sousuke has already realized the misstep, but lets ai process everything. there's no turning back from it now and pretending he meant something else would be damn near impossible. he watches everything play out on ai's face in real time. there's a little pang to the realization. because ai's mouth is forming around nothing and--
sousuke shifts a little closer to him, letting their shoulders bump. some physical affirmation that it's okay to feel]
I don't know if you could have ripped him out of that moment anyway. Not you, not anyone.
[god sousuke wanted to step in. it broke his heart into a million pieces. seeing his best friend break, seeing him tank the way he did. but it wasn't his place, it wasn't his time. the first time in years, and that's how he might have seen rin? rin would have flown off to sydney or jumped off the plane into the ocean first.
...only nanase. sousuke sighs]
See you like what?
[sousuke blinks dumbly over at ai, raising a brow]
See you at your strongest, fighting for someone you care about?
[i was the coward. i couldn't--didn't--do anything]
[The touch of their shoulders is a minor reassurance, something that Ai doesn't take for granted. Sousuke was famously nowhere near as hands-on as his redheaded counterpart; it's taken Ai a while to get used to the occasional times he's bumped his leg, his shoulder. Indulged in a hair ruffle, much as Ai's tried to object once or twice.
Even in this context, all it does is set him at ease. And when it's Sousuke's turn to balk at him, unspoken words laden between the lines, Ai's the one raising his hand out of the water to touch Sousuke's arm, grounding them both.
He can't take the compliment-- the platitude. At my strongest? I was air at best. If he's honest, it still hurts a little sometimes to think about - how forgettable he was, could be. But the reason he knots his eyebrows in the center of his forehead and levels Sousuke with a simper isn't even because of that, nor is it because of Rin. His mind flashes forward to a fire escape and eyes so leaden with tears he could barely make out Sousuke's back as he descended the stairs.]
It's a little funny, isn't it? The two times I hated myself the most, you had to see it. [Ai peels his eyes down to the water; he isn't ashamed, not even forlorn. Just mildly contemplative; grateful, even.] I'm lucky you gave me time to give you a better impression.
... I'm lucky to have you here at all, Sousuke-senpai. [Flashes him a smile, creasing the corners of his eyes, pressing his beauty mark higher on his face.] If it took moments of weakness to lead you to me, then I can't regret a single one of them.
[the gruffness in sousuke's tone melts away into something almost soft. there's nothing but warm surrounding them, and it only intensifies in the way it floods sousuke at that blue gaze sparkling up at him. he instinctively leans into that touch on his arm. it grounds him more than the damn hot spring]
Never said I had a bad impression.
[it's nothing but the truth. that bright eyed kid staring up at him upon first meeting, sousuke's features melting and ai's face brightening in turn. there's no such thing as love at first sight, but there's the sense of deep, personal connection and from then on sousuke knew they had something together. whatever it may be in the future.
and maybe it's selfish the way sousuke leans in, with a stupid grin on his face, and bumps their foreheads together. normally something impossible, but here at the same level they are now, it's easy. they're on an international stage together soon. they've overcome their own athletic challenges and odds. there's no distance or secrets between them now. except, maybe...]
[In a way, Ai is used to Sousuke taking up his periphery. Spent a lot of his time looking at Sousuke's back, tall and broad shoulders being all Ai needed to know what steps to take next. Was used to beautiful teal boring into him for certainty or answers or even self-confidence.
Sousuke's close enough he can likely even hear the little breath Ai inhales, a misplaced anticipation. And it wouldn't be the first time, either; it's like this every time. When Sousuke helps him out of the pool and Ai lingers just a hair too long against him; when Ai dips his head by Sousuke's driver's window to say hi or bye, nothing but teal in his world's view. It's the same every time--
Anticipation, and a small death. Because Ai's smile is a mile wide and is so incredibly gentle in a way that has only ever been reserved for Sousuke, that can only be brought out of him by Sousuke, and yet the way it makes his chest alight with a fluttery warmth is terrifying in its potency.
And so he brushes knuckles along the high of Sousuke's cheek, and pets the back of his nape... And then just a hair too quickly is parting from him, and sinking low enough into the water that even his chin is submerged. A rock on the opposite end of the bath is suddenly the most interesting thing in the whole world, and from his low perch, Ai silently clears his throat.]
I can't believe I thought you were scary when we first met. [It was always his salve: a platitude, or a quip that tried to disarm himself. In either instance, Ai cannot cope with how hot his face feels.]
[the bond between them has always been a little deeper than surface level. some unspoken thing ever since sousuke nearly tripped over ai coming down the fire escape. or maybe it goes beyond that. maybe it goes towards that first 'scary face' that ai manifests in his words, and sousuke can't help but spit out a laugh]
Feels like everyone says that.
[look. he's a good guy. he just has a scary resting bitch face. or maybe it's more than that. but he focuses instead on how ai...pulls away a little. it makes him blink, makes him feel like he's crossed some boundary he wasn't aware was drawn in the sand.
nevertheless. sousuke is the furthest thing from a pusher. and he won't cross that line without explicit permission any longer. even if he did instinctually lean into ai's touch on his cheek for a moment. even if it felt like something a little deeper in that moment. but it was a blink and gone thing, and sousuke just assumes that ai didn't mean it that way]
...water feel good?
[he tries to dip into another subject matter, sinking down a little further, letting the water coat his chin]
[It was the fear of the unknown, more than anything. Something that plagued him in his swimming career, and in at least one other friendship. With Sousuke, it seemed to constantly put them at an impasse; right up to a challenge line, and almost unanimously every time Ai was the one to disengage.
And the air is just. So stifling. Uncanny in how suddenly his skin is hot but it isn't for the right reasons and the sweat that trickles down the back of his neck has nothing to do with the regret that's beginning to unfurl in his chest.
How easy it'd be to cross that line. Intuition goes a long way. And yet still, how easy it'd be to fuck up one of the best friendships he's ever had. Sousuke's quip and following question both go right over his head, Ai too hyperfocused on his cold feet.
A blink, and then his head is on a swivel to look up at Sousuke, ruefully smiling in that apologetic way of his for not having been paying attention.] Sorry, yes. [Rises up, just a little. Enough so he can lean his shoulders back against the rocks again. His eyes trail just barely south of Sousuke's eyes, his nose--
Suddenly, Ai is standing up fully, hand on the ledge for leverage. The water only obfuscating up to his thighs.]
[maybe it's keen intuition. or maybe it's just his dumb luck at being able to read ai better than literally anybody else in their friend group.
...until his gaze betrays him. and as ai stands up, sousuke's eyes. drop.
and then jerk back towards the side of the rock wall as realization crashes over him and he feels utterly crass and vile for letting his gaze wander. sneaking a peak? that's teenage kid stuff. middle schoolers. he's long come to terms with what he likes. any body parts with something intelectual, and someone he's known attached...which naturally doesn't leave him with many options. but that's besides the point.
sousuke just hopes ai didn't see him. he coughs a little to try to cover up his blunder, rubbing the back of his head. it's not like ai wasn't copping an eyefull either but. sousuke just assumes it stemmed from something else]
...you good?
[he inquires softly, forcing himself to look back at ai without staring this time, and his fingers close around his friend's wrist]
[Truthfully and genuinely, his own sudden onset of his mild panic at realizing the kinds of situations he might inadvertently be putting Sousuke in - Sousuke who was so kind, and generous, and easygoing, and who didn't deserve a single modicum of the complications that often seemed to plague Ai and the people and things he comes in contact with - had completely overridden his propriety. Simply put, he forgot for that momentary blink he was naked.
He only remembers because he catches Sousuke's gaze, follows it astutely from where it'd been pinned on his lower body and then toward the side. Ai very quickly sinks back into the water, face a brilliant pink. So much for blaming it on the water's temperature.
His free hand is pressed up into his fringe, gripping the strands of his silver hair right against his scalp. It was so unbelievably normal to see naked bodies in onsens. So normal to be prone among fellow swimmers. Why was this making him consider finding the quickest exit route?
Worse yet, why didn't he feel ashamed? Only a mild regret?]
Sorry-- sorry. [His eyes search the rippled surface of the water as if it could provide him answers. Doesn't even try to shake off Sousuke's grip on him. If anything, Ai's tugged his own wrist and the hand attached to it tighter into his chest under the water, trying to stay his heartbeat.] I'm a mess. Maybe I didn't sleep it off as well as I thought I did.
[leave it to ai to forget of all things, he's naked--they're both naked.
it's not his fault his eyes strayed. he just. well. forgot they were both naked momentarily. or maybe he was shamelessly letting his eyes wander. because he knows what he likes. sousuke shakes his head, holding up a hand in some faux retreat. a signal to let ai know it's all good, they're all good. despite whatever interesting event just transpired]
Easy, don't go apologizing for just standing up.
[the laugh that trails after is albeit awkward. so sousuke just feels ten times worse for mucking this up further. but ai isn't shaking off his wrist. ah right. sousuke sure does have a grip on that doesn't he? it's tempting to rip it away but... ai pulls their joined limbs closer to his heart, and doesn't that do something to his heart? something he kind of hates, kind of doesn't]
You can go sleep. Whole point of all this is to relax. Not freak out in the bath.
[The pout he suddenly wears is petulant at best; he felt so-- indescribably off balance, and couldn't blame it on either the water or his hangover. It was something deeper. Something common, and normal for him at this point, but brought to the forefront of his consciousness so suddenly and abruptly that he hardly had time to cope. Pair that with the fact he is within close, naked proximity, well... Sentiments he'd rather keep behind lock and key suddenly seem every bit as vulnerable as his body presently is.
What a dangerous thought.
He settles back into the water, trying to convince himself that overthinking is the enemy. Relaxes enough to let his legs extend out in front of him, let his shoulders rest against the rocks behind them. Blue eyes flutter shut.]
I didn't freak out, [comes his reply, a rare denial painting his lips. It doesn't last long, though; Ai relents, free hand coming to pinch his brow.] ... I can't help it. Thinking I see something there, and panicking a little when it gets too close.
[There's a pause there. Ai's conjuring something in his chest, but seems to abandon ship at the last second. Sinks a bit lower into the water.]
Well, either way. Whether it's here or back in the room, I'd rather be with you.
[sousuke is intuitive at best. and choosing to remain in ignorance at worst. he knows a lot of the happenings between their friend group. even if it tries to get brushed under the rug, or glossed over, he sees it. he knows it's there. maybe it started ever since he got that stupid letter that he was so excited for...
only to see the evidence it was clearly meant for somebody else.
people dancing around each other, people skirting around things or trying to hide them. he has a good read of it. and well. whatever is going on here? coupled with ai's words? sousuke has a hunch. but choosing on whether to act on it or not? that's something else entirely.
his thumb carefully brushes over ai's skin. a stubbornly bold move, for whatever is currently transpiring. sousuke has a feel on what ai is saying. but what he means? ah. that's something else entirely. but there's no life without a little adventure. so he ventures cautiously]
...too close, huh.
[i'd rather be here with you. and maybe that solidifies it. sousuke takes a risk in life, and pulls ai a little closer. closing that gap, crossing that bridge. if ai chooses to hit him or shove him or anything else, sousuke yamazaki will happily take that loss. all in the pursuit of just knowing]
He might have denied and backed out a final time if not for the most subtle of reassurances. Ai didn't even need to know what he thought he saw, what he thought he felt. Didn't even want to know if Sousuke saw the same thing. Ai just needed to know that if he called a spade a spade, their world wouldn't end. The onsen wouldn't spiral and drag him down by the ankle, and he wouldn't be one incredible friend short by the end of it.
It comes to him in a simple truth, somewhere between the soft touch to his wrist and Sousuke pulling him close enough for Ai to be tucked into his shoulder: implicitly and unconditionally, he trusts Sousuke. This has been true from the very first moment they met. It remained true now, where Ai's doubts could make him tailspin, but instead his utter faith in Sousuke keeps him level-headed.
It's why despite his panic a moment ago, his response - even if it takes a little bit to work the words to the tip of his tongue - is so simple and resolute,]
You. I saw you. [Ai quickly shakes his head, just once. And maybe subtly leans against Sousuke a little, though notably his gaze is fixated on their reflections in the water.] But I'm not scared of you. I just--
You mean too much to me for me to want to put that in jeopardy. Maybe it makes me a coward. I don't know anymore.
there's no veil hiding the fact. no pretenses hiding the fact. it's something startling. only because sousuke feels the same. like he's seen ai before. in ways others haven't. ever since that night outside samezuka... it's been one thing after another, all edging into this bond the others can't even begin to fathom between them. something akin to relief floods his veins, when ai leans back against him.
the feeling is mutual. that much is obvious to him]
...it's the same.
[sousuke says with conviction. so stubborn in his delivery, even though his tone is gentle. anything further might startle ai away and he doesn't want that. is terrified of it in fact. maybe he really did invite ai here under some pretense. something he's long since thought he buried at least. one pinkie hooks to brush whatever piece of ai's skin he can. something selfishly grounding for himself. except sousuke laughs, and maybe it's to cover himself up a bit. embarrassment is a real thing after all.
or maybe it's to put ai at ease. like he's always tried to do]
If that makes you a coward, it makes me more of one. Don't you think?
[He titters, an airy and relieved sound, but he's looking at Sousuke just a bit too easily. Under the water, Ai tries to weasel his hand out of Sousuke's grasp. Not for very long; just enough for lithe fingers to try and skate over his palm, slot in where Ai believes they finally fit.
But that expression of his, and so boldly looking at Sousuke--]
I can't imagine you being scared of much of anything, Sousuke-senpai. Ah, not that you haven't been... You're only human. Though... You're very patient. You have to be with the kinds of things you've been through. Right? So you'll sit on your hands for too long.
[Kettle, meet pot. His tone is still to bright to be believably present, and it's obvious he's trying to lead into something. Something of a common subject between the two of them, and Ai doesn't want to sound accusatory, or bitter, but it'd do them no favours to ignore what from Ai's purview was the obvious modum of hesitance. Absently, his thumb strokes the outside of Sousuke's knuckle, eyes contemplative down on the water. Patiently, calmly minding their reflections. Passively, perhaps selfishly, Ai thinks they look good like this.]
[he lets ai pry their hands apart, thinking this is the end of that. only to be momentarily sidestruck when ai laces their fingers together. in some cruel, odd twist of fate, a strangely perfect match. he blinks down at the blurred and rippled out shape of their fingers under the water.
oh, if only ai knew.
....okay maybe ai did know.
sousuke can't help but laugh at those last words. was he really so transparent? it's something that hasn't crossed his mind in what feels like centuries. stubbornly coming to the conclusion that there was no chance in hell, and he could accept that. as long as it meant having his best friend by his side. chasing after some other dreams, his own dreams this time--and trying not to absolutely wreck his newly healed body in the process]
Caught me.
[there's no denying ai's intuition, after all. he won't be made a liar of. he sighs, and lets his gaze drift back up towards the ceiling. fixating on a small droplet that continues to descent in the center of the hot spring]
Sounds like it comes from experience though.
[well. he's put it out there. ai can deny it, that's fine. sousuke can accept that. others can lie. he just refuses to, after almost a whole year of lying to the most important people in the world to him]
[It was something they both intrinsically understood. Now, and when they'd first met. In a sense, Rin brought them together, after all.
And if not for Rin catching everyone in his wake and breaking hearts, Sousuke may have never really found his way to Ai, and vice versa. Sousuke didn't have to ask the question at all, Ai thinks; he already knows.
I just wanted to be able to swim with him one last time. If you're meant to do it, you'll find a way to be there with him... At least, that's what I think he'd tell you.
And there is only so much tiding by and puffing chests and feeling not enough someone can put up with before it morphs into something else entirely. It had never been Rin's onus to show that to Ai; Ai had to show it to himself. And once he did, and realized he had a choice, he chose to move on.
He doesn't even realize he's squeezed Sousuke's hand tightly.]
Rin-senpai showed me a lot of amazing things. I owe him a lot. [Ai's eyebrows knit. And suddenly he's wondering some other things, too.] ... But you knew that much already, didn't you?
[Yet here we are. Would Sousuke continue to sit on his hands, be patient, considerate, stalwart? Even now, with everything laid out plain? There is suddenly a fire in Ai's chest; a determination. He knows what it feels like to be taken for granted, and tucked into Souske's side, he promises himself to make sure Sousuke never comes to feel the same way about him.]
The thing I'm most grateful for from him is you. That's why. Even if it's bittersweet, I can never, ever regret it.
[it's funny how so many people can be caught up in the singularity of a single person. much like world peace could be attained through haru's swimming, rin catches the pull of all those around him. and it seems it almost always inevitably leads to something else.
but there's some truth in all of this.
some things? are so precious, it can be worth the heartbreak.
sousuke's hand instinctively squeezes ai's back. he understands, without ai needing to go into any further explanation. call it something unspoken flitting between the two of them. or maybe it's just something louder than words could ever hope to convey. but it's not... sousuke's brows furrow a little as well, as ai tucks himself against him.
ai isn't a replacement for anything. in fact, sousuke thinks it's more like ai's something that's come to fruition from all of this. something he wants to bridge so achingly much. but there's fear in that. that perhaps if he finally does inch closer, maybe it will all come crashing down. and is that worth it all?
...or maybe ai's words just give him the closure necessary to facilitate what he feels like's wanted and tucked away for so long now. as ai tucks against him, sousuke presses his nose into ai's scalp, muttering the words against it. maybe like they never existed to begin with. or maybe they're something he's so terrified of that it's easy to mutter them against something to mute them out]
I can't either. Not when someone like you is what came out of it.
[He speaks so quickly it is right on the cusp of Sousuke's words. And hesitates to carry out the rest of his sentiment because the way Sousuke breathes against his hair is intoxicating; Ai swears his warmth, this close and pressed, is different. Something fundamental between them has shifted, even if words or actions haven't bred it directly. Such was their way, Ai thinks; leave it to Sousuke to silently weasel his way in, even now.
Sousuke is warm, and strong around him, and Ai for a few moments counts the breaths against his scalp before hesitating and daring to put distance between them, only enough to be able to look up at unrelenting teal. Still so painfully close to him, it'd be so easy to just tilt his head up and--]
If it's too much, then don't mind it. But...
[His thumb strokes the side of Sousuke's knuckle; his other hand rests idly on a spot under the water, against his lower ribcage.]
When that. Changed? For you. [When did you look at me differently? It's such a forward thing to ask, and he doesn't do so in vain, and in fact his face is a beet red at the prospect of having gotten the words off his tongue. He isn't digging for platitudes or reassurances; rather, he's conjuring a timeline in his head. As if the same spark he had felt may have been mutual for longer than he could have known.
Unfortunately, his constitution is only so great, and short of bombastic favour, it was hard to keep that kind of momentum. Slowly his eyes drift to the side, and somewhat awkwardly, he starts up again,] Not that it...! Matters! In any tangible way! Rather, I guess, because that sort of thing is usually obvious... For me it felt obvious. If anything, I just feel stupid for having ignored it. But maybe that really had just been all in my head?
It's hard to say, because, well-- that is, if what I'm hearing is... ...
Agh!, it'd be easier if I could just--
[Ai has to sit up and off the rock in order to close the distance, but the way in which he takes Sousuke's lips against his own is, in a word, bold. Confident where his words aren't.]
[there's so much, and so little resting on the tip of his tongue. they're almost talking over one another, and maybe a little flicker of something flutters in sousuke when ai starts talking. when that changed? he can't say for sure.
not when ai's thumb is stroking his hand, and with it his self control begins to melt into the water. his lips part, but nothing comes out. not at first, at least. because in his own head he's trying to conjure some semblance of a timeline. when did it start? was there something truly ulterior behind his invitation for ai to come here? he hopes it doesn't come off like that now, because he would never.
but before he can muster anything, there's lips covering his own. and for once, sousuke isn't surprised by the emboldened action. because this is ai after all. and he doesn't kiss back, not at first. only because it's some small amazement ai carried through where sousuke didn't.
or maybe it's not so surprising after all.
instead, he only answers with a smile pressed against ai's mouth, curling their fingers tighter together, leaning into the kiss. keeping it still for a moment, however less than hesitant. but he pulls back for a moment, a little laugh tumbling from his lips]
...do you want me to answer you, or do you just want to do that again instead?
[another squeeze to ai's hand, a little bump against his companion]
[Maybe if he had tried something so bold even 10 minutes ago, he would have started panicking the moment Sousuke didn't immediately reciprocate. Would have assumed he'd crossed a line he shouldn't have.
That's the funny thing about trust, when it is implicit in every possible way; Ai has the certainty Sousuke wouldn't just abandon him over a misstep like that, now. Instead, for his patience, he's rewarded with something even greater: a smile he can feel against his own lips, which sucker punches him straight in his chest. Sousuke's laugh is quiet, but so so warm. Not that Ai needed reassurance, but it's yet another notch to tighten the belt of confidence.
How silly they'd both been.]
If you answer honestly I don't think I can handle it, [he answers in a rueful huff, because the only person he can imagine being more direct and reckless than himself is Sousuke. He was the type to measure his words carefully, after all; they always had a way of disarming him.
He lets go of Sousuke's hand, finally. Both skate up the length of his body and loop around his shoulders, both hands up into short tufts of wet, dark brown hair. Ai does kiss him again, slower. Leans just a little into it. And then in an outstanding show of his self-control, pulls away only enough to let Sousuke speak if he wanted to.]
[and that's where the depth of their bond runs so deep. it may have begun to intertwine from a certain red headed loudmouth, but it transformed into something so much more than that. he can't help the second laugh that trickles out, something so achingly tender even he's aware of how it sounds]
I think you're the kind of guy who can handle anything.
[there's a million different ways to take that, but at the core, sousuke knows it to be true. ai bottles up so much, and manifests it into a prowess that forms to something positive. or at least that's how sousuke has always viewed it. he presses another kiss against him, before ai settles on yet another. ah yeah, that stamina. sousuke can still be catching his breath and ai's lips are so agonizingly slow he melts into it]
That night on the fire escape.
[the night that really changed everything for him]
[It isn't his intention - their moment was so solemn and sweet, and vulnerable in a way that made Ai want to bear his entire heart, take it right out of his chest and place it in Sousuke's palm because he trusted him to handle it with care.
Unfortunately, he laughs.
A surprisingly rare sound from him, and an airy one at that, but he looks up at Sousuke with mirthful eyes, teasing the short tufts of his hair that just barely skate at th back of his ear, along his nape.]
You saw some poor kid crying his eyes out, [he manages between chuckle fits, finally getting it out of his system. His smile still bisects his face though, wide enough to push his beauty mark up toward his eye.] Did it leave that much of an impression? Ah, maybe you're the type who wants to swoop in with a white cape, after all.
[Ai kisses his chin; his jaw. Idle and fleeting things, as if he can't stay away from Sousuke for too long.]
I think... If it's up to me, I'd rather give you a better sight.
[and sousuke can't help but meet that laugh with a small chuckle of his own, cupping ai's face to bring it closer. press their foreheads together with that stupid, soft smile of his ever present]
Almost. But, not quite my style.
[he tilts his head a little, in silent invitation of ai's lips. funny how once that little bridge has been crossed, it seems both of them can't keep their hands off of the other. well, while they're at it...]
I think I saw the start of a kid's bright future.
[sousuke squeezes ai's hand once more, before he pulls it away. all to push his fingertips through ai's hair, and slowly begin to work his way down the back of his neck. all pressing fingers and methodical touches to hopefully turn ai into a pliant puddle in the onsen. that's what they came out here for, right? to relax? maybe he can just help aid that along.
even if it is a little maddening the way ai says that. and sousuke's fingers turn tight for a moment, a smirk crossing his features]
[There was almost a grace about the way Sousuke shifts against him, and it captivates Ai so thoroughly it's a little worrisome. Zero hesitation to lean up and find Sousuke's lips when presented with the invitation; even shifts their bodies a little closer together, even with their current configuration, more shoulder-to-shoulder than anything.]
You're too nice to me. [You spoil me, is what he means. Because Sousuke doesn't belittle Ai, but seems to always know exactly how to encourage him or help bolster his confidence when faltering. Patiently waited for as long as Ai said red light and now rises to meet him right in the middle at green light. Ai again reminds himself to never, ever, ever take this for granted. If he can spare Sousuke the feelings he himself endured for so many years, he will. Thinks after all of this, it might be even easier to make his gratitude known.
A noise threatens to bubble up and out of his throat, the way Sousuke's hand works through his hair and down the back of his neck; this coaxes Ai to turn a little bit, now more facing Sousuke than he had been before.
That smirk is what nearly does him in, though in incredible testament to his self-control, the noise is aborted just as it reaches his lips, only a faint and sharp exhale through his nose left as a ghost in its wake. His heart is in his throat, for a moment unable to tell up from down. Is he...? Flirting?
...
...!!
Ai only then clues in what he'd said and its double entendre. Not intentional!! But fuck, now he's wishing he had the foresight to say it was. Because Sousuke's hands are strong on his skin, and Ai is beginning to feel weak in the water for entirely different reasons.
Emboldened that there was no such thing as a mistake between the two of them, Ai faces Sousuke fully, having to wade in the water in front of him to do so; floats forward, enough to be just barely between his bent knees where he sits. Ai's hands trail down from Sousuke's hair to his jaw, his neck. Over the rounds of his defined pectorals. His cheeks may be flush, but his expression is wrought with determination.]
I'm thinking... No matter what sight I try to give you, you won't be able to see through the steam. Unless you get really, really close.
[... Aaaand his bravado shrivels up in the same instant. His eyes still glued to Sousuke's, but it's as if his flush overtakes him; his hands fly back up to Sousuke's jaw, and Ai looks at the scant water between them.]
[it feels like ai has the reins, even if sousuke never explicitly handed them over. this dude's tenacity really knows no bounds, huh? sousuke thinks to himself as their lips meet again. and again, the front of their bodies shifting closer together.
and those stupid clever fingertips trailing maps across his face, over his hair and... well. he wasn't insinuating that exactly. flirting, sure. but sousuke's got some self restraint and is mildly a gentleman. ai's face reminds him of all those nights training in the pool deep into the night.
that stubborn determination he's always had an aptitude for.
but he leans in all the same, pressing their foreheads a little closer together, that hand cupping his jaw so tenderly it aches. sousuke's breath hitches a little bit through the steam. but no, his answer is silently pressed into ai as one arm wraps around him, pulling him impossibly close. permissively, giving him a little look as though to say this alright? before leaning in, and pressing a kiss against ai's neck]
Gotta stop doubting yourself.
[sousuke laughs against that damp skin, thumb rubbing methodic circles against the small of ai's back]
You're good just the way you are. That's the kind of close I want.
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Date: 2025-09-04 03:51 am (UTC)sousuke has already realized the misstep, but lets ai process everything. there's no turning back from it now and pretending he meant something else would be damn near impossible. he watches everything play out on ai's face in real time. there's a little pang to the realization. because ai's mouth is forming around nothing and--
sousuke shifts a little closer to him, letting their shoulders bump. some physical affirmation that it's okay to feel]
I don't know if you could have ripped him out of that moment anyway. Not you, not anyone.
[god sousuke wanted to step in. it broke his heart into a million pieces. seeing his best friend break, seeing him tank the way he did. but it wasn't his place, it wasn't his time. the first time in years, and that's how he might have seen rin? rin would have flown off to sydney or jumped off the plane into the ocean first.
...only nanase. sousuke sighs]
See you like what?
[sousuke blinks dumbly over at ai, raising a brow]
See you at your strongest, fighting for someone you care about?
[i was the coward. i couldn't--didn't--do anything]
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Date: 2025-09-04 04:07 am (UTC)Even in this context, all it does is set him at ease. And when it's Sousuke's turn to balk at him, unspoken words laden between the lines, Ai's the one raising his hand out of the water to touch Sousuke's arm, grounding them both.
He can't take the compliment-- the platitude. At my strongest? I was air at best. If he's honest, it still hurts a little sometimes to think about - how forgettable he was, could be. But the reason he knots his eyebrows in the center of his forehead and levels Sousuke with a simper isn't even because of that, nor is it because of Rin. His mind flashes forward to a fire escape and eyes so leaden with tears he could barely make out Sousuke's back as he descended the stairs.]
It's a little funny, isn't it? The two times I hated myself the most, you had to see it. [Ai peels his eyes down to the water; he isn't ashamed, not even forlorn. Just mildly contemplative; grateful, even.] I'm lucky you gave me time to give you a better impression.
... I'm lucky to have you here at all, Sousuke-senpai. [Flashes him a smile, creasing the corners of his eyes, pressing his beauty mark higher on his face.] If it took moments of weakness to lead you to me, then I can't regret a single one of them.
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Date: 2025-09-08 02:52 am (UTC)Never said I had a bad impression.
[it's nothing but the truth. that bright eyed kid staring up at him upon first meeting, sousuke's features melting and ai's face brightening in turn. there's no such thing as love at first sight, but there's the sense of deep, personal connection and from then on sousuke knew they had something together. whatever it may be in the future.
and maybe it's selfish the way sousuke leans in, with a stupid grin on his face, and bumps their foreheads together. normally something impossible, but here at the same level they are now, it's easy. they're on an international stage together soon. they've overcome their own athletic challenges and odds. there's no distance or secrets between them now. except, maybe...]
Me neither. Not a single one.
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Date: 2025-09-08 03:11 am (UTC)Sousuke's close enough he can likely even hear the little breath Ai inhales, a misplaced anticipation. And it wouldn't be the first time, either; it's like this every time. When Sousuke helps him out of the pool and Ai lingers just a hair too long against him; when Ai dips his head by Sousuke's driver's window to say hi or bye, nothing but teal in his world's view. It's the same every time--
Anticipation, and a small death. Because Ai's smile is a mile wide and is so incredibly gentle in a way that has only ever been reserved for Sousuke, that can only be brought out of him by Sousuke, and yet the way it makes his chest alight with a fluttery warmth is terrifying in its potency.
And so he brushes knuckles along the high of Sousuke's cheek, and pets the back of his nape... And then just a hair too quickly is parting from him, and sinking low enough into the water that even his chin is submerged. A rock on the opposite end of the bath is suddenly the most interesting thing in the whole world, and from his low perch, Ai silently clears his throat.]
I can't believe I thought you were scary when we first met. [It was always his salve: a platitude, or a quip that tried to disarm himself. In either instance, Ai cannot cope with how hot his face feels.]
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Date: 2025-09-10 03:38 am (UTC)Feels like everyone says that.
[look. he's a good guy. he just has a scary resting bitch face. or maybe it's more than that. but he focuses instead on how ai...pulls away a little. it makes him blink, makes him feel like he's crossed some boundary he wasn't aware was drawn in the sand.
nevertheless. sousuke is the furthest thing from a pusher. and he won't cross that line without explicit permission any longer. even if he did instinctually lean into ai's touch on his cheek for a moment. even if it felt like something a little deeper in that moment. but it was a blink and gone thing, and sousuke just assumes that ai didn't mean it that way]
...water feel good?
[he tries to dip into another subject matter, sinking down a little further, letting the water coat his chin]
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Date: 2025-09-10 03:47 am (UTC)And the air is just. So stifling. Uncanny in how suddenly his skin is hot but it isn't for the right reasons and the sweat that trickles down the back of his neck has nothing to do with the regret that's beginning to unfurl in his chest.
How easy it'd be to cross that line. Intuition goes a long way. And yet still, how easy it'd be to fuck up one of the best friendships he's ever had. Sousuke's quip and following question both go right over his head, Ai too hyperfocused on his cold feet.
A blink, and then his head is on a swivel to look up at Sousuke, ruefully smiling in that apologetic way of his for not having been paying attention.] Sorry, yes. [Rises up, just a little. Enough so he can lean his shoulders back against the rocks again. His eyes trail just barely south of Sousuke's eyes, his nose--
Suddenly, Ai is standing up fully, hand on the ledge for leverage. The water only obfuscating up to his thighs.]
I think the heat's going to my head.
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Date: 2025-09-11 04:06 am (UTC)...until his gaze betrays him. and as ai stands up, sousuke's eyes. drop.
and then jerk back towards the side of the rock wall as realization crashes over him and he feels utterly crass and vile for letting his gaze wander. sneaking a peak? that's teenage kid stuff. middle schoolers. he's long come to terms with what he likes. any body parts with something intelectual, and someone he's known attached...which naturally doesn't leave him with many options. but that's besides the point.
sousuke just hopes ai didn't see him. he coughs a little to try to cover up his blunder, rubbing the back of his head. it's not like ai wasn't copping an eyefull either but. sousuke just assumes it stemmed from something else]
...you good?
[he inquires softly, forcing himself to look back at ai without staring this time, and his fingers close around his friend's wrist]
If it's too hot you can get out, it's fine.
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Date: 2025-09-11 04:20 am (UTC)He only remembers because he catches Sousuke's gaze, follows it astutely from where it'd been pinned on his lower body and then toward the side. Ai very quickly sinks back into the water, face a brilliant pink. So much for blaming it on the water's temperature.
His free hand is pressed up into his fringe, gripping the strands of his silver hair right against his scalp. It was so unbelievably normal to see naked bodies in onsens. So normal to be prone among fellow swimmers. Why was this making him consider finding the quickest exit route?
Worse yet, why didn't he feel ashamed? Only a mild regret?]
Sorry-- sorry. [His eyes search the rippled surface of the water as if it could provide him answers. Doesn't even try to shake off Sousuke's grip on him. If anything, Ai's tugged his own wrist and the hand attached to it tighter into his chest under the water, trying to stay his heartbeat.] I'm a mess. Maybe I didn't sleep it off as well as I thought I did.
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Date: 2025-09-12 03:15 am (UTC)it's not his fault his eyes strayed. he just. well. forgot they were both naked momentarily. or maybe he was shamelessly letting his eyes wander. because he knows what he likes. sousuke shakes his head, holding up a hand in some faux retreat. a signal to let ai know it's all good, they're all good. despite whatever interesting event just transpired]
Easy, don't go apologizing for just standing up.
[the laugh that trails after is albeit awkward. so sousuke just feels ten times worse for mucking this up further. but ai isn't shaking off his wrist. ah right. sousuke sure does have a grip on that doesn't he? it's tempting to rip it away but... ai pulls their joined limbs closer to his heart, and doesn't that do something to his heart? something he kind of hates, kind of doesn't]
You can go sleep. Whole point of all this is to relax. Not freak out in the bath.
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Date: 2025-09-12 03:25 am (UTC)What a dangerous thought.
He settles back into the water, trying to convince himself that overthinking is the enemy. Relaxes enough to let his legs extend out in front of him, let his shoulders rest against the rocks behind them. Blue eyes flutter shut.]
I didn't freak out, [comes his reply, a rare denial painting his lips. It doesn't last long, though; Ai relents, free hand coming to pinch his brow.] ... I can't help it. Thinking I see something there, and panicking a little when it gets too close.
[There's a pause there. Ai's conjuring something in his chest, but seems to abandon ship at the last second. Sinks a bit lower into the water.]
Well, either way. Whether it's here or back in the room, I'd rather be with you.
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Date: 2025-09-13 02:16 am (UTC)only to see the evidence it was clearly meant for somebody else.
people dancing around each other, people skirting around things or trying to hide them. he has a good read of it. and well. whatever is going on here? coupled with ai's words? sousuke has a hunch. but choosing on whether to act on it or not? that's something else entirely.
his thumb carefully brushes over ai's skin. a stubbornly bold move, for whatever is currently transpiring. sousuke has a feel on what ai is saying. but what he means? ah. that's something else entirely. but there's no life without a little adventure. so he ventures cautiously]
...too close, huh.
[i'd rather be here with you. and maybe that solidifies it. sousuke takes a risk in life, and pulls ai a little closer. closing that gap, crossing that bridge. if ai chooses to hit him or shove him or anything else, sousuke yamazaki will happily take that loss. all in the pursuit of just knowing]
What did you think you saw?
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Date: 2025-09-13 02:50 am (UTC)He might have denied and backed out a final time if not for the most subtle of reassurances. Ai didn't even need to know what he thought he saw, what he thought he felt. Didn't even want to know if Sousuke saw the same thing. Ai just needed to know that if he called a spade a spade, their world wouldn't end. The onsen wouldn't spiral and drag him down by the ankle, and he wouldn't be one incredible friend short by the end of it.
It comes to him in a simple truth, somewhere between the soft touch to his wrist and Sousuke pulling him close enough for Ai to be tucked into his shoulder: implicitly and unconditionally, he trusts Sousuke. This has been true from the very first moment they met. It remained true now, where Ai's doubts could make him tailspin, but instead his utter faith in Sousuke keeps him level-headed.
It's why despite his panic a moment ago, his response - even if it takes a little bit to work the words to the tip of his tongue - is so simple and resolute,]
You. I saw you. [Ai quickly shakes his head, just once. And maybe subtly leans against Sousuke a little, though notably his gaze is fixated on their reflections in the water.] But I'm not scared of you. I just--
You mean too much to me for me to want to put that in jeopardy. Maybe it makes me a coward. I don't know anymore.
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Date: 2025-09-16 01:02 am (UTC)there's no veil hiding the fact. no pretenses hiding the fact. it's something startling. only because sousuke feels the same. like he's seen ai before. in ways others haven't. ever since that night outside samezuka... it's been one thing after another, all edging into this bond the others can't even begin to fathom between them. something akin to relief floods his veins, when ai leans back against him.
the feeling is mutual. that much is obvious to him]
...it's the same.
[sousuke says with conviction. so stubborn in his delivery, even though his tone is gentle. anything further might startle ai away and he doesn't want that. is terrified of it in fact. maybe he really did invite ai here under some pretense. something he's long since thought he buried at least. one pinkie hooks to brush whatever piece of ai's skin he can. something selfishly grounding for himself. except sousuke laughs, and maybe it's to cover himself up a bit. embarrassment is a real thing after all.
or maybe it's to put ai at ease. like he's always tried to do]
If that makes you a coward, it makes me more of one. Don't you think?
[the meaning there is clear]
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Date: 2025-09-16 01:21 am (UTC)But that expression of his, and so boldly looking at Sousuke--]
I can't imagine you being scared of much of anything, Sousuke-senpai. Ah, not that you haven't been... You're only human. Though... You're very patient. You have to be with the kinds of things you've been through. Right? So you'll sit on your hands for too long.
[Kettle, meet pot. His tone is still to bright to be believably present, and it's obvious he's trying to lead into something. Something of a common subject between the two of them, and Ai doesn't want to sound accusatory, or bitter, but it'd do them no favours to ignore what from Ai's purview was the obvious modum of hesitance. Absently, his thumb strokes the outside of Sousuke's knuckle, eyes contemplative down on the water. Patiently, calmly minding their reflections. Passively, perhaps selfishly, Ai thinks they look good like this.]
You waited for Rin-senpai. Didn't you?
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Date: 2025-09-17 03:18 am (UTC)oh, if only ai knew.
....okay maybe ai did know.
sousuke can't help but laugh at those last words. was he really so transparent? it's something that hasn't crossed his mind in what feels like centuries. stubbornly coming to the conclusion that there was no chance in hell, and he could accept that. as long as it meant having his best friend by his side. chasing after some other dreams, his own dreams this time--and trying not to absolutely wreck his newly healed body in the process]
Caught me.
[there's no denying ai's intuition, after all. he won't be made a liar of. he sighs, and lets his gaze drift back up towards the ceiling. fixating on a small droplet that continues to descent in the center of the hot spring]
Sounds like it comes from experience though.
[well. he's put it out there. ai can deny it, that's fine. sousuke can accept that. others can lie. he just refuses to, after almost a whole year of lying to the most important people in the world to him]
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Date: 2025-09-17 03:52 am (UTC)And if not for Rin catching everyone in his wake and breaking hearts, Sousuke may have never really found his way to Ai, and vice versa. Sousuke didn't have to ask the question at all, Ai thinks; he already knows.
I just wanted to be able to swim with him one last time.
If you're meant to do it, you'll find a way to be there with him... At least, that's what I think he'd tell you.
And there is only so much tiding by and puffing chests and feeling not enough someone can put up with before it morphs into something else entirely. It had never been Rin's onus to show that to Ai; Ai had to show it to himself. And once he did, and realized he had a choice, he chose to move on.
He doesn't even realize he's squeezed Sousuke's hand tightly.]
Rin-senpai showed me a lot of amazing things. I owe him a lot. [Ai's eyebrows knit. And suddenly he's wondering some other things, too.] ... But you knew that much already, didn't you?
[Yet here we are. Would Sousuke continue to sit on his hands, be patient, considerate, stalwart? Even now, with everything laid out plain? There is suddenly a fire in Ai's chest; a determination. He knows what it feels like to be taken for granted, and tucked into Souske's side, he promises himself to make sure Sousuke never comes to feel the same way about him.]
The thing I'm most grateful for from him is you. That's why. Even if it's bittersweet, I can never, ever regret it.
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Date: 2025-09-20 01:26 am (UTC)but there's some truth in all of this.
some things? are so precious, it can be worth the heartbreak.
sousuke's hand instinctively squeezes ai's back. he understands, without ai needing to go into any further explanation. call it something unspoken flitting between the two of them. or maybe it's just something louder than words could ever hope to convey. but it's not... sousuke's brows furrow a little as well, as ai tucks himself against him.
ai isn't a replacement for anything. in fact, sousuke thinks it's more like ai's something that's come to fruition from all of this. something he wants to bridge so achingly much. but there's fear in that. that perhaps if he finally does inch closer, maybe it will all come crashing down. and is that worth it all?
...or maybe ai's words just give him the closure necessary to facilitate what he feels like's wanted and tucked away for so long now. as ai tucks against him, sousuke presses his nose into ai's scalp, muttering the words against it. maybe like they never existed to begin with. or maybe they're something he's so terrified of that it's easy to mutter them against something to mute them out]
I can't either. Not when someone like you is what came out of it.
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Date: 2025-09-20 02:36 am (UTC)[He speaks so quickly it is right on the cusp of Sousuke's words. And hesitates to carry out the rest of his sentiment because the way Sousuke breathes against his hair is intoxicating; Ai swears his warmth, this close and pressed, is different. Something fundamental between them has shifted, even if words or actions haven't bred it directly. Such was their way, Ai thinks; leave it to Sousuke to silently weasel his way in, even now.
Sousuke is warm, and strong around him, and Ai for a few moments counts the breaths against his scalp before hesitating and daring to put distance between them, only enough to be able to look up at unrelenting teal. Still so painfully close to him, it'd be so easy to just tilt his head up and--]
If it's too much, then don't mind it. But...
[His thumb strokes the side of Sousuke's knuckle; his other hand rests idly on a spot under the water, against his lower ribcage.]
When that. Changed? For you. [When did you look at me differently? It's such a forward thing to ask, and he doesn't do so in vain, and in fact his face is a beet red at the prospect of having gotten the words off his tongue. He isn't digging for platitudes or reassurances; rather, he's conjuring a timeline in his head. As if the same spark he had felt may have been mutual for longer than he could have known.
Unfortunately, his constitution is only so great, and short of bombastic favour, it was hard to keep that kind of momentum. Slowly his eyes drift to the side, and somewhat awkwardly, he starts up again,] Not that it...! Matters! In any tangible way! Rather, I guess, because that sort of thing is usually obvious... For me it felt obvious. If anything, I just feel stupid for having ignored it. But maybe that really had just been all in my head?
It's hard to say, because, well-- that is, if what I'm hearing is... ...
Agh!, it'd be easier if I could just--
[Ai has to sit up and off the rock in order to close the distance, but the way in which he takes Sousuke's lips against his own is, in a word, bold. Confident where his words aren't.]
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Date: 2025-09-20 03:52 am (UTC)not when ai's thumb is stroking his hand, and with it his self control begins to melt into the water. his lips part, but nothing comes out. not at first, at least. because in his own head he's trying to conjure some semblance of a timeline. when did it start? was there something truly ulterior behind his invitation for ai to come here? he hopes it doesn't come off like that now, because he would never.
but before he can muster anything, there's lips covering his own. and for once, sousuke isn't surprised by the emboldened action. because this is ai after all. and he doesn't kiss back, not at first. only because it's some small amazement ai carried through where sousuke didn't.
or maybe it's not so surprising after all.
instead, he only answers with a smile pressed against ai's mouth, curling their fingers tighter together, leaning into the kiss. keeping it still for a moment, however less than hesitant. but he pulls back for a moment, a little laugh tumbling from his lips]
...do you want me to answer you, or do you just want to do that again instead?
[another squeeze to ai's hand, a little bump against his companion]
Cause honestly, I'd be okay with either.
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Date: 2025-09-20 04:03 am (UTC)That's the funny thing about trust, when it is implicit in every possible way; Ai has the certainty Sousuke wouldn't just abandon him over a misstep like that, now. Instead, for his patience, he's rewarded with something even greater: a smile he can feel against his own lips, which sucker punches him straight in his chest. Sousuke's laugh is quiet, but so so warm. Not that Ai needed reassurance, but it's yet another notch to tighten the belt of confidence.
How silly they'd both been.]
If you answer honestly I don't think I can handle it, [he answers in a rueful huff, because the only person he can imagine being more direct and reckless than himself is Sousuke. He was the type to measure his words carefully, after all; they always had a way of disarming him.
He lets go of Sousuke's hand, finally. Both skate up the length of his body and loop around his shoulders, both hands up into short tufts of wet, dark brown hair. Ai does kiss him again, slower. Leans just a little into it. And then in an outstanding show of his self-control, pulls away only enough to let Sousuke speak if he wanted to.]
But I'll still listen. Just spare me, please.
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Date: 2025-09-21 12:28 am (UTC)I think you're the kind of guy who can handle anything.
[there's a million different ways to take that, but at the core, sousuke knows it to be true. ai bottles up so much, and manifests it into a prowess that forms to something positive. or at least that's how sousuke has always viewed it. he presses another kiss against him, before ai settles on yet another. ah yeah, that stamina. sousuke can still be catching his breath and ai's lips are so agonizingly slow he melts into it]
That night on the fire escape.
[the night that really changed everything for him]
Saw something I never saw before.
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Date: 2025-09-21 12:38 am (UTC)Unfortunately, he laughs.
A surprisingly rare sound from him, and an airy one at that, but he looks up at Sousuke with mirthful eyes, teasing the short tufts of his hair that just barely skate at th back of his ear, along his nape.]
You saw some poor kid crying his eyes out, [he manages between chuckle fits, finally getting it out of his system. His smile still bisects his face though, wide enough to push his beauty mark up toward his eye.] Did it leave that much of an impression? Ah, maybe you're the type who wants to swoop in with a white cape, after all.
[Ai kisses his chin; his jaw. Idle and fleeting things, as if he can't stay away from Sousuke for too long.]
I think... If it's up to me, I'd rather give you a better sight.
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Date: 2025-09-21 11:48 pm (UTC)Almost. But, not quite my style.
[he tilts his head a little, in silent invitation of ai's lips. funny how once that little bridge has been crossed, it seems both of them can't keep their hands off of the other. well, while they're at it...]
I think I saw the start of a kid's bright future.
[sousuke squeezes ai's hand once more, before he pulls it away. all to push his fingertips through ai's hair, and slowly begin to work his way down the back of his neck. all pressing fingers and methodical touches to hopefully turn ai into a pliant puddle in the onsen. that's what they came out here for, right? to relax? maybe he can just help aid that along.
even if it is a little maddening the way ai says that. and sousuke's fingers turn tight for a moment, a smirk crossing his features]
...what were you thinking?
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Date: 2025-09-22 12:14 am (UTC)You're too nice to me. [You spoil me, is what he means. Because Sousuke doesn't belittle Ai, but seems to always know exactly how to encourage him or help bolster his confidence when faltering. Patiently waited for as long as Ai said red light and now rises to meet him right in the middle at green light. Ai again reminds himself to never, ever, ever take this for granted. If he can spare Sousuke the feelings he himself endured for so many years, he will. Thinks after all of this, it might be even easier to make his gratitude known.
A noise threatens to bubble up and out of his throat, the way Sousuke's hand works through his hair and down the back of his neck; this coaxes Ai to turn a little bit, now more facing Sousuke than he had been before.
That smirk is what nearly does him in, though in incredible testament to his self-control, the noise is aborted just as it reaches his lips, only a faint and sharp exhale through his nose left as a ghost in its wake. His heart is in his throat, for a moment unable to tell up from down. Is he...? Flirting?
...
...!!
Ai only then clues in what he'd said and its double entendre. Not intentional!! But fuck, now he's wishing he had the foresight to say it was. Because Sousuke's hands are strong on his skin, and Ai is beginning to feel weak in the water for entirely different reasons.
Emboldened that there was no such thing as a mistake between the two of them, Ai faces Sousuke fully, having to wade in the water in front of him to do so; floats forward, enough to be just barely between his bent knees where he sits. Ai's hands trail down from Sousuke's hair to his jaw, his neck. Over the rounds of his defined pectorals. His cheeks may be flush, but his expression is wrought with determination.]
I'm thinking... No matter what sight I try to give you, you won't be able to see through the steam. Unless you get really, really close.
[... Aaaand his bravado shrivels up in the same instant. His eyes still glued to Sousuke's, but it's as if his flush overtakes him; his hands fly back up to Sousuke's jaw, and Ai looks at the scant water between them.]
... If that's too much, I...
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Date: 2025-09-23 11:45 pm (UTC)and those stupid clever fingertips trailing maps across his face, over his hair and... well. he wasn't insinuating that exactly. flirting, sure. but sousuke's got some self restraint and is mildly a gentleman. ai's face reminds him of all those nights training in the pool deep into the night.
that stubborn determination he's always had an aptitude for.
but he leans in all the same, pressing their foreheads a little closer together, that hand cupping his jaw so tenderly it aches. sousuke's breath hitches a little bit through the steam. but no, his answer is silently pressed into ai as one arm wraps around him, pulling him impossibly close. permissively, giving him a little look as though to say this alright? before leaning in, and pressing a kiss against ai's neck]
Gotta stop doubting yourself.
[sousuke laughs against that damp skin, thumb rubbing methodic circles against the small of ai's back]
You're good just the way you are. That's the kind of close I want.
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