Tch, when the hell did you become such a romantic, [ Rin chides tenuously as Ai spoils him. ]
Ah… [ he starts, his hand flexing very slightly at the question. No. That’s not really what he wants to say. Strangely, his heart skips a beat. ] I, uh… [ His hand combs through the part in his wet hair, unable to look at Ai but feeling his gaze poignantly. ]
I have some time but, Gou expected me yesterday… [ He wouldn’t admit it easily, but of course he had been excited to spend time with his sister when he got back. With the same tone he tried to speak with before, he hesitates: ] Listen, uh...
I’m supposed to be heading to mom’s new place tomorrow for a few days. She’s a little closer to Tokyo now, but it’s still a few hours on the train.
But, [ Say it. ]
I’ll let you know when I’m back, Ai. [ His eyes turn, meeting Ai’s cerulean gaze as he speaks his lover’s name. Rubies flash as he holds that connection as long as he can. ] We can, [ but again, he looks away, a small flush in his cheeks as he tries to say the words, ] I dunno. We’ll figure something out.
[Of course, it's hard to deny the immediate flit of rejection and disappointment that wells in his system. Because last night had been electric, and this morning has been magical, and Ai wanted nothing more on planet earth than an infinite amount of time to coexist on the road toward this new horizon with Rin. To spend infinite mornings tangled in one another, and another infinity more trying to find the words that might even begin to encapsulate all that entails.
So he could gnash his teeth and beg and cry, but. Rather than fall to that moment's anxiety, Ai finds something far more aggressively familiar: his empathy. That which has propelled him forward with Rin for years. The deep understanding that Rin's world is so big, and that even if there's lots he won't say, Ai's ready to understand. He's ready to trust, even if it kills him a little.
His head lifts from Rin's shoulder, enough to smile at him sincerely.]
Your sister probably misses you very much. Good luck trying to explain to her why you're late, [he teases, expertly weaseling between the space of Rin's expected itinerary and the detour Ai's taken him on; he held no shame, so had nothing to be shy about, after all.
He listens when Rin's tone falls to something closer, more sincere. And it's like a sixth sense or an otherworldly instinct, really, the way Rin seems stuck and the way Ai immediately wants to fix it. The smile he pulls is reassuring, and unhurried, and unconditional. And it's given to Rin without hesitation.]
Don't forget to check in with Sousuke-senpai, too. Ah, and I know Tachibana-san and Nanase-san were asking about you. [We'll see each other soon. Overtures weren't Ai's specialty, but making the explicit known through the implicit? That he could do.
... But. In case Rin doesn't get it, Ai's smile turns a touch softer, trying to seek out those beautiful ruby eyes one more time.]
Take your time, Rin-senpai.
[Ai's then sitting back on his haunches and gently patting Rin's shoulder, encouraging him to get up and finally break the seal on their peace.]
[ "Take your time" may as well have sucker punched him. It’s too sweet, too patient, a sentiment so flooded with warmth that Rin is suddenly drowning in his own foolhardiness. Ai has no fucking clue how badly Rin wants to shun every single one of those people for him. While he’s sure he would have given into that feeling once, he’s older now. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he should have reached out to Ai along with the others to ask if he could crash at his place.
...Yet, it was because he knew it would become this, wasn’t it?
He’s a fool for avoiding the warmth he wanted too badly. Whatever easing up Ai offers him, Rin doesn’t move, staring back at him for an eternity. With a small lean, Rin brushes his hand over Ai’s thigh and rests it against the mattress on his opposite side. Infinity might be too much for him now, but he knows he feels his heart tug hard in Ai’s direction. ]
You should worry more about yourself, [ he chides, the edge missing in his voice. Rin leans in, meeting Ai’s lips for a kiss. Many kisses, pouring affection over him like promises he’s too worried to make. ]
[Even after devouring one another, indulging in each other, waking up naked and entangled with one another, Ai still finds himself suddenly breathless when Rin comes close. Breathless all over again at feeling the mattress depress under where Rin has steadied his palm.
Rin will find Ai smiling against his lips. Somewhere between the fourth or fifth, Ai's hand comes up to cup the side of Rin's face. And even when they naturally pull apart again, Ai doesn't let go quite yet. His thumb strokes over the high of Rin's cheek, and Ai does battle with the churning in his gut; the premature grief of having to see Rin go. Because if he can't handle this much, how in the ever-loving hell will they ever make it work?
It's for this exact reason his words are spoken as much to Rin as they are himself:]
This much we're used to, right? I know I'll be okay.
[Before doing them both the favour of finally bringing his hand back to himself.
... Okay. Ai leans up to steal one last kiss, slow and even, before settling down on the bed again. The smile he wears is almost offensive and insulting in how bright it is.]
[ It’s different, his mind sober and his loins soothed. There are sparks in every kiss, a light brush of tongue in every other one. It’s not that Ai’s a “good kisser,” he thinks. This sweet, romantic touch feels natural: unrehearsed but perfectly preformed. In elation, he drifts, his mind on the simplicity of giving his affections without goal or motive. And Ai is smiling into all of it. The smallest, sweetest chuckle slips out of him before one, long, fervent kiss, hoping that his heart would betray him as it had the night before.
Their lips separate, and he sees Ai there, again, his body bare and beautiful in the morning light. He thinks… surely, this is falling in love for the first time. I know I'll be okay. ] Ai... [ A name. A sentiment. He leans into the hand on his cheek just as it disappears. The air where it sat is far, far too cool.
For one that one last kiss, Rin bows his head and laughs, his cheeks brightened red. His eyes cast a moment at Ai, smirking at his handsome smile. ] For sure.
[ Guess this is where he gets out of Ai’s hair finally? Not that either of them want that. He hesitates to stand, but does. But he won’t leave without reaching down to ruffle that sweet head of his, already a mess from sex and sleep. ]
See you, [ He’s certainly not brave enough for a lover’s goodbye. Not yet, at least. But all of this should suffice. He gives a cool wave as he heads out of the bedroom.
If Ai is quiet, he might hear Rin fussing a little bit in the kitchen, who noticed that he forgot to drink most of his tea the night before. Oops. Ai will find the two cups soaking in the sink later. ]
[The funny thing about life, for better or worse, after the good and the bad, is that it keeps on.
The world sure did not stop spinning just because Ai had the lights kissed out of him, and certainly not because every few hours, minutes, a mental flash of ruby red eyes and intention behind them would cross his mind's eye. Every step he took to and from the pool or from class was jarring in its neutrality; lighter for having seen and been with Rin, heavier for having to say good-bye for now. But daily routine keeps him busy enough, and the times he can't tamper his through-the-roof pining, shooting a quick text or writing a new entry log into his diary observation journal helped abate it, somewhat. Though this much Ai was used to, too; the physical gnaw in his chest a familiar friend from years ago.
Sousuke is the first to ask if Ai's seen Rin since the group's night at the market, and Ai has to try and kill the smile that threatens to bisect his face in two. Like a dutiful friend, Ai tells him Rin's back home for now, and nothing more.
They text often. Ai spends a non-negligible amount of time backreading older conversations, and maybe it's rose-tinted glasses, but he cannot help but feel they both might be spending much more time thumbs to screen than they had previously. He's on Shimogami's campus ambling from the library to Somewhere he can settle down with his books; the weather was nice enough for it, and it was rare Ai was granted time like this midday. It's then he feels his phone vibrate-- and keep vibrating. Ai quickly hurries to the side of the walkway and answers his phone on about the fourth or fifth ring,]
Rin-senpai?
[It would be borderline impossible to miss the smile in his voice; Ai clasps the phone to his cheek with both hands.]
[ Rin rarely poured over his phone, but every time he heard the ping of a text his heart skipped a beat. It’s electrical to have Ai texting him again, so often and so warmly, and it’s only somewhat a shame he has to spend time with his family that he can’t waste his time exchanging words with Ai.
His mom moved to be closer to family – reasonable, now that both him and Gou had left the nest – with his Dad nearly 15 years passed away, Iwatobi meant somewhat less. The photos Rin sends are snapshots of him with his family, a motif of long red hair shared between them, besides his grandmother. His cousins are younger enough than him that it shows. A lot of them look like Gou was sneaking shots.
Gou is the first to notice how often he texted and, after enough pestering, Rin growled his admission: he’s seeing Ai. If anyone should know first, Gou really wasn’t the worst. Actually, probably the best – although she gladly teased him and asked a few too many questions than he was willing to answer, it’s thanks to her smokescreen that he’s able to tear himself away for a little time to, well, embarrass himself. He’s not sure he
Ring. Maybe he should have texted first before calling?
Ring. He rubs the spot over his heart, annoyed that he’s nervous. It’s been, what, four days since he’d seen him?
Ai picks up. ] Hey, Ai! [ he answers, a warmth in his voice that lived in him as a youth but took time to find again. ]
[There is a lilt in Rin's voice, Ai thinks, when he picks up, and it's impossible not to smile at the idea that Rin was excited to chat. This was certainly uncommon between them, both before and now; Ai usually too shy or self-imposingly dejected to text, let alone call, and Rin usually too busy to entertain the thought. If they sat on the line together, it was usually to discuss matters of business...
Actually, when was the last time we talked just for the sake of it?
Not that Rin can see it, but Ai shakes his head and makes a small noise to pair with it, eyes scanning his immediate surroundings for anywhere to sit,]
No! Not at all-- sorry, you just caught me as I was walking.
[Ai jogs a little to approach some benches he spots along the walking path just ahead, conveniently shaded under some trees that tower over the pavement from the greenery. His hand curls against the fabric of his shirt right above his chest, and it certainly isn't for the sudden physical expense.]
How is your sister? How's Matsuoka-san? Actually, just yesterday I called my mom, and I told her you were back here for a little while. [Ai's relationship with his parents was both extremely close and complicated in equal measure, but given the role Rin's played in his teen years, it only made sense he's mentioned Rin a handful of times to his family and they recognized the name.] She sounded excited to hear it.
[ A pair of questions that, unfortunately, get swept under by a singular thought: ]
Hah--? What are you doing telling your mom about me? [ There’s a certain pursed-lips quality to his words that peeks through the call.
He’s sure he’s never told his mom about Ai – except he definitely has and just thinks he’s too cool to gush about some dorky roommate he had in high school and entrusted his swim team with no big deal. ]
[Ai pulls his phone away from his ear to stare at it, because Rin may as well have just asked him what colour the sky is. Ai blinks, brings his phone back to his ear, and responds with a level of earnestness and shamelessness that only a guy like him could muster,]
We lived together for a whole year, Rin-senpai! Of course she knows who you are. More than that, she remembers you from the few high school competitions she was able to come spectate.
[She doesn't know about-- them. From Ai's mouth, no one does. Not for shame or want of hiding their new nameless frontier, but because overtures didn't come to him easily, and if he's honest, it seemed unnecessary. But Nitori-san absolutely knows Rin's full name, and that he has a sister and a mother, and that he was in the top tenth percentile for academics at Samezuka, and that he lived in Australia for a few years, and...]
That’s-- er. [ He grimaces, an overtone of embarrassment. ] That’s not what I mean… Never mind.
[ It’s not about if she knows who he is! Yeah, sure, Rin’s back for a little while – but what had been a lazy vacation to visit friends and family, had over a single night, become so much different. In the privacy of a front porch, all he can do is glance away from no one as his cheeks flush. ]
Anyway, they’re fine. Mom seems happier, closer to her sister. Been nice. [ Actually, there is one grievance-- ] ‘Cept my cousins keep trying to get me to play their busted games. They tell me how to dodge and it never works, tch! [ Great Jagras, his new mortal enemy. ]
[He has half a mind to press, then what did you mean?, but Ai decides it isn't worth trying to wring words out of Rin that are clearly dead somewhere on the back of his tongue. What could Ai have possibly told his own mother that would cause a mental roadblock? Was the thought of Rin not existing in a vacuum so unbelievable?
It was, in fact, so so far from the truth. Rin was everything to Ai. A cherished friend, a first love, an inspiration; a roommate, a teammate... a man who is really bad at telling me what he means!
Ai laughs, told Rin's having a rough time keeping up with the likes of his cousins, huddling the phone closer to his cheek.]
Your cousins are over too? Must be a full house. You haven't told me much about them, but if they're anything like you, I should feel a little sorry for Matsuoka-san. [His tease is evident in the lilt in his voice. Competitive. Sometimes loud. Ai isn't sure what kind of game has dodging as a mechanic, but Ai suddenly has a very strong mental image of Rin and his relatives getting into fiery passes of the controller trying to figure it out together.] Have you gone to the pool at all?
[ He snorts, his answer feeling plain as day. ] Have to; usually in the mornings, since it’s quiet and no one’s got plans. Wouldn’t be any good for me to fall off my regimen, even if I’m on vacation. Haven’t missed a day – well, ‘cept Saturday but, already figured I’d be too wasted for it. One day’s no big deal.
[ No, he spent his Saturday morning very differently. As he moves through his words, his voice becomes sweeter, topped with a small reassurance. It’s fine that Ai stole the morning from him. Better than fine. He could steal more, if Rin has his way. ]
[The way Rin skirts around details is just enough wiggle room for Ai's brain to recall in every single excruciating detail, all in the span of a milisecond, exactly how they spent that Saturday morning, and it's enough to have him suddenly crossing his legs and tucking his arm close to his chest and sticking his jaw and mouth into the palm of his hand, cheeks dusted a sweet pink.
It is, perhaps, the closest they've come to acknowledging that time spent together. Not for want of ignoring it, god no, but. Ai for his part wasn't even sure how to navigate it. Only two truths existed: Rin was still talking to him, and they both had an undeniable chemistry. These were enough to convince Ai that even if they're stumbling in the dark, it can hardly be a wrong thing.]
Saturday was a wash, [Ai finally replies, fluster probably a little evident in his voice - as is the soft, airy way he laughs, too, clinging to the last of his syllables. And that's about as much as Rin will get out of him, question posed his way instead. Ai's still somewhat curled in on himself, but he sits with a slightly straighter spine.]
Of course. And swimming with the team every day, too. [Marks notwithstanding. Either Ai passes under the radar fantastically, or his teammates are kind enough not to call a spade a spade to his face.] I'm between classes now, actually. It's a little awkward, some days are packed and others I have hours between them. It couldn't be helped with my electives, I guess.
A wash… [ he echos, so softly it may not have picked up over the line. Yeah, Saturday was awash with heat, passion. His head leans back against the wall he’s set himself up against, staring into a summer sky. Any moment of quiet he was granted were quickly drown out by the recollection of heated groans and whispers, his own name on Ai’s lips. Too much time in silence and he was left repainting the imagery of Ai’s body, masked in the blue night or gilt in morning glow. He could scarce keep his mind off the beautiful man whose heart finally tethered his own. A long shower in the evening seemed his only reprieve these last few days.
No, he didn't think it was a wash. But he understands regardless.
The question is good for both of them – Rin’s sure a moment longer on the subject would pop them both, although he struggles a bit to listen as he tries to cast aside the thought of Ai’s lips forming shapes. ]
Yeah? [ he mutters, a touch hesitant, ] guess I really did call at a good time. [ He really should have texted first, he thinks with a laugh. What an asshole he is. ]
[It was a wash as soon as Rin left his front door. Any hopes of getting chores done, going to the library, doing land training went right out the door with him. Ai probably spent more time that afternoon and evening daydreaming than he did on planet earth.
He can't help but smile at the hesitant tone in Rin's voice. How considerate, Ai thinks. Was he worried to call him? Ai can understand why... He'd been king of avoiding contact if he thought he was being a nuisance. For once he's happy to paint himself a hypocrite, very quietly and quickly interjecting,]
I don't think there'd ever really be a bad time for you to call.
[-- before listening to Rin's following query. The way he asks is so tentative and Ai thinks loaded, too, and it makes his heart smash steeled fists against the cage of his chest. So much so Ai has to curl a hand into his shirt, as if that alone might stay the borderline choking feeling emanating up his spine from where butterflies have decided to take up shop in his gut.
It had never been this bad before, he thinks. Or maybe Ai had simply grown complacent with a bit of distance; Rin turning him warm with so much as an innocuous question was dangerous. All at once, Ai knows he's doomed.]
I have a morning class and practice around the early afternoon. [He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip. He had a few hours between, and then the rest of his evening. Would it be enough time for whatever Rin's skirting around? Before getting ahead of himself, Ai asks in a sudden flurry,] Will you still be with your family, senpai?
[ No matter how confident he felt about how Ai would receive his question, his heart was never bound to stay settled. But it made it easier to relax, somehow. Instead of questions, thoughts, doubts, his mind could focus wholly on the sensation of blood rushing through his system, instilling him with the low roll of thrill and excitement. No, this moment isn’t a race, but he always felt better when passions were high.
It didn’t matter if Ai was busy Friday – Rin counted on Saturday. Whatever day it took, Rin felt confident he would find even small hours to spend with him. Rin couldn’t imagine letting this once unfathomable feeling slip by him.
So, what does he say, exactly? That conveys the truth perfectly; that he still had a few planned days ahead of him, but knew if he asked Gou, she would help him slip away before then; that Ai didn't have to welcome him back in, but Rin wanted him to. He wets his lips, his voice briefly hung deep within his chest, lost in a bloom of heat. ]
...Not if you want me, [ he answers, his voice like a whispered challenge made only for Ai's ears. ]
[Nitori Aiichirou nearly launches his phone across the green.
It's for the best he's in public, he thinks. Because Rin's low, borderline sultry tone has every single intended effect, so much so Ai had to stand up on his feet and clench into the fabric of his shirt tight to keep himself on the line. Isn't my answer obvious?! But more than that, one painfully, glaringly obvious truth settles like molten lava in Ai's gut: Rin's flirting. Intentionally. With him. There was no other way to interpret that, right?
It's comical, almost, how two versions of himself wage a hard-fought war in his chest. The part of him that has sat on his hands for years and years, trying to justify away that which in hindsight had become so obvious. And the part of him that swears it can still feel Rin's hands on his skin, his lips on his lips, swears it can still feel Rin's shaft against the cleave of his--]
I don't think the team would miss me if I took an early weekend.
[-- is the sudden borderline breathless declaration he finally makes after a silence that had spanned a moment too long, stuck in stunlock. Flustered as he might sound, he also sounds certain. I want you here early. I want as much of you as I can have. Ai will spare no breath in reminding Rin exactly how badly he is wanted, and how large of a space he takes up in Ai's heart.]
[ He’d swoon if he could see Ai’s fierce reaction – or, something close to swooning, whatever you’d call that funny, cock-eyed smile he gave too often. Instead, he’s subject to whatever little sound might cut through the line before he’s given a proper response.
Rin laughs, his cheeks warmly flushed as he smiles. ] Hey, not like I couldn’t take you on my routine to make up for lost time. Give you a taste of what it’s like to really get your blood pumping.
[ In the workout kind of way. --Well, definitely the other way, too. ]
I'll check the train schedules and let you know. Probably can be there after you're done with classes.
[Ai picks up on that double entendre and much like the first time cannot believe the words he's hearing fly out of Rin's mouth. Brazen, confident, forward-- for him. One would think after laying naked with each other not once but twice Ai would have the constitution to handle such a thing, but plainly, he's still fundamentally unable to handle Rin being so overt. Somehow, giving volley was even more difficult over the phone than it would be in person, he thinks. I want to see him so badly, my chest feels like it's about to burst.]
It isn't that hard to get my blood pumping.
[No he isn't elaborating, yes it's deliberate, no he will not be bringing Rin to the pool any time soon. Ai clears his throat a little, subtly, trying not to let it sound through the line; it's all he can do for his composure, getting stares from passersby who get snapshots of his face incrementally heating second by second.
Ai holds the side of his palm to his mouth, as if that might help him reach his equilibrium again,] It's no rush. Classes are over around noon, so we have time.
[And then he's just a touch too quiet for a touch too long. Conjuring courage up from the deep wells of his gut. Quietly, gently, almost vulnerably, he says into the phone line,]
[ It isn’t hard to, is it? Rin had only to step into Ai’s space to unveil that truth. From the moment their lips could have touched, Ai burned hot with passion and want. And Rin isn’t much different, is he? Spurred by the frustration at Ai’s fingertips as he taunted Ai with a kiss, he wanted just as well to feel how high those passions could take them. Every touch chased a singular high that (as Rin has started to realize, slowly) had eluded Ai for years, and Rin gave gladly into that ecstasy when their hearts finally collided.
It’s addictive, to feel that much want from a person. His heart aches, remembering the way Ai tore him down into that first, fervorous kiss. He wants that feeling again.
Noon... Despite his wandering mind, he registers that much. Noon should work. Rin imagines Ai knocking him over into the train car before he has the chance to step off – not likely to happen, but he definitely saw it in a movie once. ]
... Yeah, [ he answers Ai’s sweet sentiment as stupidly as humanly possible, combing his hair through his part and trying not to look embarrassed. Ai’s not even here, and all his nerves have shaken his very core. ]
It’ll... be nice. Seeing you. [ The last time he felt like this, Ai called him nervous over holding his stupid fucking hand. Rin laughs at himself; he’s got this so ass backwards. ]
[Grandiose displays will have to wait; Ai is still struck at the fact the sentiments he's sat on for years are allowed out of their cage, and more than that, that it's increasingly more likely by the day Rin isn't simply tolerating it. It's hard to ignore the realities buried between bodies. Not just their sex, but the way Ai swears Rin was looking at him. And it's there, too, in the sweet way Rin's voice loses its certainty and its charming affect for a moment, as if his heart stuttered just a beat too long. A breathlessness Ai recognizes painfully well.
Ass-backwards doesn't even come close to their reality, but it was theirs, and so Ai wouldn't dare try to second guess whether it was the right road to take or not. Isn't even ready to confront his own bloom, let alone Rin's. He had very little to hide, but all the same not enough words or experience with pulling back the curtain. All in due time.
Ai's sat back down on the bench; leans his head all the way back, over its support. Drapes his free arm over his eyes. Because he's now given up trying to have any amount of control over the way his heart, syllable after syllable, seems insistent on beating right out of his chest.]
You can text me that morning. If our schedules align, I can pick you up from the train station. [Though it would be dependent, unfortunately; if Rin arrived while Ai was still in class, it'd be more convenient for him to come down on his own. It was about a twenty minute local train ride to the rail train from Ai's neighbourhood, and Ai would simply feel bad keeping Rin waiting arbitrarily like that. But his intention was clear, I want to see you as soon as I can.]
Yeah, for sure. [ he simpers. He’d make sure they’d line up. ] So, uh, tell me about practice?
[ But, what Ai says mattered less than what Rin wanted – selfishly, just to hear Ai speak for a while. It had been years since they’d just bantered. Gladly, he’ll listen, his eyes still staring at a beautiful blue summer sky. Eventually, something would tear them apart - family or obligations - but for all of Rin’s wanting, he knew he’d find his way back to Ai soon.
Rin made sure to train that morning; he knew he’d want the energy, but more than that, it was a fine way to put himself to sleep on the long train ride back into Tokyo. Head hung under the brim of his cap, occasionally his eyes peel open to check his phone, every time hoping he would see the flash of Ai’s name on his lock screen. Gou’s once; Sousuke’s twice. He wondered what his best friend would think if he knew how much Rin’s trip had changed over one night.
Tsk, I still need to talk to him. He really screwed up not just planning to stay at Ai’s just once this trip.
It’s 1:07 on a Friday, just a little later than the schedule had promised him. The train is packed and Rin stands (annoyed) at the furthest point from any door out of the car – but his eyes stare out the window, wondering how it would feel to see Ai again. His heart stirs. His hand holds a little tighter onto his luggage.
The train starts to break into the station, and he smirks to himself. It probably wouldn’t kill him to calm down in the next 5 seconds, or he’s going to embarrass the hell out of himself when he does see Ai.... ]
[It would hardly be the first time he's welcomed Rin home after travel. Several times throughout their first year together when Rin would go away for a weekend. After his trip to Australia in Ai's second year of high school, the first person who had the honour of welcoming Rin back was Ai, too.
So why then is his heart caught in his throat, and every second that ticks by an amplifier for his own heartbeat between his ears? Worse still, Ai got here early. As soon as his class let out, he booked it to the train station. What else was he gonna do, panic at home instead?
It means that several times over the course of the ~thirty or so minutes he has to kill, he sees multiple trains roll through. Each and every single one has him standing on his tip-toes to scan the crowds, thick or thin, that pour out for red hair. Every time, the platform clears, Ai falls back onto his feet, and goes back to looking at the train arrival board...
A train rolls in. People pour out of it. Ai scans every single head.
Please stand clear, the doors are closing...
Just as he's about to take out his phone to finally text Rin and ask if he was on his way, he spots the man in question. Like a beautiful spirit that has walked straight out of Ai's memory. It's only been a week, barely a week - he has gone so much longer without Rin in his immediate pull - and yet all the same, Ai's chest constricts with its attempts to keep his heart from launching out of it.
If Rin's caught sight of him - about one train cart down - he'd see big, bright blue eyes with eyebrows up to his hairline, and a smile wide enough to bisect his entire face. All Ai wants to do is launch himself at his senior, but. Propriety with him always wins out; instead, Ai jogs with a small pep in his step up to Rin, unable to stop the way his eyes roam over him for a moment. It's certifiably insane, he thinks, how much can change when seemingly nothing has changed at all.
You have a tongue, Aiichirou! Use it!! You're staring!]
How was the train ride? [With people still on the platform, Ai won't do anything crass, but. Maybe he shuffles just a few centimeters closer.] How was the morning? Did your mother let you go easy?
[ Ai spots Rin first, but his smile is no less wide. Already his heart bounds, excited and nervous as long strides cover the extra distance between them. He’s in a black baseball cap, gray t-shirt with a faded geometric design, black pants, and a red hoodie tied at his waist that he mostly kept out for sleeping on in the train – Rin looks a bit overburdened with his large duffle bag and rolling luggage, but so it is for this month-long vagabond. Whatever his attire might say about him, his expression is light, easy, and smiling as he looks at Ai.
He’s so close, Rin thinks as he takes his baseball cap off, unbothered and no less excited than Ai to find himself in this warm atmosphere again. Ai looks a little different right now – not because a week had changed him but, well… No, a week had certainly changed something. ] You fuss too much, [ he chortles, not sure how to answer the rapid fire questions, though it wasn’t for minding that he didn’t answer them. Instead, he answers with something else.
The train arches back before it finds motion again. Rin flicks the back of his cap upright and holds it strangely close to Ai’s face. He leans forward and, behind the shelter of a hat, presses their mouths together in hardly-there secrecy. Sure, maybe he could have a little more propriety, too; but to Rin, it’s a sea of strangers whose thoughts and feelings meant nothing to him. If anyone should judge him for this display, then fine; judge him for kissing the most beautiful man on this platform. ]
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Date: 2025-10-09 04:34 am (UTC)Ah… [ he starts, his hand flexing very slightly at the question. No. That’s not really what he wants to say. Strangely, his heart skips a beat. ] I, uh… [ His hand combs through the part in his wet hair, unable to look at Ai but feeling his gaze poignantly. ]
I have some time but, Gou expected me yesterday… [ He wouldn’t admit it easily, but of course he had been excited to spend time with his sister when he got back. With the same tone he tried to speak with before, he hesitates: ] Listen, uh...
I’m supposed to be heading to mom’s new place tomorrow for a few days. She’s a little closer to Tokyo now, but it’s still a few hours on the train.
But, [ Say it. ]
I’ll let you know when I’m back, Ai. [ His eyes turn, meeting Ai’s cerulean gaze as he speaks his lover’s name. Rubies flash as he holds that connection as long as he can. ] We can, [ but again, he looks away, a small flush in his cheeks as he tries to say the words, ] I dunno. We’ll figure something out.
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Date: 2025-10-09 01:53 pm (UTC)So he could gnash his teeth and beg and cry, but. Rather than fall to that moment's anxiety, Ai finds something far more aggressively familiar: his empathy. That which has propelled him forward with Rin for years. The deep understanding that Rin's world is so big, and that even if there's lots he won't say, Ai's ready to understand. He's ready to trust, even if it kills him a little.
His head lifts from Rin's shoulder, enough to smile at him sincerely.]
Your sister probably misses you very much. Good luck trying to explain to her why you're late, [he teases, expertly weaseling between the space of Rin's expected itinerary and the detour Ai's taken him on; he held no shame, so had nothing to be shy about, after all.
He listens when Rin's tone falls to something closer, more sincere. And it's like a sixth sense or an otherworldly instinct, really, the way Rin seems stuck and the way Ai immediately wants to fix it. The smile he pulls is reassuring, and unhurried, and unconditional. And it's given to Rin without hesitation.]
Don't forget to check in with Sousuke-senpai, too. Ah, and I know Tachibana-san and Nanase-san were asking about you. [We'll see each other soon. Overtures weren't Ai's specialty, but making the explicit known through the implicit? That he could do.
... But. In case Rin doesn't get it, Ai's smile turns a touch softer, trying to seek out those beautiful ruby eyes one more time.]
Take your time, Rin-senpai.
[Ai's then sitting back on his haunches and gently patting Rin's shoulder, encouraging him to get up and finally break the seal on their peace.]
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Date: 2025-10-10 09:54 pm (UTC)...Yet, it was because he knew it would become this, wasn’t it?
He’s a fool for avoiding the warmth he wanted too badly. Whatever easing up Ai offers him, Rin doesn’t move, staring back at him for an eternity. With a small lean, Rin brushes his hand over Ai’s thigh and rests it against the mattress on his opposite side. Infinity might be too much for him now, but he knows he feels his heart tug hard in Ai’s direction. ]
You should worry more about yourself, [ he chides, the edge missing in his voice. Rin leans in, meeting Ai’s lips for a kiss. Many kisses, pouring affection over him like promises he’s too worried to make. ]
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Date: 2025-10-10 10:20 pm (UTC)Rin will find Ai smiling against his lips. Somewhere between the fourth or fifth, Ai's hand comes up to cup the side of Rin's face. And even when they naturally pull apart again, Ai doesn't let go quite yet. His thumb strokes over the high of Rin's cheek, and Ai does battle with the churning in his gut; the premature grief of having to see Rin go. Because if he can't handle this much, how in the ever-loving hell will they ever make it work?
It's for this exact reason his words are spoken as much to Rin as they are himself:]
This much we're used to, right? I know I'll be okay.
[Before doing them both the favour of finally bringing his hand back to himself.
... Okay. Ai leans up to steal one last kiss, slow and even, before settling down on the bed again. The smile he wears is almost offensive and insulting in how bright it is.]
I'll text you later.
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Date: 2025-10-11 06:52 am (UTC)Their lips separate, and he sees Ai there, again, his body bare and beautiful in the morning light. He thinks… surely, this is falling in love for the first time. I know I'll be okay. ] Ai... [ A name. A sentiment. He leans into the hand on his cheek just as it disappears. The air where it sat is far, far too cool.
For one that one last kiss, Rin bows his head and laughs, his cheeks brightened red. His eyes cast a moment at Ai, smirking at his handsome smile. ] For sure.
[ Guess this is where he gets out of Ai’s hair finally? Not that either of them want that. He hesitates to stand, but does. But he won’t leave without reaching down to ruffle that sweet head of his, already a mess from sex and sleep. ]
See you, [ He’s certainly not brave enough for a lover’s goodbye. Not yet, at least. But all of this should suffice. He gives a cool wave as he heads out of the bedroom.
If Ai is quiet, he might hear Rin fussing a little bit in the kitchen, who noticed that he forgot to drink most of his tea the night before. Oops. Ai will find the two cups soaking in the sink later. ]
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Date: 2025-10-11 04:18 pm (UTC)The world sure did not stop spinning just because Ai had the lights kissed out of him, and certainly not because every few hours, minutes, a mental flash of ruby red eyes and intention behind them would cross his mind's eye. Every step he took to and from the pool or from class was jarring in its neutrality; lighter for having seen and been with Rin, heavier for having to say good-bye for now. But daily routine keeps him busy enough, and the times he can't tamper his through-the-roof pining, shooting a quick text or writing a new
entrylog into hisdiaryobservation journal helped abate it, somewhat. Though this much Ai was used to, too; the physical gnaw in his chest a familiar friend from years ago.Sousuke is the first to ask if Ai's seen Rin since the group's night at the market, and Ai has to try and kill the smile that threatens to bisect his face in two. Like a dutiful friend, Ai tells him Rin's back home for now, and nothing more.
They text often. Ai spends a non-negligible amount of time backreading older conversations, and maybe it's rose-tinted glasses, but he cannot help but feel they both might be spending much more time thumbs to screen than they had previously. He's on Shimogami's campus ambling from the library to Somewhere he can settle down with his books; the weather was nice enough for it, and it was rare Ai was granted time like this midday. It's then he feels his phone vibrate-- and keep vibrating. Ai quickly hurries to the side of the walkway and answers his phone on about the fourth or fifth ring,]
Rin-senpai?
[It would be borderline impossible to miss the smile in his voice; Ai clasps the phone to his cheek with both hands.]
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Date: 2025-10-11 09:25 pm (UTC)His mom moved to be closer to family – reasonable, now that both him and Gou had left the nest – with his Dad nearly 15 years passed away, Iwatobi meant somewhat less. The photos Rin sends are snapshots of him with his family, a motif of long red hair shared between them, besides his grandmother. His cousins are younger enough than him that it shows. A lot of them look like Gou was sneaking shots.
Gou is the first to notice how often he texted and, after enough pestering, Rin growled his admission: he’s seeing Ai. If anyone should know first, Gou really wasn’t the worst. Actually, probably the best – although she gladly teased him and asked a few too many questions than he was willing to answer, it’s thanks to her smokescreen that he’s able to tear himself away for a little time to, well, embarrass himself. He’s not sure he
Ring. Maybe he should have texted first before calling?
Ring. He rubs the spot over his heart, annoyed that he’s nervous. It’s been, what, four days since he’d seen him?
Ai picks up. ] Hey, Ai! [ he answers, a warmth in his voice that lived in him as a youth but took time to find again. ]
Is now a bad time?
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Date: 2025-10-11 09:41 pm (UTC)Actually, when was the last time we talked just for the sake of it?
Not that Rin can see it, but Ai shakes his head and makes a small noise to pair with it, eyes scanning his immediate surroundings for anywhere to sit,]
No! Not at all-- sorry, you just caught me as I was walking.
[Ai jogs a little to approach some benches he spots along the walking path just ahead, conveniently shaded under some trees that tower over the pavement from the greenery. His hand curls against the fabric of his shirt right above his chest, and it certainly isn't for the sudden physical expense.]
How is your sister? How's Matsuoka-san? Actually, just yesterday I called my mom, and I told her you were back here for a little while. [Ai's relationship with his parents was both extremely close and complicated in equal measure, but given the role Rin's played in his teen years, it only made sense he's mentioned Rin a handful of times to his family and they recognized the name.] She sounded excited to hear it.
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Date: 2025-10-13 07:07 am (UTC)Hah--? What are you doing telling your mom about me? [ There’s a certain pursed-lips quality to his words that peeks through the call.
He’s sure he’s never told his mom about Ai – except he definitely has and just thinks he’s too cool to gush about some dorky roommate he had in high school and entrusted his swim team with no big deal. ]
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Date: 2025-10-13 02:23 pm (UTC)[Ai pulls his phone away from his ear to stare at it, because Rin may as well have just asked him what colour the sky is. Ai blinks, brings his phone back to his ear, and responds with a level of earnestness and shamelessness that only a guy like him could muster,]
We lived together for a whole year, Rin-senpai! Of course she knows who you are. More than that, she remembers you from the few high school competitions she was able to come spectate.
[She doesn't know about-- them. From Ai's mouth, no one does. Not for shame or want of hiding their new nameless frontier, but because overtures didn't come to him easily, and if he's honest, it seemed unnecessary. But Nitori-san absolutely knows Rin's full name, and that he has a sister and a mother, and that he was in the top tenth percentile for academics at Samezuka, and that he lived in Australia for a few years, and...]
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Date: 2025-10-15 07:16 am (UTC)[ It’s not about if she knows who he is! Yeah, sure, Rin’s back for a little while – but what had been a lazy vacation to visit friends and family, had over a single night, become so much different. In the privacy of a front porch, all he can do is glance away from no one as his cheeks flush. ]
Anyway, they’re fine. Mom seems happier, closer to her sister. Been nice. [ Actually, there is one grievance-- ] ‘Cept my cousins keep trying to get me to play their busted games. They tell me how to dodge and it never works, tch! [ Great Jagras, his new mortal enemy. ]
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Date: 2025-10-15 02:02 pm (UTC)It was, in fact, so so far from the truth. Rin was everything to Ai. A cherished friend, a first love, an inspiration; a roommate, a teammate... a man who is really bad at telling me what he means!
Ai laughs, told Rin's having a rough time keeping up with the likes of his cousins, huddling the phone closer to his cheek.]
Your cousins are over too? Must be a full house. You haven't told me much about them, but if they're anything like you, I should feel a little sorry for Matsuoka-san. [His tease is evident in the lilt in his voice. Competitive. Sometimes loud. Ai isn't sure what kind of game has dodging as a mechanic, but Ai suddenly has a very strong mental image of Rin and his relatives getting into fiery passes of the controller trying to figure it out together.] Have you gone to the pool at all?
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Date: 2025-10-15 08:12 pm (UTC)[ No, he spent his Saturday morning very differently. As he moves through his words, his voice becomes sweeter, topped with a small reassurance. It’s fine that Ai stole the morning from him. Better than fine. He could steal more, if Rin has his way. ]
You probably have school all week, huh?
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Date: 2025-10-15 08:23 pm (UTC)It is, perhaps, the closest they've come to acknowledging that time spent together. Not for want of ignoring it, god no, but. Ai for his part wasn't even sure how to navigate it. Only two truths existed: Rin was still talking to him, and they both had an undeniable chemistry. These were enough to convince Ai that even if they're stumbling in the dark, it can hardly be a wrong thing.]
Saturday was a wash, [Ai finally replies, fluster probably a little evident in his voice - as is the soft, airy way he laughs, too, clinging to the last of his syllables. And that's about as much as Rin will get out of him, question posed his way instead. Ai's still somewhat curled in on himself, but he sits with a slightly straighter spine.]
Of course. And swimming with the team every day, too. [Marks notwithstanding. Either Ai passes under the radar fantastically, or his teammates are kind enough not to call a spade a spade to his face.] I'm between classes now, actually. It's a little awkward, some days are packed and others I have hours between them. It couldn't be helped with my electives, I guess.
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Date: 2025-10-15 09:14 pm (UTC)No, he didn't think it was a wash. But he understands regardless.
The question is good for both of them – Rin’s sure a moment longer on the subject would pop them both, although he struggles a bit to listen as he tries to cast aside the thought of Ai’s lips forming shapes. ]
Yeah? [ he mutters, a touch hesitant, ] guess I really did call at a good time. [ He really should have texted first, he thinks with a laugh. What an asshole he is. ]
Is... Friday one of those packed days?
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Date: 2025-10-15 10:18 pm (UTC)He can't help but smile at the hesitant tone in Rin's voice. How considerate, Ai thinks. Was he worried to call him? Ai can understand why... He'd been king of avoiding contact if he thought he was being a nuisance. For once he's happy to paint himself a hypocrite, very quietly and quickly interjecting,]
I don't think there'd ever really be a bad time for you to call.
[-- before listening to Rin's following query. The way he asks is so tentative and Ai thinks loaded, too, and it makes his heart smash steeled fists against the cage of his chest. So much so Ai has to curl a hand into his shirt, as if that alone might stay the borderline choking feeling emanating up his spine from where butterflies have decided to take up shop in his gut.
It had never been this bad before, he thinks. Or maybe Ai had simply grown complacent with a bit of distance; Rin turning him warm with so much as an innocuous question was dangerous. All at once, Ai knows he's doomed.]
I have a morning class and practice around the early afternoon. [He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip. He had a few hours between, and then the rest of his evening. Would it be enough time for whatever Rin's skirting around? Before getting ahead of himself, Ai asks in a sudden flurry,] Will you still be with your family, senpai?
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Date: 2025-10-15 11:06 pm (UTC)It didn’t matter if Ai was busy Friday – Rin counted on Saturday. Whatever day it took, Rin felt confident he would find even small hours to spend with him. Rin couldn’t imagine letting this once unfathomable feeling slip by him.
So, what does he say, exactly? That conveys the truth perfectly; that he still had a few planned days ahead of him, but knew if he asked Gou, she would help him slip away before then; that Ai didn't have to welcome him back in, but Rin wanted him to. He wets his lips, his voice briefly hung deep within his chest, lost in a bloom of heat. ]
...Not if you want me, [ he answers, his voice like a whispered challenge made only for Ai's ears. ]
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Date: 2025-10-15 11:19 pm (UTC)It's for the best he's in public, he thinks. Because Rin's low, borderline sultry tone has every single intended effect, so much so Ai had to stand up on his feet and clench into the fabric of his shirt tight to keep himself on the line. Isn't my answer obvious?! But more than that, one painfully, glaringly obvious truth settles like molten lava in Ai's gut: Rin's flirting. Intentionally. With him. There was no other way to interpret that, right?
It's comical, almost, how two versions of himself wage a hard-fought war in his chest. The part of him that has sat on his hands for years and years, trying to justify away that which in hindsight had become so obvious. And the part of him that swears it can still feel Rin's hands on his skin, his lips on his lips, swears it can still feel Rin's shaft against the cleave of his--]
I don't think the team would miss me if I took an early weekend.
[-- is the sudden borderline breathless declaration he finally makes after a silence that had spanned a moment too long, stuck in stunlock. Flustered as he might sound, he also sounds certain. I want you here early. I want as much of you as I can have. Ai will spare no breath in reminding Rin exactly how badly he is wanted, and how large of a space he takes up in Ai's heart.]
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Date: 2025-10-16 07:17 am (UTC)Rin laughs, his cheeks warmly flushed as he smiles. ] Hey, not like I couldn’t take you on my routine to make up for lost time. Give you a taste of what it’s like to really get your blood pumping.
[ In the workout kind of way. --Well, definitely the other way, too. ]
I'll check the train schedules and let you know. Probably can be there after you're done with classes.
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Date: 2025-10-16 06:47 pm (UTC)It isn't that hard to get my blood pumping.
[No he isn't elaborating, yes it's deliberate, no he will not be bringing Rin to the pool any time soon. Ai clears his throat a little, subtly, trying not to let it sound through the line; it's all he can do for his composure, getting stares from passersby who get snapshots of his face incrementally heating second by second.
Ai holds the side of his palm to his mouth, as if that might help him reach his equilibrium again,] It's no rush. Classes are over around noon, so we have time.
[And then he's just a touch too quiet for a touch too long. Conjuring courage up from the deep wells of his gut. Quietly, gently, almost vulnerably, he says into the phone line,]
I can't wait to see you, Rin-senpai.
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Date: 2025-10-17 01:57 am (UTC)It’s addictive, to feel that much want from a person. His heart aches, remembering the way Ai tore him down into that first, fervorous kiss. He wants that feeling again.
Noon... Despite his wandering mind, he registers that much. Noon should work. Rin imagines Ai knocking him over into the train car before he has the chance to step off – not likely to happen, but he definitely saw it in a movie once. ]
... Yeah, [ he answers Ai’s sweet sentiment as stupidly as humanly possible, combing his hair through his part and trying not to look embarrassed. Ai’s not even here, and all his nerves have shaken his very core. ]
It’ll... be nice. Seeing you. [ The last time he felt like this, Ai called him nervous over holding his stupid fucking hand. Rin laughs at himself; he’s got this so ass backwards. ]
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Date: 2025-10-17 02:23 am (UTC)Ass-backwards doesn't even come close to their reality, but it was theirs, and so Ai wouldn't dare try to second guess whether it was the right road to take or not. Isn't even ready to confront his own bloom, let alone Rin's. He had very little to hide, but all the same not enough words or experience with pulling back the curtain. All in due time.
Ai's sat back down on the bench; leans his head all the way back, over its support. Drapes his free arm over his eyes. Because he's now given up trying to have any amount of control over the way his heart, syllable after syllable, seems insistent on beating right out of his chest.]
You can text me that morning. If our schedules align, I can pick you up from the train station. [Though it would be dependent, unfortunately; if Rin arrived while Ai was still in class, it'd be more convenient for him to come down on his own. It was about a twenty minute local train ride to the rail train from Ai's neighbourhood, and Ai would simply feel bad keeping Rin waiting arbitrarily like that. But his intention was clear, I want to see you as soon as I can.]
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Date: 2025-10-21 05:26 am (UTC)[ But, what Ai says mattered less than what Rin wanted – selfishly, just to hear Ai speak for a while. It had been years since they’d just bantered. Gladly, he’ll listen, his eyes still staring at a beautiful blue summer sky. Eventually, something would tear them apart - family or obligations - but for all of Rin’s wanting, he knew he’d find his way back to Ai soon.
Rin made sure to train that morning; he knew he’d want the energy, but more than that, it was a fine way to put himself to sleep on the long train ride back into Tokyo. Head hung under the brim of his cap, occasionally his eyes peel open to check his phone, every time hoping he would see the flash of Ai’s name on his lock screen. Gou’s once; Sousuke’s twice. He wondered what his best friend would think if he knew how much Rin’s trip had changed over one night.
Tsk, I still need to talk to him. He really screwed up not just planning to stay at Ai’s just once this trip.
It’s 1:07 on a Friday, just a little later than the schedule had promised him. The train is packed and Rin stands (annoyed) at the furthest point from any door out of the car – but his eyes stare out the window, wondering how it would feel to see Ai again. His heart stirs. His hand holds a little tighter onto his luggage.
The train starts to break into the station, and he smirks to himself. It probably wouldn’t kill him to calm down in the next 5 seconds, or he’s going to embarrass the hell out of himself when he does see Ai.... ]
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Date: 2025-10-21 02:59 pm (UTC)So why then is his heart caught in his throat, and every second that ticks by an amplifier for his own heartbeat between his ears? Worse still, Ai got here early. As soon as his class let out, he booked it to the train station. What else was he gonna do, panic at home instead?
It means that several times over the course of the ~thirty or so minutes he has to kill, he sees multiple trains roll through. Each and every single one has him standing on his tip-toes to scan the crowds, thick or thin, that pour out for red hair. Every time, the platform clears, Ai falls back onto his feet, and goes back to looking at the train arrival board...
A train rolls in. People pour out of it. Ai scans every single head.
Please stand clear, the doors are closing...
Just as he's about to take out his phone to finally text Rin and ask if he was on his way, he spots the man in question. Like a beautiful spirit that has walked straight out of Ai's memory. It's only been a week, barely a week - he has gone so much longer without Rin in his immediate pull - and yet all the same, Ai's chest constricts with its attempts to keep his heart from launching out of it.
If Rin's caught sight of him - about one train cart down - he'd see big, bright blue eyes with eyebrows up to his hairline, and a smile wide enough to bisect his entire face. All Ai wants to do is launch himself at his senior, but. Propriety with him always wins out; instead, Ai jogs with a small pep in his step up to Rin, unable to stop the way his eyes roam over him for a moment. It's certifiably insane, he thinks, how much can change when seemingly nothing has changed at all.
You have a tongue, Aiichirou! Use it!! You're staring!]
How was the train ride? [With people still on the platform, Ai won't do anything crass, but. Maybe he shuffles just a few centimeters closer.] How was the morning? Did your mother let you go easy?
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Date: 2025-10-22 07:14 pm (UTC)He’s so close, Rin thinks as he takes his baseball cap off, unbothered and no less excited than Ai to find himself in this warm atmosphere again. Ai looks a little different right now – not because a week had changed him but, well… No, a week had certainly changed something. ] You fuss too much, [ he chortles, not sure how to answer the rapid fire questions, though it wasn’t for minding that he didn’t answer them. Instead, he answers with something else.
The train arches back before it finds motion again. Rin flicks the back of his cap upright and holds it strangely close to Ai’s face. He leans forward and, behind the shelter of a hat, presses their mouths together in hardly-there secrecy. Sure, maybe he could have a little more propriety, too; but to Rin, it’s a sea of strangers whose thoughts and feelings meant nothing to him. If anyone should judge him for this display, then fine; judge him for kissing the most beautiful man on this platform. ]
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