dive, and true to his usual methodology, Ai's extension in the first 25m is impressive to the point of intimidating. It's about where his energy pitters out too, though; halfway toward the other wall, while his form is fine, his speed is lacking. It isn't so much holding back as trying to be mindful about the mechanics of what he's doing; it made it easier to be more present with his body, less present with his head.
He repeats this with Rin three times, and each one is nearly identical in length of time it takes him to complete a 100m round. When his hand smacks the wall for a final time, Ai tosses an elbow over the lane divider for support, catching his breath.]
Ahh, I'm out of it...
[Then he smiles, a little embarrassed, but... Weirdly vulnerable too.]
It's hard to beat the high of yesterday. Isn't it? Tomorrow I'll do better.
[A silent indicator that he was... Fine. Or going to be fine. That their entire world didn't have to be ash because Rin said it was.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-23 10:52 pm (UTC)he actually is fairly impressed with them. considering their current state of affairs, and everything that lay outside of this gym waiting for them. rin mindlessly slips into that old couch mindset however]
You're putting too much in the first half. Focus more on not fucking burning yourself out, and maintaining speed until the end. It's why Nagisa always kicks our asses at this.
[but then he realizes advice is absolutely unwarranted and probably unappreciated given the equally current state of things, and rin tosses his glance to the side with a mutter]
Sorry. Wasn't trying to give you shit you weren't looking for.
[which held a double meaning he wasn't intending at all. rin grits his teeth, letting ai's composure try to sink them back into some awkward state of normalcy. at least before yesterday and whatever monumental fuckups rin presented them with today]
That's the goal. Always do better.
[he agrees tonelessly, trying to push himself to his feet with a grimace. oof, yeah he'll be paying for this tomorrow. whatever. he'll be fine. be leans over and grabs his goggle and cap]
You going to keep going, or call it quits?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-23 11:05 pm (UTC)By the end of it, he's wiped. But appreciative nonetheless, only contributing more to his suddenly amenable attitude.
Ai swims to the ladder to crawl out like a normal human being, shaking his head at Rin's question and approaching the bench to pick up his towel,] This much is fine... Anything more and I'd get more out of the water if it was in a bath tub. [Implying his exhaustion.
He comes up to Rin, pauses. Seems to mull something over in his head, and then suddenly is speaking with a resolute if forlorn tone, towel draped on his shoulders.]
Rin-senpai. [He shakes his head, and then suddenly bows deeply, spelling his sincerity.] I'm sorry for earlier. It doesn't matter whether or not my intention was understood... I said something hurtful. [And how unlike him was that? It's unusual for Ai to apologize for an outright transgression.]
You could never be petty nonsense to me. So please don't believe such a thing.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 03:34 am (UTC)the apology isn't exactly what he was thinking of. especially not ai taking responsibility for their earlier transgressions. rin just stares at him like he's sprouted a second head somehow, and bites his lip. instead he just takes a step back, gaze shifting towards the floor]
...c'mon man, you don't need to do that here.
[he appreciates the apology. but it's not like rin's hands are clean in all of this. in fact he's pretty sure he's the one that started all of it to begin with. even if he was just trying to fall into old habits of how he talked to ai back when he coached him. much like this. rin's fingers wrap around his wrist, digging into it a little bit]
I started it, so it's fine. Sorta deserved it.
[rin feels awkward standing there, and so starts making his way towards the locker room, jerking his head for ai to follow with a huff]
It's fine. We're good. Don't worry about it so much. We both need a clear head after all this shit, right? Stupid to waste time dwelling on stuff like that.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 03:43 am (UTC)So rather than shrink, he huffs! Rising to full height again and carrying right on the back of Rin's heel toward the locker room. In a way, it was a somewhat nostalgic scene.]
I was thinking about it the whole time I was in the water! It really bothered me, you know? It just didn't feel right. I don't like feeling as if I've made something worse.
[Prattle, prattle... His tone is almost indignant, but not in a very serious way; it could be more described as if he's huffing. Pouting, even. Guess that makes two of them now, for once for the right reasons.
In the locker room Ai quickly diverts to the showers, peeling off his jammers and doing a very hasty rinse down. Again pauses to look at those bruises, fresh on his hips... He turns his back to Rin over in the heart of the locker room just a little more.]
I wonder if they'll still make me work my morning shift, [he says absently. As if truly trying to usher them away from their whole ordeal.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 04:00 am (UTC)I said it's fine. You didn't make anything worse.
[so why does nothing feel fine? ugh. rin washes off just as quickly, devoid of any of his own bruising for once. lucky him, he thinks with a small grimace. but he's determined to not ignore ai, apologies still fresh on his lips or not. thankfully, ai seems to have shifted topics and rin can fluff the water off of his hair in a more peaceful manner]
You gonna go in and just quit on the spot? Or offer to work your whole shift since you're ditching them for the world stage?
[he smirks lightly, digging around in his bag for the clean pair of clothes he shoved in there. he doesn't mean anything by it, there's no weight. even if he's still stepping on eggshells for the forseeable future]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 04:11 am (UTC)But that's not right, he thinks, stilling under the water flow, because when you hurt someone, it's only natural to want to make things right.
...
Chasing the rabbit down its hole on that one might give Ai a second mental breakdown, so instead he quickly shuts off the water and heads for his locker to begin pulling out clean clothes. He decides he's finished trying to gauge Rin's mentality for the night, finding it increasingly difficult to pinpoint. If he steps on a landmine, so be it.
Rin's more lighthearted question has Ai simpering, not that Rin can see it as he pulls a shirt on,] Of course I intend to work. But something tells me they'll send me home early.
[A world stage... It was impossible for Rin to feel bitter about that, right? Fuly clothed, Ai closes his locker, ruffles a bit more water out of his hair, and hoists his bag over his shoulder.]
Nothing's set in stone until they announce the final roster, but... It's hard not to be a little excited. [He smiles, just a little, eyeing Rin from the corner of his purview.] You could stop by for one last coffee, if you want.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 03:33 am (UTC)he pulls his own tank top on and a pair of shorts, fumbling for his jacket to toss over him as well. still keeping his gaze fixated elsewhere. whether he's sparing himself or ai though? that's a totally different matter entirely]
Ah, yeah makes sense. Sure, I'll grab one last cup from you guys though.
[it's funny how the course of one day can shift things so much. rin makes a point to bother mikhail tomorrow about training camp scheduling. and hopefully not dip their toes back into whatever this whole tabloid reporter whatever mess is (it's not a tabloid, that's the worst part of this!!). rin finally tugs his jacket down over his head, gathering everything in his bag before slinging it over his shoulder in turn]
Yeah, yeah. We're making it just fine. You'll see.
[or so he hopes that some stupid whatever won't tarnish his reputation to the point team japan decides to wash their hands clean of him--nope. not thinking that, not even going there. he grabs his phone out of the side pocket on his bag, shoving it into his pocket]
Ready?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 03:41 am (UTC)This of course is only vaguely in the back of his mind, Ai again instead focusing on that which is already determined. He qualified; he has to quit his job; his phone hasn't exploded, indicating no new developments.]
Ready.
[Threadbare doesn't cut it; Ai is exhausted, his body finally matching where his mind has been for hours. Somewhere between the faint spell earlier and a good workout, Ai is certain he'll sleep well tonight. Still has his reservations about where Rin's head is at, but Ai's been worked into a corner he isn't familiar with and is unsure how to navigate out of: asking Rin and injecting himself seems akin to heresy. Ai might go as far as to assume he's well and truly made himself a tumour. And maybe this, too, can be healed with time, but as it stands, Ai can't think of anything actionable to try and get back in his good graces, his trust, and if the exhaustion doesn't claim him tonight, running his head in circles will.
The walk back is much calmer and more normal than the walk to had been; mostly quiet, though Ai occasionally chimes in with attempts at conversation. Not for idle talk, but because he enjoys when Rin volleys, the times he does.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-26 02:17 am (UTC)rin seems shunted in his missteps throughout the last several weeks. so he pours what he can into training, keeping ai's house clean again, minimizing his footprint in the apartment and looking towards the future--and what exactly that looks like. he's awkward reached out to kisumi once or twice, asking to get in touch with his uncle. but chickens out and mourns whatever the hell this is last minute and says 'nvm' (kisumi didn't even know rin moved back, thinking he was just here for qualifiers. he really needs to get his ass back out there, ugh).
eerily, there have been no further anythings from the press. a few missed calls from numbers he blocks so fast once he weeds out sponsors. rin hates it. almost wonders why they're sitting on something like that. are they waiting for the other shoe to drop? mikhail shrugs it off per usual, telling rin to focus on other things instead.
and so he does.
like swimming almost every night until he drops.
he hasn't seen much of haru or sousuke much. or rather outside of the pool. they all run into each other during practices, and azuma and mikhail definitely capitalize on the way rin and haru push each other more simply being in opposite lanes. but their focuses are all elsewhere. even if rin's is on... whatever the hell the future looks like.
he tries to remain chivalrous with ai, even if the comments from that night still stuck. but he also knows he has no room to complain, going off the nasty shit he's said to ai equally. and so he just lets it fester, hoping it rots away into nothing.
it's just ai and rin at their local gym tonight. getting in a few things. rin is hauling himself out of the pool with a heaving gasp, slumping belly first on the concrete and fumbling for his phone in his jacket pocket. he blinks at the new text from mikhail and squints down at the screen. ai swimming or hauling himself out of the pool or whatever and rin grins and chucks his goggles at him making an excited noise]
Training dates are in. Next week you'll be a certified international traveler.
[it's the first time he's looked so excited and pumped up in a while]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-26 02:38 am (UTC)Things are pleasant, if a bit-- just always a little off. Not entirely unlike their first year together, though Ai has to say Rin's had significantly less meltdowns since. He has wondered once or twice if that was Ryuji and his protege's influence, and Ai is ashamed to admit the green eyes it's given him. All kept well to his chest, of course; little was going to break his focus this time around.
He'd been finishing the last 50m of a 400m stint when Rin hauled himself out, and was only half-way down the lane when Rin's goggles nearly pelt him as soon as he surfaced for a breath. Ai reaches into the water to grab them before they're able to sink and then comes to the pool's edge, face beaming.]
So it's settled! Are our itineraries the same, senpai? [Leaving and arriving the same days, flying on the same flights, sharing the same rooms - these had all been on Ai's mind, too. Pressed more than once by both Mikhail and their team manager if he had any preferences and caveated they couldn't promise anything, but Ai remain tightlipped so as not to potentially inconvenience others.
He hauls himself out of the pool, bringing himself up onto his feet much more gracefully than Rin. He's leaning over with his palms on his elbows, though, still pulling air into his lungs, and leans over some as if trying to peek at Rin's phone screen.]
It'd be nice to get the team together for a dinner, I think. [His smile turns gentle.] Or maybe just our friends? I don't know if that'd upset some of the guys, though...
[Subtly, Ai's fingers on his right hand pinch into the skin of his thigh.]
Ahh... It's real...! Paris!! Ah, you shouldn't swim in the Seine, Rin-senpai. There's bodies in there. [completely normal thing to say, Ai.] But there's several beaches nearby that'd be worth checking out off the itinerary.
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Date: 2025-09-28 03:19 am (UTC)Leaving Monday... direct flight, yeah I think they crammed us all on the same one. Ugh. Never going to escape these fucking fourteen hour flights...
[rin is absolutely moping, will he ever go on a plane for less than a decade? sounds like a personal problem, matsuoka. he tosses his phone back onto his jacket, rolling over to lay flat on the floor and staring up at the ceiling for a moment. before he makes another noise and rubs his palms against his eyes]
Fair warning, I deprive myself of sleep for a good fourty eight hours before that type of thing.
[just as a heads up in case he's...crabbier than usual. since there's been a space of reprieve between them without any of his tantrums. but ai brings up a good point, and oh yeah. getting the team together would be nice. but just their friends? even nicer. rin ruffles up his sopping wet hair, pushing himself back up to a sitting position]
Maybe just our friends? I'm sure the other guys won't mind...
[but. rin can't help but just stare at ai. because??? what the fuck??? he gives him a weirded out look, slack jawed and wide eyed]
What the fuck Ai?!? Bodies? What does that even mean!?
[totally... blitzing over the other part where ai says there's better places to check out. no way he's honed in on that weird little detail his roommate decided to drop]
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Date: 2025-09-28 03:32 am (UTC)I can handle it.
[-- and maybe just a little tongue-in-cheek, too, given how peaceful yet borderline sterile the atmosphere has been lately. Definitely more on Ai's part than Rin's; making himself scarce, focusing hard on swimming, and keeping his cards impossibly close to his chest have naturally lent to a bit of distance between the two of them. Wounds needed dressing, so he dressed them. Tumours needed pruning-- well. He was working on that.
Still, he can't help but smile and laugh just a little when Rin flops and rolls on the tiled floor, hands politely folded behind his back. Rolls his eyes up in thought when Rin agrees it might not be a bad idea.]
Monday's right around the corner, and we have even less time if you want to show up in proper form. [Those two days of no sleep, he means.] Maybe it's better to do it once we're all in Paris... But a send-off really would be nice....
[Hemming and hawing... Then Rin's guffawing at him, and Ai smiles in that I'm not weird you're weird way of his.]
It means don't swim in the river, senpai! I guess it's allowed, but I don't think it's a very good idea.
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