[Ai could melt into a kiss like that one-thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough. A potent snapshot of Rin's affections, and Ai is absolutely weak for it... Every second that ticks by, his enthusiasm and lack of propriety comes back to bite him. Because thirty days is nowhere enough, and these fleeting moments feel all the more oppressive for it.
But far be it for him to be crestfallen; quite the opposite. Ai's still riding cloud nine, even with the sudden lack of Rin's warmth beside him. He rolls onto his stomach once there's space on his mattress to do so, shining eyes lazily appraising Rin's body as he stands to full height. Really, he's perfect in every way. I'm lucky...
Ai doesn't hesitate for even a second to reach out and take a palm-full squeeze of Rin's ass cheek right before he walks off to the shower room. Who did that?
For the length of time Rin spends in there, Ai... Makes a bold proclamation in not peeling himself out of bed. He didn't crave sleep; rather, it was as if he didn't want to leave the nest he and Rin had made, not quite yet. His pillow faintly smelled of Rin still; Ai finds himself shifting over to that half of it, face buried in the linen. He still had to wash down too, but. Ai was in no rush.]
[ Ok, that earns a start and a laugh, his eyes cutting backwards when Ai grabs his ass. This is the beginning of his revenge arc. Your fate is sealed, kouhai!
Rin’s not sure why he’s like this; it’s not like it was a tough subject to bring up. Next time. One month. While Rin was fairly good at staying in the moment, every moment was always leading into the next, a relentless, spinning ball of progress made for chasing the dreams he would never give up on – not now, at least... and he had Ai to thank for that, in so many complicated ways. He's always been there for him, even when Rin didn't need him. Water cascaded over him in the shower and a smile quirks his lip: he uses this shampoo, too... Guess that explains why Ai’s hair looks so nice. Ai isn't even here, and Rin's going to be thinking of him every time he washes his hair now, isn't he? ... Maybe he should have invited Ai. Next time. Fuck, he can't think of a time he was in this deep.
It’s not long before Rin returns, clothed and behatted. His leg folds under him as he sits down on the bed close to Ai. His hand easily reaches over, brushing his fingers through Ai’s hair as a huffed laugh slips out of him. Ai would have no reason to know why he seems amused. Rin smiles comfortably at him, his eyes hooded and thoughtful.
It makes sense, he thinks, why he fretted so much, as he looks at him now. That Ai cared was always miserably obvious, his earnest heart always thrust toward him without fear or shame. Over the years, he went through so many motions; despair, want, distance. His shadowy heart cast so strongly over their first year together that he couldn’t bare the weight of his own emotions, regardless of who received them. Ai deserved better then. In his last year… well.... A sapling cannot grow under the shade of a tree. It was only right to let Ai grow on his own; he held so much promise. As he left for Australia, Ai deserved someone who could be close to him and return every affection Rin failed to. He assumed so much about the two of them.
But to ignore that passion for so long, after this long, perhaps it was just guilt that held him back... Guilt for how this moment could not come sooner, and guilt for how long it would take to have, again. ]
[He nods off a little, the longer Rin is in the shower. Such was the nature of being so physically spent, paired with a heart unburdened and then weighed all at once. Ai would surely have lots to process once Rin's out of his purview.
A sense of self-consciousness overcomes him when he feels the bed depress where Rin's sat on it, snapped out of his dozing by the feeling paired with such a gentle hand suddenly in his hair. Ai was more than content with Rin's proximity. Grateful for it, even; he borderline preens into the touch that is now given to him so freely. Ai doesn't have a clue how long or how many times such a thing is going to be dolled out to him as if this affection between them has been there for years - but even outside of his rumination, Ai was never one for half-measures anyway. Every brush of his hair, every arm around his shoulder, every minute spent helping him with his English, every text answered, there wasn't a single ounce of it Ai ever took for granted. He surely would not start taking it for granted now, dubious and unnamed.
He reaches up for Rin's hand so that he can bring it toward his lips, where Ai kisses him sweetly on the inside of his wrist. Relinquishes his hold and finally makes good on that sense of self-consciousness by reaching over to drag the sheets over his lower half, careful so as not to let it touch his sullied belly. Rin was fully clothed, looked about ready to leave; Ai was still nude and splayed on his bed. In equal measure he felt silly and exposed.]
I still have to wash off, [Ai murmurs, sitting up enough that he can perch his chin on top of Rin's shoulder, bright blue eyes close in proximity, giving clear outline to his gratitude, his ardor, and his apprehension all. Suddenly he can't get the words off his tongue, because he doesn't want to imply either way, but. Finally he manages through something of a mutter,] will you stay?
Tch, when the hell did you become such a romantic, [ Rin chides tenuously as Ai spoils him. ]
Ah… [ he starts, his hand flexing very slightly at the question. No. That’s not really what he wants to say. Strangely, his heart skips a beat. ] I, uh… [ His hand combs through the part in his wet hair, unable to look at Ai but feeling his gaze poignantly. ]
I have some time but, Gou expected me yesterday… [ He wouldn’t admit it easily, but of course he had been excited to spend time with his sister when he got back. With the same tone he tried to speak with before, he hesitates: ] Listen, uh...
I’m supposed to be heading to mom’s new place tomorrow for a few days. She’s a little closer to Tokyo now, but it’s still a few hours on the train.
But, [ Say it. ]
I’ll let you know when I’m back, Ai. [ His eyes turn, meeting Ai’s cerulean gaze as he speaks his lover’s name. Rubies flash as he holds that connection as long as he can. ] We can, [ but again, he looks away, a small flush in his cheeks as he tries to say the words, ] I dunno. We’ll figure something out.
[Of course, it's hard to deny the immediate flit of rejection and disappointment that wells in his system. Because last night had been electric, and this morning has been magical, and Ai wanted nothing more on planet earth than an infinite amount of time to coexist on the road toward this new horizon with Rin. To spend infinite mornings tangled in one another, and another infinity more trying to find the words that might even begin to encapsulate all that entails.
So he could gnash his teeth and beg and cry, but. Rather than fall to that moment's anxiety, Ai finds something far more aggressively familiar: his empathy. That which has propelled him forward with Rin for years. The deep understanding that Rin's world is so big, and that even if there's lots he won't say, Ai's ready to understand. He's ready to trust, even if it kills him a little.
His head lifts from Rin's shoulder, enough to smile at him sincerely.]
Your sister probably misses you very much. Good luck trying to explain to her why you're late, [he teases, expertly weaseling between the space of Rin's expected itinerary and the detour Ai's taken him on; he held no shame, so had nothing to be shy about, after all.
He listens when Rin's tone falls to something closer, more sincere. And it's like a sixth sense or an otherworldly instinct, really, the way Rin seems stuck and the way Ai immediately wants to fix it. The smile he pulls is reassuring, and unhurried, and unconditional. And it's given to Rin without hesitation.]
Don't forget to check in with Sousuke-senpai, too. Ah, and I know Tachibana-san and Nanase-san were asking about you. [We'll see each other soon. Overtures weren't Ai's specialty, but making the explicit known through the implicit? That he could do.
... But. In case Rin doesn't get it, Ai's smile turns a touch softer, trying to seek out those beautiful ruby eyes one more time.]
Take your time, Rin-senpai.
[Ai's then sitting back on his haunches and gently patting Rin's shoulder, encouraging him to get up and finally break the seal on their peace.]
[ "Take your time" may as well have sucker punched him. It’s too sweet, too patient, a sentiment so flooded with warmth that Rin is suddenly drowning in his own foolhardiness. Ai has no fucking clue how badly Rin wants to shun every single one of those people for him. While he’s sure he would have given into that feeling once, he’s older now. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he should have reached out to Ai along with the others to ask if he could crash at his place.
...Yet, it was because he knew it would become this, wasn’t it?
He’s a fool for avoiding the warmth he wanted too badly. Whatever easing up Ai offers him, Rin doesn’t move, staring back at him for an eternity. With a small lean, Rin brushes his hand over Ai’s thigh and rests it against the mattress on his opposite side. Infinity might be too much for him now, but he knows he feels his heart tug hard in Ai’s direction. ]
You should worry more about yourself, [ he chides, the edge missing in his voice. Rin leans in, meeting Ai’s lips for a kiss. Many kisses, pouring affection over him like promises he’s too worried to make. ]
[Even after devouring one another, indulging in each other, waking up naked and entangled with one another, Ai still finds himself suddenly breathless when Rin comes close. Breathless all over again at feeling the mattress depress under where Rin has steadied his palm.
Rin will find Ai smiling against his lips. Somewhere between the fourth or fifth, Ai's hand comes up to cup the side of Rin's face. And even when they naturally pull apart again, Ai doesn't let go quite yet. His thumb strokes over the high of Rin's cheek, and Ai does battle with the churning in his gut; the premature grief of having to see Rin go. Because if he can't handle this much, how in the ever-loving hell will they ever make it work?
It's for this exact reason his words are spoken as much to Rin as they are himself:]
This much we're used to, right? I know I'll be okay.
[Before doing them both the favour of finally bringing his hand back to himself.
... Okay. Ai leans up to steal one last kiss, slow and even, before settling down on the bed again. The smile he wears is almost offensive and insulting in how bright it is.]
[ It’s different, his mind sober and his loins soothed. There are sparks in every kiss, a light brush of tongue in every other one. It’s not that Ai’s a “good kisser,” he thinks. This sweet, romantic touch feels natural: unrehearsed but perfectly preformed. In elation, he drifts, his mind on the simplicity of giving his affections without goal or motive. And Ai is smiling into all of it. The smallest, sweetest chuckle slips out of him before one, long, fervent kiss, hoping that his heart would betray him as it had the night before.
Their lips separate, and he sees Ai there, again, his body bare and beautiful in the morning light. He thinks… surely, this is falling in love for the first time. I know I'll be okay. ] Ai... [ A name. A sentiment. He leans into the hand on his cheek just as it disappears. The air where it sat is far, far too cool.
For one that one last kiss, Rin bows his head and laughs, his cheeks brightened red. His eyes cast a moment at Ai, smirking at his handsome smile. ] For sure.
[ Guess this is where he gets out of Ai’s hair finally? Not that either of them want that. He hesitates to stand, but does. But he won’t leave without reaching down to ruffle that sweet head of his, already a mess from sex and sleep. ]
See you, [ He’s certainly not brave enough for a lover’s goodbye. Not yet, at least. But all of this should suffice. He gives a cool wave as he heads out of the bedroom.
If Ai is quiet, he might hear Rin fussing a little bit in the kitchen, who noticed that he forgot to drink most of his tea the night before. Oops. Ai will find the two cups soaking in the sink later. ]
[The funny thing about life, for better or worse, after the good and the bad, is that it keeps on.
The world sure did not stop spinning just because Ai had the lights kissed out of him, and certainly not because every few hours, minutes, a mental flash of ruby red eyes and intention behind them would cross his mind's eye. Every step he took to and from the pool or from class was jarring in its neutrality; lighter for having seen and been with Rin, heavier for having to say good-bye for now. But daily routine keeps him busy enough, and the times he can't tamper his through-the-roof pining, shooting a quick text or writing a new entry log into his diary observation journal helped abate it, somewhat. Though this much Ai was used to, too; the physical gnaw in his chest a familiar friend from years ago.
Sousuke is the first to ask if Ai's seen Rin since the group's night at the market, and Ai has to try and kill the smile that threatens to bisect his face in two. Like a dutiful friend, Ai tells him Rin's back home for now, and nothing more.
They text often. Ai spends a non-negligible amount of time backreading older conversations, and maybe it's rose-tinted glasses, but he cannot help but feel they both might be spending much more time thumbs to screen than they had previously. He's on Shimogami's campus ambling from the library to Somewhere he can settle down with his books; the weather was nice enough for it, and it was rare Ai was granted time like this midday. It's then he feels his phone vibrate-- and keep vibrating. Ai quickly hurries to the side of the walkway and answers his phone on about the fourth or fifth ring,]
Rin-senpai?
[It would be borderline impossible to miss the smile in his voice; Ai clasps the phone to his cheek with both hands.]
[ Rin rarely poured over his phone, but every time he heard the ping of a text his heart skipped a beat. It’s electrical to have Ai texting him again, so often and so warmly, and it’s only somewhat a shame he has to spend time with his family that he can’t waste his time exchanging words with Ai.
His mom moved to be closer to family – reasonable, now that both him and Gou had left the nest – with his Dad nearly 15 years passed away, Iwatobi meant somewhat less. The photos Rin sends are snapshots of him with his family, a motif of long red hair shared between them, besides his grandmother. His cousins are younger enough than him that it shows. A lot of them look like Gou was sneaking shots.
Gou is the first to notice how often he texted and, after enough pestering, Rin growled his admission: he’s seeing Ai. If anyone should know first, Gou really wasn’t the worst. Actually, probably the best – although she gladly teased him and asked a few too many questions than he was willing to answer, it’s thanks to her smokescreen that he’s able to tear himself away for a little time to, well, embarrass himself. He’s not sure he
Ring. Maybe he should have texted first before calling?
Ring. He rubs the spot over his heart, annoyed that he’s nervous. It’s been, what, four days since he’d seen him?
Ai picks up. ] Hey, Ai! [ he answers, a warmth in his voice that lived in him as a youth but took time to find again. ]
[There is a lilt in Rin's voice, Ai thinks, when he picks up, and it's impossible not to smile at the idea that Rin was excited to chat. This was certainly uncommon between them, both before and now; Ai usually too shy or self-imposingly dejected to text, let alone call, and Rin usually too busy to entertain the thought. If they sat on the line together, it was usually to discuss matters of business...
Actually, when was the last time we talked just for the sake of it?
Not that Rin can see it, but Ai shakes his head and makes a small noise to pair with it, eyes scanning his immediate surroundings for anywhere to sit,]
No! Not at all-- sorry, you just caught me as I was walking.
[Ai jogs a little to approach some benches he spots along the walking path just ahead, conveniently shaded under some trees that tower over the pavement from the greenery. His hand curls against the fabric of his shirt right above his chest, and it certainly isn't for the sudden physical expense.]
How is your sister? How's Matsuoka-san? Actually, just yesterday I called my mom, and I told her you were back here for a little while. [Ai's relationship with his parents was both extremely close and complicated in equal measure, but given the role Rin's played in his teen years, it only made sense he's mentioned Rin a handful of times to his family and they recognized the name.] She sounded excited to hear it.
[ A pair of questions that, unfortunately, get swept under by a singular thought: ]
Hah--? What are you doing telling your mom about me? [ There’s a certain pursed-lips quality to his words that peeks through the call.
He’s sure he’s never told his mom about Ai – except he definitely has and just thinks he’s too cool to gush about some dorky roommate he had in high school and entrusted his swim team with no big deal. ]
[Ai pulls his phone away from his ear to stare at it, because Rin may as well have just asked him what colour the sky is. Ai blinks, brings his phone back to his ear, and responds with a level of earnestness and shamelessness that only a guy like him could muster,]
We lived together for a whole year, Rin-senpai! Of course she knows who you are. More than that, she remembers you from the few high school competitions she was able to come spectate.
[She doesn't know about-- them. From Ai's mouth, no one does. Not for shame or want of hiding their new nameless frontier, but because overtures didn't come to him easily, and if he's honest, it seemed unnecessary. But Nitori-san absolutely knows Rin's full name, and that he has a sister and a mother, and that he was in the top tenth percentile for academics at Samezuka, and that he lived in Australia for a few years, and...]
That’s-- er. [ He grimaces, an overtone of embarrassment. ] That’s not what I mean… Never mind.
[ It’s not about if she knows who he is! Yeah, sure, Rin’s back for a little while – but what had been a lazy vacation to visit friends and family, had over a single night, become so much different. In the privacy of a front porch, all he can do is glance away from no one as his cheeks flush. ]
Anyway, they’re fine. Mom seems happier, closer to her sister. Been nice. [ Actually, there is one grievance-- ] ‘Cept my cousins keep trying to get me to play their busted games. They tell me how to dodge and it never works, tch! [ Great Jagras, his new mortal enemy. ]
[He has half a mind to press, then what did you mean?, but Ai decides it isn't worth trying to wring words out of Rin that are clearly dead somewhere on the back of his tongue. What could Ai have possibly told his own mother that would cause a mental roadblock? Was the thought of Rin not existing in a vacuum so unbelievable?
It was, in fact, so so far from the truth. Rin was everything to Ai. A cherished friend, a first love, an inspiration; a roommate, a teammate... a man who is really bad at telling me what he means!
Ai laughs, told Rin's having a rough time keeping up with the likes of his cousins, huddling the phone closer to his cheek.]
Your cousins are over too? Must be a full house. You haven't told me much about them, but if they're anything like you, I should feel a little sorry for Matsuoka-san. [His tease is evident in the lilt in his voice. Competitive. Sometimes loud. Ai isn't sure what kind of game has dodging as a mechanic, but Ai suddenly has a very strong mental image of Rin and his relatives getting into fiery passes of the controller trying to figure it out together.] Have you gone to the pool at all?
[ He snorts, his answer feeling plain as day. ] Have to; usually in the mornings, since it’s quiet and no one’s got plans. Wouldn’t be any good for me to fall off my regimen, even if I’m on vacation. Haven’t missed a day – well, ‘cept Saturday but, already figured I’d be too wasted for it. One day’s no big deal.
[ No, he spent his Saturday morning very differently. As he moves through his words, his voice becomes sweeter, topped with a small reassurance. It’s fine that Ai stole the morning from him. Better than fine. He could steal more, if Rin has his way. ]
[The way Rin skirts around details is just enough wiggle room for Ai's brain to recall in every single excruciating detail, all in the span of a milisecond, exactly how they spent that Saturday morning, and it's enough to have him suddenly crossing his legs and tucking his arm close to his chest and sticking his jaw and mouth into the palm of his hand, cheeks dusted a sweet pink.
It is, perhaps, the closest they've come to acknowledging that time spent together. Not for want of ignoring it, god no, but. Ai for his part wasn't even sure how to navigate it. Only two truths existed: Rin was still talking to him, and they both had an undeniable chemistry. These were enough to convince Ai that even if they're stumbling in the dark, it can hardly be a wrong thing.]
Saturday was a wash, [Ai finally replies, fluster probably a little evident in his voice - as is the soft, airy way he laughs, too, clinging to the last of his syllables. And that's about as much as Rin will get out of him, question posed his way instead. Ai's still somewhat curled in on himself, but he sits with a slightly straighter spine.]
Of course. And swimming with the team every day, too. [Marks notwithstanding. Either Ai passes under the radar fantastically, or his teammates are kind enough not to call a spade a spade to his face.] I'm between classes now, actually. It's a little awkward, some days are packed and others I have hours between them. It couldn't be helped with my electives, I guess.
A wash… [ he echos, so softly it may not have picked up over the line. Yeah, Saturday was awash with heat, passion. His head leans back against the wall he’s set himself up against, staring into a summer sky. Any moment of quiet he was granted were quickly drown out by the recollection of heated groans and whispers, his own name on Ai’s lips. Too much time in silence and he was left repainting the imagery of Ai’s body, masked in the blue night or gilt in morning glow. He could scarce keep his mind off the beautiful man whose heart finally tethered his own. A long shower in the evening seemed his only reprieve these last few days.
No, he didn't think it was a wash. But he understands regardless.
The question is good for both of them – Rin’s sure a moment longer on the subject would pop them both, although he struggles a bit to listen as he tries to cast aside the thought of Ai’s lips forming shapes. ]
Yeah? [ he mutters, a touch hesitant, ] guess I really did call at a good time. [ He really should have texted first, he thinks with a laugh. What an asshole he is. ]
[It was a wash as soon as Rin left his front door. Any hopes of getting chores done, going to the library, doing land training went right out the door with him. Ai probably spent more time that afternoon and evening daydreaming than he did on planet earth.
He can't help but smile at the hesitant tone in Rin's voice. How considerate, Ai thinks. Was he worried to call him? Ai can understand why... He'd been king of avoiding contact if he thought he was being a nuisance. For once he's happy to paint himself a hypocrite, very quietly and quickly interjecting,]
I don't think there'd ever really be a bad time for you to call.
[-- before listening to Rin's following query. The way he asks is so tentative and Ai thinks loaded, too, and it makes his heart smash steeled fists against the cage of his chest. So much so Ai has to curl a hand into his shirt, as if that alone might stay the borderline choking feeling emanating up his spine from where butterflies have decided to take up shop in his gut.
It had never been this bad before, he thinks. Or maybe Ai had simply grown complacent with a bit of distance; Rin turning him warm with so much as an innocuous question was dangerous. All at once, Ai knows he's doomed.]
I have a morning class and practice around the early afternoon. [He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip. He had a few hours between, and then the rest of his evening. Would it be enough time for whatever Rin's skirting around? Before getting ahead of himself, Ai asks in a sudden flurry,] Will you still be with your family, senpai?
[ No matter how confident he felt about how Ai would receive his question, his heart was never bound to stay settled. But it made it easier to relax, somehow. Instead of questions, thoughts, doubts, his mind could focus wholly on the sensation of blood rushing through his system, instilling him with the low roll of thrill and excitement. No, this moment isn’t a race, but he always felt better when passions were high.
It didn’t matter if Ai was busy Friday – Rin counted on Saturday. Whatever day it took, Rin felt confident he would find even small hours to spend with him. Rin couldn’t imagine letting this once unfathomable feeling slip by him.
So, what does he say, exactly? That conveys the truth perfectly; that he still had a few planned days ahead of him, but knew if he asked Gou, she would help him slip away before then; that Ai didn't have to welcome him back in, but Rin wanted him to. He wets his lips, his voice briefly hung deep within his chest, lost in a bloom of heat. ]
...Not if you want me, [ he answers, his voice like a whispered challenge made only for Ai's ears. ]
[Nitori Aiichirou nearly launches his phone across the green.
It's for the best he's in public, he thinks. Because Rin's low, borderline sultry tone has every single intended effect, so much so Ai had to stand up on his feet and clench into the fabric of his shirt tight to keep himself on the line. Isn't my answer obvious?! But more than that, one painfully, glaringly obvious truth settles like molten lava in Ai's gut: Rin's flirting. Intentionally. With him. There was no other way to interpret that, right?
It's comical, almost, how two versions of himself wage a hard-fought war in his chest. The part of him that has sat on his hands for years and years, trying to justify away that which in hindsight had become so obvious. And the part of him that swears it can still feel Rin's hands on his skin, his lips on his lips, swears it can still feel Rin's shaft against the cleave of his--]
I don't think the team would miss me if I took an early weekend.
[-- is the sudden borderline breathless declaration he finally makes after a silence that had spanned a moment too long, stuck in stunlock. Flustered as he might sound, he also sounds certain. I want you here early. I want as much of you as I can have. Ai will spare no breath in reminding Rin exactly how badly he is wanted, and how large of a space he takes up in Ai's heart.]
[ He’d swoon if he could see Ai’s fierce reaction – or, something close to swooning, whatever you’d call that funny, cock-eyed smile he gave too often. Instead, he’s subject to whatever little sound might cut through the line before he’s given a proper response.
Rin laughs, his cheeks warmly flushed as he smiles. ] Hey, not like I couldn’t take you on my routine to make up for lost time. Give you a taste of what it’s like to really get your blood pumping.
[ In the workout kind of way. --Well, definitely the other way, too. ]
I'll check the train schedules and let you know. Probably can be there after you're done with classes.
[Ai picks up on that double entendre and much like the first time cannot believe the words he's hearing fly out of Rin's mouth. Brazen, confident, forward-- for him. One would think after laying naked with each other not once but twice Ai would have the constitution to handle such a thing, but plainly, he's still fundamentally unable to handle Rin being so overt. Somehow, giving volley was even more difficult over the phone than it would be in person, he thinks. I want to see him so badly, my chest feels like it's about to burst.]
It isn't that hard to get my blood pumping.
[No he isn't elaborating, yes it's deliberate, no he will not be bringing Rin to the pool any time soon. Ai clears his throat a little, subtly, trying not to let it sound through the line; it's all he can do for his composure, getting stares from passersby who get snapshots of his face incrementally heating second by second.
Ai holds the side of his palm to his mouth, as if that might help him reach his equilibrium again,] It's no rush. Classes are over around noon, so we have time.
[And then he's just a touch too quiet for a touch too long. Conjuring courage up from the deep wells of his gut. Quietly, gently, almost vulnerably, he says into the phone line,]
[ It isn’t hard to, is it? Rin had only to step into Ai’s space to unveil that truth. From the moment their lips could have touched, Ai burned hot with passion and want. And Rin isn’t much different, is he? Spurred by the frustration at Ai’s fingertips as he taunted Ai with a kiss, he wanted just as well to feel how high those passions could take them. Every touch chased a singular high that (as Rin has started to realize, slowly) had eluded Ai for years, and Rin gave gladly into that ecstasy when their hearts finally collided.
It’s addictive, to feel that much want from a person. His heart aches, remembering the way Ai tore him down into that first, fervorous kiss. He wants that feeling again.
Noon... Despite his wandering mind, he registers that much. Noon should work. Rin imagines Ai knocking him over into the train car before he has the chance to step off – not likely to happen, but he definitely saw it in a movie once. ]
... Yeah, [ he answers Ai’s sweet sentiment as stupidly as humanly possible, combing his hair through his part and trying not to look embarrassed. Ai’s not even here, and all his nerves have shaken his very core. ]
It’ll... be nice. Seeing you. [ The last time he felt like this, Ai called him nervous over holding his stupid fucking hand. Rin laughs at himself; he’s got this so ass backwards. ]
[Grandiose displays will have to wait; Ai is still struck at the fact the sentiments he's sat on for years are allowed out of their cage, and more than that, that it's increasingly more likely by the day Rin isn't simply tolerating it. It's hard to ignore the realities buried between bodies. Not just their sex, but the way Ai swears Rin was looking at him. And it's there, too, in the sweet way Rin's voice loses its certainty and its charming affect for a moment, as if his heart stuttered just a beat too long. A breathlessness Ai recognizes painfully well.
Ass-backwards doesn't even come close to their reality, but it was theirs, and so Ai wouldn't dare try to second guess whether it was the right road to take or not. Isn't even ready to confront his own bloom, let alone Rin's. He had very little to hide, but all the same not enough words or experience with pulling back the curtain. All in due time.
Ai's sat back down on the bench; leans his head all the way back, over its support. Drapes his free arm over his eyes. Because he's now given up trying to have any amount of control over the way his heart, syllable after syllable, seems insistent on beating right out of his chest.]
You can text me that morning. If our schedules align, I can pick you up from the train station. [Though it would be dependent, unfortunately; if Rin arrived while Ai was still in class, it'd be more convenient for him to come down on his own. It was about a twenty minute local train ride to the rail train from Ai's neighbourhood, and Ai would simply feel bad keeping Rin waiting arbitrarily like that. But his intention was clear, I want to see you as soon as I can.]
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Date: 2025-10-07 03:25 am (UTC)But far be it for him to be crestfallen; quite the opposite. Ai's still riding cloud nine, even with the sudden lack of Rin's warmth beside him. He rolls onto his stomach once there's space on his mattress to do so, shining eyes lazily appraising Rin's body as he stands to full height. Really, he's perfect in every way. I'm lucky...
Ai doesn't hesitate for even a second to reach out and take a palm-full squeeze of Rin's ass cheek right before he walks off to the shower room. Who did that?
For the length of time Rin spends in there, Ai... Makes a bold proclamation in not peeling himself out of bed. He didn't crave sleep; rather, it was as if he didn't want to leave the nest he and Rin had made, not quite yet. His pillow faintly smelled of Rin still; Ai finds himself shifting over to that half of it, face buried in the linen. He still had to wash down too, but. Ai was in no rush.]
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Date: 2025-10-08 11:57 pm (UTC)Rin’s not sure why he’s like this; it’s not like it was a tough subject to bring up. Next time. One month. While Rin was fairly good at staying in the moment, every moment was always leading into the next, a relentless, spinning ball of progress made for chasing the dreams he would never give up on – not now, at least... and he had Ai to thank for that, in so many complicated ways. He's always been there for him, even when Rin didn't need him. Water cascaded over him in the shower and a smile quirks his lip: he uses this shampoo, too... Guess that explains why Ai’s hair looks so nice. Ai isn't even here, and Rin's going to be thinking of him every time he washes his hair now, isn't he? ... Maybe he should have invited Ai. Next time. Fuck, he can't think of a time he was in this deep.
It’s not long before Rin returns, clothed and behatted. His leg folds under him as he sits down on the bed close to Ai. His hand easily reaches over, brushing his fingers through Ai’s hair as a huffed laugh slips out of him. Ai would have no reason to know why he seems amused. Rin smiles comfortably at him, his eyes hooded and thoughtful.
It makes sense, he thinks, why he fretted so much, as he looks at him now. That Ai cared was always miserably obvious, his earnest heart always thrust toward him without fear or shame. Over the years, he went through so many motions; despair, want, distance. His shadowy heart cast so strongly over their first year together that he couldn’t bare the weight of his own emotions, regardless of who received them. Ai deserved better then. In his last year… well.... A sapling cannot grow under the shade of a tree. It was only right to let Ai grow on his own; he held so much promise. As he left for Australia, Ai deserved someone who could be close to him and return every affection Rin failed to. He assumed so much about the two of them.
But to ignore that passion for so long, after this long, perhaps it was just guilt that held him back... Guilt for how this moment could not come sooner, and guilt for how long it would take to have, again. ]
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Date: 2025-10-09 12:11 am (UTC)A sense of self-consciousness overcomes him when he feels the bed depress where Rin's sat on it, snapped out of his dozing by the feeling paired with such a gentle hand suddenly in his hair. Ai was more than content with Rin's proximity. Grateful for it, even; he borderline preens into the touch that is now given to him so freely. Ai doesn't have a clue how long or how many times such a thing is going to be dolled out to him as if this affection between them has been there for years - but even outside of his rumination, Ai was never one for half-measures anyway. Every brush of his hair, every arm around his shoulder, every minute spent helping him with his English, every text answered, there wasn't a single ounce of it Ai ever took for granted. He surely would not start taking it for granted now, dubious and unnamed.
He reaches up for Rin's hand so that he can bring it toward his lips, where Ai kisses him sweetly on the inside of his wrist. Relinquishes his hold and finally makes good on that sense of self-consciousness by reaching over to drag the sheets over his lower half, careful so as not to let it touch his sullied belly. Rin was fully clothed, looked about ready to leave; Ai was still nude and splayed on his bed. In equal measure he felt silly and exposed.]
I still have to wash off, [Ai murmurs, sitting up enough that he can perch his chin on top of Rin's shoulder, bright blue eyes close in proximity, giving clear outline to his gratitude, his ardor, and his apprehension all. Suddenly he can't get the words off his tongue, because he doesn't want to imply either way, but. Finally he manages through something of a mutter,] will you stay?
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Date: 2025-10-09 04:34 am (UTC)Ah… [ he starts, his hand flexing very slightly at the question. No. That’s not really what he wants to say. Strangely, his heart skips a beat. ] I, uh… [ His hand combs through the part in his wet hair, unable to look at Ai but feeling his gaze poignantly. ]
I have some time but, Gou expected me yesterday… [ He wouldn’t admit it easily, but of course he had been excited to spend time with his sister when he got back. With the same tone he tried to speak with before, he hesitates: ] Listen, uh...
I’m supposed to be heading to mom’s new place tomorrow for a few days. She’s a little closer to Tokyo now, but it’s still a few hours on the train.
But, [ Say it. ]
I’ll let you know when I’m back, Ai. [ His eyes turn, meeting Ai’s cerulean gaze as he speaks his lover’s name. Rubies flash as he holds that connection as long as he can. ] We can, [ but again, he looks away, a small flush in his cheeks as he tries to say the words, ] I dunno. We’ll figure something out.
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Date: 2025-10-09 01:53 pm (UTC)So he could gnash his teeth and beg and cry, but. Rather than fall to that moment's anxiety, Ai finds something far more aggressively familiar: his empathy. That which has propelled him forward with Rin for years. The deep understanding that Rin's world is so big, and that even if there's lots he won't say, Ai's ready to understand. He's ready to trust, even if it kills him a little.
His head lifts from Rin's shoulder, enough to smile at him sincerely.]
Your sister probably misses you very much. Good luck trying to explain to her why you're late, [he teases, expertly weaseling between the space of Rin's expected itinerary and the detour Ai's taken him on; he held no shame, so had nothing to be shy about, after all.
He listens when Rin's tone falls to something closer, more sincere. And it's like a sixth sense or an otherworldly instinct, really, the way Rin seems stuck and the way Ai immediately wants to fix it. The smile he pulls is reassuring, and unhurried, and unconditional. And it's given to Rin without hesitation.]
Don't forget to check in with Sousuke-senpai, too. Ah, and I know Tachibana-san and Nanase-san were asking about you. [We'll see each other soon. Overtures weren't Ai's specialty, but making the explicit known through the implicit? That he could do.
... But. In case Rin doesn't get it, Ai's smile turns a touch softer, trying to seek out those beautiful ruby eyes one more time.]
Take your time, Rin-senpai.
[Ai's then sitting back on his haunches and gently patting Rin's shoulder, encouraging him to get up and finally break the seal on their peace.]
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Date: 2025-10-10 09:54 pm (UTC)...Yet, it was because he knew it would become this, wasn’t it?
He’s a fool for avoiding the warmth he wanted too badly. Whatever easing up Ai offers him, Rin doesn’t move, staring back at him for an eternity. With a small lean, Rin brushes his hand over Ai’s thigh and rests it against the mattress on his opposite side. Infinity might be too much for him now, but he knows he feels his heart tug hard in Ai’s direction. ]
You should worry more about yourself, [ he chides, the edge missing in his voice. Rin leans in, meeting Ai’s lips for a kiss. Many kisses, pouring affection over him like promises he’s too worried to make. ]
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Date: 2025-10-10 10:20 pm (UTC)Rin will find Ai smiling against his lips. Somewhere between the fourth or fifth, Ai's hand comes up to cup the side of Rin's face. And even when they naturally pull apart again, Ai doesn't let go quite yet. His thumb strokes over the high of Rin's cheek, and Ai does battle with the churning in his gut; the premature grief of having to see Rin go. Because if he can't handle this much, how in the ever-loving hell will they ever make it work?
It's for this exact reason his words are spoken as much to Rin as they are himself:]
This much we're used to, right? I know I'll be okay.
[Before doing them both the favour of finally bringing his hand back to himself.
... Okay. Ai leans up to steal one last kiss, slow and even, before settling down on the bed again. The smile he wears is almost offensive and insulting in how bright it is.]
I'll text you later.
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Date: 2025-10-11 06:52 am (UTC)Their lips separate, and he sees Ai there, again, his body bare and beautiful in the morning light. He thinks… surely, this is falling in love for the first time. I know I'll be okay. ] Ai... [ A name. A sentiment. He leans into the hand on his cheek just as it disappears. The air where it sat is far, far too cool.
For one that one last kiss, Rin bows his head and laughs, his cheeks brightened red. His eyes cast a moment at Ai, smirking at his handsome smile. ] For sure.
[ Guess this is where he gets out of Ai’s hair finally? Not that either of them want that. He hesitates to stand, but does. But he won’t leave without reaching down to ruffle that sweet head of his, already a mess from sex and sleep. ]
See you, [ He’s certainly not brave enough for a lover’s goodbye. Not yet, at least. But all of this should suffice. He gives a cool wave as he heads out of the bedroom.
If Ai is quiet, he might hear Rin fussing a little bit in the kitchen, who noticed that he forgot to drink most of his tea the night before. Oops. Ai will find the two cups soaking in the sink later. ]
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Date: 2025-10-11 04:18 pm (UTC)The world sure did not stop spinning just because Ai had the lights kissed out of him, and certainly not because every few hours, minutes, a mental flash of ruby red eyes and intention behind them would cross his mind's eye. Every step he took to and from the pool or from class was jarring in its neutrality; lighter for having seen and been with Rin, heavier for having to say good-bye for now. But daily routine keeps him busy enough, and the times he can't tamper his through-the-roof pining, shooting a quick text or writing a new
entrylog into hisdiaryobservation journal helped abate it, somewhat. Though this much Ai was used to, too; the physical gnaw in his chest a familiar friend from years ago.Sousuke is the first to ask if Ai's seen Rin since the group's night at the market, and Ai has to try and kill the smile that threatens to bisect his face in two. Like a dutiful friend, Ai tells him Rin's back home for now, and nothing more.
They text often. Ai spends a non-negligible amount of time backreading older conversations, and maybe it's rose-tinted glasses, but he cannot help but feel they both might be spending much more time thumbs to screen than they had previously. He's on Shimogami's campus ambling from the library to Somewhere he can settle down with his books; the weather was nice enough for it, and it was rare Ai was granted time like this midday. It's then he feels his phone vibrate-- and keep vibrating. Ai quickly hurries to the side of the walkway and answers his phone on about the fourth or fifth ring,]
Rin-senpai?
[It would be borderline impossible to miss the smile in his voice; Ai clasps the phone to his cheek with both hands.]
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Date: 2025-10-11 09:25 pm (UTC)His mom moved to be closer to family – reasonable, now that both him and Gou had left the nest – with his Dad nearly 15 years passed away, Iwatobi meant somewhat less. The photos Rin sends are snapshots of him with his family, a motif of long red hair shared between them, besides his grandmother. His cousins are younger enough than him that it shows. A lot of them look like Gou was sneaking shots.
Gou is the first to notice how often he texted and, after enough pestering, Rin growled his admission: he’s seeing Ai. If anyone should know first, Gou really wasn’t the worst. Actually, probably the best – although she gladly teased him and asked a few too many questions than he was willing to answer, it’s thanks to her smokescreen that he’s able to tear himself away for a little time to, well, embarrass himself. He’s not sure he
Ring. Maybe he should have texted first before calling?
Ring. He rubs the spot over his heart, annoyed that he’s nervous. It’s been, what, four days since he’d seen him?
Ai picks up. ] Hey, Ai! [ he answers, a warmth in his voice that lived in him as a youth but took time to find again. ]
Is now a bad time?
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Date: 2025-10-11 09:41 pm (UTC)Actually, when was the last time we talked just for the sake of it?
Not that Rin can see it, but Ai shakes his head and makes a small noise to pair with it, eyes scanning his immediate surroundings for anywhere to sit,]
No! Not at all-- sorry, you just caught me as I was walking.
[Ai jogs a little to approach some benches he spots along the walking path just ahead, conveniently shaded under some trees that tower over the pavement from the greenery. His hand curls against the fabric of his shirt right above his chest, and it certainly isn't for the sudden physical expense.]
How is your sister? How's Matsuoka-san? Actually, just yesterday I called my mom, and I told her you were back here for a little while. [Ai's relationship with his parents was both extremely close and complicated in equal measure, but given the role Rin's played in his teen years, it only made sense he's mentioned Rin a handful of times to his family and they recognized the name.] She sounded excited to hear it.
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Date: 2025-10-13 07:07 am (UTC)Hah--? What are you doing telling your mom about me? [ There’s a certain pursed-lips quality to his words that peeks through the call.
He’s sure he’s never told his mom about Ai – except he definitely has and just thinks he’s too cool to gush about some dorky roommate he had in high school and entrusted his swim team with no big deal. ]
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Date: 2025-10-13 02:23 pm (UTC)[Ai pulls his phone away from his ear to stare at it, because Rin may as well have just asked him what colour the sky is. Ai blinks, brings his phone back to his ear, and responds with a level of earnestness and shamelessness that only a guy like him could muster,]
We lived together for a whole year, Rin-senpai! Of course she knows who you are. More than that, she remembers you from the few high school competitions she was able to come spectate.
[She doesn't know about-- them. From Ai's mouth, no one does. Not for shame or want of hiding their new nameless frontier, but because overtures didn't come to him easily, and if he's honest, it seemed unnecessary. But Nitori-san absolutely knows Rin's full name, and that he has a sister and a mother, and that he was in the top tenth percentile for academics at Samezuka, and that he lived in Australia for a few years, and...]
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Date: 2025-10-15 07:16 am (UTC)[ It’s not about if she knows who he is! Yeah, sure, Rin’s back for a little while – but what had been a lazy vacation to visit friends and family, had over a single night, become so much different. In the privacy of a front porch, all he can do is glance away from no one as his cheeks flush. ]
Anyway, they’re fine. Mom seems happier, closer to her sister. Been nice. [ Actually, there is one grievance-- ] ‘Cept my cousins keep trying to get me to play their busted games. They tell me how to dodge and it never works, tch! [ Great Jagras, his new mortal enemy. ]
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Date: 2025-10-15 02:02 pm (UTC)It was, in fact, so so far from the truth. Rin was everything to Ai. A cherished friend, a first love, an inspiration; a roommate, a teammate... a man who is really bad at telling me what he means!
Ai laughs, told Rin's having a rough time keeping up with the likes of his cousins, huddling the phone closer to his cheek.]
Your cousins are over too? Must be a full house. You haven't told me much about them, but if they're anything like you, I should feel a little sorry for Matsuoka-san. [His tease is evident in the lilt in his voice. Competitive. Sometimes loud. Ai isn't sure what kind of game has dodging as a mechanic, but Ai suddenly has a very strong mental image of Rin and his relatives getting into fiery passes of the controller trying to figure it out together.] Have you gone to the pool at all?
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Date: 2025-10-15 08:12 pm (UTC)[ No, he spent his Saturday morning very differently. As he moves through his words, his voice becomes sweeter, topped with a small reassurance. It’s fine that Ai stole the morning from him. Better than fine. He could steal more, if Rin has his way. ]
You probably have school all week, huh?
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Date: 2025-10-15 08:23 pm (UTC)It is, perhaps, the closest they've come to acknowledging that time spent together. Not for want of ignoring it, god no, but. Ai for his part wasn't even sure how to navigate it. Only two truths existed: Rin was still talking to him, and they both had an undeniable chemistry. These were enough to convince Ai that even if they're stumbling in the dark, it can hardly be a wrong thing.]
Saturday was a wash, [Ai finally replies, fluster probably a little evident in his voice - as is the soft, airy way he laughs, too, clinging to the last of his syllables. And that's about as much as Rin will get out of him, question posed his way instead. Ai's still somewhat curled in on himself, but he sits with a slightly straighter spine.]
Of course. And swimming with the team every day, too. [Marks notwithstanding. Either Ai passes under the radar fantastically, or his teammates are kind enough not to call a spade a spade to his face.] I'm between classes now, actually. It's a little awkward, some days are packed and others I have hours between them. It couldn't be helped with my electives, I guess.
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Date: 2025-10-15 09:14 pm (UTC)No, he didn't think it was a wash. But he understands regardless.
The question is good for both of them – Rin’s sure a moment longer on the subject would pop them both, although he struggles a bit to listen as he tries to cast aside the thought of Ai’s lips forming shapes. ]
Yeah? [ he mutters, a touch hesitant, ] guess I really did call at a good time. [ He really should have texted first, he thinks with a laugh. What an asshole he is. ]
Is... Friday one of those packed days?
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Date: 2025-10-15 10:18 pm (UTC)He can't help but smile at the hesitant tone in Rin's voice. How considerate, Ai thinks. Was he worried to call him? Ai can understand why... He'd been king of avoiding contact if he thought he was being a nuisance. For once he's happy to paint himself a hypocrite, very quietly and quickly interjecting,]
I don't think there'd ever really be a bad time for you to call.
[-- before listening to Rin's following query. The way he asks is so tentative and Ai thinks loaded, too, and it makes his heart smash steeled fists against the cage of his chest. So much so Ai has to curl a hand into his shirt, as if that alone might stay the borderline choking feeling emanating up his spine from where butterflies have decided to take up shop in his gut.
It had never been this bad before, he thinks. Or maybe Ai had simply grown complacent with a bit of distance; Rin turning him warm with so much as an innocuous question was dangerous. All at once, Ai knows he's doomed.]
I have a morning class and practice around the early afternoon. [He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip. He had a few hours between, and then the rest of his evening. Would it be enough time for whatever Rin's skirting around? Before getting ahead of himself, Ai asks in a sudden flurry,] Will you still be with your family, senpai?
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Date: 2025-10-15 11:06 pm (UTC)It didn’t matter if Ai was busy Friday – Rin counted on Saturday. Whatever day it took, Rin felt confident he would find even small hours to spend with him. Rin couldn’t imagine letting this once unfathomable feeling slip by him.
So, what does he say, exactly? That conveys the truth perfectly; that he still had a few planned days ahead of him, but knew if he asked Gou, she would help him slip away before then; that Ai didn't have to welcome him back in, but Rin wanted him to. He wets his lips, his voice briefly hung deep within his chest, lost in a bloom of heat. ]
...Not if you want me, [ he answers, his voice like a whispered challenge made only for Ai's ears. ]
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Date: 2025-10-15 11:19 pm (UTC)It's for the best he's in public, he thinks. Because Rin's low, borderline sultry tone has every single intended effect, so much so Ai had to stand up on his feet and clench into the fabric of his shirt tight to keep himself on the line. Isn't my answer obvious?! But more than that, one painfully, glaringly obvious truth settles like molten lava in Ai's gut: Rin's flirting. Intentionally. With him. There was no other way to interpret that, right?
It's comical, almost, how two versions of himself wage a hard-fought war in his chest. The part of him that has sat on his hands for years and years, trying to justify away that which in hindsight had become so obvious. And the part of him that swears it can still feel Rin's hands on his skin, his lips on his lips, swears it can still feel Rin's shaft against the cleave of his--]
I don't think the team would miss me if I took an early weekend.
[-- is the sudden borderline breathless declaration he finally makes after a silence that had spanned a moment too long, stuck in stunlock. Flustered as he might sound, he also sounds certain. I want you here early. I want as much of you as I can have. Ai will spare no breath in reminding Rin exactly how badly he is wanted, and how large of a space he takes up in Ai's heart.]
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Date: 2025-10-16 07:17 am (UTC)Rin laughs, his cheeks warmly flushed as he smiles. ] Hey, not like I couldn’t take you on my routine to make up for lost time. Give you a taste of what it’s like to really get your blood pumping.
[ In the workout kind of way. --Well, definitely the other way, too. ]
I'll check the train schedules and let you know. Probably can be there after you're done with classes.
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Date: 2025-10-16 06:47 pm (UTC)It isn't that hard to get my blood pumping.
[No he isn't elaborating, yes it's deliberate, no he will not be bringing Rin to the pool any time soon. Ai clears his throat a little, subtly, trying not to let it sound through the line; it's all he can do for his composure, getting stares from passersby who get snapshots of his face incrementally heating second by second.
Ai holds the side of his palm to his mouth, as if that might help him reach his equilibrium again,] It's no rush. Classes are over around noon, so we have time.
[And then he's just a touch too quiet for a touch too long. Conjuring courage up from the deep wells of his gut. Quietly, gently, almost vulnerably, he says into the phone line,]
I can't wait to see you, Rin-senpai.
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Date: 2025-10-17 01:57 am (UTC)It’s addictive, to feel that much want from a person. His heart aches, remembering the way Ai tore him down into that first, fervorous kiss. He wants that feeling again.
Noon... Despite his wandering mind, he registers that much. Noon should work. Rin imagines Ai knocking him over into the train car before he has the chance to step off – not likely to happen, but he definitely saw it in a movie once. ]
... Yeah, [ he answers Ai’s sweet sentiment as stupidly as humanly possible, combing his hair through his part and trying not to look embarrassed. Ai’s not even here, and all his nerves have shaken his very core. ]
It’ll... be nice. Seeing you. [ The last time he felt like this, Ai called him nervous over holding his stupid fucking hand. Rin laughs at himself; he’s got this so ass backwards. ]
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Date: 2025-10-17 02:23 am (UTC)Ass-backwards doesn't even come close to their reality, but it was theirs, and so Ai wouldn't dare try to second guess whether it was the right road to take or not. Isn't even ready to confront his own bloom, let alone Rin's. He had very little to hide, but all the same not enough words or experience with pulling back the curtain. All in due time.
Ai's sat back down on the bench; leans his head all the way back, over its support. Drapes his free arm over his eyes. Because he's now given up trying to have any amount of control over the way his heart, syllable after syllable, seems insistent on beating right out of his chest.]
You can text me that morning. If our schedules align, I can pick you up from the train station. [Though it would be dependent, unfortunately; if Rin arrived while Ai was still in class, it'd be more convenient for him to come down on his own. It was about a twenty minute local train ride to the rail train from Ai's neighbourhood, and Ai would simply feel bad keeping Rin waiting arbitrarily like that. But his intention was clear, I want to see you as soon as I can.]
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